Authors: Jack Crosby
“Just when I thought you could not be any more stupid, you outdo yourself.”
“Khloros, would you listen?”
“To what exactly? What could you possibly say that would make this situation any better?”
“I’m sorry?”
We were driving to the meeting place, Lee’s Diner, to meet with Yuri’s contact. As soon as I got to the garage, Khloros smelled the brimstone and after I told him what happened, he had lost it. Again, he could be a total douche, but as usual, he was right.
“Which part are you exactly sorry for? Not killing Beelzebub’s former mate or taking her into your custody and having sex with her?”
I thought about that for a second. “Probably part two, the taking in and having sex part.”
“Do you know why I have stuck with you for all these millennia?”
“I’m guessing it is not my natural charm.” I laughed, but Khloros did not.
“No Derrick, or are we calling you Death again? All your stupid names confuse me.”
“At least Derrick Grimm isn’t as bad as my alias a few years back, Graham Reeper.” Don’t ask, it was at a time when I thought puns were cool.
“The point is I have stayed with you because we are partners and more importantly friends. I get that you are compassionate and not quick to kill, but you are Death. It would not kill you to remember that from time to time.”
“You’re right my old friend. I have grown weary with my role and have grown complacent and blasé with the rules.”
The engine revved in response to my apology. “It is alright. We are both old, too old for our own good. However, this is our curse to bear and bear it we shall.”
“What should I do about the Lust demon at the apartment?”
I think he laughed, though it’s always hard to tell. “That is your mess. For the time being, I guess it does not hurt to have another ally, no matter how distasteful.”
“Besides she also cleans. The place hasn’t looked this good in years.”
Before any more banter could take place, we pulled into the parking lot of the diner. It was time to put on my game face. Even though I was on the same side as the angels and we all reported to the Almighty, they never cared for me or my brothers. To them, the Horsemen were uncontrolled liabilities. I expected no less a reception.
Getting out of the car, I gave Khloros a pat on the hood. I reached inside my jacket and felt the polished piece of wood in my jacket. I am glad it was close just in case this meeting turned hostile. Few weapons could stand up to mine.
When I walked in, I knew the angel would recognize me. In the cool autumn weather, I was able to wear black carpenter pants and a duster jacket. Not quite what people picture when they think of Death, but pretty damn close. And as I predicted she did. Sitting by herself in the corner was a petite redhead with the signature blue eyes on the angels. She waved me over and I complied.
When I reached the booth, I extended my hand. “Good morning Miss, I am Derrick Grimm.”
She looked at my hand for a second before reaching out with hers. “A pleasure Mr. Grimm, I am Veronica, your contact from Yuri.”
I sat down across from her and the waitress came to the table. “Can I get either of you anything?” She looked at Veronica first.
“I will just take a cup of coffee and a croissant.”
She then turned to me. “I will have an egg sandwich and an orange juice.”
She wrote down the orders and went back to the kitchen. With her gone for now, we could get down to business. “Yuri told me that there’s a job to do?”
“That is correct. Our intelligence has picked up a possible assassination attempt on the President. While we are not one hundred percent sure who is behind this, we think the plot originates from Downstairs.”
I nodded like I was listening. It seems my little Lust demon’s words were being backed up. It also appeared the angels were in the dark about a lot more. “I see, so what do you need me to do?”
“Of all celestial beings, you are the one with the most experience and knowledge of the United States. We would like you to go to Washington and root out whoever is behind this and stop it. We do not know what the endgame is, but it is never good.”
Oh how little did they know. “What assets would I be given to complete this task?”
“Assets? You are the Horseman Death! Why would you need assets?”
Thank the Almighty that most humans tune out anything their brain can’t process. Veronica the angel had gotten really loud there for a minute. “Believe it or not, but just because I am Death does not make me invincible. In fact, when most demons or whatever else finds its way to Earth come up against me, I tend to take their best punches. So yes, I asked for assets.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment. “We cannot provide any. Until we know for sure what is going on, our hands are tied.”
I knew what was going on, but if I told her my source, trouble would be afoot. It looked like until I could provide proof that didn’t come from a Lust demon; I would be on my own. “How soon do you want me to leave for D.C.?”
“The sooner the better. Would three days give you enough time to get your affairs in order?”
I thought about it for a minute. I didn’t need three days, but I also wasn’t in any hurry to seem compliant. “Give me two days. And arrange a safe house for me to stay at.”
“Two days it is and we can arrange that.”
The waitress came back at that time and we both finished our orders in silence. Veronica offered to pay the bill and I was cool with that.
“Mr. Grimm, when you get to Washington, one of us will be in contact.” Her expression softened a little bit. “I will do whatever I can to help you.”
“I appreciate that, angels normally aren’t so friendly to me.”
“You must understand, your reputation precedes you.”
I didn’t know what she meant by that, but whatever. I bid her farewell for now and made my way back over to Khloros.
Before I could even shut the door he was bothering me. “So what did the angel have to say?”
“She backed up the story that Roxanne gave me last night. There is an assassination plot on the President and they want me to stop it.”
“Do they know everything?”
The engine roared to life. Even though I like cars, I do miss my buddy in his ghostly pale horse form. He inspired terror where ever we went. “No, they don’t know Beelzebub is behind it and I wasn’t about to tell them. That would only complicate things.”
“For once I agree with you.”
“We also have two days to get ready to go to Washington D.C. The angels can’t provide any backup right now, so it looks like we’re on our own.”
“I am not surprised. Alas, it will matter not. We always get the job done.”
The rest of the drive home was pleasant as I kicked on the radio and listened to some good old rock and roll from the Seventies. That was a decade that got music right. As we pulled into the garage, Khloros switched the music off.
“Hey I was listening to that!”
“Fool, another demon is near and it is not your sex toy.”
I cracked the windows and caught the smell of brimstone. This was different though than Roxanne’s, it was harsher. Pulling into the parking spot, I opened the door and grabbed the piece of wood from my jacket.
“Derrick Grimm, or better known as Death, I greet you.” Walking into view was a large man covered in shaggy old robes. His eyes were blood red, no pupils, which told me he was Wrath demon. This wasn’t good.
“You know who I am demon and yet you advance. Do you have a death wish?” Sue me, I still liked my puns.
He laughed. “You do not know who I am you miserable piece of shit. I am Albion, one of Lord Beelzebub’s generals. I am here to collect the whore or else you will die.”
“She has asylum with me now. I give you one last chance to leave or it will be your entrails that will be spilled.”
He pulled his dark metal blade out of his scabbard. Obsidian metal, one of the few materials that could hurt a Horseman. “I believe the Earth saying is you are fucked.”
I held out the piece of wood and let me essence flow into it. It shined for a minute before it took shape. I pointed the scythe Leviathan at him. “No demon, it’s you who’s screwed. Your soul is mine.”
The chicken shit didn’t charge me and attack like an honorable foe worthy of a quick death. No, the asshole summoned a bunch of imps and sent them my way. With Leviathan out, I started the slaughter. Imps are small, red, and when you connect directly with an attack, they burst into little balls of flaming blood.
Swinging the great scythe around, it didn’t take long to cover the ground in red. The scythe cut through them like a hot knife through butter, scattering limbs and blood everywhere. It was disgusting work, but it was also somewhat satisfying. Kind of like popping bubble wrap or something.
When I removed the head from the last imp and its body blew up into a little ball of fiery blood, I looked at the Wrath demon. “Tell me that wasn’t the best you had?”
“No, I just wanted to tire you out so I could take all the pleasure in ending your life myself.” He raised his black blade; it looked like the main event was about to start.
That is until the elevator door opened and a very pissed off Lust demon came flying out. “Albion, you dumb stupid son of a bitch! Return to Beelzebub or I will kill you!”
Roxanne, even as pissed as she was, still turned me on. She came out in a pencil skirt, heels, and a button down shirt with the top three undone. In her hand was a wicked looking knife. Where she kept that I didn’t know, nor was I about to ask.
“Well if it is not the slut. Lord Beelzebub has quite the price on your head. Fortunately, I am the first one to find you. Killing you will be most enjoyable whore.”
“Hey, if anyone is going to die, it’s you. You challenged the Horseman Death and I’m not about to let you out of that.”
Roxanne looked from him back to me. “He challenged you?”
“Yeah, he asked me to hand you over and I told the stupid pecker that you were staying here and he was going to die.”
I’m not sure what I said, but her red eyes (hers had pupils though, that is a telling difference you see) started to tear up. “You truly care for me Master!”
“Ummm, we can talk about that later, but I have a Wrath demon to reap.”
We both looked over and Albion looked dumbstruck. Fitting really. “You two pathetic creatures make me sick. If your dead body is what I need to walk over to return the whore, then so be it.”
He raised his sword to attack, but he forgot one thing, a Horseman has a horse. Khloros picked that opportunity to go into reverse and slammed right into Albion. The demon took the hit and went flying through the air and smacked into the concrete wall. Foul play? Maybe, but all’s fair with demons!
I followed over to where he was laying and brought my scythe down right into his stomach. I tore it to the right and ripped him open. Fiery black blood came pouring out of him, along with a very horrible scream.
“Damn junior, you sound like a girl!”
Unfortunately, Wrath demons can take a beating and keep on kicking. And he kicked me right in the ribs and sent me into the car beside us. My shoulder took the brunt of the hit, which hurt but nothing too serious. It was his follow up attack with the sword that worried me. I rolled to my left and the blade clanged off the car. I hoped this poor guy had insurance…
I brought my scythe up and blocked the next attack and used my legs to kick his out from under him. As he went down, I hopped back up and again brought the scythe into his body. This time I lodged it right into his head.
“Do you have any last words before I reap you?”
The asshole spit at me. “Rot in hell you whore fucker!”
I’m not sure why that last insult pissed me off the worst, but I brought the scythe down and ripped his body in two. Everything you could think of was leaking out of him now. I was surprised to see a semblance of a brain falling to the ground, but there it was. The eye that hadn’t fallen out and rolled around on the ground was still looking at me.
“You may kill me, but more will come!”
“Why aren’t you dead yet?!”
I lifted Leviathan high into the air, this guy just really pissed me off. But before I could bring it down, Roxanne had run over and stopped me. “Wait Master; allow me to talk to him.”
Albion started laughing. “I have nothing to say to a whore like you. How long before your pussy tires of this master and you turn your back on him as you did Lord Beelzebub?”
The fact he was melting and turning into primordial ooze and ash made it even more impressive that he was holding on to taunt us.
Roxanne didn’t seem bothered at all by his words. “Just because you were too blind to see how badly we were used, do not blame me for making a better life for myself.”
“If you want to ask him anything, you better hurry. I feel his black soul leaving his body and going back to Hell.”
She nodded and turned back. “Did Darius survive?”
What was left of Albion’s head was melting away, but he had just enough left I guess. “Yes and with my failure, he will be coming.”
And with that, his soul left and entered Leviathan. His body melted away and the ooze burned into ash. “It looks like that is over.”
“He will only be the first. I wouldn’t have blamed you for turning me over.”
I smiled, sure I could have. Hell, I bet Khloros would have agreed with me too, but she was part of the team now. For better or worse, that is. “That would have been pretty piss poor on my behalf. What kind of friend would do that?”
“You consider me a friend?”
“Yeah why not? You told me the truth when you didn’t have to and I’m pretty sure you charged down here to take on a demon for me.”
“Of course, I would sacrifice my life for you Master.”
I shook my head. “I’m not your Master, I’m your friend.” For the second time that day, I extended my hand. “I’m Derrick Grimm.”
With a sly smile she accepted it. “It is nice to meet you Derrick, my name is Roxanne.”
“Come with me. Let me introduce you to my partner in crime Khloros.”