December 22nd - Thursday
“You can’t pity fuck the source of your pain,” Robin says.
“Oh really?” Alex laughs. “Pity fuck huh?”
“Of course, you need to have a fling, but it needs to be someone you’d never have a relationship with. If you and Monica slept together you’ll just drag this out longer and be more confused... more pain... yuck... that’s a vicious cycle.”
“How are you a therapist?” Alex tosses a ball across the dog park to Lacey.
“What do you mean? I don’t have to be your therapist.”
“I know.”
“Is that what you wanted? For me to tell you my analysis of your relationship?”
“No. I just needed... a laugh. A friend. Not one of the guys. I needed someone to stop me from going to her for Christmas.”
“Okay... so I’m talking as your friend. If you don’t want to see your family, maybe you should take a trip for the holidays. Go somewhere fun. Maybe have a fling.”
“I can’t think about sex with anyone else. That’s how this started. I fucked that up,” he says shaking his head.
“That was about so many other things. You know that. Shit happens and you both got past it.”
“Clearly we didn’t.”
“Well, you didn’t get past all the issues... but most of them”
“I killed her trust in me. She was the only person who probably ever really trusted me anyway. I didn’t know what to do with it. I had no idea how much I’d miss it until it was gone.”
“That’s how that works.”
There’s a long silence broken by a little round of fetch and chase with Lacey and some other dogs. Alex watches Robin’s comfort with Lacey and starts to feel awkward. “So she probably talked to you about all our other problems too.” She throws a look that reveals she knows
everything
. “That’s embarrassing...”
“It’s not uncommon. It’s not a viral problem...”
“Huh?”
“My guess is you wouldn’t have the problems sexually with someone else that you had with her. You carried too much baggage and stress around with each other... it was a steep mountain to climb.”
“I don’t know.”
“I think when time passes and you meet the right person, you’ll find things work as they’re supposed to. Maybe a fresh start is just what you need.”
“I don’t know... don’t really want to think about anyone else. She’s my person. My Monica.”
Robin starts to feel sad missing her best friend this week too. “It’s going to take a long time. Not the five fucking minutes it took me to say that last sentence.” Robin rolls her eyes teasing.
He laughs. “Are you making fuckin’ fun of me?”
“God yes! Loosen up! What are you doing after this?” He shrugs his shoulders. “I got a couple of steaks and a sixer last night. Can’t have it all... Well, I could, but I’d regret it.”
“Who’d you have in mind when you bought it?”
“No one important. He was a jerk.”
“Alright. You can tell me about the jackass when I get there. What can I bring?”
“Dominoes.”
“Nice! You got it.” Alex turns to Lacey who’s digging under the fence a few feet away. “Lacey! Stop digging. Come on girl. Let’s go.”
Robin heads to the parking lot turning to Alex before she gets into her car. He returns the smile and wave as he herds Lacey into the backseat.
Alex closes the door and watches Robin drive away.
Is it wrong to hang out with her? We’ve been friends for so long. Doesn’t seem fair that I can’t stay friends. She probably wouldn’t if they were talking. Can’t really blame her there... it’s friend code probably. Steak and beer. No bitching about having a stupid drink. Dominoes. Fuck it. Sounds like a perfect evening to me.
**********
“I hate leaving the dogs with Rick. Makes me feel awkward. I don’t want them to like him too much. It’s weird,” Quinn says as he pets and kisses Sadie. His laptop computer is open on the coffee table with a window full of Monica. They are talking via Skype.
Monica laughs as she flips through a men’s clothing catalog that came to the loft. “It’s nice that he’s willing to take them though, right? Better than leaving them in a kennel. Huh guys?” She smiles at the dogs who are oblivious to her image waving on the screen.
“I never used to leave them like I have to now. It’s killing me. I usually take them everywhere.”
“I know, but you can’t drive to Hawaii,” she says. There’s a photo of a guy in sporty clothes playing frisbee with a dog in the catalog.
If I moved there they wouldn’t be alone. No.
She looks up as if he could hear her.
“Hey, you alright? You got quiet,” he says. “Is that men’s clothing?”
“Yeah. Sorry. Just thought about Lacey.”
“I’m sorry baby. Pretty insensitive of me complaining.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I completely understand.” She smiles at her screen watching the dogs sniffing the laptop with each sound of her voice. “Hi Sadie.”
“How did you know which one that was? Thought you said my camera sucked?”
“I can tell which dog is which. And it does suck. You’re so much sexier than it allows.”
“Oh yeah? I think you should show me some of your sexy.”
“Didn’t get enough last night?”
“No way. That was so hot...” Quinn makes sure to wet his lips and undress the screen. “What’s with all those clothes?”
“Ha! What’s our plan? I need to pack or I can’t go anywhere. This is like a nightmare for packing by the way. Cold and hot... I don’t want to drag my big suitcase all over.”
“All you need is a warm coat and,” he pauses with a devious stare into the camera, “that’s it. That’s all you need.”
“You’re no help.”
He laughs. “Pack whatever you need. I can handle the big suitcase if that’s what you want.”
“I think I’m gonna let you go so I can concentrate. Am I just meeting you at JFK?”
“Didn’t you see my itinerary too?”
“No. It wasn’t in the email. Did you send it separate?”
“Huh.” Quinn starts typing into the laptop and looks confused. After a minute a smile consumes him. “I’ll let you go.”
“Wait. No. You have to tell me where we’re meeting. I’m not just getting on a plane tomorrow without knowing.”
“It’s an adventure right?”
“That’s not what I-”
“I didn’t plan it this way. I thought I sent it, but this is actually more fun.”
“For you. I’m all alone.”
“Not for long. And you’re one of the few people I know who is just fine on your own.”
“Not these days. I’ve changed.”
“No you haven’t. I will see you tomorrow. I promise.”
Monica starts to pout, but as he stares into the camera she melts to his will.
He’s mine. Be thankful for that... it’s more than enough.
She takes a deep breath overwhelmed by his confidence and patience. “I can’t wait to-”
“Kiss you. Hold you.”
“All of the above,” she says blushing.
“Me too. Good night sweetie.”
“Good night.”
The screen darkens and the silence of the loft fills the huge space he’s left. Monica goes to the bedroom and pulls out an assortment of sun dresses, sweaters, winter boots, jeans, and swimsuits. She rolls everything in tight, military-style logs to ensure a medium suitcase fit.
The itinerary says a car will be here at 5:00 a.m. I gotta get to bed. I’ll look like hell without sleep. Don’t be nervous. Jay and Megan are really cool. It’s gonna be fine. Ugh.
She makes sure to pack the prettiest panties and bras and zips up the stuffed bag. Her mind spins with checklists and anxiety.
Clothes are laid out. Already checked in. Boarding pass on phone. The phone is plugged in. My alarm is set on the clock and phone. What else?
She brushes her teeth and looks through the medicine cabinet and drawers for missed items. There’s only one thing she can think of...
Spit.
She grabs her cell and hits number one on her speed dial.
“Hey. It’s me. I know you don’t want to talk to me. I guess I understand. I was an asshole. There’s not much I can say to fix it other than I really am so... so sorry and I miss you. More than any man... you are the most important person in my day and I hate that you’re pissed... I’m leaving on a trip with Quinn for a while. I can’t be here alone for the holidays. I hope you’ll call me at some point. Even if you just want to yell at me... or sit there and give me the silent treatment... I can take it. Okay... Merry Christmas. I love you girl.” Monica ends the call and stares at the photo of her best friend as it lingers on her screen.
Think I’m better now. Toothbrush in the morning. Neck pillow. Scarf for a hair wrap.
She crawls into bed and turns off the bedside lamp.
I love New York in the winter. Although I’ve never been north of the city. Wonder how much snow they’ve got right now? Bet he looks hot even in a huge puffy coat. He probably melts the snow.
She closes her eyes imagining him there and soon drifts into a long deep sleep.
December 23rd - Friday
The iPod alarm clock clicks on playing “Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow” by Harry Connick Jr. There’s a smile on Monica’s face before she even opens her eyes.
New York, I’m coming to town.
She jumps out of the bed like a kid on Christmas and puts on jeans and a gray sweater. Her eyes flare a smidgen from the cold toilet seat as she goes over the packing list in her head.
Just before 5:00 a.m. there’s a knock at her door. She stumbles a bit towards the door, realizing she’s still not quite awake. Before she turns the knob she realizes there wasn’t a call from the doorman downstairs for the pick-up. She leans into the peep-hole to see who it is.
The most beautiful vision ever to fill a fisheye lens fidgets on the other side. She studies the sharp jaw of his profile as he takes in the surrounding hallway.
How did he get up here?
Those crystal blues shift her direction. He raises his low-slung brow as if questioning whether she’s gonna let him in, but he doesn’t try to knock again. He just stands there, patiently waiting.
She frantically unlocks and opens the door, flinging her arms around him before he can say a word. Just as quickly her feet are inches from the ground, lifted in his arms. She pulls back and reaches for his cheek, running the lines of his smile and then snatching the black beanie off his head.
“I can’t believe you’re here! You’re insane,” she says.
“You wouldn’t have slept if I told you.”
She shakes her head and searches for a response, but nothing fits. All she can do is meet his warm lips and yield to his power over her. She lets him pace and direct their kissing while her arms hunt through layers for his skin. The winter’s bulk is nothing more than an irritation she’d like to shred.
“I should have left this in the cab. It’s not like I need it yet,” Quinn says removing his coat. She pulls him back to her for one more little smooch. He nudges her nose and says, “We gotta get going Monica.”
I’ve never heard my name sound so sexy. Damn.
He breaks free and steps into the loft to grab her suitcase. “Is this it? This isn’t that big.”
“I fit it all in the medium one.”
“You sure you’re gonna be alright?”
“Oh, I’m going to be just fine.” Her tone is full of subtext and playful excitement, which makes him so happy.
They snuggle in the darkness of the backseat as the cab speeds along the freeway to LAX. The busy Friday morning flight rush is just starting to rustle as Quinn tips the driver, and they make their way to security. Once their bags are on their way and they get through the scanners, giddiness takes over. Laughter comes easy and consistent while they play like two teenagers through the crowds. Quinn talks through a Dodger Monkey in a gift shop, and Monica starts playing catch with her neck pillow as they run on the conveyor belts between terminals. They don’t care who stares as they run towards their gate and collapse into each other once they get there. With only a few minutes to kill before boarding, Monica’s worries are already a million miles away.
The call for first class and star rewards passengers sparks Quinn’s attention and he lifts her to her feet.
“You got first class?” she says in a loud whisper. He nods and pulls her arm. “It costs a fortune on these long flights.”
“It’s the only way to tolerate this much travel. I’m not really paying for it anyway.”
“Is that what you tell yourself?”
“Yes. I have to or I’ll be in coach with an aching back all week.”
There will be no aching on this flight. The flight attendants are as overly welcoming as they were on the flight with Robin a week ago, triggering sadness thinking of her.
I hope she doesn’t erase my message.
Her worries fade when she sees Quinn hoisting bags in the overhead compartment. She wasn’t the only one in his audience either. A thin male flight attendant with jet black hair and his own chiseled looks is aware of every move Quinn makes. Monica smiles when his eyes meet hers with a congratulatory nod.