Death by Misadventure: 210 Dumb Ways to Die (7 page)

152. Just Let Go!
Ronald Weed, 65, died when his car door slammed on his head. The
Bay Point, California resident was pushing his stalled car when the
car started to roll faster than Weed could run. Weed hung on to the
driver door and the floor of the car as he was dragged off the
road. The open door hit a tree and smashed into Weed's head causing
fatal injuries.
Contra Costa Times,
June 28, 1997

153. Dumber than a Locomotive.
Ryan Pennington, 18, and a few friends in Buena Park, California,
wanted to see what it was like to stand within inches of a fast
moving train. Unfortunately for Pennington, he lost his balance and
fell in front of the 200 ton locomotive as it was screeching
to an emergency stop. A railroad spokesperson lamented, "There are
suicides, people playing chicken with trains – we've seen people
foolishly jogging down the middle of the tracks with a Walkman
radio on. We've even seen people lay down between the rails to
prove to friends at a party that a fast moving train rolling
over them won't kill them... they wind up
dead."
Los Angeles Times, April 20,
1994

154. Tube Surfing.
In the late eighties, an English coroner warned the London subway
to take precautions against "tube surfing", after the death of an
18 year old who was killed riding on the side of a subway
car. The daredevil sport apparently originated on the commuter
trains of Rio de Janiero where it has killed an estimated 150 young
people.
Independent, December 1,
1988

155. Wrongway Chang.
Leo Chang, 49, of Rockville, Maryland, managed to drive for at
least one mile in the wrong direction on Washington DC's Capital
Beltway before slamming head on into a van. Chang was killed
instantly in the early morning crash. The other driver suffered a
broken pelvis. "It was only a matter of a few seconds before I
realized that someone's in my lane coming towards me... there was
little or no time to react. I feel fortunate to be alive." The
death was the third accident within three weeks caused by someone
travelling the wrong way on a major DC area highway. Chang was the
only fatality.
Washington Post, March
30, 1997

Do It Yourself

156. Fatal Phobia.
Sixty three year old London accountant, Arthur
Spears, was so fearful of hospitals that he performed surgery on
himself. Spears inserted an 18 inch piece of wire into his
bladder in an attempt to relieve the pain he had been experiencing
while urinating. The coroner observed, "Unfortunately this drastic
remedy went wrong. It caused infection in his bladder and led to
his death when a simple operation would have solved the
problem."
Reuters, December 1,
1994

157. Do Not Adjust Your Set.
Five Quebec City residents were electrocuted while installing TV
antennae in two separate incidents on September 14, 1991. Madame
Bernier watched in horror as her husband, son, nephew, and a young
neighbour were killed when the 50 foot tower they were installing
fell against a live wire. Meanwhile, Robert Gauthier, 49, was
electrocuted when his ladder came in contact with a wire carrying
59,000 volts.
Vancouver Sun, September
16, 1991

158. Joan Crawford Vindicated.
Assistant Chef, Peter Guttoso, 20, killed himself with a coat
hanger. He was trying to free his car's jammed antenna, when the
wire hanger he was using slipped, stabbing him in the face, just
below the eye. Guttoso soon developed blurred vision and was
declared brain dead the following day. The coroner said that
Guttoso died of an "inter cerebral hematoma". The stab wound
caused massive internal bleeding in his brain, shutting down vital
bodily functions. Guttoso's family donated his heart, lungs and
kidneys to waiting transplant recipients.
Miami Herald, January 12, 1995

159. At Death's Door.
James Christiana, 47, was strangled by his garage door. Christiana
was trying to repair the door by himself when his T shirt got
caught in the main spring, causing him to lose balance and fall
from his ladder. Christiana's 65 year old mother
responded to his screams by handing him a pair of scissors.
Christiana was unable to free himself and was dead by the time
neighbors could get him down.
Miami
Herald, December 21, 1984

160. Jackgas Tragedy.
Amateur auto mechanic Ezzart Aboul Housn, 30, was killed by
the improper placement of his car jack. First, Aboul Housn was
crushed when the jack slipped and pierced his car's gas tank. Then,
the leaking gas was ignited by his work light causing an
explosion that incinerated Aboul Housn and set his house
afire.
Miami Herald, May 22,
1982

161. Amateur Chiropractor.
California Ironworker Michael Paul, 42, routinely cracked his neck
whenever he felt a kink. He did the same thing after church one
Sunday, but soon felt ill and was comatose by the time his brother
drove him to a hospital. Paul died after 12 days in a coma. The
Coroner said that the crack severed one of the main arteries to
Paul’s brain, killing a section of his cerebellum and brain
stem.
Akron Beacon-Journal, January
20, 1996

162. Ph.Dead.
Education expert, Dr. Joseph Miller, died trying to jump-start his
truck. Miller informed his office that he would be late then set to
charging his truck’s battery with another car in his garage.
Miller’s wife found his body slumped over in the seat of the second
car some seven hours later. The cause of Miller’s death was carbon
monoxide poisoning.
Charlotte
Observer, February 21, 1993

163. Ad for Triple A.
Terry Roach, 43, was choked to death by her car. Terry was pushing
her disabled car to a gas station from behind the open driver's
side door. She pushed into a parked car, causing the door to close
on her neck strangling her.
San Jose
Mercury News, July 16, 1990

164. External Combustion.
Allen Ingram, 17, was at a bonfire party when he decided to check
the contents of his motorcycle’s gas tank. The bike slipped from
his grasp spilling gasoline on Ingram and the bonfire. The flames
engulfed Ingram and caused the bike to explode. Ingram suffered
3
^rd
degree burns to 90% of his body and died from his
injuries.
Charlotte Observer, April
18, 1992

165. More Like,
Get
Smart
.
French teenager, Romain Laine, 17, was a big fan of the TV
show
McGuyver
. The
title character always managed to save the day by fashioning
fantastic devices from ordinary objects. Laine killed himself in
1992 with a homemade bomb. His mother blamed the French TV network
that broadcast the series and sued the company for
manslaughter.
New York Times, November
30, 1993

166. Bird Dropping.
Stefan Macko, 55, died cleaning out his bird feeder. Macko fell 23
stories to his death when the chair he was standing on rolled out
from under him. Unable to regain his balance, Macko fell over his
balcony railing.
San Jose Mercury
News, May 18, 1993

167. Killer Cardigan.
An 80 year old blind organist and piano tuner was
strangled to death by his sweater. The man was working alone at his
home in Bourges, France, when a thread from his sweater got tangled
in the power drill he was using.
Agence France Presse, June 5, 1992

168. Ignore this Warning.
On January 5, 1997, Chuck Yazell, 26, of Nicholas County, Kentucky,
joined a long list of people nuked by their own microwaves. Yazell
was working on the unplugged appliance when he was electrocuted by
the charge stored by the appliance's capacitor. In 1990, after 11
similar deaths, a national safety alert was issued and all ovens
now bear prominent labels warning people not to repair the
appliances themselves. Nevertheless, according to the Consumer
Product Safety Commission, 10 people have been killed since 1994 in
similar accidents, which also results in over 7,000 visits to
American emergency rooms every year.
Lexington Herald Leader, January 8, 1997

169. Gulf War Casualty.
Korean War veteran, Ronald Kline, 52, died demonstrating his
support for American troops in the Persian Gulf. Kline was putting
the finishing touches on his new 25 foot high flagpole
next to his hilltop mobile home in California. The pole snapped
sending Kline and his ladder for a 50 foot fall down the
hillside. Kline later succumbed to the internal injuries he
sustained.
Los Angeles Times, January
16, 1991

170. Poor Sleeper.
Brian Kearney, 26, was planning to replace his waterbed's plastic
liner the following morning when he went to sleep beside the new
sheet of plastic. Sometime during the night he became entangled in
the liner and asphyxiated himself. Authorities had ruled out the
possibility of suicide because Kearney had just started a new job,
decorated his Christmas tree and planned to see friends the next
day.
Columbus Dispatch, December 16,
1989

171. Major Trauma.
Eric Barcia, 22, took a break from his McJob to go bungee jumping
from a train bridge with a homemade bungee cord. Barcia made the
cord from several of the small bungee cords sold everywhere to keep
parcels on bike carriers and secure trunk lids. "The length of the
cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between
the trestle and the ground," a police spokesperson explained.
Police expected an autopsy to confirm the cause of death as, "major
trauma."
Washington Post, July 13,
1997

Death Sports

172. Ski Don't.
Late one Saturday night in January, four snowmobiling buddies
drowned when their machines broke through an ice covered lake north
of Toronto. One of the men, Mark Moore, 28, had just lost a machine
at the same spot two weeks earlier. One officer told Moore's sister
the painful truth, "He lost his life but he didn't lose his beer."
The police found 9 bottles of beer in the pockets of the recovered
bodies.
Toronto Star, January 23,
1996

173. Winners can be Losers.
Twenty years after claiming a gold medal at the Tokyo Olympics, Ken
Sitzberger, 38, was battling a drug habit and personal debts
totaling almost $2 million when he hosted a fatal new year's party
at his San Diego home. The former diving champ, described as a
fierce competitor, died after he hit his head on the back of a sofa
during a fight he started with a friend. Police ruled the death
accidental and would only say that the cause of the friendly
scuffle was not related to drugs or money.
Miami Herald, March 4, 1984

174. Tragic Temper Tantrum.
Upstate New York teenager, Jeremy Brenno, killed himself with his
No. 3 wood. Brenno, 16, had just missed a shot on the 6th hole when
he smashed his club against a bench. Half of the club broke off,
bounced back at Brenno, and pierced his
heart.
New York Times, July 11,
1994

175. Dead as a ...
Door salesman, Kenneth Pierry, 31, fell 100 ft to his death after
climbing on to a railing during his first visit to Toronto's
SkyDome Stadium. His friends denied that Pierry had been drinking
or trying to jump from one pedestrian ramp to the
next.
Toronto Star, August 14,
1992

176. Don't Try This At Home!
On New Year's Day, Vince Jorgenson, a 20 year old
professional snowboarder, died in his own backyard. Jorgenson was
performing tricks for his friends when he slammed chest first into
his patio railing. Jorgenson died of a massive heart
failure.
Toronto Star, January 4,
1997

177. Professional Stupidity.
Laura "Dinky" Patterson, 43, a "professional" bungee jumper died
practicing for the Superbowl half time show. She bounced to
her death in front of hundreds of volunteers (including children)
who were also rehearsing. Patterson's husband and sister were also
part of the bungee troupe. A stagehand with a gift for
understatement told the press, "She hit her head
hard."
Bradenton Herald, January 25,
1997

178. Bambi's Revenge.
Darrell Swihart, 52, bled to death on the last day of Ohio deer
hunting season. His body was found amid a dozen spent shotgun
shells. Apparently, Swihart fell from his lookout in a nearby tree
and succumbed to his injuries after firing his gun several times to
signal his distress.
Akron Beacon
Journal, December 15, 1996

179. Sunday Swamp Surfing.
Teddy
Hoffman, 12, died from massive head injuries while surfing shallow
wetlands on a plywood board. The board was at the end of a
10 foot rope attached to a pickup truck driven by Teddy's
father. Forensic experts are not sure whether Teddy's head hit the
board, the road, the truck or something
else.
Miami Herald, August 14,
1985

180. Unforgettable.
Ivan McGuire, 35, a skydiver with some 800 jumps under his belt,
fell 10,000 feet to his death because he forgot to put on his
parachute. McGuire was apparently too preoccupied with his duties
videotaping a group of other skydivers to notice that he was
missing the most basic equipment of the sport. In 1987, 28 of the
more than 2,000,000 jumps that took place across the U.S. resulted
in fatalities.
Charlotte Observer,
April 11, 1988