Authors: Daniela Reyes
Olivia walked ahead of him. She couldn’t unsee what she had seen that day. The image of Isabel standing next to Jocelyn, and the fact she didn’t look like the little toddler she had once been. Olivia wasn’t supposed to want or care about those changes but she did. She cared and it was killing her.
“Nick, I’m not wrong, am I?” she asked him.
He stopped walking three paces behind her. The look on his face, he knew what she was referring to. “You have a right to be mad.”
“I know that,” she said. “But am I horrible person for being angry that my dad looks happy?”
“No,” Nick managed. “You’re human.”
Olivia remembered the night she’d broken things off with Michael. He’d said the wrong thing, taken her dad’s side.
Even if a part of what he’d said had been true. Hearing someone take her side for once, it triggered something in her.
She pressed a hand to her cheek, right as a tear made its way down.
“No one ever asks me why I can’t forgive him,” she said.
Nick walked up to her. They were hidden by rows of parked cars. He reached out and pressed a hand to her shoulder.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because he never said he was sorry,” Olivia finished. “How can I forgive someone who never admitted to doing anything wrong?”
“He didn’t say sorry, ever?” Nick asked.
She shook her head, remembering the night she had walked in with her mom to find Jocelyn in her parents’ bedroom. It had been a perfect day before that. They’d spent it shopping for her dad’s birthday. Olivia had picked out specific fishing gear she knew he wanted. It had taken a long time to find it, and she’d been tired from the day; her mom had stopped at a smoothie shop to buy her favorite mango mix.
Olivia had dropped the drink on the floor. Her mom had been right behind her. All she could remember was the bitter taste of the fruit in her mouth, and the image of her dad’s face as they discovered his secret.
Her mom had pushed Olivia out of the room, but she had heard it all; the screams and the pushing, her mom’s crying, her dad’s words.
“It’s not like we love each other anymore. You should have seen it coming,” he said to his wife.
“He didn’t think he did anything wrong,” she said.
The tears continued to flow down her face, as she remembered. There were days when she called him first and he’d be busy or have an angry outburst at her for calling when Isabel was sleeping. She’d stopped trying then.
Nick stepped forward. He opened his arms out and wrapped them around her. He held her in his arms, and for the first time in seven years she let herself cry without restraint. She didn’t feel guilty about anything, because she knew she didn’t hate her father.
She missed him.
She missed his stupid jokes and the way he would spend hours fishing to bring back the tiniest catch. She missed his smile and their trips to Bee’s Books to buy copies of old classics. She missed him and she hated him for it. All he had to do was apologize, so she could forgive, so they could heal.
Olivia wrapped her arms around Nick’s torso, placing her head against his chest. He held her, never asking another question, never judging her for the tears. The warmth of his body against her cheek, made her want to pull him down and kiss him again. She couldn’t. It would ruin her relationship with the one stable person she had left in her life.
“Let’s go,” she whispered after a long time. And so they did. They drove out together, and for once she found she wasn’t looking back.
24
June 9, 2011
The rest of their trip seemed to move at a fast forward speed.
They didn’t spend more than one day at a city, driving down all the way to Miami, the final destination on their road trip. Nick didn’t mention anymore of their first night in Florida, the night that still lingered in the back of his mind. Olivia didn’t seem to remember it, and so he decided to delay their conversation about the incident.
“Let’s take a picture over here,” she said. There was half-moon out tonight, reflecting over the roaring waves.
Olivia waited. Nick pulled out his camera and he pointed it toward the spot in which she stood.
“Do you want me to get the moon in the frame?”
She nodded, as if the answer had been obvious. “That’s why I want to take the picture.”
She threw her arms to the sky, and twirled once, the white fabric of her dress spun out around her. She was happy, and free.
Nick snapped a picture, catching the movement, catching her smile, the way the moon’s light made it seem like she was radiating life.
The more he watched her the more he came to a realization. He wanted to hold Olivia in his arms again. He wanted them to sit, holding hands, staring up at the night sky, breaking away from their friendship. A part of him knew she wanted that too, right? She had kissed him, not once but twice, well three times if he counted their second meeting, which he did.
“Did you take the picture?” Olivia called out, waking him from his daze.
He stared down at the camera, he’d taken five pictures, and his finger was still on the shutter button.
“Yeah. Do you want to see them?”
She shook her head, already making her way to another part of the beach. “Later. We can print them out and make an album.”
They continued their walk. The silence followed them, until she stopped by the pier. There were couples surrounding every inch of it, watching the night sky, the endless ocean. Olivia found a spot and leaned her arms over the wooden barrier.
“The night is too perfect” she said, awestruck, staring at the sky. “It’s like out of one of those movie scenes where the guy runs toward the girl and he scoops her up in his arms.”
“Then what?” he asked.
“What you do mean?”
“What does the guy do after he scoops the girl in his arm?” Nick asked. He mostly wanted to know what guy Olivia was picturing running toward her.
“Well it depends on the movie. If it’s a drama then it’s the moment when he spins her around and puts her down afterward, standing on one knee, he then proposes marriage. If it’s a young adult romance then it’s the part where the two young romantics realize they’re in love. They share a passionate kiss. I guess if it were a comedy the guy would drop her in the ocean, ruining her dress, but giving the audience a good laugh.”
He laughed at the answer, but found that he wanted to know more. “What kind of movie would you want to be in?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Not the drama, and I have no one to fall in love with, so maybe the comedy.”
Olivia pointed out to something behind the pier. She walked off, past the couples, out to whatever had caught her attention.
Nick followed her out down toward the shoreline. The wind blew her hair back, exposing the nape of her neck. He put the camera back in his pocket and began to run after her. He let the impulse overtake him, the freedom to run to her. She screamed out as he ran and carried her in his arms. The scream turned into laughter.
“What are you doing?” she asked, holding on to his shoulders as he spun her around. He ran toward the shore, still holding on to her.
“You said it was a perfect night for a movie scene.”
He spun her around, no longer embarrassed that there were people watching. He didn’t want it to be a comedy, he wanted them to be the young romantics. Nick stopped spinning her, He felt the water rising up to his calf.
She stared at him, “Nick…”
The way she said his name, like she was lamenting what was to come. He stopped and let go of her, suddenly returning to reality. She didn’t drop into the ocean, instead she used his shoulder to balance herself up into a standing position.
“What was that?” she asked half laughing, but there was a serious undertone in her voice.
“I was just…” he began. He breathed out and stared out at the moon. “I was going to drop you in the ocean, but I felt bad.”
She nodded, her expression eased. “Well you should have done it. Now you lost your chance.” Her voice carried more laughter now. “Let’s go back, the walk to the hotel is already long enough. I don’t want to go back tired.”
Nick nodded and followed her out of the ocean. He’d come so close to telling her. They made their way onto a sandy trail, two miles long, a straight path back to their hotel room. It was their final night together; the trip was really ending.
They walked slowly, side by side. Olivia held her hands together, playing with the chipped polish on her nails.
“You scared me back there,” she said.
“Why?”
“I thought you were going to do something else. I thought you were trying to play out a different kind of scene. “
“I was,” he admitted before he could filter the thought.
“What?”
This was it. He could lie and they could go back to living out their friendship, or he could say it and stop delaying the truth.
Nick’s heart beat fervently against his chest. He took a breath, and then another.
The two of them stopped their already slow walking.
“I like you,” he said.
Her eyebrows rose for a millisecond. “I like you too Nick. That’s why we’re friends.”
He shook his head. “No. I like you more than that. I don’t want to be in a comedy with you. I want to be the pair that runs out to the sea as they discover they’re in love.”
Olivia took a step back. She looked to the ground.
“We’re not in love,” she said. “We’re friends.” It seemed like she was stating the fact to herself.
“Olivia…”
“We’re friends,” she said again.
“Then why did you kiss me last week?” he asked. “Why did you kiss me on the plane five years ago?”
She kept her gaze on the ground. The questions he had been keeping to himself were out there, and they could never be unsaid.
“I was drunk.”
He stared at her. Olivia didn’t direct her gaze toward him. She fumbled with the fabric of her dress.
“That’s the only reason you kissed me?”
She nodded, only once. “I didn’t think you would bring it up again.”
“Neither did I,” he said. “I didn’t want to.”
“You shouldn’t have,” she said. “What happened, just forget about it.”
Her eyes finally moved up to meet his. Nick felt no relief. It was like he had opened a wound, and all it did was bleed. The more he looked at her, the more the pain became evident.
“Why?” he managed.
“Nick don’t start this,” she said.
“No. Why can’t I bring it up? Aren’t friends allowed to ask each other questions?” He felt his tone rise.
“Friends know how to respect the other’s privacy. I don’t want to talk about the kiss.”
She tried to walk away, and he almost let her go. But he knew the point of turning back was gone. He took a step forward and blocked her path.
“So you feel nothing for me? That night you told me not to flirt with other girls. You kissed me twice. You feel something. I know you do.”
Something changed in Olivia’s expression. She was silent. He was right. Nick had struck some cord of truth.
She shook her head. “It’s normal for me to feel that way. You’re handsome and a gentleman, and you know things about me that other people have no idea about. When a girl approaches you, it feels like I might lose you.”
“So you were jealous?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “Not in the way that you think. I just don’t want to lose you as a friend. I can’t lose you.”
“What about what I feel?” he asked. “Don’t I get a say in any of this?”
“You’re saying everything you need to say right now.”
“When you kissed me, you knew, didn’t you?” he asked. He remembered now how easily she had pulled him into the embrace, like every part of her knew he wouldn’t turn it away.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“How long have you known that I like you?”
A look of pity spilled over her every feature. She looked to the ground again.
“How long, Olivia?”
She let out a sigh. “When I found the palm tree keychain in the pocket of your jacket. You left it in my dorm and I saw it there. I knew you had kept it all those years.”
“What?” The anger rose in his throat, pushing past everything good in him. “You’ve known this whole time? And you never once said anything.”
“I’d thought you’d outgrow it.”
“Outgrow it? Olivia I have been in love with you for years.”
Love, that’s what it was, the word he didn’t want to acknowledge yet. Liking someone, that was simple, reversible even, loving them though, that was something that engrained into the soul. Love could never be forgotten, it could only be buried underneath new love, but it always lingered in some part of a broken heart.