Debbie Macomber's Cedar Cove Series, Volume 3 (111 page)

This was welcome news. “Do you miss me now?”

Jolene hung her head. “I didn't think I would, but I do. Before you and Dad got married, it was just him and me. But you were always there whenever I wanted to talk or do stuff. Everything changed after the wedding. I didn't like having to share you with him, or share my dad with you. And…well, I felt like the two of you were pushing me aside because all you needed was each other.” She gulped noisily. “I…I hated seeing the two of you all lovey-dovey.”

Rachel understood why Jolene had reacted the way she had. They'd all contributed to this situation. “Your father wants us to be a family, and I want that, too.”

“I know, and now the baby changes everything all over again. The counselor and I talked about that. It helps that he listens and doesn't tell me I'm bad for feeling like I do.”

Rachel nodded. “You have to understand your feelings before you can modify them.”

“You sound just like him,” Jolene said with a quick grin. Then she grew serious again. “I know that once the baby's born I'm going to love him or her a lot, but right now I don't feel anything except…afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of the baby getting all the attention,” she blurted.

“We'll do our very best to see that doesn't happen.” Rachel wasn't sure how else to respond. “Before I drive you to the movies, I want you to know I'm grateful you helped your father paint the nursery,” she added.

“It was sort of fun.”

Smiling, Rachel checked her watch and realized that if they didn't leave within the next few minutes, Jolene would be late meeting Lindsey. She paid their bill and they hurried over to her car.

Jolene was quiet on the drive to the theater. When Rachel pulled up in front of the movie complex, Jolene reached for the door handle. “I'm glad it was just you and me for dinner,” she murmured.

“I am, too. I'm also glad you're being honest with me,” she said. “The truth can be painful, but I'd rather know exactly what's going on with you.”

Jolene opened the car door and stepped outside, then leaned down, saying, “It
is
hard, and Dad doesn't like me telling him how I feel.”

“He has to hear it, though, and so do I.” She waited until she saw Jolene connect with her friend before driving off.

Bruce stood by the living room window watching for her when Rachel parked in the driveway. He had the front door open by the time she was out of the car.

As soon as she was inside, Bruce drew her into his arms and simply held her. He didn't speak or make any effort to kiss her; all he did was hold her close. Finally
he stepped back and brushed the hair from her face as if to get a better look at her.

“I have missed you so much,” he whispered.

Sliding her arms around his waist, Rachel pressed her head against him. His heartbeat pulsed in her ear. How long they stood in the small entry like this was lost on her. It felt so good to be in her husband's arms.

Reluctantly Bruce let her go. “How was dinner with Jolene?”

“We had a nice time.”

He frowned slightly as he took her hand and led her into the living room. They sat on the sofa beside each other, still holding hands.

“She didn't say anything to upset you, did she?” Bruce asked.

“No,” Rachel reassured him. “Jolene was open and honest, and I appreciated that.”

“Did she tell you she wants you to move back home?”

Rachel was uncertain how much of their conversation she should repeat. “She told me she was grateful I'm not moving to Oregon.”

His frown darkened. “That's not the same thing.”

“No,” she said, “but it's progress.”

“I want you back here with us. Nothing feels right without you.”

“In time,” she promised.

He studied her intently. “In time?” he echoed. “How much time?”

Rachel gestured vaguely. In her own mind, she'd set January 1, but that date wasn't firm. Not until she was convinced they were ready would she come back home.

“Before Christmas?”

Unable to respond, she exhaled slowly.

Bruce released her hand and stood, then walked around
the coffee table, apparently composing his thoughts. “When will you know?” he asked after a moment.

“Bruce, I can't answer that.”

He stared at her long and hard. “Do you
want
to move back here?”

“Of course I do!”

“It doesn't seem like that to me. In fact, I'm beginning to think you and Nate—”

“Don't!” She pointed her index finger at him. “Don't even suggest such a thing. Nate was a good friend when I needed one and I won't have you insinuating there was anything more between us.”

“I wouldn't know, would I?”

Bruce's sudden jealousy was ridiculous. Hadn't he said he trusted her? “Look at me, Bruce. Really look at me. I'm married to you and pregnant with your child. Why would Nate be interested in me…especially now?”

“Because you're beautiful and…and wonderful. He was in love with you at one time, and those feelings don't entirely go away. They just don't. Once you commit your heart to someone, it's forever.”

“For you it is,” she said, knowing that Bruce didn't give his heart easily. He loved deeply, completely, with his whole being. She'd realized that if she married Bruce, it would be a lifetime commitment for both of them.

He shook his head as though he didn't understand what she'd said.

“You commit yourself completely, but not everyone does.”

His face fell. “Is this a way of telling me you don't love me anymore?”

“Bruce, how could you even ask a question like that?”

“You said—”

“I said
some
people don't feel as strongly as you do,
and Nate is one of them. I wasn't just the woman he wanted to marry—I was the means to an end for him. His father is in politics and Nate is thinking along those lines himself. So he wanted a wife he felt ordinary voters—” she said this a bit sarcastically “—could relate to.”

“Okay, fine, but what does that have to do with you moving back home?”

“Absolutely nothing.” She could see that this conversation wasn't improving matters. Standing, she reached for her purse. “I think it would be best if I left.”

Bruce took her hand again. “Don't, please.” He breathed slowly, eyes closed. “Rachel, I'm sorry. What I said about Nate was out of line.” Then he opened his eyes, meeting hers, and tugged gently at her hand. “Let me show you the bedroom Jolene and I painted for the baby.”

Rachel went with him to the third bedroom. When Bruce turned on the light, Rachel gasped in surprise. The baby's nursery was totally furnished.

“Jolene helped me pick out the crib and dresser and changing table.”

“This is…perfect. All of it.”

He walked over to the dresser, opened one of the drawers and pulled out a tiny T-shirt. “Who would've thought anyone could possibly be this small?”

Rachel smiled. Bruce and Jolene had seen to everything.

“When Jolene said you might be leaving the state, I had to do something. Otherwise, I would've gone crazy. So I focused all my energy on preparing for the baby.”

Rachel stood in the middle of the bedroom on the round white rug and looked steadily at her husband. “I know this is hard.”

“Hard?” he repeated. “You have no idea.”

“You're wrong, Bruce. Do you think I wanted to leave you? Do you think it was easy to pack my suitcase and walk out that door? I can assure you, it wasn't. It nearly killed me to walk away from you and Jolene, but I had to because Jolene—”

“She's doing better now. She's been to the counselor and—”

“And she's come a long way,” Rachel finished for him. “But she isn't quite ready and if we rush things now, like we did with the wedding last Christmas, we could be making another mistake. I'd rather play it safe and wait.”

“We can't cater to Jolene's whims,” he insisted. “This is where you belong. You and the baby.”

“And this is where I want to be. But I don't feel that giving Jolene time to understand that she has to share you with me and the baby is catering to her.”

Shaking his head, Bruce walked out of the bedroom. She knew that wasn't what he'd wanted to hear, but he had no choice other than to accept her decision.

Rachel found him standing in front of the fireplace with one hand braced against the mantel and his back to her. She stood behind him. “I'm sorry, Bruce, but we really can't rush this.”

“I thought you'd only be gone a week or two, and
that
seemed unbearable. Now it's three months and you're still saying the time isn't right. I'm afraid it'll never be right again. I feel like I've lost you.”

“You haven't,” she whispered, placing her hand on his back. “I'm not going anywhere. More than anything I want to be with you and Jolene. I want our baby to be part of our family.”

Bruce turned and studied her for a long time before he held out his arms to her. She slipped into his embrace.

“Will you come back and visit again…soon?” he asked.

“Okay. When?”

“Next weekend. Jolene and I are putting up our Christmas tree and I'd like you to be here.”

Rachel nodded. That would be especially revealing. She'd be intruding on Christmas traditions that had always been reserved for Jolene and her father. If they could make it through that without Jolene getting upset and territorial, then maybe, just maybe, she could move back before Christmas.

Thirty-Three

F
eeling good, Gloria climbed the steps to her second-floor apartment. She'd had lunch out with her mother, who'd recently returned from North Dakota. They'd chatted about Christmas and a couple of family events planned for the season. Gloria loved being included. She felt more like family than at any other time since she'd come into their lives.

As she inserted her key into the lock, Gloria noticed a woman getting out of a car in the parking lot below. She didn't think too much of it, although the blonde looked somewhat familiar.

She was inside and had just hung up her coat when there was a knock at her door. Checking the peephole, Gloria recognized the woman she'd seen in the parking lot.

Seeing her up close Gloria realized why the blonde woman seemed familiar. This was Joni, the woman she'd seen Chad kissing that day at the hospital in Tacoma. The woman he was dating.

Bracing herself for…she didn't know what, Gloria squared her shoulders and opened the door.

The two women stared at each other before Joni's eyes fell to Gloria's midsection.

Gloria didn't feel like uttering a bunch of meaningless niceties. “Would you like to come in and talk?” she asked, getting straight to the point. She wondered how Joni knew her name, how she'd found her address. She decided not to ask. Chad could have told her. Or Joni could have followed him. She could have seen Gloria's name on his cell phone and looked up her address on the internet.

Ultimately it didn't matter.

Joni hesitated briefly before she responded. “Yes, please.”

Gloria stepped aside and held the door so the other woman could enter.

Joni looked out at the cove from Gloria's living room window, her hands deep in her coat pockets. “That's a lovely view.”

“I think so.” She folded her arms, not knowing what to expect. “Would you like something to drink?” She didn't want to be impolite, although she had the distinct feeling this wasn't a social call.

“Just water.”

Gloria went into her kitchen, filled a glass and brought it to the living room. Joni had taken a seat on her sofa. When she handed her the tumbler, she saw that the other woman's hand shook visibly.

Joni took a small sip and then wrapped both hands around the glass. “Chad doesn't know I'm here.”

Gloria would have been surprised if he had.

“He told me he was stopping by later today. His shift doesn't end until five, so he won't be here until almost six and I thought… I hoped maybe the two of us could talk before he arrived.”

“Okay.” Gloria tried to look relaxed, but the tension between her shoulders held her rigid.

“I understand Chad told you about us?”

“He did.” Gloria didn't elaborate.

“He told me about you, too.”

Gloria nodded.

“And about the baby,” Joni added.

“He's going to be a good father,” Gloria said. He'd been so caring and thoughtful, and made it clear how much he already loved their baby.

“I think so, too.” Leaning forward, Joni put her glass on the coffee table, taking a moment to position a coaster first. Now that her hands were free she didn't seem to know what to do with them. She clasped them in her lap and stared down at the carpet.

“Do you love him?” Gloria asked. She wanted to know where the other woman stood before they continued this awkward discussion.

Joni looked up and her eyes filled with tears. “I'm afraid so.”

Gloria felt like crying herself, but struggled to maintain her poise. “I'm afraid I do, too,” she admitted. Funny that she was so willing to tell the other woman how she felt about Chad, but couldn't tell him. It'd taken her a long time to recognize the depth of her feelings. Now it might be too late.

“You've hurt him badly.”

“I wasn't in a good state of mind…. I regret what happened.”

“The baby, too?” Joni asked.

“No,” Gloria answered. “I'll never regret the baby.”

Her answer made Joni frown. If anything, it appeared to affect her even more strongly. “I… Chad loves the baby. That's all he talks about when we're together, and
I suspect he loves you. No, I don't suspect. I
know
he does.”