Deathless Love (21 page)

He pulled the tarp back off her and stared. She was so beautiful. Someday, when it didn't hurt so badly, he'd be grateful he had this statue to remember her. Then he'd be able to sit and contemplate the short but explosive romance they'd shared. But now was way too raw.

“It's a poor substitute, isn't it?” Fox said.

Go to hell, Fox.
He sighed and turned around. “Whatever it is you have to say, I don't want to hear it.”

Fox had his arms folded across his chest and he just nodded, as if he'd expected such a response. “I can keep it in my wing, if you wa—”

“
No
.” He was being stupid. He didn't want to look at her and be reminded. But he didn't want Fox to have her, either. Even if having her just meant looking at her image in marble.

“When is the last time you felt this way about someone?” Fox asked with a casual tone that he wasn't buying.

Never.
“I don't know. Look, it's because I feel something for her that I had to end it. Not that I owe you any explanation.”

“In your 520 years, how often has something like this come up?”

“Fuck you, Fox.”

“No, really. I honestly want to know. Because I'm not sure it ever has for me. I cared about Randolph when we were together, but I don't think I loved him enough. If I did, I would've been faithful.”

“I'm protecting her,” he said savagely.

“No,” Fox said. “That's not true. You're protecting yourself.”

He stared at Fox, anger surging through him.

“You know what I think?” Fox challenged. “I think you're a coward. Neither you nor Kate deserves this pain you've created out of your own cowardice.” With that, Fox turned and strode out of the room.

He stared after him, the anger draining till he felt nothing but emptiness.

* * *

She refused to play at No Return anymore. Fox didn't pressure her, he could sing lead for the Morphs for a lot of their songs, and was so good at playing any cover song he felt like, that they could play without her.

For two weeks her heart had felt like she was wearing a corset around her chest. She now understood that the word heartache was aptly named. Her heart literally pained her—so much so that she wondered briefly if she ought to see a cardiologist. She moved through her days doing the bare minimum she needed to get by. Taught her piano lessons, rehearsed with the Morphs, played at Club Congress on Saturday nights.

She spent the evenings going for hikes in the desert. It was still unbearably hot, but the monsoons had arrived, and the hour before sundown became her time to get out and commune with nature, trying in vain to ease her agitated state. She'd planned a hike that evening up Tumamoc Hill with her friend Kelly.

“Hey,” Kate said heavily, when she picked Kelly up.

“Hi.” Kelly was good about just honoring her depressed state without expressing the sympathy that would cause her to burst into tears. Kate felt like she could just “be” with her—talk about her feelings if she wanted, or not, as the mood struck her.

Tumamoc Hill was a steep hike that was very close to where she lived. They kept a brisk pace, which left her fairly winded. After a while, her senses felt nourished by the smell of creosote and the bloom of little green shoots, nurtured into life by the recent monsoons. Finally she spoke. “The thing that's stupid about all this, is that we were only together for two months. I don't understand why I'm so broken up about it.”

“It doesn't matter. You feel what you feel, you don't need to start judging yourself for your feelings.”

The clouds were starting to build for a monsoon. The air had an electric feeling and they could see lightening on the far east side of town. They picked up their pace.

“I'm late,” she confessed, keeping her eyes fixed on the wall of black clouds that was getting closer by the minute.

Kelly stopped walking. “Have you taken a test?”

“No. He said he wasn't able to have kids, so it seems like a fluke.”

“He's had a vasectomy?”

“Um, yeah.” She didn't like lying to Kelly, but explaining that her ex-boyfriend was a vampire would be too difficult, even if Fox hadn't made it impossible for her to do.

“Well, even vasectomies are only 99 percent effective. You should take a test, just to be sure. Then it's one less thing you have to dwell on right now.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“Let's pick one up on the way home and you can do it while I'm there. Unless you want to be alone.”

“No, I'd like you to be there. Thanks.”

They finished the rest of the hike in relative silence, making it back to the Mini Cooper as the first huge drops started to pelt down. She drove in a torrential downpour, the wipers moving at their highest speed without making a dent in the sheets of warm water on the windshield. She stopped at Walgreens and got soaked running in to pick up an EPT test kit.

They sat in the car to wait for the rain to let up before they drove to her house. She cracked open the box and read the directions as they fogged up the windows with their breath and heat inside the car. The directions said it was best to use the first pee of the morning, but now that she'd bought a test and Kelly was there, she wasn't about to wait.

“Any thoughts or feelings on what you might do if you are?” Kelly asked.

She sighed and tears burned her eyes. “I'd keep it. I've wanted to be a mother my whole life. Even this way. And it's not like he wouldn't pay child support, or whatever. He's loaded,” she said bitterly.

The monsoon passed as quickly as it had come, and she started the car and drove home. Kelly came in and she peed on the stick. And waited the long two minutes. A plus sign appeared. Pregnant.  She handed it wordlessly to Kelly, who simply opened her arms to give her a hug. “I'm sorry, sugar,” Kelly said. “Or congratulations. Whichever feels more appropriate.”

* * *

Dom woke to the sound of his own voice crying out. He looked at the clock. He had slept late—it was 6:50 pm. There was a savage wrenching in his gut—much more intense than the dull one that had been there for the past two weeks since he broke things off with Kate. And it was coming from her. His connection with her should have weakened after two weeks without her blood, but he felt it clearly. What could have happened to upset her more?

The fact was, it was none of his business. Except that his own body was going haywire with the stress of experiencing it second hand. And except that he still felt fiercely protective of her. She was playing at Club Congress tonight. He could flash over and just make sure everything was all right. Not that he had any right to comfort or help. But at least he would know.

He passed the next several hours sweating, pacing and even throwing a few things as he waited until ten o'clock. He flashed into a dark corner of the parking lot and walked into the old hotel. The Morphs were playing already, he could hear the sound pumping from the club. He paid the cover charge and went in, nudging his way through the crowd until he found a place he could get a good look at Kate.

It told him nothing. But she spotted him and fumbled her line, spinning around to sing the rest of it facing upstage. He didn't take his eyes off of Kate, but he could feel Fox glaring at him. When the song was over, Fox snatched the microphone out of her hand and said something to her in a low voice, giving her a shove toward the stairs off the stage. Fox started playing the next song, taking over vocal lead.

He pushed his way through the crowd to meet her where she came down off the stairs. She looked pissed.

“What are you doing here?” she snapped, her anger cracking into pain on the last word.

“What happened? What's wrong?” Not expecting an answer, he opened up his senses, trying to feel into her energy for what was going on.

“None of your business!”

He couldn't help it. It wasn't right, but he had to know. He went fishing with his intuition. He got a clear image of a pregnancy test. Before he could digest it, she confessed it herself.

“I'm pregnant.” Pain and anger were in her face and it sounded like an accusation.

He held his face as blank as he possibly could while he tried to sort out what the fuck was happening.

“I thought you said vampires couldn't make babies.”

Impossible.
And she seemed to think it was his. That made his blood run cold.
Who had been with her that she couldn't remember?

“We can't,” he said as gently as he could.

“I haven't been with anyone else!”

“Permission to look in your mind?” Better to ask late than never.

“Fuck you!” She reached up to slap him. He started to grab her wrist reflexively, but then dropped his hand, letting her slap him across the face. She deserved that much, at least. She whirled away but he caught her arm, as gently as he could at the velocity she had taken off. She swung back to him with a little force, and one of the bouncers came over immediately, his chest puffed out.

“What's going on here? You okay, Kate?”

“Everything's fine,” he said, catching the bouncer's eyes and changing his perception so that he nodded, mumbling, “that's cool,” as he walked away.

“Kate, I believe you. I just want to see if something's been erased from your memories, okay? None of this is making sense.”

That frightened her. Tears sprang to her eyes and she took a step backward. He held her shoulders and looked into her mind. Nothing. He found no gaps or twists that showed tampering. No other men, nothing. He got down on his knees and reached his senses in to feel the energy of the tiny spark of life inside her. His breath caught as the knowing hit him.
Female. His.

His entire world tilted and slid around. In a flash, a rush of memories of his wife's pregnancy and the incredible birth. Holding that tiny being in his arms. How fatherhood had changed him forever. Now here it was again—a new tiny being. His baby. Impossible. Impossible, but somehow true. The fiercest sense of protectiveness surged through him. He was a father. And Kate was the mother of his child. He had a mortal family.

His eyes filled with tears, and he looked up at Kate. She looked terrified. He could feel her knees shaking. Of course, his bloody tears didn't help calm her. “What is it?” she whispered.

He stood up. “It's mine,” he croaked. “I don't know how it's possible, but she's my baby girl.” An iron resolve came over him and he felt clearer than he ever had. He took Kate's shoulders again and pushed her back into the darkest corner at the entrance to the stage. There was a heavy curtain that shielded them mostly from view.

“Kate. Take me back. Please. I swear to you, I will love you and be there for you for the rest of your life. I will never leave you or hurt you again.”

She stared up at him, doubt and hope co-mingling on her face. Probably wondering if she dared trust him. Her lower lip trembled. He thought she would lean into him, but instead she pulled out of his grip. “Let me think about it,” she mumbled, taking a step away from him.

Oh God.
He prayed he hadn't lost her forever. A bloody tear streaked down his cheek. “Yeah, okay,” he choked.

He dematerialized before anyone registered the strange sight of a man crying blood.

Kate stumbled back on stage, trembling. Fox looked at her skeptically. “Go home. You're no good here.”

Since she couldn't think for herself, she just nodded and picked up her bag. “Sorry.”

Fox shook his head. “Go take care of yourself. Do you want me to come over after?”

She sniffled. “Um, I don't know. Text me.”

“Okay.” He reached over and grabbed the back of her head, kissing her on the lips. A chaste kiss—sort of like an honest expression of love. It surprised her a little and touched her.

“Thanks,” she said, trying for a weak smile.

“Go,” he ordered and she obeyed.

At home she ran a hot bath and dumped in epsom salts and lavender essential oil. She was still trembling. “I'm sorry, baby,” she muttered to the little cells multiplying within her. I'm going to try to calm down for you, okay?”

She slid down in the tub, crossing her legs yoga style and letting her head sink into the tub, so that almost all her body was underwater. Only her nose and mouth and the tops of her knees were dry. She stayed that way a long time, imagining she was her baby in the womb—a muffled, watery environ where she could just exist. Without desire, without need, without anyone or anything to disturb her peace.

She stayed until the water had cooled completely and she started to get cold. Then she dried off, pulled on her favorite pjs and climbed into her bed, falling into a deep sleep almost immediately.

She woke several hours later. It was 2 a.m. She was hungry. She couldn't remember eating much the day before and now she realized the shaking was probably about her blood sugar level. She got up and padded to the kitchen and switched on the light.

And screamed.

It was Dom. It was just Dom. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Dom had been sitting at the table, his hands buried in his hands. He stood up quickly now, holding his palms up. “Oh God, I'm sorry—sorry—I didn't mean to scare you.”

Her heart was thumping painfully in her chest as she tried to recover from the adrenaline shock.

“Please, Kate. I just need to speak to you. Will you let me stay?”

Oh right. He couldn't come in without an invitation. Did that mean she could revoke her earlier one? But she didn't want to. The truth was, she was so grateful to see him there, unannounced, in her kitchen. She needed him, more than ever now. And even though she was still hurt and angry, the thing she wanted most in the world at that moment was to be standing in the warm circle of his arms.

She started crying. He walked around to her cautiously and then drew her to him, giving her what she wanted. She pressed her face into his chest and trembled against him, wetting his shirt with her tears.

“I'm hungry,” she finally choked out.

“Sit down,” he said, springing into action. “I'll find you something. He started rummaging around her kitchen, checking the refrigerator and cabinets. She sat watching him absently, numbly—unable to absorb all the changes her life had gone through in the past few weeks.