Desire (#3) (4 page)

I ran into the little on-suite bathroom and turned on the shower. I tied my hair back in a ponytail – I wouldn’t have time to wash it tonight – then brushed my teeth.

I only had time for the briefest of showers, then dressed in my plain blue skirt and cream blouse in double-quick time.

I gazed down at the shoes in the bottom of my closet. I had the sexy gold sandals, and the fire engine red-fuck-me pumps, or my boring old, low-heeled black pumps.

I picked up the black pumps. I didn’t feel like pleasing Benjamin tonight. He hadn’t even come to apologise after dismissing me so rudely earlier.

I stuffed my feet into the pumps, dabbed my face with pressed powder to get rid of the shine, then swiped on pink lipstick. I looked at myself in the mirror. Hmm, not exactly fantastic, but it would have to do.

Downstairs I regretted not spending a little more time on my appearance. Benjamin sat at the table looking hotter than I’d ever seen him. He wore an expensive, crisp, white shirt without a tie. The collar was open enough to make me consider slipping my hands over the rest of the buttons, accidentally undoing each one.

His dark hair looked almost black in the low lights of the dining room. He stood up as I entered the room. That little old-fashioned gesture made me smile. I couldn’t stay angry at him.

When Lady Vastor dressed for dinner, she really dressed for dinner. She wore a knee-length dress covered with red sequins. An eighties outfit, that was for sure. I felt slightly under-dressed in my plain blouse and skirt. I hadn’t even taken the time to put any jewellery on.

Lord Vastor completed our odd assemble. He wore tweed trousers and a yellow bow-tie. A strange outfit for dinner, but he seemed pleased with himself as he puffed out his chest. “Good to see you up and about again, Benjamin,” he said. “You gave us quite a scare when you turned up last night.”

Benjamin tilted his head. “I apologise for worrying you.”

“Not at all,” Lady Vastor said, giving her husband a pointed look. “We’re just very glad you managed to get to us in one piece.”

“Yes, of course we are,” Lord Vastor said. “But the police said your car was found almost a mile away. So how did you manage to get here? Did you walk?”

“Yes,” Benjamin said. “The details are a little hazy as I’m sure you can imagine.”

“So you were on your way to visit us?” Lady Vastor asked and arched an eyebrow as she looked at me.

I flushed. I hadn’t even thought about it. Was Benjamin coming to see me here when he was run off the road? All because I told him I wanted to end our relationship?

Benjamin didn’t seem embarrassed by Lady Vastor’s question. “Yes. I was.”

Lady Vastor dominated the conversation while we ate dinner. I nodded when spoken to, but Lady Vastor seemed quite happy to provide a monologue.

I couldn’t tear my eyes from Benjamin as I tried to understand this new information. Every time I thought I had him figured out, he did something to surprise me. Had he really cared so much when I told him I didn’t want to be his sex plaything anymore?

His face as usual was unreadable. Cool and charming, he was the perfect guest, but it drove me mad. I never knew what he was thinking.

I was glad when dinner was over. I smiled to myself as I imagined slipping into Benjamin’s bedroom tonight. I tried to catch his attention, but failed.

He turned to Lord Vastor and accepted his offer of a nightcap.

Lady Vastor yawned. “Oh dear, I think we ladies should leave you to it,” she said and stood up.

No! Why did Benjamin want to spend time talking to stuffy old Lord Vastor as he puffed away on cigars and poured more cognac down his neck?

I stood up ready to follow Lady Vastor of the room, Benjamin didn’t even notice.

“Goodnight,” I said, loudly.

“Goodnight, my dear,” Lord Vastor said and lit another cigar.

Benjamin’s eyes met mine briefly through the blue smoke. “Goodnight,” he said then turned his attention back to Lord Vastor.

I stalked upstairs to my room and kicked off my shoes. Dammit. All night I’d been imagining getting him alone and…

I flopped back on the bed. Maybe he would come to me later? I imagined him letting himself into my room and slipping underneath the covers, running his hands…

I groaned and buried my face in the pillow. God, I had to stop this. I was becoming obsessed.

I got ready for bed, brushing my teeth and slipping into an old t-shirt. The sheets felt cool as I slid my body between them, but my skin was burning.

I lay awake, staring at the ceiling and listening to the creaks and groans of the old house. At two am I finally accepted Benjamin wasn’t going to come for me.

THE NEXT FEW DAYS didn’t get any better. Benjamin ignored me. He was always polite and respectful, but he never sought out my company and avoided being alone with me.

I concentrated on Lady Vastor’s portrait, telling myself I didn’t care, but of course I did. It was awful. I’d always known this day was coming. Benjamin told me from the beginning he wasn’t the commitment type, but it still hurt. It was horrible to see him every day and not be able touch him.

With all my passion and energy focused on the portrait, it was coming along well. I didn’t usually like people to look at my work in progress, but on Friday I broke my own rule and showed the portrait to Lady Vastor.

At first she was silent, and for one horrifying moment I thought she hated it. Then she actually grinned at me. “It’s quite brilliant.”

I grinned back, relieved. “There’s still some work to be done. I need to add highlights and a few darker tones, but essentially it’s almost there.”

Lady Vastor was very pleased and summoned Lord Vastor and Benjamin to see the painting.

Lord Vastor was full of praise, but I was focused on Benjamin.

“It’s excellent, Kate. As always,” he said.

Lady Vastor fussed over the portrait some more, asking me how I managed to make her skin look so luminous. When I finished answering her questions, I looked around and saw that Benjamin had left the room.

“Honestly, it’s magnificent. Do you think it will be ready to show off to our guests tonight?”

“Guests?” I asked.

“The dinner party, silly,” Lady Vastor said.

“Oh yes, sorry. I’d forgotten about that.” Lady Vastor mentioned the party days ago, but I’d hoped to get out of it somehow. I had planned on using the painting as an excuse, but my speedy progress ruled that out.

“I’m afraid you won’t be able to hang it. It’s painted in oils, which will take a long time to dry.” As I explained how long it would be until she could frame her portrait, her face fell.

“You could perhaps leave it on a stand like this so your guests could see it in the meantime.”

Lady Vastor’s face brightened. “Yes. That’s a good idea.”

I excused myself from the room, telling Lord and Lady Vastor that I would make my finishing touches tomorrow.

I decided to go for a walk to try and clear my head, so I went back to my room to retrieve my sneakers. As I headed downstairs, the maid appeared in the hallway and beckoned me to her.

“Phone,” she said.

“For me?”

She nodded and gestured for me to follow her along the hallway into the large sitting room at the front of the house.

The maid walked over to an antique writing desk and held up the handset for me.

I thanked her and lifted the handset to my ear, wondering who on earth would be calling me here.

“Hello?”

“Kate? It’s Colin.”

My tension ebbed away.

“I need to ask a favour, Kate.”

I coiled the phone cord around my finger. “A favour?”

“Yes. I need you to persuade Benjamin to employ the added security I’ve suggested. I’ve arranged everything. He just needs to agree.”

“I don’t think I’ll be any use. Benjamin and I … Well …” I trailed off. How did I explain Benjamin had dumped me? That he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as me for more than a minute?

I sighed. “I don’t have any influence over Benjamin, Colin. To be honest, he really isn’t interested in me anymore.”

Colin was silent on the other end of the phone, then he said, “That’s not true, Kate.”

I scowled. “With all due respect, Colin, you’re not here. You don’t know how he’s been acting towards me over the past few days.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea. Look, I told him his relationship with you was putting you at risk, so he needed to increase security.”

“So, he’s distancing himself from me so I’m not in danger?”

“Something like that.”

“Colin, how could you?”

“I didn’t think he’d react this way. I thought he’d agree to the extra security. I didn’t consider the possibility of him pushing you away.”

My grip on the handset tightened. I was furious with Colin. All this was his fault. Why did he have to interfere?

“I read him wrong. I’m sorry. God knows, I should know him well enough by now. I should have seen this coming. Look, talk to him, please. Try to get him to see sense. Don’t be angry with me. My intentions were good.”

“Angry with you? I’m furious. You’re manipulating my relationship with Benjamin to try to get him to do what you want. That’s wrong, Colin. You can’t manipulate people like that.”

I heard Colin exhaled loudly on the other end of the phone. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just worried about him. I want him to be safe.”

He sounded so genuinely upset the fight drained out of me. “I know. Look, I’ll talk to him. But no promises. I’m not being used as a pawn.”

After I hung up I wrapped my arms around myself. I needed to think things through before I spoke to Benjamin.

I headed out around the back of the house. Lady Vastor told me a river ran alongside their property, and I thought I’d try to find it. There was something about water I found soothing. And with my mind whirling with this new information, I needed the calm soothing effect of water.

It didn’t take me long to hear the gentle gurgle of running water. I moved towards the sound and discovered a shallow stream. I followed it downstream until I found the river. The wide expanse of rippling water just visible through the reeds was stunning. I sat on the bank, hugging my knees.

The early evening light softened everything and made it look even more beautiful. Across the other side of the river a weeping willow’s branches reached down to touch the surface of the water, from underneath the branches two magnificent swans glided out towards me. I held my breath hoping they would come closer.

I studied the sleek curve of their necks and their graceful movements and wished I’d brought my sketch pad with me.

I remembered hearing somewhere that the swans in England belonged to the Queen, and if a swan was killed, the person responsible could be tried for treason. Another half-remembered fact taunted me: swans were monogamous. They found their mate and stayed with the same one year after year.

A level of commitment I would never get from Benjamin.

I had to decide whether it was easier to let him go now, or confront him in the hope of achieving what? A few more days, weeks or months together? It wouldn’t be enough for me. I wanted more than that. I wanted forever.

I hugged my knees tighter. The setting sun flamed red in the sky as I watched the two snow-white swans drift off together.

I stood up and wiped the grass from the seat of my pants. I couldn’t have forever, but I could have him now and I was determined to make the most of it.

I just had to persuade him to pay me a little more attention. I smiled to myself. I knew how I could do that.

I HAD OVER AN hour to get ready for the Vastors’ dinner party, so I decided to take a long, hot bath first. I washed my hair and left the conditioner on for an extra five minutes to make sure my hair would be glossy and shiny tonight.

I shaved my legs in the bath and rubbed apricot body scrub all over my skin. After I climbed out of the bath, I smeared myself with body lotion. Everywhere he might touch would be soft and smooth. I wanted everything to be perfect tonight.

I took my time over my make-up too, carefully applying foundation and extra mascara. Then I walked over to my closet and frowned. I pulled out my knee-length black wrap dress. It was low cut but not really dressy enough for a dinner party, but it was all I had with me and I could add accessories.

I fastened my plain gold chain around my neck then walked back over to the closet to add the final touch.

I looked down at the red fuck-me pumps and grinned. They should do the trick.

I heard voices downstairs and I knew the guests had arrived. I felt a shiver of uncertainty. Should I be doing this? Did I really want to risk getting hurt all over again? I nodded to myself. I had to take a chance.

I pulled my shoulders back and my stomach in as I walked down the stairs and towards the parlour where the guests had gathered for cocktails.

Lady Vastor had employed caterers and staff to serve drinks and wait on the table this evening. One young man dressed in his black tux got an eyeful of my shoes and winked at me.

My mouth felt dry, and I tried to swallow. I needed to act confident. It wouldn’t work if I acted like a little mouse and tried to hide away in the corner. I needed to work it.

I entered the room, trying to play it cool as I searched the crowds of guests for Benjamin. I hadn’t realised Lady Vastor invited so many people.

I felt my scalp prickle and turned to see Benjamin staring at me. He stood only a few feet away. I stepped out from behind a group of dinner guests, to make sure Benjamin could see the shoes.

The effect was instantaneous. I was delighted to see the flame of lust in his eyes. It only lasted a moment before his usual cool expression was firmly back in place, but I had seen it. I knew he desired me.

He excused himself from the two men he’d been talking to and made his way towards me. My heart fluttered in my chest as I walked in his direction. The high heels emphasised the way my hips swayed when I walked.

“Miss Taylor,” he said as he took my hand and kissed it. “You look breath-taking.”