Closing his eyes in hopes of finding a way to focus his energy and use it to bypass the barrier between himself and satisfaction, Vance listened to his body. He felt the tension mounting, the heat growing, and tried to direct it, but nothing responded. No need curled at his center. There was no tingling in his balls or along the base of his spine to presage climax.
The image of tear-drenched blue eyes flashed against his closed eyelids, causing his fingers to grip the cool chains tighter. The gaze haunting his thoughts, waking and sleeping, held pain and fear—things he understood and dreaded. But worse yet were the confusion and shame he‟d glimpsed in those eyes just before…
Again he wrenched his mind away from the memories, snapping his eyes open to glare at the dimple that centered him. Sweat stung his eyes, the zing and snap of the lash registered against his skin, and the cool links of steel beneath his palms grew warm in his grip. Somehow what he felt for Aimee had snapped his control. He needed ownership, mastery of his emotions again, or he was useless as a partner. In Vance‟s mind, a man who could not manage his emotions was a danger to those he loved. He would never allow himself to put Ben at risk.
It had taken him four painful months to admit that he needed to try something else to regain command of his life. Vance hoped that the love he felt coupled with his 30
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trust in Ben would allow him to reestablish control over his body and mind. Only when Vance had that back would he allow himself to consider making a future with Ben.
With Ben‟s help, he would regain the control he‟d lost that cursed day under the desert moon half a world away. And with every strike, Vance prayed even harder that he would be able to face the consequences after he told the man he loved what kind of monster he‟d become.
Sweat soaked Ben‟s shirt, plastering the soft cotton to his broad chest and narrow hips. Perspiration darkened the fabric where he‟d tucked it into the waistband of his slacks. His dark blond hair drifted into his eyes, forcing him to stop to brush the nuisance away.
Vance never spoke a word. A quick glance at the wall clock had Ben cursing his best friend‟s sanity. Over thirty minutes had passed. The welts along Vance‟s lower back had merged into one massive lump. The thin whitish pink scars made the red welts look even more obscene. The break, though short, was enough to cause Vance to look over his shoulder to see what was wrong.
At his unspoken question, Ben responded, “You need to stop.”
“Not yet.”
“Vance, you can‟t take—”
The grip on the chains above his cuffs didn‟t falter. “Not yet, Ben.”
“There has to be another way,” Ben offered.
Vance shook his head, twisting so he faced him. His turquoise gaze startled Ben.
“No, it has to be this way.”
“Why? Damn it, Vance.” Ben threw down the whip and stomped over to him.
“Your body can‟t take this anymore.” He reached behind the younger man and pressed his hand against the raised welts.
Vance hissed through gritted teeth but didn‟t drop his gaze. “I can.”
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“No, you can‟t.”
“You fucking pussy!” Vance snapped, anger twisting his features. “If you don‟t have the balls to do this, get someone up here who can.”
“Over my dead body.” The anger in Ben‟s voice surprised him, but not as much as the jealousy that tore through him. Letting another person, man or woman, apply the whip to Vance ripped away at Ben‟s soul. The connection between them was sacred, something no one else was allowed to share.
“Why? Are you afraid one of the other Doms can deliver what you can‟t?”
“You haven‟t let anyone other than me handle a whip in years.” Satisfaction curled Ben‟s lips, easing the anger he felt and taming the green-eyed beast on his back.
“Who says? You?” Vance taunted. “I‟ve fucked and been fucked any number of times since we started our little sessions.”
“That‟s sex. A couple of bodies in a bed.” Ben shook his head, gesturing to the discarded whip and the restraints holding Vance. “This is more.”
“Punishment,” Vance sneered.
“You don‟t want punishment.”
“Who says?”
Ben shook his head. “This has never been about punishment, Vance. It‟s always been about control. You always have to be in control.”
“So what if I do? People get hurt if you aren‟t in control.”
“Yeah,” Ben said, “but
real
trust is about giving up control. Real passion comes from losing control.”
“No.” Vance shook his head. “A man controls his passion. Satisfaction comes when you‟re under control.”
“No it doesn‟t, Vance.” Ben smiled, leaning close. “Real passion, real love, comes when you surrender to the emotions. Give in to all those feelings inside you and just let go. Instead of binding all those emotions like a caged beast inside you, let them go. Give 32
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in to the different feelings and sensations and see how much more there is to loving someone when you let go.”
“No.” Vance shook his head again, his eyes wide and frantic as if what Ben was saying terrified him. “Under control. A man has to stay under control in all things.”
Once, when Gavin Justiss had explained why Vance used punishment and pain to test his control, Ben had been amused. And many times over the years, he‟d been tempted to challenge Vance to a duel of control. A test to see if the use of pain or the use of pleasure was more powerful in overriding the hold Vance exerted over his need. But Ben had never been concerned with Vance‟s method of training.
Until tonight.
The look in the younger man‟s eyes held more than a need to blow off steam, to find sexual release in the rhythmic crack and sting of the whip. And his refusal to listen to logic only made Ben more determined to protect Vance from himself.
“You need control so bad?” Ben growled, one hand reaching forward to grasp Vance‟s short-cropped hair. “You think you‟re so fucking macho?”
“More than you, Murphy.”
“Then don‟t come.”
“What?”
Ben‟s eyes held Vance‟s as his free hand dipped down to stroke the length of Vance‟s erection. “You heard me, soldier. You‟re so fucking strong, prove it.” Bending closer, Ben stroked his tongue over Vance‟s lips before setting his teeth into his friend‟s full bottom lip for a sexy nibble. “No matter what, control your cock and don‟t come.”
Pulling back, he increased his challenge. “In fact, I‟ll make you a deal.”
“Wha…” Vance stopped to clear his throat and tried again. “What‟s that?”
“Thirty minutes. Same length of time I used the whip. No matter what I do, you can‟t come, and”—Ben squeezed the cock in his hand hard—“you can‟t ask to come.”
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“If I do, what then?” Another hiss slipped free from Vance‟s lips as Ben stroked his thick flesh.
Ben chuckled. “No whips.” When Vance looked like he was about to refuse, and knowing the reasons why the younger man felt he needed the punishments, Ben conceded. “Until I say the back is healed enough.”
“And if I don‟t ask or come, if I stay in control, we go until I use the safe word?”
Ben nodded. “I‟ll even use the small whip.”
“Wherever I ask?”
This time it was Ben‟s turn to hesitate, but at the determined look in Vance‟s gaze, he gave in. “Yes. Wherever you ask.”
He could read the hesitation in Vance‟s gaze as he pondered the contest. They‟d never engaged in a true battle of wills. Nothing before had seemed important enough for Ben not to concede to what Vance wanted. This time was different. This time he knew there was more than just sexual gratification involved. As he saw Vance waver, Ben gave a final push. “Not man enough, Justiss?”
“Plenty man enough, Murphy,” Vance snapped back and then nodded. “Okay.
Deal. You‟ve thirty minutes to try to make me come. Do your worst.”
Ben hid his satisfaction. The cocky, overconfident smirk on Vance‟s face told him the other man felt Ben wouldn‟t be able to make him come. We‟ll see about that, Ben thought.
Minutes later, Vance swallowed back another cry. He gnawed on his bottom lip, his fists clenching the chains above his crossed wrists as Ben‟s hands coasted over his hips and down his thighs. Okay, he thought, this was a
bad
idea. At first he‟d considered it a win-win situation. He‟d counted on his current inability to orgasm to keep him from losing. He had doubted that anyone, including Ben, could make him climax.
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Wrong.
The second Ben‟s mouth had made contact with his flesh, that ephemeral goal became very tangible, which posed a new struggle. Whereas during the session under the whip he had strained to feel the need to orgasm in order to exert his will over his body and emotions, under the assault of Ben‟s lips, he now fought to master that need.
When Ben taunted him into donning the blindfold, things had only become worse.
With his eyes covered, he had no way of knowing how much time had passed, but he trusted Ben to stick to the allotted thirty minutes.
Christ
. He gulped back another groan and focused on breathing.
It’s gonna be a long fucking half hour.
The wet suction of Ben‟s mouth never stayed in one spot for long. And he hasn‟t even gotten close to where I want it, the prick, Vance thought, fighting the desperate need to have that sweet suction working on his cock. His desire was undermining his original goal of taking hold of his need and mastering its course. He couldn‟t let his need rule his body.
“You do taste good, Vance,” Ben whispered. The soft gust of his breath teased the curls dusting Vance‟s lower abdomen.
Ben‟s chuckle was bad enough, but the tap of the older man‟s fingers along his shaft was hell on him. Vance again tightened his grip on his bindings. There was no damned way he‟d be able to keep a rein on his climax if Ben kept that up.
“Go down an inch, Ben, and you‟ll really find something to savor,” Vance taunted, then winced at the pulse of heat that coursed through his balls. Being unable to orgasm over the last six months hadn‟t been as hard to deal with as being unable to manage his body. He wanted to dictate whether he was aroused and when or if he climaxed.
“You mean this bit of meat?” Ben taunted, his fingers tapping the solid length of Vance‟s erection.
“Uhn.”
“Nah, I‟m gonna have it for dessert.”
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Ben‟s hands moved around to the hot, raised flesh on Vance‟s ass, causing him to shift his legs apart and push back into Ben‟s hold. The throb of pain generated by the pressure created by his move had his cock bobbing upward.
“You do like your pain.” Ben‟s voice sounded grim, but the stroke of his hands over his ass had Vance aching for more. The smooth stroke of Ben‟s fingers along the crease of his butt had his glutes flexing, trying to tempt the investigation deeper.
“Yes.” Vance wasn‟t even sure if he was agreeing with Ben‟s comment or merely voicing his approval of the older man‟s touch.
What would it feel like to have Ben‟s callused fingers probing his hole? The way he teased and stroked, the touch of his fingers butterfly light, Vance wondered if Ben would use the same soft caress when he delved into his ass for the first time. The thought sent a shiver rippling through his body, terminating in the heated column of skin and muscle being studiously ignored by the man he‟d craved for years.
The sharp slap of flesh against flesh startled a cry from Vance‟s lips. Despite the fabric covering his eyes, Vance couldn‟t help but widen them. Strikes from a whip he‟d had, but a spanking? That was something he hadn‟t experienced since he‟d entered middle school. The tingle of his skin had him pushing against Ben‟s hand, curious to see if a second swat would result in a similar sensation.
Ben chuckled, the heat of his breath washing over one of Vance‟s aching nipples.
“Hmmm, we‟ve never tried a spanking before, have we, Justiss?”
Teeth nipped at the straining nubbin as Vance grunted. “No.”
“I‟ll have to check your response to it…later.”
Vance fought the curses hovering on his lips.
Do it now, damn it. Pain, I know how to
deal with. I know how to focus and control it. It’s this fucking teasing that’s driving me insane
.
The heat of Ben‟s body moved away, drawing another protest Vance had to stifle. Just how much longer would he have to wait before Ben called a halt to his torture? Without his vision, every touch was more intense. A rustle of fabric had him holding his breath.
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The soft
click
that sounded like a thumbnail against plastic had Vance cocking his head to the side. Buttons? The pale gold buttons marching down the front of Ben‟s shirt came to Vance‟s mind as the tiny sound repeated. He‟s taking off his shirt, he decided.
He could feel the muscles at the left corner of his mouth twitch as he fought the urge to smile.
The sudden wash of cool air over Vance‟s skin had him groaning. The hum of the air-conditioning system echoed, but not loud enough to drown out the rasp of metal teeth separating.
Fuck, now he’s getting rid of his pants
. Vance cursed the silken darkness blotting out the vision he‟d waited years to see. Even his cock seemed to be in agreement. Vance ground his teeth as he felt the heat and pressure between his thighs increase.
Anticipation had his blood rushing through his veins. Images of Ben‟s body pressed against his skittered through Vance‟s mind. Having shared quarters with the man during their time in the military, he recalled his toned muscles and lean hips, but the feel of his skin against him would be novel, new. Turning his attention away from his thoughts, Vance listened but heard nothing.
Fingertips trailed along his skin. First over his fingers, easing each one from around the chains. “Let go.” When Vance balked, Ben‟s voice grew firm. “Now, Justiss.
Release the chains.”
“Hmm, playing the Dom, are we?” Vance teased.
“Did I tell you to speak?” Fingers gripped his chin. The scent of sweat and arousal filled Vance‟s head at the same time his instincts recognized there was no give in Ben‟s voice. He meant business. Tethering his own internal Dominant, Vance waited—mouth shut—to see what Ben would do next.