Days Like This (7 page)

I LOGGED INTO my account at
Rice University’s website. Any day now I could be taken off the wait-list for
the undergrad program for architecture. After two years of general education
courses at home, it was time to move on, and Rice was my number one. If I got
in. I applied to five of the country’s top ten schools, and so far, I’d only received
a response from two. I was accepted into Iowa State, but not to the University
of Texas. I scrolled down the site on my phone—no news yet.

“Your shake,”
Molly said as she handed me a protein shake and took a seat next to me. She
reached a hand over the table to rest on mine, a smile on her face. She pushed
a piece of blonde hair behind her ear and in a flash it wasn’t her I was
staring at. It was Cass.

Cass before
she left, when her hair was long and her face was still bright and hopeful. We
sat here, like this, me with an orange juice and her with a cup of tea. She
held my hand over the table, and the ring I had just given her sparkled under
the sun.

“We should
tell your mom,” I’d said.

She’d nodded.
“I’d like to do it by myself. If that’s okay? Tell her and then your parents.”

And I said yes
because I didn’t know she would leave me to go there and never come back.

“You okay?”
Molly asked. Her nose got this crinkled spot at the top of it when she was
worried, and it was there now. “Is it your neighbor who’s in the hospital?”

I shook my
head. “My neighbor” was all I’d told Molly that Mrs. H was. I don’t know if she
knew Mrs. H was Cassie’s mom—she knew about Cassie, but I’d never connected the
dots or filled in the pieces. I didn’t know how. The truth of everything was
too complicated. “I was checking in on Rice. Nothing yet.”

Molly leaned
up on the table on her elbows. Her face was happy, and there was something
about this girl that was so completely free and motivated. I hadn’t met anyone
like her in a long time. Cassie was like that once. “You’ll get in, and you’ll
take the world by storm with your buildings.”

“If I don’t?”

Molly
shrugged. “There’s always Iowa State. You’ve been talking about this since I
met you, and I think when people want something bad enough, they make it
happen.”

“That’s a good
way to view life.”

“It’s too
short to do it any other way,” she said. Something sad flashed across her face,
but it was gone. I knew she had something in her past that haunted her, but she
never brought it up. Molly moved toward me. She was so pretty, generous and positive.
I was lucky to have her. She was solid. I needed solid.

Molly lowered
herself into my lap, one leg on each side of me, and wrapped her hands around
my neck. Her fingers trailed at the ends of my hair. I wondered if this was a
weird place to make out. Right outside The Good Drip seemed a little out there.
But then, she smiled and I kissed her and it didn’t matter anymore.

MOLLY HELD MY hand as we
walked from the car toward the doors of St. Joseph’s. I didn’t want her to
come, not really, but I couldn’t tell her that. She was being supportive, and
even though I was only coming to sign a paper, it was good that she wanted to
be here. That she seemed to care about me and what I needed.

“You’ve really
been to sixteen countries?” I asked Molly as the hospital doors opened. I’d
never left the country. We moved here as a kid and I was content to stay,
mostly because Cass was here.

She nodded. “I
started junior year of high school. The Model UN Club took a trip to Paris. I’d
never been out of Atlanta before and I loved it.”

“Model UN,
huh?”

She laughed.
“I went to South Africa that summer with an organization that let teens travel
to help the underprivileged. Senior year I went to China, and saved all my
money to backpack across Europe after graduation. Twelve weeks in Europe. I go
every semester during school, too—anywhere I can. My sister loved to travel, so
I wanted to go to her favorite places, and it helps me build my resume for
Doctors Without Borders.”

Molly was
amazing. I knew how passionate she was about medicine. She wanted to do Doctors
Without Borders as a nurse. She had a path, too, and I knew she would make it
happen. I kissed her forehead right before the elevator doors opened. Dr.
Lambert’s office was directly across from the elevator, and the waiting room
was empty. Molly took a seat as I approached the receptionist.

“I’m here to
sign a release,” I said. After a few minutes of trying, the receptionist found it
and escorted me in through the door to the back of the office. I glanced at
Molly, who only smiled back at me, and I felt a huge weight on me when I left
the room.

I CAME OUT of Dr. Lambert’s
office and the receptionist wasn’t sitting at her desk. The only person in the
office was a pretty blonde girl on the other side of the room. I waited at the
counter and looked at the clock. I wanted to get Mom and get out of there.

“She should be
back soon,” the girl said. She had a sweet, Southern accent. It’d been a while
since I’d heard one that silky.

I nodded.
“Thanks.”

“I love your
hair,” she said.

I smiled at
her. Today was the June specialty. After I chopped it off, June showed me how
to put gel it in it to make the back stick out like a porcupine. The front laid
straight down my cheek where it was longer, and it took forever to do, but it
always looked good. I lowered myself into a seat across from the girl. We waited
in awkward silence for a few minutes. The only noise around us a ringing phone,
the hum of the air conditioner and a ticking clock.

“Do you live
here? I’ve never seen you before,” she asked.

I shrugged. “I
used to. I’m visiting now. You?”

“I go to Francis
Marion.”

“Why are you
in Lumberton? There’s nothing here.”

She smiled.
“My aunt lives here so I visit a lot. The rest of my family’s in Georgia, so
she’s the closest person. My boyfriend is here, too…”

The girl
trailed off, like that last sentence explained everything. I still didn’t get
why someone would choose to spend time here. I’d never liked this boring town
that much. That was the first thing I’d told Graham when he moved in, that this
place was full of old, boring people.

 “Where are
you visiting from?” she asked.

“I go to
Butler University in Indianapolis.”

“Wow. That’s
quite a change,” she said. “Do you like it?”

I studied the
space above her. “I love it,” I said. But the words didn’t feel real. I wanted
to love it, I thought I would, but really, it was nothing that I wanted. What I
wanted was here, but even that I wasn’t sure about anymore. I think I’d hurt
Graham more than I could’ve imagined. Some things that were broken couldn’t be
fixed.

The
receptionist appeared back at her desk, and when the side door opened, Graham
appeared. My breath hitched, and words crept their way up through my throat. His
eyes steadied in on me and he seemed surprised, and then his gaze drifted
toward the girl across the room—who stood up—and back at me. He didn’t move,
but she did. Toward him.

“Ready?” she
asked him.

Graham was the
boyfriend. I’d been talking to his girlfriend. His very nice, Southern belle,
model-like girlfriend. I was going to be sick.

He nodded.
“Yeah.” His back was tense, and he stuffed a hand into his pocket. I wondered
if she knew that meant he was uncomfortable. He would never show it, or admit
it, but there were things Graham did that didn’t need to be said. That was one
of them.

The girl smiled
at me. “Nice to meet you. Hope you have a good visit.”

Graham stole a
glance at me again when she said “visit.” I knew that look was me crushing his
dreams again.

“Thanks,” I
said. Then they were gone.

Graham had a
girlfriend. A girl who probably wouldn’t leave him like I did or ruin him like
I could. I pushed my fingers into the granite counter at the receptionist’s
counter. He said he wouldn’t wait for me, but I guess deep down I never
believed it. I pushed him away. I did this to us, and now he was with someone
else. He’d done exactly what he’d promised, and exactly what I’d told him to
do. He’d moved on.

I COULDN’T BRING Mom home
until the next morning. She had a final therapy session and checkout
procedures. Dr. Lambert was insistent that Mom understood and owned the
importance of her meds and therapy—and I had a wall to fix.

Henderson’s
Hardware was the only local hardware shop, and I wandered through the aisles,
trying to figure out what the hell I needed. I didn’t know how to fix a wall.
The insurance company wouldn’t cover it, so I needed to do this cheap.

James
Henderson appeared beside me. “How can I help you miss—” James paused and his
eyes widened with recognition. “Cassie Harlen?”

“It’s me,” I
said.

“Well, I’ll be
damned.” When I was a freshman in high school, James was fresh out of college
then and came home to help out with the family store and to coach the girl’s
track team. It was only for a season, because he supposedly hooked up with a
senior. I guess, like everyone else, he never left either.

He wasn’t the
hot stuff all the girls thought he was in high school. His belly was larger
than a basketball. I crossed my arms over my chest, where he was staring
intently. He was still creepy at least. “What can I do for you, Cassie?”

“I need to fix
a wall.”

He nodded. “I
heard about the fire.” There was pity in his voice when he said it.

Of course he’d
heard. I was sure the whole town had. “I need to fix it. Can you do it?”

He shook his
head. “Afraid I can’t. I got a new construction assignment and I’ll be at the
Outer Banks for a month.” James drummed his fingers along the shelf next to me.
“Have you asked Mikey Tucker?”

“Who?” James’s
eyes widened. Wait... “Graham?”

He nodded. “Oh,
yeah. Mikey, yea.”

“Why would I
ask Graham?”

“He’s been
helping out with us for half a year now. Boy’s good with a hammer.”

 I shifted and
zipped my hoodie nervously. Graham was Mikey now? He worked with a hammer? I
didn’t know anything anymore.

“Right,” I
said. “I’ll ask Graham.”

James nodded.
“I’m sure he’d do it for the extra cash. He’s saving up for that fancy
architecture school.” The bell chimed on the door, and James left me. “Excuse
me.”

Graham had
been working construction. Architecture school. And he had a girlfriend. It
seemed I didn’t know him anymore.

CASSIE WAS SITTING on the
steps outside the garage when I got home, and as soon as I saw her, my heart
started pounding. How she still made me feel like an awkward lovesick kid I’d
never know. She stood when I approached, and I had no idea what she was doing
outside my house. I tossed the keys in my hand, and tried to appear calmer than
I felt.

“Cass,” I
said.

She smiled at
me, and crossed her arms around her chest, and I noticed that it was a little
low cut.
Don’t look at
her chest. Look at her eyes.

“Mom’s coming
home in the morning. Thanks for going to sign that paper.”

“Good,” I
said. “No problem.”

Her eyes were
so blue, and I’d forgotten how there were these little flecks of green in them.
No,
eyes are bad. Look above her head. Anywhere else.

Cassie cleared
her throat. “Your girlfriend seems nice.”

“She is,” I
said. I didn’t want to talk about Molly with her. Why was she here?
Say something to make her go away.
“Did you need something?”

She nodded. “I
went by the hardware store today.”

“You saw James?”

“Yeah, he got
fat. And bald.”

I laughed,
said, “He did,” and shoved my hands into my pockets. I saw her eyes focus on my
hands tucked away in my pockets, and she stiffened.

“I need to get
the wall fixed, and James couldn’t do it.”

Fuck.

“He said you’d
been working with him and that I should ask you.” She studied me, like she was
trying to figure me out. As if I was a puzzle with no solution, even though
that was really her. “He said you applied to school?”

“Rice
University in Texas,” I said.

She looked
beyond me for a moment, then back at my face. “I know it’s weird if I ask you,
and you don’t owe me anything.”

“I’ll do it,”
I said.

“Really?”

I nodded.
Apparently I was into self-mutilation and torture. That’s why I was saying yes
to this. “Sure.”

“Thanks,” she
said. She threw her arms around me, and the motion surprised me. I wasn’t sure
what to do, but I didn’t pull away. I tried not to inhale her, but I had to
know if she smelled the same. She did. I stayed in her hug, trying not feel
anything I was feeling. Tried not to wonder about her, if she was happy, if
she’d tell me why she left, if I’d ever stop wanting her. Because I wanted her.

I pulled away,
and Cass and I stood in an awkward silence. What the hell was wrong with us? We
could be adults and have a conversation. I started to speak, but there was
nothing. I had no words for her, and the more I stared at her, the more I thought
about how it used to be. It made me a little angry, because what used to be was
all a lie.

“Really,
thanks. I know I don’t deserve this,” she said.

“It’s for Mrs.
H,” I said. Cass nodded slightly. In the past, she would have said something
snarky to me. She would have at least smacked me for saying something like
that, but she wasn’t the same girl. She used to be full of life and energy;
what happened to her? She changed when I proposed, and not in a good way. But
now, this girl, she seemed even more lost than that one. “I’ll come over in the
morning and start. It should take a week.”

“Great,” she
said.

I nodded and went
past her toward my door.
Go
inside, Tucker.
Being
around her with all these things I haven’t said was too hard. And now I would
see her every day. I’m a smart one. The key clicked in the door and Cassie said
my name. From the doorway, she stood in the middle of the space between our
yards where half the fence laid in pieces, and pointed.

“What happened
to the fence?”

I’d smashed the
fence. Each time I was outside, I saw her there on that fence. Just like the
day I’d met her when she was nine with a braid in her hair, red cowboy boots,
asking why I’d moved here. That was where I’d kissed her for the first time,
years later, mid-fight about her date with Jonas McCoy. She’d told me to stay
on my side because I was immature, and I’d told her she was exhausting.

 “My life isn’t
yours to command, Michael!” she’d yelled.

“Oh, I’m
Michael now, huh?”

“When you’re
being an asshole—yes!”

And I’d kissed
her. I’d hadn’t been thinking about, it wasn’t pre-planned—I’d just wanted her.
After suffering through her date with Jonas McCoy, I couldn’t handle her being
with someone else. She was annoying as hell, and always thought she was right,
but Cassie Harlen had claimed me in that spot six years before. I’d been hers
ever since and she’d been mine, and I wasn’t willing to lose her to Jonas
McCoy.

When she left,
I had to tear it down. I couldn’t sleep that week after I’d gone to Indiana. I
hadn’t really slept well since. I kept seeing her face as she’d slid the ring
back into my pocket. She was gone, but she’d still been all over Lumberton.
Everyone knew her, knew us. Everything reminded me of her. The whole town was
Cassie. Everyone asked me where she was, why I wasn’t with her, and I had to
lie over and over. That fence was the only thing I could destroy. Piece by
piece, because it had to feel my pain. I’d taken an axe to it in the middle of
the night, and I’d chopped until one piece of it tumbled to the ground.

Every night
for a week it was all I’d done.

Then one
morning I’d woken up and half the fence was in shambles, and it didn’t hurt
anymore.

“Big storm,” I
said. She crossed her arms again, but I didn’t stay to let her ask any other
questions.