Devoted (11 page)

And was he really on the verge of admitting his best-kept secret?

“You weren’t.”

Russ was quiet for a moment, and Jake had the chance to set the table with their plates. One of his hands still shook, and it was an effort not to drop anything, but at least it gave him something to focus on aside from the fact that he could still taste Russ on his tongue.

“That bet in college… I would’ve gone through with it, you know.”

A fork clattered against the plate, dropping uselessly from Jake’s hand. Russ’s voice was a deep rumble, and though he was still braced against the fridge, Jake could practically feel the man’s hot breath on the back of his neck. His cock throbbed uncomfortably in his pants as images of Russ on his knees before him sprang to mind.

“You haven’t slept.”

Russ let out a ragged laugh. “Yeah. If I slept, I’d probably second-guess myself. But I’d still feel the same.”

Jake turned back to him, his chest rising and falling sharply as he fought to breathe. This conversation was the stuff of fantasy. There was no way he and Russ were on the same page about this.

Right?

“What are you saying, Russ?”

Russ sighed, pushing away from the fridge. He approached the table, and Jake held his breath.

“I don’t know. I hadn’t planned on even… saying anything until after Ryan was okay. But you’ve been so amazing. And you
smelled
so amazing.”

“That was the garlic,” Jake said reflexively, though he gave Russ a small smile. Russ just laughed, shaking his head, and Jake felt some of the tension drain out of him. “You need to eat something.”

“Yeah, okay.”

And that was all it took to temporarily suspend the most confusing moment of Jake’s life. Then again, he and Russ had always had the ability to do that. It was like their combined superpower.

Russ ate his slightly burnt meal, and Jake picked at his own food, trying not to think only about Russ’s words. If he’d kept that bet in college…

It probably would have been more embarrassing than anything else. Jake would have blown the second Russ touched him. And with an audience, it was bound to be even worse. Maybe there was something to be said for waiting.

Though Jake still hadn’t quite wrapped his brain around the idea that Russ wasn’t just drunk on lack of sleep and spouting nonsense he’d regret in the morning.

“You mind staying over?” Russ asked out of nowhere, his tone completely casual. “I won’t jump you or anything. I promise.”

The selfish part of Jake really, really wished he would.

“I’d just feel better knowing you’re here,” Russ continued, making Jake’s heart do a little somersault in his chest. “And maybe we can talk about all of this in the morning, after I get some sleep.”

Jake’s dreams were sent into an immediate tailspin, crashing hard as reality made itself known once more. Russ would feel differently in the morning. If he was lucky, their friendship would still be salvageable. But anything beyond that? It was just a fantasy, and one he’d indulged in for far too long.

Jake nodded, swallowing a forkful of food and the last of his foolish hope.

Things would look a whole lot different in the morning. Russ would realize he’d made a mistake, and Jake would be left alone with only a bittersweet memory.

R
uss awoke
with the worst backache of his life.

He’d fallen asleep in the chair, apparently, though he didn’t remember even closing his eyes. Last thing he remembered he’d been wide-ass awake, reading a book to Ryan after his son had awoken in the middle of the night. And then watching Ryan as he slept. Jake had padded into the room at some point, looking half-asleep himself. And that was when the real trouble began.

He’d started thinking about Jake.

More specifically, about what the hell had happened in the kitchen. One second he’d been leaning innocently over his friend’s shoulder to get a look at what he was cooking, and the next he’d been all but grinding against him, sporting one hell of a hard-on and desperate to get as close as possible.

What would have happened if Jake hadn’t pulled away? If the food hadn’t started burning?

A lot more than kissing, if Russ had to guess.

Anyone looking at it from an outsider’s perspective would just chalk it up to Russ being lonely and disoriented, but he knew better. He’d felt the gnawing ache of loneliness. He knew what it was like to have his world turned upside down. But what he wanted from Jake didn’t feel like a desperate bid for companionship.

He
wanted
Jake. He just had really, really bad timing.

He’d planned on waiting until things settled down with Ryan. Well, that wasn’t true. He hadn’t planned any of it, but it would have been better if he’d waited. As it stood now, Russ was worried he’d crossed a line that maybe Jake didn’t want to cross. He’d been receptive enough to that kiss, but so many doubts raced through his mind.

When Jake got up and joined Russ in the middle of the night, nothing seemed amiss, at least. They talked quietly about what the doctor had said, and then about practically everything under the sun that didn’t have to do with the two of them. Jake hadn’t avoided his gaze or given him weird vibes, though, so Russ more or less ended up in the same place he started: confused, and cursing his poor timing.

Russ clearly remembered all of that. He just didn’t remember falling asleep. When he looked up, though, he saw Jake seated almost exactly where he had been the night before. Jake smiled at him, and Russ’s heart stuttered a little in his chest.

So much for keeping tabs on his feelings.

He looked toward Ryan, and found his son was sound asleep still. Or again. Russ wasn’t sure which. He glanced at the window, squinting at the light that was mostly absorbed by the curtain. How long had he even slept?

“I gave him his morning dose of medicine with some strawberry yogurt. Didn’t want to wake you for it. Seemed like you could use the sleep.”

Russ stretched. Aside from the stiff back, he did feel better. A little more clearheaded today. “Yeah, thanks.”

“I also wanted to wait until you were up to grab a shower.”

Right. Jake had to go to work today. Russ knew he’d stay if he begged, but he’d already asked too much from him.

“Go on, I’ve got this.”

He watched Jake head out into the hall, then turned his attention to Ryan. He’d need his bandages changed soon, but it could wait. Russ leaned over the bed, stroking his son’s hair. God, he hoped the surgery had worked. Ryan didn’t deserve to have his dreams tossed out the window; especially over something he couldn’t control.

Pushing himself up from the chair, Russ stifled a groan. He rubbed his back, and took a few minutes to walk around the room, grabbing some Ibuprofen from a drawer. With Ryan still asleep, Russ flicked on the TV and muted it, turning on the closed captions. He checked out the scores from last night’s games, then flipped over to a home improvement channel.

About ten minutes later, though, he started to hear a muffled noise. At first it sounded like an alarm, but on closer inspection, Russ realized it was a phone. In fact, it sounded a lot like
his
phone.

He looked around, turning out his pockets and the disorganized pile of keys and other whatnots he’d dropped on the dresser the previous night. His phone wasn’t among them, and Russ ducked his head out of Ryan’s bedroom, trying to get a feel for where it might be. His search led him to the master bedroom, and when the phone rang again, he realized his sudden dilemma.

Shit. He must have left it in the bathroom.

The water was off, so Jake was probably going to get out soon. He could wait, but what if it was the doctor? Dr. Patel didn’t seem like the type of man to call back, and if he had special instructions for Russ or Ryan, he needed to know.

Fuck it. Jake was probably dressed by now, or at least in a towel. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen him half-naked back in college. They’d roomed together for years.

“You decent? I just wanna grab my phone.”

After a moment, Jake answered, “Yeah, but I think—”

Russ opened the door, letting out a gust of steam. He tried to look for the phone, but his treacherous gaze landed on Jake and he realized he’d completely underestimated how much attraction and a sudden awareness could change things between them.

He was caught first by the rough hint of stubble that lined his jaw, then by the muscle that corded through his neck down to his shoulders. His eyes did a lateral sweep over the smooth expanse of his friend’s throat, along with the slight swell of his Adam’s apple which bobbed as Jake swallowed.

He continued down, finding wide shoulders and pecs that were a lot more defined than Russ expected them to be. There was a sparse dusting of dark hair following the contour of his muscles, and flat nipples that begged him for attention.

Jake’s chest tapered down to abs that might not have been as cut as a gym rat’s, but that were definitely not lacking in definition. Russ could see the lines of Jake’s muscles, and he felt a sudden urge to drop to his knees and trace them with his tongue.

Most tantalizing, though, was the soft patch of hair that started just under his navel and pointed an obvious trail downward, disappearing beneath thick cotton. The towel was slung low, and Russ could see the sharp V of Jake’s hipbones. His hands suddenly ached to touch him there, gripping his hips while he swallowed Jake’s cock.

A flush shot through him, a jolt of heat rushing straight to his groin. His dick started to firm in his pants, and he found himself wondering if Jake was as turned on right now as he was. Fuck.

“Shit, sorry,” Jake said, almost sounding as if he was out of breath. “I think it’s… I think this is my phone.”

It took a massive effort for Russ to lift his gaze to Jake’s face. His friend’s expression was filled with embarrassment, but he swore there was something else, too.

“Oh.” His voice came out… different than he expected.

It was rough. Almost hoarse. Jake’s eyes practically burned with something that looked a lot like yearning. He felt it reverberate through his body, sinking into every cell. It drew him closer, until the gap between them was practically nonexistent. He could feel the residual heat from Jake’s shower, could smell the shampoo he’d used in his hair.

“Let me just go grab some clothes—”

Before Russ could overthink it, he found himself touching Jake. It was only meant to stop him from leaving. His hand ended up on Jake’s bicep, the muscle tensing reflexively beneath his fingers. He tried so hard to keep his hand there, but it didn’t take long for it to wander, following the high line of Jake’s clavicle.

He felt Jake suck in a breath as Russ’s hand moved lower, rounding over the firm, compact muscle of his pecs. Jake’s heartbeat thudded under the tips of his fingers, vibrating through him until Russ’s own heart seemed to match the staccato rhythm.

“…What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” Russ admitted, his voice becoming even more ragged.

He avoided Jake’s nipples for now, and the pads of his fingers skimmed down toward his abdomen. The muscles jumped beneath his touch, and Russ decided if he was going to go for this, he shouldn’t do it half-assed. His other hand joined in, caressing down Jake’s abdomen, diverting outward to run his thumbs over the lines of Jake’s hips.

A soft sound caught in Jake’s throat. It must have been a moan, though Russ could tell Jake was fighting it. That hint of pleasure still went straight to his dick, and he hardened even more in his pants.

“Don’t send me mixed signals, Russ.”

Jake’s voice was barely above a whisper, and so strained it seemed a wonder he was able to get any words out at all.

“Not trying to.”

He didn’t know what he was trying to do. It was as if this need had been building in him since college, tangling into a pent-up mess of frustration now that he’d gotten the slightest taste. His brain had short-circuited the moment he walked into the bathroom, and he wasn’t sure he was going to get any of his common sense back anytime soon.

He moved his hands back up Jake’s chest. This time, he moved his hands fully over Jake’s pecs. The instant his fingers brushed the pebbled tip of his nipples, Jake bit down on another strangled moan.

“Russ…”

That one syllable was pulled from Jake so sweetly, so erotically that he felt another flush of pleasure shoot through his body. His gaze returned to Jake’s eyes, finding those endless pools of blue had darkened to something more befitting a cloudy night sky.

There wasn’t any mistaking the desire in them, and that was all Russ needed to seal his fate.

His lips were on Jake’s in an instant, and the next moan was muffled against his mouth, half surprise and half desperation. His kiss was hard, his lips crushing to Jake’s. Russ clutched at his back, his fingers digging in. One of Jake’s hands wound into his hair, and the other curled in his shirt, pulling him closer.

Russ groaned when their bodies met. It was everything he’d wanted without even realizing it. Even with his clothes in the way, he could feel the heat of Jake’s skin; could feel the flex and tense of muscle as Jake responded to every little thing he did, from the thrust of his tongue into Jake’s mouth to the little roll of his hips, his body acting on instinct, craving that delicious friction.

There was something to be said for being able to physically feel someone’s excitement and arousal. The towel was thicker than Russ would have liked, but he could still feel the hard line of Jake’s cock pressing against him, and he was sure his own bulge wasn’t leaving anything to the imagination.

Russ had the sudden urge to feel Jake; feel the weight of him against his hand. Feel his warmth sear into his palm. He’d never seen Jake fully naked before, and he desperately wanted to know what he looked like.

He slid a hand down between them, skimming over the taut muscles of Jake’s abdomen. They shuddered under his attention, and he moved further down, feeling soft cotton underneath his fingers. He’d never thought fabric could feel so sensual before, but every touch heightened his excitement, the tension coiling in his body like a finely-set spring.

“What are you doing?”

He’d barely noticed the kiss had broken and he and Jake were just sharing air, Jake’s shuddering breath dusting against his lips.

“Making good on that bet.”

His fingers dipped lower, and he finally felt the hard line of Jake’s erection where it tented the towel. The change in heat was immediately noticeable, and Russ let out a shaky breath, imagining warm, rigid flesh on the other side.

He stroked three fingers along length, and Jake made a soft sound that caressed Russ’s lips. Russ flicked his gaze back up to look into Jake’s eyes. They were glassy with lust, won over by a carnal need that Russ more than understood in that moment.

“Can I touch you?”

His voice was rough like gravel, as if it had barely managed to escape his throat. After letting out a shuddering breath, Jake gave one slow, certain nod.

Russ licked his lips, his hands moving to the front of the towel where Jake had tied it into a loose knot. He undid it easily and let it drop to the floor. His gaze stayed level with Jake’s for a long moment, until finally he couldn’t help it anymore.

He’d seen other men naked before. Their dorm featured communal showers and a lot of shameless young guys who didn’t care if their junk was hanging out while they brushed their teeth. But seeing Jake bared before him was different. It felt personal and intimate. Like Jake was only allowing this because it was
him
.

Russ devoured the sight before him. The prominent lines of Jake’s hipbones pointed down to a thick, uncut cock that had Russ’s mouthwatering. Jake was fully erect, his dick jutting upward between them. The head was exposed, glistening slightly, and Russ’s breath hitched.

Fuck, why was this turning him on so much?

Every cell in his body practically vibrated with arousal. His jeans were uncomfortably tight, his dick pressing hard against the zipper. He tried to shift his weight and adjust himself, but there was no helping it.

Reaching out, he stroked Jake’s cock with the tentative touch of a teenager. It jumped reflexively, and Jake sucked in a breath. Russ ran his fingers up the shaft, the velvety smooth skin lighting up his senses. He trailed up to the sensitive head and Jake quivered, letting out a strangled moan.

Every little touch seemed to render Jake almost helpless. But Russ wasn’t faring much better, because the slightest whimper from Jake shackled him, too, until he couldn’t think of anything else.

When his fingers finally wrapped around Jake’s cock, they both shuddered. Jake’s hands moved to his back, clutching at his shirt. Russ slowly stroked down to the base, then back up, swiping his thumb over the leaking tip.

“God, Russ.” The words were pained, as if Jake had been trying very hard not to say them.

Hearing Jake say his name in that throaty voice was something Russ hadn’t known he needed. And now that he had it, he clung to it desperately. It made him bold and reckless; pushed him to ask for his own desires.

“I want to feel your hand on me.”