Dirty Rush (9 page)

“Look who it is,” Meg said as I sat down in an empty chair next to the couch.

“So this is where you've been?” I said.

“Want some coke?”

For some reason I wanted to do something “bad” tonight, so I obliged.

“Sure!” I said, the enthusiasm in my tone was surprising even to me, “Why not?”

Meg handed me a small plastic baggie of white powder and her set of sorority house keys on a sparkly silver BZ keychain. She motioned that I ought to dip the key into the bag, like a
shovel, and then put it up to my nostril and inhale. She did this silently so as not to embarrass me in front of everyone, which I appreciated. I took a couple of sniffs, or rather “bumps,” and passed it back to her; then the baggie went around the circle and then back to me. This went on for the next twenty minutes or so. I honestly didn't know how much coke to do, so I just kept partaking.

I ended up doing too much.

“So, like, the weirdest thing to me, Meg, is that, honestly, I think you're kind of an awesome person. And I'd like to think that you think I'm awesome too?”

“No, I, like, totally agree.”

“You agree that you're an awesome person or that I'm an awesome person?” I lit a cigarette and inhaled. It tasted delicious.

“No, bitch! I agree that you're an awesome person and I'm, like, so glad that we finally met each other.”

“Oh, good, good. Me too. Do you want a drag?” I handed her the Marlboro Light.

Meg took a long drag and looked around the balcony, surveying the scene. Everyone had gone back in the house, so Meg and I shared the couch and the cigarette.

“I never wanted to be in a sorority,” I blurted out.

“I know, babe.”

“I still kind of don't.”

“I know, babe.”

“Is that bad to say?”

“No, not at all. You think I don't fucking know that about you? You're different.”

“I know you didn't mean that as a compliment, but I'm
gonna take it as a compliment because I think that's actually, like, a really nice thing to say to someone.”

“But sometimes we can see BZ qualities in a girl before she can see them in herself,” Meg said. “We knew that we needed to continue the legacy and when we saw you and talked to you we just went in. We went in hard because we had to have you. It's actually really fucking simple.”

“And I really appreciate that you guys did that, and I totally get why, but honestly I don't know what to do.”

“Obviously you don't know what to do. You just got to college, there are forty million decisions to be made. It can be overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed by how overwhelming it must be for you.”

“Exactly. You get it.”

“I do,” Meg said, putting out the cigarette.

“I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I'm so glad I met you guys. Like, literally, I don't know what I'd do for friends if I hadn't come to that first party. Like, I want you guys to be my friends, you know.” I could hear myself speaking but I had no control over what I was saying. And I felt fantastic.

“Duh, I know. And let me tell you what will happen if you don't rush: You'll eventually meet a fat friend, a half-Jewish/half-Asian friend, and you'll end up dating a guy named Topher who is too short for you.”

“No, you're probably right.”

“I know. You look hot tonight.”

“So do you.”

“We should probably go inside.”

“I'm down.”

We stood up, dusted off any couch crumbs that may have stuck to our dresses, tousled our hair, and stomped our way back into the party. We may have been fucked up, but I felt spectacular and told myself to try to remember this moment because it was one of the best nights at college yet. Possibly one of the best nights of my life. Period.

“H
onestly, I'm kinda shocked you're pledging BZ. I mean, it's great, but I'm still shocked, considering the look of disappointment on your face when I first told you I was in a fraternity.”

Jack and I were on our date. The one he'd convinced me to go on. He'd picked me up in his car and took to me to Kawa Sushi, which, according to Meg, was the nicest place for a date in town.

“Believe me.” I smiled. “No one expected this less than me. But I like the girls and they're nice to me. They made all of the bullshit rushing stuff so easy. I figured I would just give it a try and see what happens. This is actually pretty ugly, the more I look at it,” I said, inspecting my new pledge pin.

“They're all ugly.” Jack took a bite of his spicy tuna roll.

“I
refuse to wear anything they gave me in that horrendous care package though.”

“Not even those BZ boxer shorts? I think you'd look fine as hell in those.”

“Pink is not my color.”

“Well, I'm glad you pledged. Before you decided to join Beta Zeta, I was worried about our prospects as an item.”

Did he just refer to
us
as an “item”?

“It rarely works,” he continued, “when a frat guy and a non-sorority chick get together. Not to put, like, pressure on
this
or
us
or whatever, but at least now we can be on the same page about expectations and stuff. The BZ sisters will be a priority in your life, just like my brothers and my house are to me. That's an almost impossible concept to grasp if you're on the outside.”

“I can see that.”

“Fucking spicy mayo. This shit is awesome.”

“This place is really nice. Thanks for bringing me here.”

“I love sushi. I'm glad you do too.”

“I used to get it, like, once a week with my dad during high school.”

“Well, next time he's up visiting maybe we can all go together? I'd love to meet him.”

I offered up a big smile. Was this guy for real or was this just his game? Maybe I needed to give Jack the benefit of the doubt. The last guy I dated in high school, Mike Feldman, thought sushi was gross and farted every time we went out to eat anywhere. Mike now works at a Brookstone and goes
to community college. Not to be judgmental, but I was in a whole new league here with Jack. Maybe Jonah was right and I had gotten hotter over the summer. I definitely felt like my boobs were bigger, but the fact that I was attracting a guy like Jack gave me a sense of confidence that I'd never felt before. My sister Kelly got really sexy all of a sudden during sophomore year of college, so perhaps that was my path and this was my time. If so, I wasn't complaining.

“So how was it going to the Beta Zeta house? Was the pledge ceremony cool?”

“To be honest, it was a bit weird.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it was my first time meeting the other pledges and they were kinda confused by who I was, and how I knew all the other sisters so well already.”

“Oh yeah, I didn't think about it like that.”

“Yeah, so I had to deal with that awkwardness. It was nice of them to streamline the process for me, but I definitely would've benefited from having to go through a few of the steps I got to skip. All the other girls who got bids at BZ had already bonded because they were at all the rush events and everything.”

“So, were they mean?”

“No. Nothing like that. I mean, I got some looks that were less than friendly, but they had to be on their best behavior because we were all getting our pledge pins.”

“Girls are so catty sometimes. I've heard some horror stories. Especially from Beta Pi, those girls are nuts.”

“It's whatever. I'm not gonna psych myself out, and overall I've
felt really welcomed by the older sisters. I know they want me because I'm a legacy, but still. They seem like cool girls.”

“That's cool. So, you're the fifth person in your family to be a BZ?”

“Yup.”

“That's insane. We've only had a ‘three gen' once in our whole fraternity history. At least at this chapter.”

“I didn't realize what a big deal it was.”

“It's a huge deal. I knew your sister when she went here, but I never knew she was a legacy.”

“You knew Kelly?”

“Everybody knew her.”

“Really?” I took a long sip of water. “That is so strange for me to think about. It's weird how you are such a different person at college than you are at home.”

“That's the whole thing, isn't it? You get here and you're handed this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to completely reinvent yourself. You can be whoever you want to be at school.”

Jack was so right. That thought had been bouncing around in my head since I got here, but I hadn't been able to articulate it. Never in a million years would I have described my sister Kelly as a leader. Growing up she was always annoyed with everyone and everything, constantly complaining, and the last to offer a helping hand. But from the sense I'd gotten from the other BZ girls, she was totally respected here for being a decision maker and a boss. They all looked up to her. I felt proud to be her sister for maybe the first time ever.

“I think you're a good guy, Jack. I just wanted you to know.”

“Good. I'm glad. You're not so bad yourself,” Jack replied
with the cutest fucking grin. He had the type of face you want to just lie in bed and look at all day. It was gross, in the best way ever.

“You're so easy to talk to. And it's never that easy to talk to people that I really like,” I flirted back.

“So you're saying that you really like me?”

“Sure.”

“Is this your way of flirting with me, Taylor?”

“I guess.”

“I like your style. You want anything else? Dessert, maybe?”

“I'm good.”

My eyes shifted down to his hands. They were good hands. I think I may have been staring.

“You're not saying much all of a sudden,” Jack broke the silence.

“So, my roommate went home for the weekend . . .”

“Wow.”

“What? Was that weird? Am I being too forward? You said that college is all about being who you want to be, and this is who I want to be right now.”

“That's great. You're totally right. The ‘wow' wasn't a bad ‘wow.' It was definitely a good one.”

S
itting next to Jack in his completely adorable vintage Land Rover, I was nervous and excited and anxious and ecstatic all at once. I hadn't felt this way in a long time, maybe ever, actually. When Jack parked the car, we just sat there in silence for a solid thirty seconds. We
both knew what was about to happen—the connection felt almost chemical—and it was nice to pause and just enjoy the moment.

Jack turned to me.

“I can't stop smiling,” I said.

He leaned in and kissed me so perfectly that I melted inside. The perfect combination of firmness and tenderness. I kissed him back, and luckily our styles meshed. It's the worst when you don't mesh well with someone's kissing style, but this wasn't one of those times, thank God. Jack slid one of his big hands behind my head and another one around my waist and it felt like he was holding every part of me. I didn't want to be sitting in a parked car anymore.

“Let's go up,” I said.

“You sure?”

“Sure . . . I mean . . . definitely.”

As we got out of the car, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. It was definitely a text. Then I felt it again. Then again. I looked and saw that they were all from Meg, but I chose not to read them. I was positive she was summoning me and the twenty other pledges to the Beta Zeta house or one of the satellite houses for some last-minute meeting or bonding exercise, but I wasn't going to be taken out of this moment. We had been warned that we needed to be on call 24/7, but it had barely been a day since we'd gotten our bids and I'd already been to the BZ house once today for a “History of Beta Zeta” lecture that lasted almost two hours. I was not about to abandon Jack when we were steps away from my bed.

“I lived at Lincoln my freshman year. A lot of good memories in this building,” Jack said as we walked into my empty room.

“It could
be worse. The decor is a little depressing, but the location is convenient.” I put my phone on silent and threw it in my desk drawer.

“It's a real turn-on that you're a ‘glass-half-f' kind of girl. Most college girls are constantly complaining about everything.”

He moved in quickly and starting kissing me again, but this time with much more intensity. As we made out I slowly inched toward my bed. Jack wrapped his arms around me with his hands on my ass and lightly lifted me up, and placed me gently on the bed.

The next couple minutes were kind of perfect. We were totally in a rhythm with one another. I felt like he and I had been doing this for years, like we learned to kiss at the same kissing school. Gone was the self-conscious bullshit that usually accompanies a first hookup. I was just there, in the room, completely focused on him. My mind didn't drift once to think about whether I was wearing the right bra, or if he thought my thighs were too jiggly or if he
liked me
liked me. In fact, this was probably the first time I'd ever been with a guy and felt this level of comfort. It was really . . . interesting.

“I've been thinking about kissing you like this since the moment I saw you,” Jack said, as he pulled away for a second. He was looking right into my eyes.

“I'm happy to help make your dreams a reality.”

“You're so fucking sexy to me.”

“So are you.”

Jack got up on his knees and pulled off his shirt.

“Can I take yours off? Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

Jack then leaned in and started kissing my neck and collarbone as he unbuttoned my shirt. He kissed his way down to my chest and then removed my bra with no trouble. His hair smelled so fucking good I wanted to scream. Guys are always in a fucking rush, but he was definitely not. He was taking his time and I loved it. I could feel my heart pounding through my chest. Jack must have felt it too. His head was right there. I wanted him to hear it. My whole body was gearing up for whatever he had in store.