Diary of an Expat in Singapore (28 page)

Listening to Green Day

Watching the video of his favourite song by Green Day, ‘I Walk Alone’, Alexander observes: “With so much eyeliner… it’s no wonder he walks alone.”

Sleeping

It is Saturday morning after all.

Going
home
involves a 12-hour airplane flight (24 if you’re going to the States or Canada).

Your enthusiasm might make you forget two important things you will experience on arrival: major jet lag and the extreme shock your body will feel as it goes from warm weather to icy cold weather.

In addition to plane fares and presents for everyone at home, you will need to buy a winter wardrobe for every member of your family.

Unlike going home in summer, when you can wear the exact same clothes you’ve been wearing all year round in Singapore, travelling to another country (any country) involves a major wardrobe investment, since everywhere is colder than here. And presents… let’s just say that the cute tiny Tiger Balm tins are really only acceptable the first year. Sure they’ll
say
: “Just bring yourselves.” But what they’re really thinking is: “Exotic Singapore, the pearl of Southeast Asia… I can’t even begin to imagine what wondrous things they have there and what they’ll be bringing us. What’s this… Tiger Balm… again? Did you
hear
me say I had aches and pains?”

After realizing the total cost equals the price of a minivan, you may decide to stay put.

Plane fares at Christmas time are usually double those at any other time of year. Not irrelevant, especially if you happen to have children. If you’re reluctant to leave them behind in an empty house considering it’s Christmas, then you’ll be bringing them with you. It would be cheaper to spend the holiday at Raffles Hotel… well, almost.

You soon discover that for your other friends,
staying put
actually means short breaks to Bali or Phuket.

So, you’ve decided to stay put and you are very happy with your decision because you’re not the only one who has decided to stay put. Excellent news as your children will now have someone to play with besides you. Because let’s face it, there is only so much time you want to spend on a puppy puzzle or building Lego. Wrong! You misinterpreted their
staying put
as actually not going anywhere. For them, staying put in fact means staying within the confines of Southeast Asia. Preferably on a beach in Thailand or Indonesia. Don’t even think about following them as everything is already booked. This is probably a blessing in disguise, since beach resorts at Christmas aren’t exactly a bargain. Enjoying the comforts of your own home is looking better every minute. Just remember to call it a
stay-cation
, it has a much catchier sound.

The top wish on your children’s list will be to build a snowman. (There’s that small detail of us living in the tropics… remember?)

There is nothing the expat kid craves more than snow. This is multiplied exponentially at Christmas (which according to the decorations on Orchard Road runs some time from about August to February). Kids may become grumpy when they are told you need snow to build a snowman and sub-zero weather to have snow. Videos of ‘Frosty the Snowman’ and ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ are not necessarily helpful.

Roasting chestnuts on an open fire… when it’s 93 degrees Fahrenheit… not so fun.

The heat outside will make it slightly complicated for your kids to understand your own childhood traditions. In an attempt to reminisce, you try to replicate those traditions. However, trying to do so on your condo balcony might not be a great idea – unless you want your neighbours to yell
Fire
and call 995.

Having family visit is great as long as you realize they will bring a virus they picked up on the long-haul flight.

Make no mistake: within 48 hours of a visit from an overseas relative (who has just spent an entire day locked up in a plane cabin with every germ known to mankind), your entire family will get sick. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Thanks to the huge time difference, for at least the first five days the visiting toddlers will want to eat their cereal while listening to loud videos of ‘Thomas the Train’… at 2 am. Good times. Speaking trains, with posh names like Percy and Edward, are your new nightmare. Skype is looking better every minute. Not to mention, reliably sunny Singapore decides to have constant, steady downpours so nobody can go out and play. Normally, not a big deal. With stir-crazy kids, a problem. So you can forget about all that splashing about in the pool you promised them: “You just take the lift down in your bathing suit and you’re at the pool.” Not happening unless you want to get electrocuted by lightning. It may be your imagination but their initial playfully witty queries, “So this is rainy season in Singapore?” will become increasingly frosty and hostile. You might suspect they wish they had gone to Malaysia instead. After they go surreptitiously to the travel agent to change their flights, your suspicions will be confirmed.