Dead Awake: The Last Crossing (17 page)

“
Well then there’s nothing
you can do about it if you’re already fired. Didn’t you hear the
lady that told you there is no way for you to go back until two
weeks?”

“
Yes, I did. But she didn’t
know what she was talking about and... Oh what can I tell you? You
don’t understand a thing.” I was only getting more and more
frustrated as she tried to help. I wished I wouldn’t have talked to
Noelia with such anger, because it wasn’t her fault at all. She was
right, I wasn’t listening to reason. She was so dear... If only it
could be done over again. If I could change any of it, my mean
words would be the first to go; replaced by tender kinder words,
spoken at every opportunity and even out of context. Instead, I had
to be ferocious. Everything I said had to hurt.

“
You don’t comprehend any
of it,” I yelled, “How could you, living on this island all these
years? To you, the world is flat and everything revolves around
your island. There is more to life than sand and palm trees and
drinking maté.”

She felt stupid against me,
trying to say anything. “Yes but... Oh, forget it... I just wish
you could stay.” I could tell I’d made her feel dumb and for a
second my conscience found its way out. Making her feel unlearned
was cruel. She wasn’t a primitive island girl, she was one of the
smartest and most vivid girls I had ever met. In fact, there wasn’t
anyone whom I looked up to more than she. She was the most rational
and life-loving girl I’d ever known. I admired her even more than
myself.

She backed off – she was too
kind. Her hand beside me was undeserved, even though I longed for
it like a dog. I’d found the best thing in life – love – and now I
was a failure. What was I supposed to do? How was I going to take
care of her? Who would give me a job so that I could support her?
Who would pay for the bills? And surely there would be a baby! What
could I do? I was a failure.

“
My sweet Noelia, what can
I do?” My depression and desperation alarmed her. She tried to
help, but I didn’t let her. I had no job and would lose my
apartment and my car. So what could I do? Despair had won, with all
its argument.

With that assessment, my
mind cracked. I made her loosen her grip on my arm and walked off.
For some reason or other she let me go. Maybe because she knew that
I wasn’t going because of her. It was just that my emotional state
was wavering and I probably needed some time to work things out on
my own. (At least I hoped I could work things out). She wasn’t
threatened by me, or by my leaving her in the middle of a field.
She just let me go... She must have loved me more than I realized,
to be so understanding.

Walking, walking, walking.
Down through the streets that weren’t really streets, but sand,
dirt and vegetation that made the pathways to be walked on.
Everything was miserable, not a moment easing up. Could I be taking
myself into an inescapable trap of self-pity, idling my mind to
become catatonic; burying myself in a catacomb? There was no hope
now, in this Garden of Eden. Somehow my life would be ruined with
whatever decision I took.

Was it that I was stuck
where destiny had taken over? Could there be such a thing as a
limbo here on earth; because whatever I tried, I could not win! I
had no say any longer, for it was as though someone was directing
my decisions. Luck no longer played a role in any of my dealings;
there was just the rhythm of some bass drum that set the beat of
motion. Deeper “in the beyond” it struck the chords of my life –
tuned through destiny but not through choice. “Choice” was a luxury
that had left me long ago. Now I was left like a jester, to do as
the higher hierarchy commanded. And to be made a fool of,
knowingly, because I saw it all.

Next in series: Book 2
Dead Awake:
All the Light I Cannot
See

About The Author

Born from The Pit Hades has
traveled to the ends of the world, and drunken in all cultures.
From the height of Berlin to the dawning of mankind, one of his
greatest boastings is his many titles.

After the dark ages Hades
quickly realized that education was his primary focus. His first
goal was to travel to the four corners of the world and spread his
mission to the churches. Shortly thereafter, he gained his
credibility by embracing science as the new religion.

Since then, Hades has
continued to travel, focusing on the younger generation, targeting
the cause of what is now being perceived as this country’s
collapse. From traditional methods to alternative techniques
fostering a women’s choice, Hade’s full endorsements across the
media have facilitated his invention, ingenuity, and success. He
has become revered through the intricacies of plunder, mayhem, and
the secret combinations of men and women everywhere. Most of his
loyal followers stand accountable to no one.

His previous works include:
The Great Tower, The Fall of Man, Girl in the Train, Inferno, The
Pit, Off Grid.

Feedback Request

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nice. Don’t look under the bed.

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