Dead Stars (57 page)

“Talk to Beyoncé, Tom,” said Michael. “Have a few words.”

“I'll tell her to bring it down a few notches,” said Tom. “I'll tell her to sit on it.”

“I'll bet you will,” said Michael. Catherine instantly swatted him.

“I'm sorry, Cat,” said Tom re Michael's penchant for double entendre. “Apparently, it doesn't take much to get this guy started.”

“Don't listen to these two clowns,” said Catherine to Telma. “You're going to blow Beyoncé out of the water.”

“Of course she is,” said Rita.

“Don't you worry about
Telma
,” said Michael. “She can hold her own. She's a showstopper, this one. Aren't you.”

. . .

Suzanne Somers storms over to Gwen—a woman on a mission. They've known each other for years but never really outside of the benefit machine. Tho watching Suzanne playfully grab hold of Gwen's arm for all to see, you'd think they were sisters.

“Come with me
NOW
.”

Suzanne's putting on a little show, the way celebrities do, holding Gwen's hand as she weaves them through tables with an
oomfy
stride, everything sped up, just a
smidgen
larger than life, acceptable theater, low-watt, kicky spectacle. Gwen feels the eyes of the diners on them and it feels good; like having a small serving of how celebs must feel
most
of the time. In this case, everyone knows Suzanne, of course, but no one knows Gwen . . . she must be
somebody
, but who? Gwen loves the ambiguity.

As they head for god knows which table, Suzanne says, “He's
amazing
.”

“Who?” says Gwen, a bit breathless, pleasantly distracted by each fresh set of spectator eyes.

“He worked with Tina on her chanting album.”

“Tina?”

“
Turner.
It's called
Beyond
. Tina's a Buddhist, no one really knows that, she doesn't
talk
about it. She made a CD of her own personal chants, it is
so
beautiful. Barry almost produced it.” (Gwen knew she was close to Barry Manilow.) “Will you promise me you'll download it?”

“I will.”

“He's also an
incredible
jewelry designer. He's basically become Donna Karan's jeweler and spiritual advisor!”

They reached a table that was empty except for one man. (The show was about to begin and the bathrooms were being used en masse.)

“This,”
says Suzanne, “is Montenegro. Montenegro? Meet Gwen.”

Then she leaves.

He's sixtysomething, ruddy and sweetsmelling, impeccably turned out. He too is larger than life: big white wolf teeth, big wide beard, big wide spicy eyes. One dangly gold earring.

“Please! Sit.”

She does. And right away he takes her hand.

“You're
suffering
. Because you want to—
need
to—tell
someone you love more than life
a painful truth. And he—she?
—she
has already suffered so much.
Too
much! And for what? But there is no
choice
, you cannot live in
lies
, you can only live in
truth
. You need to live in
truth
or you'll cause more damage, more harm. Not just to the one you
love
, but to
you
. The
truth
will be the gift you can give her. Do you understand?”

. . .

How,
how
did he know those things?

And
why
did Suzanne Somers lead her to him?

She felt like a ruin, dizzy, all clogged up.

She's had enough of herself, she's just had—enough.

There goes Steve Martin to the stage, there goes laughter and applause, there go the doctors, doctors and more doctors, there go the
tributes
to the doctors, and now there goes a short film projected on the giant wall panels featuring herds of bald children w/eyes big as Montenegro's. There goes
Young Hollywood—
& more awards . . . she tells Phoebe she can't take much more. But she does not tell her she wants to die.

She's been thinking about dying, about dying and taking Telma with her.

Suddenly Catherine Zeta-Jones is onstage in top hat and tails, singing at Michael.

“
ONE
singular sensation, at the bot-tom of the tongue—”

Gwen tuned in long enough to recall reading something about how furious Catherine was at all the American doctors for missing it, how close their bumbling bullshit came to killing him, triggering
another
internal jag (one more in a series) of Gwen's . . . mother
fuck
American doctors,
boy o boy
could she relate, a person had a better chance of surviving heart surgery in the fucking Sudan, she was determined one day to bond with Catherine over mutual nightmares.
But at least theirs had a happy ending . . . . . . . . . .

Gwen looked up at the monitors. The camera was on Michael watching Catherine from his table, eating it up. He loved his wife's passion and mischiefmaking.

“
—THREE
wrongful di-ag-NO-ses, every test that he takes!”

Lots of laughter, a bit awkward in that doctors never quite warm to indictments of their own . . . so many things could happen . . . those tumors were so hard to————Gwen reverting, retreating into her fog, Michael accepting his award, Michael with tears in his eyes, Michael stressing the importance of head&neck checkups . . . so so foggy. She looks around—Aleisha and Telma already gone, and Phoebe too. Phoebe probably saw the condition she was in & made an executive decision to be one of the adults accompanying the kids to the green room backstage where they would be wired for sound and generally prepped for their tearjerky rockstar finale. Gwen
wants
to be with them backstage, waiting in the wings for their cue,
wants
to be with Aleisha&Melanie,
wants
to be supportive, propping up her own sweet tragic maimed and mutilated daughter but doesn't for the moment have the strength to move from her chair.

Beyoncé!

sings a medley when she gets to

“Single Ladies” the audience
EXPLODES
and then she begins Run the World (Girls), kickass tribute to the upcoming Telma & Aleisha . . .

———WTF Gwen's arm is grabbed
HARD
by Jesselle, who says there's a
problem
. Gwen follows her to the far side of the ballroom then down, almost sprints to keep up, she's saying Telma won't go on, she's refusing, she won't sing unless Aleisha comes on
before
, Telma said everyone in the audience Michael Douglas and Khloé Kardashian read the program and thinks SHE'S closing the show. Gwen is mortified . . . “So you know what?” says Jesselle, with contempt. “
That's
what we're going to do.
Aleisha
will come out and sing ‘Smile' then
Telma
will sing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow.' OK?” It's a testy rhetorical question, Gwen doesn't say anything because if Jesselle's already made up her mind Gwen doesn't even know why she went and grabbed her or what she's supposed to even
do
, unless Jesselle just came up with that
now,
of Aleisha coming out first and Telma going
after
, but Gwen is surprised to find herself thinking
there is just no way, this has gone too far, Telma's going to go on
BEFORE
Aleisha or not at all because darlin you're just too young to be a diva
—————————————O SHIT there they are! Aleisha's mom's Zen grin turned to mush, Telma crying/stomping her foot in deep rhythmic tantrum, Aleisha watching her, watching Telma's alien movements so closely, still devoted, still in awe, still helpless
—

“What is the
matter
with you!” shouts Gwen. She takes Telma by the shoulders & shakes her. Telma: unplacable, opaque, insistent. So wounded in so many ways. Gwen
angry
, then remembering the mutilation—angry, then remembering—angry, then remembering. But the words come out
Don't do this to her Telma it isn't fair————
but nothing NOTHING moves her, & it's

T I M E

SHIT!
A hush falls like silent snow, everyone knows what's coming, it's in the program, it's Telma closing the show, that's what the program says, the Courage people (mostly Tiff Koster) had the idea for Aleisha to sing but it was too late to change it in the program, they hadn't even printed up inserts, the
plan
was for Telma to go out there and do “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and at the very end (as abortively rehearsed) Telma would intro “my new BFF from Ontario Canada” (Tiff Koster's awkward wording) but now that wasn't going to happen, the
trouble
was that Steve was still going to intro Telma as planned (as written in the program) but because Telma refused to go and sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and at the end of it intro little Aleisha, now little
Aleisha
was going to be the one who went out onstage as Steve intro'd
Telma
, which would require some quick explaining (by Steve or
someone
), you know, like,
as you can see this isn't Telma, before we bring Telma out please meet our very special guest who flew all the way from Ontario Canada to be with us tonight, she's actually the youngest breast cancer survivor in the world
and she's going to sing “Smile”
but how was THAT even going to work unless Jesselle practically walked out onstage
with
Aleisha and used the mic for her remarks before handing it off to the beleaguered child . . .

 

. . . NOW Steve Martin says, We have someone very special with us tonight, I'm sure she's familiar to many of you in her official role of the Mayor of St. Ambrose's (already in the script, & written by Tiff K) . . . ladies and gentlemen, without further ado . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
TELMA BALLENDYNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
——————

“Telma, you are
NOT
going on after her! You are
NOT
!”

——————
Aleisha & her mom walk onstage prematurely, Melanie confused, Jesselle too distracted to stop them, everything's going to hell, plus the collective gasp at how tiny Aleisha is also gives way to murmurry puzzlement, as 15% of the audience knows
this is not Telma
. Jesselle walks out after them to make the proper intro, the audience laughs at the sweet nonpro logistical snafu but lovely, the laughter
with
them in their ordinariness, their simple sacred commonplaceness, the heroic example set by their most uncommon commonplace courage which is what the ball is about
TAKE COURAGE
Steve Martin's eyes already look like they might be tearing up, so moved how can you not be moved—
Ladies & Gentleman
says Jesselle, having been handed the mic,
we have a very special guest from Ontario Canada, Miss Aleisha Hunter
the heart is unlonely hun
——
Aleisha was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 2½
(
AUDIENCE GASP
)
now she's five, she's the world's youngest breast cancer survivor (Gwen forever of course by Telma's side, now paranoid/reading Jesselle's words as deliberate salts in the wound of your bitch daughter)
(
THE AUDIENCE ROARS, HALF OF THEM ON THEIR FEET IN OVATION, THE REST SAVING IT ALSO NOT WANTING TO SPOOK THE LITTLE ONE WHO IS
VERY
LITTLE
)
.
In the clutch, Melanie has reacquired her Zen game face, the audience now fairly gasping with the sentimentality&grandeur/impossible bravery of the moment——————Mama Melanie leans down to her baby & whispers
Are you OK?
meaning,
to be alone by yourself onstage?
Aleisha nods & Mom walks off————more than half the audience dies a little because they didn't want Mom to go, someone should have told Mom to just stay, the child looks so stranded, so vulnerable, so perfect, so
———————
the orchestra begins, a small not overbearing arrangement, Aleisha makes a tentative start, a few fits starts & hiccups then audience tenses, tears rolling already, audience
WILLING
her to be OK, for
everything
to be all right
she will be, won't she? She's a trooper, right? The powers that be would not have thrown her to the lions, would they? I mean she must have done benefits before, performed at benefits before, no? Right?
The whole room
straining
with her, rooting for her, dying in their lonely flooded unhunted hearts for her, then

Smile tho yr
is aching

the tiny
tiny
voice but NO! something's wrong with her mic! A technician elegantly creeps onstage, fixes it in a jiffy, now garble of terrorstricken loving anticipatory sounds that Gwen's never even heard from audience or crowd or anything ever——whalish sounds of primal anxiety&love&fear&primal love