* * * *
“I’m telling you it didn’t work.” Tucker tried not to let his voice rise, but he couldn’t help it. He stretched to get comfortable on Devyn’s couch. His chest hurt thinking about this morning. And yes, he’d made Ally’s bed and locked her door just as she’d asked him to, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be enough to turn her mood. Not if last night hadn’t done the trick.
“You’re sure?” Devyn came into the living room with a huge cup of coffee. He looked more tired than Tucker had ever seen him. Probably because this was the earliest since college that Tucker had ever seen him. It was almost lunchtime but earlier than the other day. “It’s barbaric people get up this time of morning.” He took a sip of his coffee and winced. “Hot.”
Tucker resisted the urge to strangle the man. “Of course it’s hot. It’s coffee, and I’m sure. She was upset when she left this morning. More so than even the other day.”
Devyn took a seat in a nearby chair. “Let’s see.” He wiggled around getting comfortable and finally reached behind him to pull out a remote and tossed it on the table. “What exactly did you do last night? Let’s go over what we talked about you doing versus what you did.”
The implication that Tucker had screwed up was there. He started to react to it but didn’t. Devyn was probably right. It was probably his fault. Tucker sucked at this relationship bullshit. It was why he’d never gotten involved. Only he couldn’t help but want to do better with Ally. Maybe that would help save them—that he did want to do better. But he couldn’t help but compare it to his parents’ failing relationship. He and Ally weren’t even together, and Tucker was already screwing up. “I’m not going to tell you everything.” It had been a glorious night for Tucker, but obviously Ally didn’t feel the same. He wasn’t about to share that with the man. Not to mention, he wasn’t going to share all the heterosexual sex details either.
“Please, bitch. I don’t want to know sex details. I do talk to both of you, you know. I’d never be able to sit down with Ms. Ally if you told me how you fucked her.” Devyn shook his head and took another sip of his coffee. “I mean, really.”
Tucker straightened up, still trying to get comfortable. “I did what we talked about. I fed her dinner. I dressed up. I made it something special. After dinner, I told her I wanted to resurrect the strip-poker game that we’d played. I told her I’d rigged that game. I had her stripping…” He trailed off. There was nothing in there that wasn’t to plan. And he didn’t understand how it could have gone wrong. That night so long ago had been an impetus to their relationship, so that’s why he and Devyn had decided to recreate the event.
“And?”
“I sort of lost patience and stripped off my clothes.” He clenched his hands. That hadn’t been to plan. But it had been spontaneous, which had to be good. He’d been overwhelmed with desire for Ally. “Then we had sex and it was wonderful, and I don’t get why she was upset and left me this morning. I showed her everything, Devyn.” He had never uttered such a big sentence. He’d never talked so much as he had with Ally last night. He was putting forth effort, and it wasn’t paying off.
Devyn sat there a few moments. “So you made her dinner and had a wonderful meal. After that, you told her about strip poker and why you did what you did back then? Like we talked about?” They’d had a plan. Devyn had had a lot of pointers. Tucker hadn’t followed every one but he’d followed enough.
“Sort of.”
“What do you mean sort of?” Devyn’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Tucker.
“I sort of told her.” Tucker rubbed his face with one weary hand. “I told her I wanted her to see me naked.” That hadn’t been the suggested line, but he had panicked in the moment. It had sounded good.
“I see. Did feelings ever come up?”
“Not in words. But we had glorious sex, Devyn. It had to show her how I felt. I’m a man of action, and I showed her everything I had.” He shook his head. “I just don’t get it.”
“You putz.”
Tucker looked at Devyn. Did his surprise at that word coming from a drag queen show? The man had painted toenails. “Come again?” Now he was going to be insulted by his other best friend in addition to the only woman he’d ever wanted to be with walking out mad at him this morning?
“Yes, I’m channeling a Jewish grandma. Don’t judge me.” Devyn leaned forward on the chair. “Ally is a wordsmith. She might work with animals but she loves to read and always wrote poetry shit in school. English was her fucking minor along with history. She could always talk circles around you. Hell, she could beat me too.”
The change of subject made Tucker blink at Devyn. What did that have to do with anything? Maybe Tucker needed some coffee. “Yeah, so?” Ally still read a lot and did word puzzles all the time.
“So she lives in
words
. When I sent you out to do dinner for her and to recreate the night you played strip poker, in your words ‘a pivotal night’ in your relationship, you were supposed to
tell
her that.” Devyn looked like he was explaining something to a young child. “Not just, ‘Hey baby, I wanted you to see me naked.’” He shook his head and clucked his tongue.
“Oh.” Tucker didn’t understand what Devyn was saying. Hadn’t what he’d done been enough? After all it had shown him exactly how he’d felt. His actions had made sense to him. He might not have talked but he’d given her everything in his lovemaking. And the sex had made him want to act on that even though he hadn’t yet. With all his commitment fears, that was a big step. Only Ally hadn’t taken that step with him, had she? She hadn’t even known about it because he hadn’t told her. And they had had sex before. She might not have had the eye-opening experience he had because she didn’t live in his brain. To her, it might have been just another night, though to him it had been another pivotal night in their relationship.
Devyn sighed and must have seen something on Tucker’s face. “We talked about the fact that Ms. Ally wants something more than sex, and that is her current problem. Right?”
“Right. She’s looking for a commitment. Or something. Or at least how I feel. But I showed her last night.” Surely she had to have seen that in what had happened? Only now that Devyn had pointed it out, Tucker could see why she hadn’t. Dammit but he was a fool.
“You showed her sex. And that’s all you showed her from what you said, unless you’re holding out on me.”
Tucker stiffened. His entire body went tense and numb. “What?” That hadn’t been all there was, was it? He’d been with other women where that was all there was. But not with Ally. It had never been just sex.
“You said yourself. The sex was glorious. But that’s not what you were supposed to do, putz. You were supposed to show her how you felt, not just fucking. You already had that part, and Ally knew that. The part she’s lacking is the feelings part. That’s what you were supposed to show her. To tell her.”
Tucker didn’t say anything. He just sat there, trying to digest what Devyn had said. When had Devyn gotten so damn smart? Bastard.
“Last night, you showed her sex. You already had that. So she still thinks that is all your relationship is about. Sex. What you need to show her is that it’s more.”
Tucker opened his mouth to argue, but quickly shut it. Philosophy majors did like to prove a point. But he couldn’t. Because Devyn was right. He’d shown Ally a night of sex, which they already had. But she’d been looking for something more to start with. So it hadn’t fixed what was wrong with them. No wonder she’d still been so upset this morning. Now that Devyn had said it, Tucker could see the issues.
“I know you’re a man of few words, Tucker. You always have been. You’re more action than talk.” Devyn leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. It was a Rose Winter move. “But you need to give some to Ally. Or you’re going to lose her. You went about last night the wrong way. I thought you’d realize you had to show her how you felt beyond sex. I didn’t think I had to spell that out. That you needed to use your words.”
And maybe Tucker had realized it but hadn’t wanted to do it, despite his fears of losing Ally. Maybe he just hadn’t been at the place where he could do that. But after last night, he could. Last night had shown him how he’d felt. He only hoped it wasn’t too late.
Before he could talk, Devyn said, “You dared me to help you. I dare you to find some words and tell Ms. Ally what she’s been lacking.”
Devyn never turned down a dare and neither did he. “I get that now. I get what you’re saying. And I can do that. Help me take on your dare.” He leaned forward and spread his arms to the side.
Devyn nodded. “You know I will. I’m there for you, bro.”
Carl came into the living room. “Oh hey, Tucker.” He looked back and forth. “You two look serious. Planning a war?”
Devyn blew a kiss at him, another Rose Winter move. “Yes, we are. And the end to a bet.”
It was the end to a dare, so the word
bet
, made no damn sense, nor did Carl’s response of, “Not quite yet but close,” but Tucker ignored it as he and Devyn talked about new strategies to win Ally.
* * * *
Tucker checked out his appearance in the side mirror to his truck.
I look like an idiot
. He wore nicer clothes than usual, even fancier than yesterday, and they were uncomfortable as hell. Whoever said men were dapper in suits was nuts. He resisted the urge to scratch where it itched, because that was all over. He took another look and made sure Ally’s car was still in the parking lot. Not that she could sneak past him, but he kept checking all the same.
At about fifteen minutes after the time she should have gotten off, while he’d been waiting in a monkey suit by her car, Ally slunk out of the clinic. She looked beaten down. Tired. Unhappy. Her face remained in a pinched line, sort of as it had been that morning when she’d left her house.
So not his beautiful Ally, who had a smile that would light up whatever room she was in. Hell, it would light up the world. Maybe even outshine the sun. Her smile was one of the reasons he needed to fix this.
His heart ached for her. He wanted to go to her, wrap his arms around her and never let go. He wanted to shelter her from whatever was troubling her. Which of course was him. He wanted to make this right. He was the only one who could even things out. It’s what he was doing here. It was what Devyn had dared him to do.
You can do this. You can talk to Ally about your feelings. Tell her what she means to you. Tell her that she’s not a fling.
She blew out a long sigh, then cocked her head to the side when she saw him standing near her car. She stopped and stared a moment. Then she cautiously walked up as if she expected him to bite. “Tucker?”
“Who else could it be?” He didn’t touch her. Didn’t go to her like he wanted to. He suspected that wouldn’t go over well in her current mood. But he bowed to her. “The one and only.”
She sounded incredulous and irritated. Her face hadn’t let out the pinched lines. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to pick you up, m’lady. Take you home to change. Then dinner and a visit to an art gallery.” She’d wanted to go to the restaurant they were going to for a while now and same with the art gallery. He never would consent to go to either and she’d acceded to his wishes. Until now. He’d had to work to get a reservation at the restaurant. But he didn’t name the places to her. That was for later. He could just imagine her face when he announced them. Yes, this night was going to go wonderfully. Much better than last night.
Her face drew up in a frown that took over her whole face. It was as if a mask had descended to cover her features. He’d thought the lines were bad. This was worse. “Tucker, I’m tired. The only thing I want now is a bath and my bed.” Her voice was low but forceful.
“But I have this whole great evening planned. It’s going to be wonderful, Ally. I promise. Let’s go home and change.” He motioned to his car for her to get in. This was going to make up for everything.
She didn’t move. “No.” Her voice was surprisingly powerful even as quiet as she was.
In all the scenarios he’d thought about, he’d never imagined her refusing his offer. “What do you mean no?” He was trying to make this right. How could he if she wouldn’t even get in the car? What was going on with her?
“I mean it. I don’t have time for this. I’m tired. I want to be alone. And I’m going to be. I’m going home.” She said the words with enough force to let him know that she meant them. “Go away, Tucker.” On that her voice faltered. It sounded as if she was about to break down in tears.
Tears were his ultimate worst dream. This night was supposed to be magical. Tears weren’t magical. They’d completely break his heart. “But…but…I have this evening planned.” He sounded like a broken record and he couldn’t help it. “It’s for you.” That sounded lame. And weak. It was everything he didn’t want to sound like. Damn her for making him this way.
“No, it’s not.” Had she had the ability to spit fire from her eyes, she would have as she snapped the words. As it was, her eyes looked angry and petulant. She motioned around herself. “It’s not. It’s for
you
. Whatever it is, it’s for you and whatever scheme you’re working on. It’s never about me, Tucker.
Ever
.” Could a woman sound any more bitter? The words seemed rolled in that emotion.
Tucker swallowed. Did she think that? This wasn’t going as planned. He was supposed to swoop in, give Ally the romantic night of her life, and make things better between them. Maybe even commit to her in a way he’d never committed to any other woman. She was the only woman who would ever tempt him to do that. “It’s
always
about you. It is. I…” He broke off. Was this about her now? He’d planned it to be. But she’d made it clear what she wanted out of the evening. He could get angry and argue with her, or he could make this night about her. That was the point he was trying to make. He and Devyn had planned events, but the point was, it was supposed to make Ally realize his true feelings. So it did not need to be about the elaborateness he’d planned if she didn’t want that. Maybe Tucker needed to go along with her wishes
“No. No, it isn’t.” She opened the door to her car and threw down her lunch bag. “It isn’t.” She pressed her fingers against her temples as if they hurt. God knows, his did. “I can’t do this anymore, Tucker. I can’t.” Her voice broke on the last word and sounded so rough.