Despite the Angels (31 page)

“So this was your favourite then, Dawn? You were seven when I did this, copied it from a picture in the encyclopaedia. I’m not sure how good it is. When I get to London I will check. I have the money, but now when will I find the time? My elephants are accurate, I saw several at circuses. I’m glad you like the giraffe, I thought you would like the long neck. I suppose you did!”

“I do now, Daddy. I love it the most now, because it has helped me make you notice me. I hope you can live your life more peacefully, now that you know I am always here. And Dorothy is too.”

There was a knock at the open door and the Reverend Reid stepped in.

“Evening, Mr Lindsay. My word, that is some Ark! Where did you get it?”

“I made it. For my daughter.”

“I did not know you have a daughter. I thought you were a single man.”

“I was married. My wife and child died. The Tay Bridge.”

“I am sorry to hear it. How old was your daughter?”

“Six months. I have been making it ever since. It is her thirtieth birthday today.”

“You have spent thirty years making a toy? For a dead child?” The minister was politely puzzled.

“It kept her alive for me. It helped me go on, when I had lost everything.”

“You did not remarry?”

“No. I never noticed another woman, after Dorothy.”

“Where are you from originally, Mr Lindsay?”

“From here, Minister. From Cupar. I lived in Dundee a long time. I was apprentice to old Mr McIntyre before I left. He taught me to shoe a horse, to work metal, everything I know. He left me his business. Had I known that, I would have come back and learnt the new ways with him. He used to keep hay for the horses, now I keep petrol for their replacements. These motor cars are a big change; I am having to learn a great deal.”

“Where are your wife and daughter buried?”

“They were never found. They have no memorial, except this ark. There was a fund set up to help the dependants of the victims; I went to a concert in aid of it. It was lovely music, for me it was my Dorothy’s funeral, she had no other.  I always wished they would put up a memorial, but they never did.” Lewis wiped a quiet tear from the corner of his eye, hoping the minister would not see
.
The minister’s guide, who had been standing quietly, watched Lewis and leant over to whisper in Reverend Reid’s ear
.
.
The minister straightened up and cleared his throat.

“Why not come on Sunday, and show the Sunday School children your Ark, and tell them about the little girl it was made for?” He broke off abruptly and coughed, looking around as though wondering what he had just said.

“Oh, what a lovely idea!” Dawn thanked the minister’s guide. “I think he will like that and it will help. I would like to be there.”

“Thank you. I would like to do that. And I think my daughter will come with me.”

“What nonsense. You have just told me she is dead.”

“Yes, she is, but she is here. Or at least, she was a little while ago.” Lewis explained about his musings and the fall of the giraffe. “So it was her favourite. I will tell the children.”

“You will do no such thing. I will not have their heads filled with fanciful nonsense!”

“Unless you tell it to them yourself” said Trynor; the minister’s guide nodded in agreement.

“Well, I could tell them the story, say I imagine she was here and that it is comforting.”

“She is with God. That is what you will say.” The minister was stern.

“All right.” Lewis wilted a little and looked at the minister. “Why did you call, Mr Reid? Can I help you in some other way?”

“A long story about a hinge to his gate. Concentrate, Lewis, it is good business. Then listen to us again.” Trynor stood back and waited.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t manage better,” the minister’s guide was contrite, “but he only occasionally hears me at all. It was really only because I mentioned Sunday school that he switched on. He is full of firm ideas that are very hard to shift.”

“It is all right. Lewis will enjoy meeting the children and seeing them play with the ark. It is a long time since children saw it, since he stood up to Neil. Neil was so annoyed, he stopped bringing William and Isabelle to visit. Isabelle loved the ark, particularly the elephants.”

“I watched them, once, playing with my ark,” Dawn chipped in, “it was fun to lend it to them. They were lovely natural children. And for years William saw the guides. His mother thought he had imaginary friends and indulged him. It was amusing. I wonder where they are now. They grew up, I suppose.”

“It is common, I believe,” Mohmi was grinning at Dawn.

“Ha Ha Ha. You wouldn’t guess it from watching me when this set of parents try to rear me.” Dawn was smiling, too. “Mind you, I have been adult many times with other parents and that isn’t easy either. Dying at six months old is a doddle in comparison to some lessons I have had to slog through. Particularly the death in the train, when I was out cold and felt nothing. Well organised.”

“Thanks. We aim to please.” Mohmi was laughing now.

“Sh, listen.” Trynor silenced them.

“So you will come on Sunday? And do come back with me for tea after showing the ark. My wife makes a good cake.”

“Thank you, Mr Reid, I will enjoy that.” Lewis showed the minister out and sat down to look again at his animals.

“Tempted by cake. Always the same, kept going by food. I wonder how you would react if you ever tasted a proper French paté! Would you guess that it was what you had been searching for?” Trynor turned to Mohmi, “What do you think? What is this about food?”

“I don’t think it is any more special than anything else they carry forward from life to life, really. I mean, you told me he would not challenge Neil for years because he was afraid of being killed again, even though it was accidental. It is just that you notice his interest in food, because you don’t remember much in the way of sensory pleasures.”

“No. But you’re right, I do remember being killed. I have no desire to do that again, but it’s always a risk.”

“So, Dawn, will I risk bringing the ark to the Sunday school? Will it survive all those children? What harm if it does not, I suppose. It should have been loved to sawdust by now.”

Lewis was in the garage, as he was learning to call the forge, with the bonnet of the doctor’s car up and his head under it, trying to see what the problem was with the engine, when a familiar voice called out from the doorway. He straightened up suddenly in surprise. He rubbed his head where it had hit hard metal and squinted towards the door, where a silhouette was outlined by the warm autumn sun.

“Neil?”

“Yes, of course, can you not tell?”

“I can tell your voice. Hold on a minute till I wipe my hands.” Lewis found a piece of damp rag and wiped off most of the oil and grease. He held out a hand to Neil, who shook it firmly. “What brings you here?”

“I’ll come straight to the point. The foundry closed.” Neil shuffled his feet.

“A pity for you. You were well set up there. So where are you working now?”

“Nowhere. You see, I made a mistake and some girders we made were faulty, and…”

“Did anyone die?”

“Oh no, not as bad as that. It was discovered in time, but the customers lost confidence and orders were cancelled and, well: I was sacked before they closed. No one will hire me now, they have all heard.”

“Apart from the fact that you had no proper papers, you mean?” Lewis was angry with Neil for working in a job he was unable for and angrier at himself for helping him to do it for so long. “I should never have let you away with that. I should never have given you advice all those times you called with questions to bail you out of a difficulty. I suppose you got into trouble because I had left Dundee?”

“Yes. If you could have put me right…”

“I put you right too often. And got nothing for it. You even stopped me seeing your children to punish me for moving to another factory. I should have given you the wrong advice the first time. I was a fool.”

“You were grieving. You were a great help to me and to Margaret and the children of course. She sends her love and says she hopes to see you soon. Of course, when the children visit, you will see them and my grandchildren. They are lovely, but a bit of a crowd if they all come at once.”

“I am sorry, but why will I see your children when they visit you? Not that I would not love to, of course.”

“Well, we will be in Cupar again, or maybe out the road a bit. My cousin..”

“Why Cupar?”

“Well, I am hoping you can find space for me in your new repair shop. These motor cars are getting very popular, I hear.”

Lewis went pale. He stood quite still and looked at Neil, whose cheerful ruddy face looked back at him, smiling. Lewis opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He shut it again and stared. At last he found some of his voice.

“I am surprised, Neil.”

“Surprised? You are shocked to your core. Tell him so.” Trynor was shaking his head at Roki, who raised his hands out from his hips in a ‘what can I do?’ gesture and stayed silent.

“You stole my job when I was grieving. You came asking for my help every time it was too difficult for you, you practically forbade me to see your children once I stood up to you, when you knew seeing them was keeping me sane and now you have the gall to come and ask me to employ you, when you are known in Dundee as a fraud and dangerous?” Lewis broke off, winded.

“Think about it, Lewis. I will not ask you to make up your mind today. I will call again tomorrow.” Neil turned on his heel and stalked out of the workshop. Lewis leant against the doctor’s car, feeling as though he had just run a mile. He wondered what he could do. It is not fair of him to ask me such a thing, he thought. He would take over here as he took my place in Dundee. But I cannot let him starve. He must work.

“Not for you. He can go back to the farms. He has plenty of cousins and nephews with land to work.”

And poor Margaret. She must be distraught. I cannot see her with nothing.

“Poor Margaret knew her husband was lying and using you. She could have stopped him. Do what is right for you, my Lewis, not what you imagine is right for the Martins.”

It is wrong to be so weak and let Neil ride roughshod over me again. But it is unchristian to s
ee him and his wife hungry.

“Come on, send his karma back to him now, or you’ll have to do it again in the future, maybe in your next lives. Get it over with.” Trynor was getting exasperated
. Lewis stood up.

“I cannot decide. Maybe if I tidy the garage, things will come clear.” He moved around for a while, picking up tools and returning them to their places on the wall. As he reached out to hang the heavy wrench on its peg, he felt a sudden pressure in his chest and his breath caught in his throat. He grabbed for the worktop, but missed and watched his hands blur as he fell to the floor.

“Well, that’s one way of avoiding the decision, I suppose,” said Trynor, as he went to warn the others that Lewis would be coming.

Lewis lifted slowly away from his body, looking at it sprawled on the ground. He put a hand on his chest, relieved to find that there was no pain. His arms felt normal and when he looked at his hands, they were clean, not a trace of oil remained. His head felt clear. He looked around the workshop and felt a regret that he had not moved back here sooner. Only two years my own master, he thought. I should never have stayed in Dundee, even with the new factory. And now no one of my own to leave this to. That apprentice is a good lad, but too interested in motor cars. Not enough attention paid to the skilled work. I wonder where he is?

A boy of about eighteen ran into the workshop, calling out “Mr Lindsay? Did you call? I heard voices.” He stopped short when he saw Lewis lying on the ground.

“Oh, my goodness, are you all right? Mr Lindsay?” He knelt beside Lewis and watched his chest intently.

“I am perfectly all right, silly boy. Just not breathing. Now, tidy me up and get on with that repair for Dr Stewart. He has to drive his motor to Glasgow tomorrow.”

“Help, Help!” the boy was running to the door, “Something has happened to Mr Lindsay!”

“Oh, dear, do I have to sort this out as well?” Lewis stopped to think. “But I cannot, because I am lying there, yet I am here and can change nothing. I think I will leave him to it. He likes me well enough, but he does not love me, so he will be well able to manage.”

“Of course he will, Daddy.”

“Oh, hello Dawn, how did you know–”  Lewis stopped short, “Dawn!! Oh, my Dawn, you beautiful girl, you came for me?”

“Yes. I came every year.”

“I thought so, recently. Did you see your ark?”

“Yes. It is beautiful.”

“Would you like to see it again? It is on a shelf, we will be able to see it easily. Am I allowed to do frivolous things when I have just died, or is St Peter waiting impatiently for me?” He winked at Dawn, who giggled.