Granted, he recognized that this wasn’t the traditional relationship and considering Sierra was raised by a single mother, Cole had had loving, but not overly doting parents, and Luke had been raised by his grandfather for the most part, none of them truly knew what a real relationship was supposed to be like in the first place. On top of that, they had a daughter together. Initially, Luke thought Hannah was going to bring them all closer together, but for some reason, he felt as though they were all purposely putting a little distance in there somewhere. He knew he was partially responsible on that front as well.
Opening the French doors, Luke walked out onto the patio, and Cole turned his head to look at him. The sadness he had witnessed only seconds before was quickly masked, and Cole attempted a smile, although it fell flat.
“Nice night,” Luke said, moving around to perch on the corner of the retaining wall that surrounded the patio.
Cole didn’t respond, just nodded his head and then tipped his beer back.
“Want to talk?” Luke asked. The words sounded strange even to his own ears. He hadn’t been one to talk much when he met Sierra and Cole, but somewhere along the way, he’d learned how. No, he wasn’t the mushy type, and he kept most of his feelings to himself, but he was learning to be more open. At least with the two of them. Or at least he was trying.
“Nothing to talk about,” Cole stated firmly.
Damn, the man looked so vulnerable sitting there, his bare feet propped up on another chair, his jeans molded to his impressive thighs and his bare chest and ripped abs on full display. Luke couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over the various angles and planes that sculpted the most impressive physique he’d ever seen.
It was true, he might’ve taken a while to accept what he was feeling, but Luke was finding himself wanting more from Cole as each day passed. Or maybe he was finding he wanted to give more of himself to him.
Hell, who was he kidding? He wanted everything from Cole. They had pledged their love for one another and Luke knew that hadn’t changed, but he sometimes worried that their individual fears might possibly push them farther apart. It seemed to be happening already, and they weren’t but a year into this relationship.
“How’d it go with Alex?” Luke suspected part of Cole’s mood was related to the meeting he had with his boss earlier that day.
“Like usual.”
Luke didn’t know what that meant. If he had to guess, Cole was about to be off on the road again, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Part of him wanted to have a discussion with Alex personally and tell him that this needed to stop because Cole seemed to be away more than he was home these days. The other part of him knew it wasn’t his place to interfere with Cole’s job.
Instead of questioning him further, Luke turned slightly and faced the pool, hoping Cole would decide he wanted to talk. After several long minutes of silence, he realized it wasn’t going to happen.
“I’m gonna turn in,” Luke finally said, feeling his exhaustion overtake him suddenly. Sleep was critical if he expected to function tomorrow or any day after that. Who knew what Trent might throw at him then?
Cole nodded again, and Luke chose not to bother him. He didn’t hurry inside, hoping Cole would decide to join him. It was clear he wasn’t going to do as much, so Luke opted to give him some space.
A few minutes later, Luke was crawling into bed, spooning up against Sierra’s warm, pliant body. She murmured something, but didn’t wake completely, and Luke didn’t want to bother her. The last thing he remembered, before he drifted off, was looking over at Cole’s pillow and wondering what was going through his lover’s head.
~~*~~
Sierra woke before Luke or Cole the following morning. Before she opened her eyes, she listened to see if she could hear Hannah on the monitor.
All was silent.
Snuggling into Luke’s warm body at her back, she reached out to touch Cole, but found his spot on the bed empty. Her eyes flew open, and she noticed he wasn’t there. She also noticed that the blankets were still untouched on his side, which meant he never came to bed.
Luke mumbled as she tried to turn over, and when she managed to flip herself over, she noticed his eyes were open. “Where’s Cole?” she asked, suddenly worried.
“Don’t know,” he murmured before closing his eyes again.
“Did he come to bed last night?” she asked, knowing he hadn’t, but hoping Luke would wake up enough to tell her something.
“He was sitting outside when I got home.”
“Doing what?”
“Hell if I know,” he groaned as he rolled over.
Despite her worry, Sierra smiled. One thing about Luke hadn’t changed. He was still grumpy in the mornings.
Before she could interrogate him more, Hannah’s squeal sounded on the monitor. She sounded happy, and Sierra knew she had a couple of minutes, but she suddenly wanted to see her daughter.
Climbing out of bed, she grabbed her robe and pulled the bedroom door shut behind her as she went to Hannah’s room. When she reached the crib, she found Hannah laying on her back, her eyes wide as she stared up at the mobile hanging above her.
“Hey there, pretty girl,” Sierra cooed as she reached for a fresh diaper.
Once the morning preliminaries were out of the way, and Hannah was dry and dressed, Sierra cuddled her close to her chest as they made their way through the house. From what she could tell, it was empty. She looked out on the back porch, hoping Cole might still be there – why she had no idea – but he wasn’t. When she reached the kitchen, she poked her head out into the garage to see if his truck was there. Nope.
Where did he go? And better yet,
when
did he go?
Knowing that Hannah was going to need her breakfast, Sierra focused on getting the bottle ready before she let her mind drift to where Cole might’ve disappeared to.
When Hannah was fed and nodding off, Sierra laid her in the small portable crib they had set up in the living room while she went in search of her cell phone. She wanted to text Cole to see where he was and make sure everything was all right. This wasn’t like him to disappear, but then again, he’d been acting a little strange the last few days. Or maybe it was longer than that and she hadn’t really noticed with everything going on. For some reason, she thought they’d made some progress since Hannah’s birth, but again, she felt as though she might not have been paying enough attention.
“Hey, baby,” Luke’s warm breath heated Sierra’s neck, and she sucked in a scream, but couldn’t keep from jumping.
“Do you know where Cole is?” she asked without preamble.
“I thought we had this conversation already,” he said as he moved to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Luke had never been much of a coffee drinker, but Sierra noticed he’d picked up the habit recently. With as little sleep as they seemed to be getting these days, she didn’t blame him for trying to get his energy from the same place she liked to get hers.
“I don’t consider me asking the question, and you saying, ‘don’t know’ much of a conversation. His truck isn’t here, and he never made it to bed last night.”
That seemed to catch Luke’s attention as his head jerked toward her. He didn’t say anything, but he seemed to contemplate what she was telling him. Rather than waiting for him to enlighten her, Sierra continued her search for her cell phone, in the bedroom this time.
When she returned to the kitchen, she heard Luke on the phone.
“Where the hell are you?” Well, at least he was getting right to the point. She couldn’t hear Cole’s response, but she knew that’s who Luke was talking to.
“Austin? What the fuck, Cole?”
There was a long pause and Sierra assumed Cole was talking.
“She didn’t tell me that. And neither did you, dammit.”
Another pause.
“Why didn’t you sleep in bed last night?”
Sierra honestly wished she could hear the answer to that question. It was one she was going to ask Cole personally at the first opportunity. It wasn’t ok with her for them to drift apart without talking to one another. Sure, maybe she was just as responsible as they were in making sure they were talking regularly, but with everything going on lately, she would admit she’d probably failed.
With the new club underway and Travis’ resort moving forward, they’d spent a lot of time entertaining with Samantha and Logan, as well as the Walkers. If they weren’t out together immersed in a crowd of their family and friends, they were generally off doing their own thing. Namely work. And since Hannah was born, their daughter had been everyone’s sole focus during whatever free time they found.
Oh God.
Sierra’s heart ached at the thought that Cole was drifting away from her. She suddenly remembered his request for her and Hannah to join him on this trip and her heart clenched painfully in her chest at the memory of her telling him she couldn’t.
After all they’d been through to get this far, she didn’t even want to contemplate what she would do if she lost either of them. Even she had detected the tension ever so slowly intensifying with Cole, but she had expected him to come to her when he was ready. That’s the way they worked much of the time. Both Cole and Luke used her to redirect the emotions that they both seemed overcome with. Luke and Cole were very stubborn, particularly hard headed men, and if they didn’t have to come out and admit their feelings for one another, they weren’t going to do it.
“When will you be back?” Luke’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, and she waited.
“Not good enough, Cole. I want to know when the fuck you’ll be back. Don’t make me call Alex,” he growled.
Sierra could only imagine what Cole was thinking at that point. He was a grown man and Luke had no right to try and dictate his life for him, but they both knew that Luke had a hard time not being in control of everything. He wanted things to work the way he expected them to. Unfortunately, with a relationship as complex as theirs, it didn’t normally work out that way.
“Fuck.”
Sierra turned the corner and entered the kitchen, hoping to calm Luke down before he said something he shouldn’t. That’s when she noticed that he wasn’t on the phone.
“What did he say?”
“He fucking hung up on me.” Luke placed his cell phone on the counter, gently laying it down and staring at his fist as though he was about to break the device with his bare hands.
“He’s in Austin?” She hadn’t expected him to leave without talking to them first, so the thought didn’t sit well with her.
“That’s what he says.”
“You don’t believe him?” she asked, wondering why in the world Luke would doubt anything Cole told him. If nothing else, Cole was one of the most honest men she had ever met. He might not talk openly or give his thoughts freely, but when he did talk, he was worth listening to.
“I don’t know what to believe right now, Sierra.”
Luke sounded angry. More than angry actually. She hadn’t heard him like this in months. The cold, detached man she had fallen in love with had changed in the last year, becoming so much more than she ever expected. It was as though his acceptance of the love she and Cole had for him had loosened the rope he kept knotted tightly around his heart.
“Go down there.” The words breezed right past her lips before her brain completely formulated the idea, but as soon as she did, she realized it was the only option. Luke needed to go after Cole. She had a feeling that the stress that lingered over their relationship had more to do with the two of them together and how Hannah fit into the equation than with the three of them as a whole. She didn’t want to think about what that might mean for her, but right now, she wasn’t important. Cole was.
“What?”
“You heard me. Go down to Austin. He said he’d be there for a week. I’m sure you can come up with an excuse to check in with Travis and you know Kane can handle the bar in your absence. This can’t wait until he gets back, Luke.”
Luke glanced from her then to the living room. She knew he was thinking about Hannah.
“I’ll have my mother come stay with us for a few days while you’re gone,” she told him quickly, not wanting him to come up with any excuses. She knew he wasn’t willing to leave her alone for one minute unless he absolutely had to. “I’d go with you, but Hannah has a checkup scheduled this week, and she can’t miss it.”
To Sierra’s surprise, Luke didn’t argue. He stared at her, and she wondered what he was thinking. The expression on his face was unreadable.
This was the only solution. The two of them could spend a few days alone and maybe, just maybe, they would be able to work this out. If not, Sierra feared that the wonderful life as she knew it was about to crumble at her feet.
As far as she was concerned, that wasn’t an option.
Never
would it be an option.
Chapter Nineteen
Cole dropped his cell phone into the cup holder and stared out the window of his truck. His stomach churned around what felt like a boulder sitting right in his gut. Oh, and his palms were sweating, probably because he’d been clenching and unclenching them while listening to Luke.
He hated how he felt right at that moment. Hated that he was wondering whether Luke and Sierra would be better off without him. He would still have Hannah, but they’d probably only allow him to see her on weekends, and that was something he didn’t even want to think about.
His eyes misted, and he fought the urge to let loose. The emotions were intense, yet for some reason, Cole didn’t know what his problem was. If he thought about it, he was bringing this all on himself. But there was no denying the anxiety or the vulnerability he felt these days. He felt as though someone had finally tugged on the frayed string that had originally been holding him together and all of a sudden he was unraveling.
Shit
.
He wasn’t the one who was supposed to have postpartum depression, damn it.
He didn’t know what provoked him to hang up on Luke, but he just couldn’t talk to the man, or listen to his disappointment or demands. It was clear he wasn’t happy with him for up and leaving without even saying goodbye, but when he had gone to his bedroom the night before, something about seeing Luke and Sierra curled up together made him feel like the third wheel all of a sudden.