Desired: Loving An Alpha Male (4 page)

What are you doing here, Georgia?

I sighed deeply and looked around one of the many exclusive Cabo San Lucas clubs, realizing that very moment that I had no business being there. Let me paint the picture for you. There were women in their twenties in the skimpiest bikinis I’ve ever seen, dancing and gyrating their non-existent hips for any age male that would give them a second thought.  There were women in their thirties, such as myself, watching the younger women like they were antichrist, wishing they would get swallowed by a tidal wave or something, anything that would wipe them from this beach.

Me; I really didn’t give a shit about the twenty-somethings.  I mean, I had the same goal as the thirty-something females but I wasn’t going for perfect.

The goal isn’t to have happily ever after. No, my goal for these two weeks was to get my freak on and often.  I wanted to remain numb.  I wanted to forget everything and everyone I left behind and get lost in someone, even if it was temporary.  I didn’t have the stomach for anything else.

Okay, so all I have to do is walk up to one of these idiots and say, “Hey do you want to come back to my hotel room?”
I mean this should be easy. I did it the other night.

They say yes like that other guy did, and that’s it; we can leave.

Funny thing though, I couldn’t get up from that stool I was sitting on to approach anyone like I did the night before.  This shouldn’t be this hard, right?  All these guys here are just waiting for a female to go up to them and invite them to their rooms. But, it seems every time I think about getting up and approaching someone, he invades my thoughts.

No, I need to forget about him.  He didn’t even want to give me his name.
No matter the sweet things he said to me, no matter the connection I felt instantly when our lips touched, I needed to forget him and move on.

I turned on the stool and looked out in the club.  The dance floor was packed, people were sitting around tables and some were just standing and people watching. Maybe I was just doing this wrong.  I needed to stop thinking about him, and focus on finding someone for my bed that night. I took it easy last night.  I figured I needed to give my body a break from the pounding it took.  Now I was back at it and…urgh.

Maybe I should’ve acted like the twenty-somethings and went out on the dance floor and shook my ass. If I did that then maybe, just maybe, I could find some young hot stud to freak on that night.

I looked around the room and sighed. Watching these young women grab the attention of the men here, I didn’t stand a chance. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not ugly, at least I don’t think I am, and that’s what matters, right? Anyway, I’m brown skin, the color of chocolate I’d say, but I’ve been told I’m more of a mocha color, which to be honest with you I don’t see the difference. I’m 5’7” with thickness and curves that according to society and department stores, puts me in the plus size category, even though I don’t look it. It’s the hips and ass I say, but hell what do I know.

I wear my hair short most times, but this trip I have wavy styled micro mini-braids that come to the top of my shoulders. My eyes are brown, slanted slightly, but I think they are my best facial features, besides my smile.

I know I’m not the first choice for the majority of these men, but maybe someone would take me up on my offer. My mind suddenly drifted back to the other night and the man that seemed to see right through me.  It was as if he knew I shouldn’t have been in the bar, much less trying to pick him up, but the fact that he went along with everything should have told me all I needed to know about him.  He wasn’t someone I needed to spend any more time with.  What we had was mind blowing to say the least, but that needs to be the extent of it. Never mind he made me orgasm more times in one night than I have in my thirty years of existence. Never mind that he turned my body inside out, making me feel things that I’ve never felt before. Never mind the fact that he was the sexiest man I had ever seen in my life.

He wasn’t good for me.

I suddenly realized I was subconsciously rubbing at the hickey he left on my chest. I shook my head and put my hands back in my lap. I turned to face the bar and my eyes instantly went to the front door just as he walked in.

Shit!

Of all the clubs in Cabo, he decides to come to this one? Really?!

I quickly turned my head and signaled the bartender for another drink.  Maybe if I pretended to not have seen him, he would go away. I took a few deep breaths as I felt him get closer. He stopped and spoke to the bartender behind the bar.  I watched him then move in my direction, and I was ready to ignore him fully if he came up to me, but he didn’t.  Instead, I noticed him go from the corner of my right eye to the corner of my left.

What? He didn’t even stop to say anything?

I frowned and watched him look around. After locating a seat, he grinned, admiring some twenty-somethings and sat down.

That son of a bitch!
  I knew he saw me.  I’m almost certain to the fact.  But he didn’t have the decency to just stop and say hello, or give me a nod, some type of acknowledgment?

I mean shit didn’t the night we share mean anything?

I watched him pull out a cigar and light it.  As he leaned back in his chair, the bartender came up to me and placed a drink in front of me.  I turned and still frowning, said, “I didn’t order this.”

He replied without a hint of a smile, “I know. He bought it for you.”

I followed the bartender’s finger, and he pointed right at the son of a bitch who was now grinning and looking at me.

Smug bastard.

I gave him the finger, and I should have given back the drink or poured it out, but yeah I don’t turn down drinks. I have a thing about wasting alcohol. I may not like that he bought me this drink, but damn it I’m going to enjoy it. 

Alcohol and I were the best of buddies.  I can hold my liquor, and I’m quite proud of that fact. Unfortunately, the two closest people in my life think I drink entirely too much and too often. I’m not an alcoholic by any means.  I’ll have a glass of wine when I’m grading papers to get me in the mood and mellow me out.  But on the weekend, if I’m at happy hour or something, I’m going to have a good time.  I don’t drink and drive.  My fiancé sends a car for me every time I go out to make sure I make it home safely.

I frowned at the thought of Gavin and decided to order another shot of tequila. Every time I think of him my heart starts to break all over again.  I feel sick to my stomach wanting to curl up into a fetal position and cry.

Gavin Diego was who I envisioned spending the rest of my life with.  He was nice, smart and successful. And he was very attractive. I mean
very
attractive.  He stood at a good six feet and worked out religiously.  He had beautiful brown eyes and thick black wavy hair that my hands lived in every chance I got.

We met while he was getting his Master’s Degree at the university I currently teach at.  We both were in the library, he studying and I was grading papers. I would see him in the library all the time, and I admired him from afar.  I didn’t believe he and I were compatible just looking at him and me.  We were so different, but it turned out I was wrong.  He actually made the first move one day by coming up to me and asking if I was a student. When I told him I was a Psych professor, we started talking and well the rest was history.

I was on cloud nine having a man like Gavin around me.  He was getting his Master’s in Political Science and was heavily involved in the Latin communities in Miami.  At first, I thought he was way too good for me. I have a seedy and dark past, and I didn’t want to tarnish him. But he would always tell me not to worry about anything.  He was in love with me, and he didn’t care about my past or what anyone else thought.  I was his, and he was mine.

That’s sweet, right? Well, my best friend thought otherwise. Maya Wilson was my ace and closest friend. We met in undergraduate school at the University of Miami. She currently works for a huge public relations company in Miami as a publicist. To her, appearance is everything. She would always get on me about my looks, even before I met Gavin.  She would tell me that I needed to work out more, watch what I eat, buy expensive clothing so they can fit my body better. I’ve mentioned I’m a little on the thick side.  Well, the crazy thing about my makeup is I can work out all the time and my hips, ass and thighs remain big.  And when I gain weight guess where it goes… Yup, it goes to my hips, ass and thighs.  My stomach happens to not be that much of an issue, which boggles my mind all the time.

I love food mind you so I wasn’t going on anyone’s diet, but I at least went to the gym to run on the treadmill for an hour twice a day. That was enough for me, and she tolerated it. That is until she got a look at Gavin.  Things changed between her and me at that moment.  She started to beef up her shots of me being too big or eating too much. She’d told me multiple times what I needed to do in order to keep Gavin interested in me. She would tell me how to dress, eat, and how to speak when I was attending public engagements with him. She frowned on me drinking, and after Gavin had proposed to me, they both started teaming up on me.  Suddenly, it wasn’t okay that I was myself in their eyes; I had to be more.  So I would try to please them both, doing everything they suggested but it seemed it wasn’t enough. I was exhausted just trying to be something that I wasn’t. To be quite honest, I felt like I was losing the essence of who I was.  I lived with being criticized my whole life.  I didn’t want to marry into that. So, even though it was horrible timing, on the night before our wedding, I went to talk to Gavin.

He told me he and his friends were going out that night to celebrate his last night of freedom, so they got hotel rooms off the South Beach strip. That way no one drove home drunk and the hotel happened to be close to the church where we were getting married.

I was staying at a hotel not too far from his hotel so it wouldn’t take long to go see him and come right back. So, I snuck out of my room trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake up Maya, which was easy to do because she slept like a rock. We were staying in a two-bedroom suite so I was in one room, and she was in the other.  She decided to stay with me that night to keep me company and prep me for how I’m supposed to behave at my own reception. I knew if I told her I was going to go see Gavin, she would kill me.

I managed to escape undetected, and I walked quickly to his hotel.  South Beach streets were still bustling at three in the morning, so I didn’t seem or feel out of place being out so late at night.  The clubs were still going strong, and people were still hanging on the streets.

Once I entered the hotel, Gavin was staying in, I went straight to the floor he was on.  The hallway was deserted and quiet; so quiet you could hear a pin drop and someone getting their freak on as clear and loud as if you were right in the room with them. I smiled and shook my head. But my smile soon faded when I got closer and closer to Gavin’s room.  The sounds I was hearing drifting in the hallway seemed to get louder as I approached his door.

No, this can’t be possible. I know he isn’t having sex with someone else.  This has to be a mistake.
I quickly took out my phone and called downstairs to the office.  It was possible he switched rooms.  I got the front desk clerk and asked for Gavin’s room.  A few minutes later, I heard the phone ringing in the room where the sex noises were coming from, but no one picked up.  Still I didn’t believe it. 
Maybe one of his groomsmen switched with him or something.  Yes, that has to be it. There’s no way he would…

“Yes, Gavin! God, yessss!”

The blood from my face drained, and bile started consuming from my throat.  First things first, that was Gavin in there screwing someone else; I’m one hundred percent sure of that, and secondly… He was screwing my best friend…. That was her voice I had just heard giving God and Gavin the glory.

Can I ask have you ever had your life flash before your eyes? Something that you never thought would ever happen to you does and you have no idea how to handle it? Yeah, that would be me right at that very moment.

I couldn’t move or breathe.  I stood there placing both hands on the door, hoping that what I was hearing was my imagination; that I was still in my bed stuck in a horrible nightmare. But as the moments passed by, and the moaning and slapping of skin on skin contact continued, I knew I was in hell.

My best friend and my fiancé were fucking each other’s brains out, and all my brain was capable of doing was listening.

God so many things went through my head at that moment.  Should I bang on the door and confront them? How long had this been going on? Would I get off with temporary insanity if I killed them both?

Rage and hurt consumed me, and I collapsed on the floor in front of the door.  I couldn’t believe the man that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the man I loved with all my heart, was fucking my best friend. And I couldn’t believe the woman that I thought was my sister, my best friend, who had been there for me through so much, and I her, would do this to me.

I’m such an idiot.

I felt broken, destroyed and completely alone.  I had no family I could turn to. Maya was the only person I had, and then came Gavin.  Now the only two people I ever loved betrayed me. I didn’t have the strength to walk away, nor did I have the strength to bang on that door and fight. So I just sat there and listened to them call each other’s name in thrills of passion and lust.