dissonance. (a Böhme novel) (21 page)

Both the girl from the red knight’s side and Brecken took seats on either side of the royalty. The other knight chose a little girl for his maiden. I wondered if the black knight was hoping for more than just to win a joust as he nodded to Brecken and put his fist over his heart and pointed at her.

The joust itself went as expected. There was showmanship, they acted as if they were really battling, and within minutes it was over. Neither of the knights fell from their horse, so it went to points. Since the black knight hit the shield of the red knight more times, they declared him the winner.

Brecken jumped from her seat in excitement at the announcement. She looked over at me and gave two thumbs up with a wink and nod to show me she was right.

I stood from my spot and nodded back at her. The black knight crossed between us and helped her back upon his horse before returning her to me.

He lowered her to the ground and lifted the front of his helmet, smiling at me. “I thank ye both for sitting on my side. I haven’t won in several days. I owe it to the both of ye.”

He leaned down to hand Brecken a flower and went on his way.

“Well Blake, now what?” she asked with a hop to her step. “I was correct in him winning and now I’m not sure what else to do with the day here.”

“You tell me. It looks like you’re the charmed one for the day. The knight said so,” I said as she stepped toward me.

I fisted my hands at my side, trying not to grab hold of her and take her into the kiss I wanted to give her.

She looked up at me and smiled before standing on her toes and put one hand on the side of my face. “We said we wanted to take it slow, but that doesn’t mean you can’t kiss me Blake," she said.

The writer stepped toward the church with hesitation. There was still a belief engrained in the writer that held to the memory of this as a sacred place even though it had become a slum for drunkards and drug addicts.

The question and painting today was perfect for the abandoned church.

The writer didn’t need to move quickly, because visitors never came and the people that did visit, never left.

The writer took the time to paint every individual in this painting. Each was unique in their own way, each color chosen to show their individuality and to express their importance and beauty.

Then in one quick scripted motion, the question was painted over them, blocking out the individual beauty each held. Their uniqueness could be seen if the reader looked close enough, but they wouldn’t. Only those that needed to see would see.

How can you know yourself and forget everyone else?

In my life I have slept with three men.

Three lovers.

Three mistakes of not knowing what it really meant to
be
with someone.

Those three men were stepping stones in my life to show me how
not
to do things.

I call them lovers loosely. We dated, we were intimate, but there was never a deep connection. This was of my own doing though. I knew it. That’s why I hadn’t dated since I was twenty-six. It was eight long years since I had been with a man and I was feeling every one of them in that moment.

I didn’t realize how alone I was until Blake kissed me. I thought being brave meant being able to stand on my own two feet. I thought I didn’t need or couldn’t feel that kind of connection to another person.

I was dangerously close to getting starry eyed the more he kissed me. He held me with a gentle, powerful intent and I risked opening my eyes to watch him briefly.

I realized it was the first time I had kissed someone with my eyes open and the longer I kept them open, the more I couldn’t close them. His brow crinkled gently when I let my hand trace along his chin. He lifted his eyebrow when I let go of the kiss, as I pulled his lip back with a light bite.

I rested back onto my heels and he lowered his chin with a smile as he looked down at me. His hooded eyes said more than any kiss could say—he wanted more.

I wasn’t fooling myself, I knew Blake was not lacking in the sex department. He already told me that he had been with Abby recently. I didn’t hold it against him. I was never one of those girls that had to know the exact number of past lovers and then mentally compare myself to them. But I did compare myself to myself of yesteryear. I couldn’t fall back into that path.

Despite my dry spell, I knew what I was doing. The dry spell was not because I didn’t have opportunity. It was of my own choosing. I used the last eight years to understand myself and to grow as a person. I’ve had to explain to my mother several times that I wasn’t depressed, and I wasn’t angry at the world. I just accepted that the day to day is all there is in life—that’s where the magic happens. There are no fantastically amazing endings to stories. Just fantastically amazing endings to each day, if one sets their mind to it.

Closeness to Blake caused that ideal to tumble to the ground.
I hated that a Tiffany song popped into my head in that moment.

My decision to focus on growing as my own person backfired in one aspect though. I had become pretty tightly wound and I felt like I was developing a loader of my own with every touch by Blake.

Blake leaned down and kissed each eyebrow before he stepped back again to look at me. He kept his hands on my waist and his smile began to form.

“Well, well, well, Brecken,” he said with hooded eyes and a crooked grin. “I didn’t expect that out of you. I think
you
surprised
me
that time.”

I lightly backhanded his shoulder. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“Well I didn’t expect you to kiss me on our first date, and before it was even over, no less,” he said as he lifted his eyebrow and leaned down to kiss the top of my head once more. He seemed to like doing that. He lifted his hand from my waist and drew me back near him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

I lifted my hand to my shoulder where his hand rested and wrapped my fingers around his. “Don’t let it get to your ego. I blame the joust. That knight made me all hot and bothered by winning for me.” I laughed.

“I can see that. You’re so short by the way,” he said with a laugh of his own.

“Hey now, no sense in getting on me about my height,” I said.

“Sorry,” he said and started to say something else, but his phone rang from his pocket. He kept hold of me as he took the call and my chest fluttered as I watched him just being Blake.  “Hello,” he said, and as he answered his phone he played with my fingers.

The person on the other end of the line must have had a lot to say because Blake sat quietly for a time as he listened. He mindlessly watched the crowd moving around us and gave an “uh huh,” every so often. He chewed on his bottom lip as he listened to the caller and his eyes showed his thoughts were far away from here.

“Hey man, can I let you go? I’m out with Brecken and I’m being kind of rude,” he said before pausing. It was obvious the other person knew me and cut him off when he said my name. “Yeah…” Blake continued. “Okay, yeah I’ll ask her, but I’m not going to guarantee anything. Yeah, just go there, it’ll work out. They offered. Okay. I’ll text you,” he said before hanging up his phone.

“Sorry about that. It was Mason. He’s going to be working with me. My dad offered to let him stay in my old room. That way he isn’t sleeping on a couch all the time. He also wanted to hang out later. I’ll go after I drop you off though,” Blake said as he raised an eyebrow. “Unless you wanted to hang out with me and the guys later?”

I laughed. “We’ll see. But I’m starving right now. You want to eat here or go somewhere?” I asked.

“As good as smoked turkey legs cooked by a sweaty old man sound—I think I’d rather take you somewhere with chairs and tables. And silverware,” he said on a laugh.

_______________

It was a good thing we left when we did because halfway back to the city, light drops of rain began to dance across the windshield. I looked out the passenger window and watched the streams of raindrops roll towards the back of the Jeep.

I put my index finger on one drop and tried to follow it with my finger as it moved across the window. “When I was a kid, Emmet and I would pretend we were controlling the water as it moved across the window,” I said as I let my finger decide where the drops were going. “It was more my idea than his. But I would pretend I was a magical being—a druid or sorceress. I could control the elements. My dad always said we could be anything we wanted, so I decided I was going to control the weather,” I said on a laugh. “Sometimes when I was out on this rope swing behind our house,” I said as I turned to face him, “I would sit there and pretend I could make the wind blow stronger or ease off. There were times I thought I could and it freaked me out.”

Blake laughed next to me and as I began to trace another raindrop, I felt the warmth of his hand rest on my thigh.

“You know what happened back there—our kiss. That was pretty awesome,” I said, not wanting to look at him. I smiled and pulled my lip in. He responded by squeezing my thigh.

“You did pretty well. I would give you an eight out of ten,” Blake said.

I dropped my hand from the window and turned in my seat to face him once more. I moved quickly and he wasn’t expecting me to turn, but he kept his hand right where it was. He tightened his grip just enough to remind me his hand was still there.

“Really? I was pretty good?” I asked as I leaned closer to him.

This time his hand released me and I lifted my left arm behind his seat and leaned in and kissed his cheek. I let out a breath right near his ear as I grabbed onto his bicep with my right hand and then rested my head on his shoulder.

The hairs on his neck stood up and a trace of goose bumps rose just below his ear.

“I was just kidding you know,” he said.

“I know, Blake.”

“Do you now?” he asked with a sly grin and kept his eyes on the road as I watched him. From this angle he looked younger, as if he were a little kid excited for a new toy. It was less from showing his age though and more from the fact that he truly was happy to have me near him.

I was happy to be near him.

“You know you’re probably more like a nine, but you have some potential,” Blake said. He turned toward me briefly and looked down at me from the corner of his eye. His smile, as always, was embedded in every peak of his face.

“Asshole,” I said with a sigh. “So where are we going?” I asked as Blake turned onto a street I didn’t think had any restaurants.

“Well, we’re going to the best place in town to eat. You’re going to think I’m crazy. But I don’t really care,” he said with a loud laugh.

He turned into a driveway and put the Jeep in park. I lifted myself from his shoulder and turned to him.

“Where are we?” I asked. The house was quiet, with every light turned on inside.

“This, Brecken, is the place where it all happened. You spoke of your magical place, well this—this is the magical place where I learned to tie my shoes, ride my bike, kiss a girl for the first time, fought for the first time—you name it, it happened here.”

My jaw dropped, “You took me to your parents’ house? I can’t meet your parents,” I said with shock.

“Of course you can. Why not get it out of the way?” he asked with a coy grin.

I slapped his arm and he grabbed my hand as it made contact. “You do that an awful lot, you know that?” he asked.

“Do what?” I asked, watching the way he danced our hands together.

“Hit me,” he said.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said and I meant it.

He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the knuckle of my thumb.

“It’s no problem. I know it’s just your juvenile way of flirting,” he said in all seriousness.

I started to pull my hand away from him, but he applied resistance, keeping it near him. I lifted my other hand to lightly backhand him, but stopped. I looked at my hand, then looked at him and began to laugh.

“See, told you,” he said as he took my other hand and kissed it as he did the first.

He looked from my hands and to me and that look of total longing and pure joy would have brought me to my knees if I wasn’t already sitting.

He must have seen the same expression in my eyes because he dropped my hand and put his hand behind my neck and pulled me into him.

Our mouths collided and neither of us pulled away. His other hand grabbed onto my waist and drew me closer to him.

I lifted my leg over his thighs and sat atop him. As we made contact, our lips parted and we both paused. His eyes danced across my face and I pulled my lip in on a deep breath.

“This shouldn’t feel this good,” he said as he brought his forehead to mine.

“Gee thanks Blake,” I said and instinctively wanted to backhand him, but refrained.

“No what I’m saying is you— right there fully clothed—feel better than any other experience I’ve had.” He rested his ear against my chest and pulled me closer to him. I didn’t think we could get any closer, but he managed to do it.