Delphi Complete Works of Anton Chekhov (Illustrated) (612 page)

When the locust was a plague, I wrote against the locust and enchanted every one, I was rich and famous; but now, when the locust has long ago disappeared and is forgotten, I am merged in the crowd, forgotten, and not wanted.

* * * * *

Merrily, joyfully: “I have the honor to introduce you to Iv. Iv.
Izgoyev, my wife’s lover.”

* * * * *

Everywhere on the estate are notices: “Trespassers will be prosecuted,” “Keep off the flowers,” etc.

* * * * *

In the great house is a fine library which is talked about but is never used; they give you watery coffee which you cannot drink; the garden is tasteless with no flowers in it — and they pretend that all this is something Tolstoian.

* * * * *

He learnt Swedish in order to study Ibsen, spent a lot of time and trouble, and suddenly realized that Ibsen is not important; he could not conceive what use he could now make of the Swedish language.

[Footnote 1: Ibsen wrote in Norwegian of course. Responding to a request for his interpretation of this curious paragraph. Mr. Koteliansky writes:

“Chekhov had a very high opinion of Ibsen; the paragraph, I am sure, is by no means aimed at Ibsen. Most probably the paragraph, as well as many others in the Notes, is something which C. either personally or indirectly heard someone say. You will see that Kuprin [“Reminiscences of Chekhov,” by Gorky, Kuprin and Bunin, New York: Huebsch.] told C. the anecdote about the actor whose wife asked him to whistle a melody on the stage during a rehearsal. In C.’s Notes you have that anecdote, somewhat shortened and the names changed, without mentioning the source.”

“The reader, on the whole, may puzzle his head over many paragraphs in the Notes, but he will hardly find explanations each time. What the reader has to remember is that the Notes are material used by C. in his creative activity and as such it throws a great deal of light on C.’s mentality and process of working.”]

* * * * *

N. makes a living by exterminating bugs; and for the purposes of his trade he reads the works of —
 
— . If in “The Cossacks,” bugs are not mentioned, it means that “The Cossacks” is a bad book.

* * * * *

Man is what he believes.

* * * * *

A clever girl: “I cannot pretend … I never tell a lie … I have principles” — and all the time “I … I … I …”

* * * * *

N. is angry with his wife who is an actress, and without her knowledge gets abusive criticisms published about her in the newspapers.

* * * * *

A nobleman boasts “This house of mine was built in the time of Dmitry
Donskoy.”

* * * * *

“Your Worship, he called my dog a bad name: ‘son of a bitch.’“

* * * * *

The snow fell and did not lie on the ground reddened with blood.

* * * * *

He left everything to charity, so that nothing should go to his relations and children, whom he hated.

* * * * *

A very amorous man; he is no sooner introduced to a girl than he becomes a he-goat.

* * * * *

A nobleman Drekoliev.

* * * * *

I dread the idea that a chamberlain will be present at the opening of my petition.

* * * * *

He was a rationalist, but he had to confess that he liked the ringing of church bells.

* * * * *

The father a famous general, nice pictures, expensive furniture; he died; the daughters received a good education, but are slovenly, read little, ride, and are dull.

* * * * *

They are honest and truthful so long as it is unnecessary.

* * * * *

A rich merchant would like to have a shower bath in his W.C.

* * * * *

In the early morning they ate
okroshka
.

[Footnote 1: A cold dish composed of cider and hash.]

* * * * *

“If you lose this talisman,” said grandmother, “you will die.” And suddenly I lost it, tortured myself, was afraid that I would die. And now, imagine, a miracle happened: I found it and continued to live.

* * * * *

Everybody goes to the theatre to see my play, to learn something instantly from it, to make some sort of profit, and I tell you: I have not the time to bother about that canaille.

* * * * *

The people hate and despise everything new and useful; when there was cholera, they hated and killed the doctors and they love vodka; by the people’s love or hatred one can estimate the value of what they love or hate.

* * * * *

Looking out of the window at the corpse which is being borne to the cemetery: “You are dead, you are being carried to the cemetery, and I will go and have my breakfast.”

* * * * *

A Tchech Vtitchka.

* * * * *

A man, forty years old, married a girl of twenty-two who read only the very latest writers, wore green ribbons, slept on yellow pillows, and believed in her taste and her opinions as if they were law; she is nice, not silly, and gentle, but he separates from her.

* * * * *

When one longs for a drink, it seems as though one could drink a whole ocean — that is faith; but when one begins to drink, one can only drink altogether two glasses — that is science.

* * * * *

For a farce: Fildekosov, Poprygunov.

* * * * *

In former times a nice man, with principles, who wanted to be respected, would try to become a general or priest, but now he goes in for being a writer, professor….

* * * * *

There is nothing which history will not justify.

* * * * *

Zievoulia.

[Footnote 1: A name or word invented by Chekhov meaning “One who yawns for a long time with pleasure.”]

* * * * *

The crying of a nice child is ugly; so in bad verses you may recognize that the author is a nice man.

* * * * *

If you wish women to love you, be original; I know a man who used to wear felt boots summer and winter, and women fell in love with him.

* * * * *

I arrive at Yalta. Every room is engaged. I go to the “Italy” — not a room available. “What about my room number 35” — “It is engaged.” A lady. They say: “Would you like to stay with this lady? The lady has no objection.” I stay in her room. Conversation. Evening. The Tartar guide comes in. My ears are stopped, my eyes blindfolded; I sit and see nothing and hear nothing….

* * * * *

A young lady complains: “My poor brother gets such a small salary — only seven thousand!”

* * * * *

She: “I see only one thing now: you have a large mouth! A large mouth!
An enormous mouth!”

* * * * *

The horse is a useless and pernicious animal; a great deal of land has to be tilled for it, it accustoms man not to employ his own muscles, it is often an object of luxury; it makes man effeminate. For the future not a single horse.

* * * * *

N. a singer; speaks to nobody, his throat muffled up — he takes care of his voice, but no one has ever heard him sing.

* * * * *

About absolutely everything: “What’s the good of that? It’s useless!”

* * * * *

He wears felt boots summer and winter and gives this explanation: “It’s better for the head, because the blood, owing to the heat, is drawn down into the feet, and the thoughts are clearer.”

* * * * *

A woman is jocularly called Fiodor Ivanovitch.

* * * * *

A farce: N., in order to marry, greased the bald patch on his head with an ointment which he read of in an advertisement, and suddenly there began to grow on his head pig’s bristles.

* * * * *

What does your husband do? — He takes castor oil.

* * * * *

A girl writes: “We shall live intolerably near you.”

* * * * *

N. has been for long in love with Z. who married X.; two years after the marriage Z. comes to N., cries, wishes to tell him something; N. expects to hear her complain against her husband; but it turns out that Z. has come to tell of her love for K.

* * * * *

N. a well known lawyer in Moscow; Z., who like N. was born in Taganrog, comes to Moscow and goes to see the celebrity; he is received warmly, but he remembers the school to which they both went, remembers how N. looked in his uniform, becomes agitated by envy, sees that N.’s flat is in bad taste, that N. himself talks a great deal; and he leaves disenchanted by envy and by the meanness which before he did not even suspect was in him.

* * * * *

The title of a play: The Bat.

* * * * *

Everything which the old cannot enjoy is forbidden or considered wrong.

* * * * *

When he was getting on in years, he married a very young girl, and so she faded and withered away with him.

* * * * *

All his life he wrote about capitalism and millions, and he had never had any money.

* * * * *

A young lady fell in love with a handsome constable.

* * * * *

N. was a very good, fashionable tailor; but he was spoiled and ruined by trifles; at one time he made an overcoat without pockets, at another a collar which was much too high.

* * * * *

A farce: Agent of freight transport company and of fire insurance company.

* * * * *

Any one can write a play which might be produced.

* * * * *

A country house. Winter. N., ill, sits in his room. In the evening there suddenly arrives from the railway station a stranger Z., a young girl, who introduces herself and says that she has come to look after the invalid. He is perplexed, frightened, he refuses; then Z. says that at any rate she will stay the night. A day passes, two, and she goes on living there. She has an unbearable temper, she poisons one’s existence.

* * * * *

A private room in a restaurant. A rich man Z., tying his napkin round his neck, touching the sturgeon with his fork: “At least I’ll have a snack before I die” — and he has been saying this for a long time, daily.