Derrolyn Anderson - [Marinas Tales #1] - Between The Land And The Sea (27 page)

“
Lorelei!
” I called desperately, watching the water churning around the broken chunks of concrete, “
Are you there? Please come out...
”

The water was covered with a froth of whitecaps. I saw no sign of life as I looked down, disappointed. I stood there for a while, face pressed against the wire, wishing fervently her coppery head would pop out of the foamy water. I wondered if she could be down by the part I had climbed out onto before. I grabbed hold of the wire and climbed up it like I did the day of my first trip to the buoy. I reached the end and leaned out as far as I could from the boat to get a better look. Nothing. I picked my way back down to the deck.

I turned around to see Ethan standing behind me, arms crossed. He looked furious. I stood there, wind blowing hair into my face, not knowing what to say. He turned and walked away.

“Ethan?” I called out to him, but the wind drowned out my voice.

I wanted to go after him, to ask him to forgive me, to promise I’d never lie again. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me it would be alright. I just stood there frozen, watching him walk away. I slumped down onto the bench, head in my hands. I was so very tired.

I made my way back home slowly, dreading the night ahead.

I sat down to dinner with Cruz and Abby and tried to eat. Cruz was still obsessed with finalizing his design, and I listened politely as he went on and on about his plans for the gown to end all gowns. Abby was strangely preoccupied with a pile of cookbooks she had been poring over, and I wondered why the sudden interest in improving her cooking. I was relieved that neither one of them took any notice of my foul mood. I excused myself to my room.

The cat was waiting for me on the bed and jumped into my lap as I sat down. I stroked him absentmindedly, tears blurring my vision as I thought about the look on Ethan’s face. I knew that he wouldn’t understand why I went to see Lorelei again, but I never thought he’d get so
angry
about it. I felt like I had ruined it with him, and I was acutely aware that he was the only person in the world that I could talk to about my strange secret.

Charlie nuzzled my hands when I stopped petting him, making me smile despite the sense of doom that was closing in on me. Darkness was falling, and I desperately wanted to sleep, but I was afraid. I usually slept in my underwear and a t-shirt, but I kept my jeans on just in case. I moved the chair against the door as a barricade and curled up around Charlie.

“Wake me up if I try to leave,” I told the cat, before drifting off into a fitful sleep.

I woke up to see the sun streaming into the window. My night had been filled with watery dreams and I had started awake multiple times, finding myself sitting up or standing next to the bed. I was tired but relieved; happy to see the chair still propped up against the door as I got ready for school.

Ethan kept his distance from me the rest of the week, and didn’t show up for art class.

Sometimes I could see him watching me from the cluster of surfers, but he always looked away when our eyes met. The girls in the group immediately sensed the tension between us. They smiled smugly at me, and I knew they were happy to see the rift grow. I noticed that a couple of the surfers had gotten buzz cuts to imitate his, but I found little humor in it.

Cruz proclaimed me ready, and took me down for my official driving test. I was happy for the distraction and lucky I was able to pass despite my increasing weariness. I called Evie to share the news and we planned a visit to the city after Cruz finished her dress. I tried to find Lorelei a few more times with no luck; it seemed as if even the mermaids were avoiding me now.

I felt like I was cursed, and started to adopt a fatalistic attitude. I remembered that Evie always said that even if fate means for you to lose, you should put up a good fight anyway.

The next few days came and went, and I kept waking to find myself standing by the door, knob in hand. I started moving the desk against the door too. I was beginning to feel increasingly spacy, as though I were disengaging from daily life. My dreams began to seem more and more real, and I escaped into them to avoid Ethan’s terrible indifference. I felt horrible, like I was being punished for something I had no control over.

Cruz was in his own little world and didn’t pay much attention, but Megan pulled me aside at lunch on Friday, “What happened between you and Ethan?”

“I don’t know,” I said, fidgeting. I had made the same promise to Megan and Cruz about not going mermaid hunting. I didn’t want to disappoint her too.

“Should I go ask
him
?” she looked at me with playful exasperation.

“Oh Megan,” I broke down, my eyes filling up with tears. She put her arm around my shoulders and sat me down at a bench. I hadn’t slept more than a few hours at a time for a week and I lost control, shuddering with suppressed sobs. “Sorry,” I choked, trying to pull it together. I looked up to see Ethan watching us.

“Oh God,” I said, trying to hide my face. Megan looked up to see him.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said. I passed a surprised looking Cruz the Jag keys and we hurried out to Megan’s car. “Girl stuff,” Megan said to Cruz over her shoulder. We drove to a coffee shop and sat in a corner booth, ordering coffee and fiddling with little paper packets of sugar.

“So,” she said frankly, “Spill the beans.”

My first impulse was to lie, to keep it to myself and gloss over the facts. I hated to be weak, to see pity in people’s eyes. Being brought up a motherless child, I was all too familiar with that
look
, and I hated it.

“Well...” I started to equivocate, dancing around the edges of the story. Then I met Megan’s skeptical eyes and something inside me surrendered. I told her all the secrets I’d been keeping in a flood of cathartic truth telling. She listened carefully while I told her about my mother, my dreams, and even the sleepwalking.

“That explains a lot,” she said, and I was grateful for her analytical nature. We discussed what everything meant, taking into account my hybrid status. When the waitress came to take our order she looked at me thoughtfully and asked, “Would it be cannibalistic of you to eat tuna salad?” We broke into hysterical laughter and the waitress looked at us like we had just broken out of the lunatic asylum.

“We should probably tell Cruz,” I said, “But do you mind if we wait until he gets Evie’s dress done?”

“Good idea,” Megan said with a knowing look, “He’s a total stressmobile already!” It felt so good to sit and laugh, to be honest. I felt like a ton of weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

“Thanks, Megan,” I said sincerely. “I guess I really needed to talk about everything.”

“Do you know what your problem is?” she asked, looking up at me over her coffee.

I knew this was a rhetorical question, and that she was going to tell me whether or not I wanted to hear it.

“You mean besides the obvious?” I replied sarcastically.

“Seriously,” she said, “You keep too much to yourself. You seem to think you have to do everything alone.”

I couldn’t argue, for I knew that was one of the reasons my father gave for sending me here in the first place. I thought self-sufficiency was a virtue; how could one possibly be too independent?

“It does feel better to let it out,” I said.

“Do you want to tell me what happened with Ethan?” she asked.

I told her that Ethan knew everything, and that I’d broken a promise to him by seeking out Lorelei on my own.

“You can see I had no choice... right?” I said with indignation.

“If you say so,” she met my gaze levelly, ruining my justification with her eyes.

I looked down, “I suppose I should have said something... but he gets so freaked out about everything. He wouldn’t have wanted me to do anything.”

“I noticed he’s been avoiding you like the plague,” she said.

I looked at her, stricken, “I don’t think it’s really fair of him to be so... punitive.”

“Don’t you remember what I told you about his ex-girlfriend dumping him?” She looked at me like I was an idiot.

“What does that have to do with me?” I asked incredulously.

“Just because he’s so good looking doesn’t mean he’s not as insecure as the rest of us. I think he has some serious trust issues.” I thought about his mom leaving him and it
did
made sense.

“But it’s not the same thing,” I protested.

Megan rolled her eyes at me. “Believe what you want to believe,” she said, “but you don’t see how he’s been watching you. You’ve been walking around in a daze.”

“I’m afraid to sleep,” I said.

“I’m afraid you wanna go sleeping with the fishes!” she said, and I laughed in spite of the seriousness of the situation. Megan’s cynical outlook on life was like a tonic, showing me there was simply no point in wallowing in self-pity. I needed to play the hand I was dealt.

Megan drove me home, making me promise to barricade myself into my room carefully. We made plans to hang out on Saturday and she made me laugh again, teasing me about sleepwalking down the street in my underwear.

“I’ve been sleeping in my clothes all week!” I complained.

“Dang Marina, I thought me and Cruz were the weirdos!”

“Step aside, there’s a new freak in town,” I laughed.

“Don’t worry,” she said, leaning over to give me a hug, “We’ll figure something out.” I turned to leave with a grateful smile, “Thanks.”

“Marina –” she called after me, “I don’t think you should meet with her alone either.” I slept on and off through the night and partway into the day on Saturday, waking up to see the sun streaming through the open curtains. I remembered a happy dream about surfing with Ethan, laughing and tumbling in the salty sea. I had to pull the desk away from the door to leave my room, but I noticed the chair had been knocked over on the floor, making me queasy.

When I groggily stumbled into the kitchen I looked out the window to see Ethan’s truck pull away. He had been here working in the garden while I slept, and the thought made me sad again.

Abby came humming into the kitchen, “What do you have planned for today?” she asked.

“Megan’s coming over,” I said, “We’re gonna watch some movies and hang out.”

“Okey Dokey!” she said. I suppressed a laugh. She was practically levitating with happiness and it was unusual, even for Abby.

Suspicious, I asked, “What do
you
have planned for today?” She tried to keep it in, but it was impossible for Abby to be circumspect.

“I’m going out on Dutch’s boat for the day,” she beamed.

I smiled, glad for her, “Have fun!”

She skipped out of the room to say goodbye to Cruz.

Megan came over that afternoon with an armload of movies and junk food. “Therapy!” she said, waving a stack of chick flicks at me.

“I’ll make the popcorn,” I said, and we settled down for a lazy afternoon on the couch. Cruz flitted in and out, spending most of the day at his work bench. He was doing some intricate cut lace appliques for Evie’s gown, growing increasingly agitated as he second guessed his every choice. The work was time consuming but beautiful, and I assured him the dress would be right up Evie’s alley. Megan and I coaxed Cruz out for a break every few hours, and before I knew it the sun began to set.

Day passed into night and we ordered a pizza for dinner, the three of us eating together and listening to Cruz complain about his temperamental sewing machine. Megan gathered up her stuff and went home, leaving Cruz and I waiting up for Abby.

“How do you feel about your mom dating Dutch?” I asked him.

Cruz shrugged, “Ethan’s dad always seemed like a good guy,” he said. “And I’m gonna be gone in another year. So I think it would be nice if she had a friend...”

“That’s very mature of you,” I said, casting him a sideways glance. He threw a pillow at me.

We were fully engaged in a vicious pillow fight when we heard the Volvo pull into the driveway.

We scrambled to pick up the mess and sit back down casually before Abby came in.

“How was your day?” I asked her cheerfully.

Abby was smiling from ear to ear. “Dutch and Ethan are coming over for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday.” She strolled off to bed in a daze, “Can you guys lock up?” she called over her shoulder. Cruz and I exchanged a look and burst into laughter.

I rolled into bed that night, wondering what Ethan thought about coming here. I wouldn’t be surprised if his dad showed up without him. I thought about what Megan had said about Ethan.

He looked more angry than hurt to me. I sighed and put it out of my mind. I didn’t have time to worry about next week, I thought, grunting as I moved the furniture in front of my door.

As Cruz had said, I had bigger fish to fry.

The atmosphere at school changed on Monday. It was a short week for everyone, and the air was charged with anticipation of a long break from the routine. Most classes scheduled midterm exams before the fall break, and I tried to focus on my schoolwork despite the lack of sleep that was grinding me down to a nub. Shuffling around campus in a trance-like state, I found myself drifting away, escaping into daydreams about swimming and surfing.

Ethan returned to art class, but I usually stumbled in late and was able to avoid having to sit by him. I was hurt by the way he had so easily turned his back on me, and all the friendliness and affection between us had vaporized. I focused the energy I had left on making it through until Wednesday, planning on trying to sleep during the day over the break. Mr. Briggs kept casting worried looks my way.

Tuesday night I woke up in the middle of moving the desk away from the door, which terrified me. Frantic, I sat up with the lights on until dawn, afraid to lie back down. I could sense that the barricade wasn’t going to work much longer. Forces pulled at me from the depths of the sea. Something powerful was taking control of my dreams.

It felt as though I was becoming a zombie, numbly wandering the halls with a growing sense of detachment. I was so tired I barely noticed Ethan follow me into art class. He slid into the seat next to me, and his leg kept brushing against mine. I felt like he was playing a cruel game, and I moved my chair as far away as I could in a fog of confusion and sadness. I couldn’t deal with one more thing. There was an art history slide show on our last day, and I fell asleep at my desk, overcome by exhaustion.