Deliciously Obedient (29 page)

More
stunned silence. And then:

“
You,”
she said, poking him with one pointed finger on his rib, “want me
to sleep with Mike?”

“
Yes.”

“
I
don’t understand.”

“
I
can’t blame you.”

“
Are
you…is this you…breaking up with me?” A harsh laugh. “Do we
even have something to break? I don’t even know what this”—she
waved her hands between them—“is.”

He
grabbed those flailing hands and brought them to his lips, kissing
the trembling fingers. “No. I am not breaking up with you. How many
times do I have to say that? You’re my…girlfriend?” He asked
the question with raised eyebrows, and when she didn’t respond,
just sharing eyes filled with incredulity, he continued.

“
Mike
and I have been best friends for years. Many years. I’ve know
plenty of the women he’s slept with, and you’re the one he fell
for the hardest.”

Lydia’s
neck flew back in shock. “He did?”

“
And
I can’t blame him, because you’ve done the same to me, Lydia.
I’ve never cared for any woman as much as I care for you.”

Her
mouth shaped into a tiny O, her breath coming out in pants, her
eyebrows frowning, then stretching high, a series of nonverbal
signals that meant everything and nothing to him.

“
And
you show that,” she said, fingers playing with the soft skin of her
throat, “by asking me to sleep with…with someone else?” What
should have been outrage was a softer tone of certainty. She seemed
to be trying to make sense of what he was saying, and not just react
to it.

So
far, so good.

“
Mike
and I have a friendship that transcends most.”

“
Bromance?”

“
Yuck.
No. I hate that word.” But it came damn close, and that was what
rattled him. Add in sharing a woman and it was actually pretty apt.

“
Then
what do you call it when one woman sleeps with two best friends?”

“
Every
guy’s dream?”

“
Every
woman’s dream,” she hissed, the words low and slow, her body
involuntarily pulling back from him. Body language said,
No!

Her
words, though, were neutral enough for him to push. Unbelievable that
she hadn’t spat in his face.

Mike
could deal with that part. Jeremy was just the messenger of a concept
he needed Lydia to get through her beautiful head:
It’s okay
.

It’s
okay to want someone else, too, as long as it’s really love.

It’s
okay to be with them both, because love can multiply. It only
subtracts when jealousy is allowed to bloom.

It’s
okay because we both want you.

And,
most of all:

You’re
okay. Better than okay. Always and forever, because you’re Lydia.

If
he were the kind of man who could be eloquent and say what he thought
with a swift turn of phrase and words that made women wet with
desire, he’d have said all that, and more. However, he was Jeremy,
which meant his short-circuiting, ever-impulsive brain merely blurted
out:

“
Then
give Mike a second chance.”

Narrowing
her eyes, she studied him, biting her lower lip, clearly unable to
believe that he was sincere. “Why? Why would any guy hand
their…girlfriend…off to another man just—because?”

“
Because
I don’t process feelings the way most guys do.”

“
Oh,
give me a break.” Eye roll. “That’s some bullshit crap men use
to justify cheating on women. More cliché.”

“
I
have no desire to cheat on you. If I did, I’d be asking for the
same privilege. I don’t want that. And trust me,” he laughed, the
sound scraping against his throat, “there is nothing cliché about
this situation.”

Now
she looked at him like a giant shark from
Sharknado
had just
eaten his head clean off. “Let me get this straight, because what
you’re saying is something that I—a woman with a graduate degree
in gender and sexuality—have never heard a man say, in print or
verbally. You are giving me permission to go and sleep with Mike, but
you only want to sleep with me.”

He
nodded his head against a brick wall. Metaphorically.

“
This
is like a fucked up version of
Sister Wives
.” Her laughter
had a tinge of the hysterical. “Sister husbands!”

“
Nothing
sister
about this, Lydia.”

“
Why?”
The word was a plea, not a question. She pulled the hem of her shirt
down and stared at her hands, which rested between her knees.

“
Why
what?”

“
Why
do you and Mike want this?”

“
I
can’t speak for Mike.”

“
So
you’re doing this for
you
? For what?” The flush of her
cheeks, her steady—though emotional—words and the way she kept
reasoning through this gave him hope.

“
I’m
doing this because it’s what I want.” The
certainty
of that kind of knowing felt rock solid now. Talking to her had been
the right thing after all. Even if she walked away, he’d been true
to his heart.

“
And
if I don’t sleep with Mike?” Yesterday he would have been happy
to hear that question. Today it triggered nothing. Just a question,
like any other, in an emotionally tough conversation with your
partner. Not loaded, not threatening.

“
Then
that’s your choice.” And with that, his entire back released with
relief, muscles he didn’t know he’d been clenching all relaxing,
the slow uncurling of self like a flower in bloom.

Or
a Venus flytrap done with its lunch.

“
Why?”

Again
with the why?
“Why not?”

She
cleared her throat. “Because ten thousand years of gender history
says this doesn’t exist.” Taking a few beats, she added,
“Polyamory is the closest.”

“
Not
quite. It’s just one woman and me and Mike.”

“
No
other relationships?”

He
shook his head slowly. A light grew in her eyes.

“
You’ve
done this before!”

Nod.

“
Did
you two set me up? Is that why you came to Iceland?” Launching
herself to her feet, she glowered down at him. “Was this some sort
of sexual game to you two? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“
No!”
The word thundered out of him as he, too, shot to his feet, body in a
full state of fight-or-flight fear.

Fight
for her
.

“
Absolutely
not, and let me assure you that was never,
ever
an element
here.” His voice scared a flock of starlings out of a small bush
next to them, the chatter reflecting his own mind’s chaos that she
triggered with the accusation. His chest rose and fell with emotion.

Hers,
too. “How am I supposed to believe you?”

That
made the words grind to a halt. He stared at her, mouth frozen,
unable to speak. How could she know? All she could do was trust him.
And Mike.

Was
that impossible?

“
Good
question,” he said with a sigh. Fighting for her took a different
tack now. Lydia wouldn’t respond to any of the normal trappings of
conversation. How could he expect her to? He’d just thrown a giant
emotional and sexual curveball her way.

“
I’m
so glad to be validated.” Her acerbic words sliced his heart in
two.

“
Your
emotions are valid no matter what,” he said quietly. His turn to
stare at his hands. The separation between them might as well have
been an ocean and not the three inches of wooden bench.

She
closed her eyes and tipped her head to the sky, hands clenched in
fists on her thighs. “Did this really all have to happen now?’

“
It
was going to happen eventually.”

“
How
do you know?”

Taking
a chance, he reached for her soft, strong jaw, appreciating the angle
of her face, her cheek turning as she faced him. She didn’t flinch.

Cupping
the back of her head, he didn’t try to kiss her. Oh, he wanted to,
but this wasn’t the time. Besides, she wasn’t his to touch.

She
was her own woman, with her own ideas, and right now, she clearly
didn’t know what to think of him. Or Mike.

“
It
would happen eventually because you’re a very special woman, Lydia.
I’ve never met anyone so loving, compassionate, sharp and exciting.
Being with you is like living in a parallel world, where all the
crazy-making of society gets put on hold. You’re a pause button in
a world that moves at double speed. And my heart wants to beat your
rhythm. Only your rhythm.”

Eyes
wide and chest rising and falling, Lydia just started at him,
immobile.
Say it all now
, he pushed himself,
because this
may be your last chance
.

“
When
I am with you I am whole. Whole. I’ve spent ten years trying to
find the other pieces of myself. I’ve spent time in jails in places
where English was nineteen levels away, and eaten parts of animals I
didn’t know the human stomach could digest.”

“
You’re
so romantic,” she said in a robot’s voice, then bit her lips to
keep the words back.

“
I
may not be eloquent,” he said, smiling with ten thousand emotions
at once, “but my soul and heart are—and they have fallen for you
entirely.” The words he wanted to say, though, didn’t roll out.

I
love you
couldn’t be spoken yet, because if she rejected him,
he would carry the pain of revelation for longer than he would the
regret of never saying it.

Jeremy
hated himself for knowing that.

Yet
he honored it.

“
What
does asking me to sleep with Mike have to do with any of this?
Couldn’t we just be together…just you and me?” she asked.

“
Is
that what you want? Only me?” His heart should have soared but,
instead, it remained tethered, like a balloon that can only climb so
high, never released to see how far it can go.

The
long pause that extended into eternity after his question stretched
that tether line so tight it felt like a garotte.

“
No,”
she said finally.

“
Do
you want Mike?” He knew it was a rhetorical question, but he still
had to ask.

“
Yes.”
She didn’t even hesitate.
That
surprised him. A touch of the
conventional did remain inside him, after all.

“
Then
have him.”

“
And
you?”

“
You
can have me, too.”

“
I
don’t understand.” Her upper lip curled up in a confused
half-frown, half-smile that made him want to kiss it away.

“
Relationships
between humans don’t have to be binary. We’re not programming
code.”

“
You’re
asking me to believe that the sky is green.”