Darkness Seduced (Primal Heat Trilogy #2) (Order of the Blade) (37 page)

“Lily.” Gideon’s voice was soft, yet firm as his hand skimmed her hip, his touch so light, and teasing. “Look at me.”

She opened her eyes to look into his blue ones and saw the raging need for her burning in them. Not just lust, but a deep-seeded yearning that was so far beyond anything he could probably even articulate. In his face was the intimacy reserved only for her, and she knew the desire raging between them had nothing to do with the
sheva
bond or her magic. Right now, it was just them, just this passionate, wonderful man who was so burdened with guilt and self-hate, and yet somehow managed to commit himself so completely to her.

Lily felt Gideon withdraw and realized he was about to stop, summoning immense willpower to keep her safe. He could do nothing else other than protect her, no matter how badly he wanted her. She felt the warmth of his concern for her filling her like the beautiful sunshine on a spring day, his commitment to her evident in the heat of his spirit as it wrapped around her like a protective shield. There were no words for him to speak, she felt his commitment to her in every breath, in the steady rhythm of his heart, and in the beauty of his spirit.

That realization, that truth made all her fear vanish, chased away by her complete and total trust in him. This wasn’t Nate, or any of the bastards she’d fought off in her life. This was
Gideon
, the man who’d been a part of her life since before she was born, destined for her since the beginning. She laid her hand on his face, feeling the prickle of his whiskers and the warmth of his skin. “You,” she whispered softly. “It’s always been you.”

Gideon gave a quiet smile, then gently kissed her, a tender kiss of sensuality and desire, of protection, of promise.

Desire rose hot and fast within her, chasing away the memories until all that was between them was unadulterated need.
Give me new memories, Gideon.

You’re sure? We don’t have to—

Lily wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him tight against her, feeling his erection pressing into her belly.
I’m so sure.

Gideon groaned and the rhythm of his kiss changed again, spiraling into the same dark descent he’d gone into before until control didn’t exist for either of them, until he was kissing her so fiercely, his hips moving against hers with a franticness that reflected her own desperation.

His hand slide between her legs, and his fingers sank deep inside, a deliciously erotic invasion that tore a throaty moan from her.

That’s right. Let it go, sweetheart. I’m here to catch you
. Gideon’s voice was husky and aroused in her mind, and his presence ignited spiraling desire inside her.

Lily felt his arousal, his burning ache for her, the confusion in his mind at the intensity of the emotions racing through him, driving him, consuming him even as he stoked the pulsing need within her. His skin was hot and slick, his muscles rigid. His fingers were delightfully skilled where they sifted through her folds and teased deep within her, bringing her to a point where sanity and control didn’t exist. Fire raced through her body, her nerve endings screaming, her body yearning for his, teetering at the precipice—

Then he shifted, his hips thrust, and he sank deep inside her.

He stilled for a minute and met her gaze. There was such utter male satisfaction on his angular face, but there was so much more as well. Awe, possessiveness, and a tenderness that made her eyes fill with tears. Then he slid out, ever so slowly and deliberately, the friction from his hot flesh singeing every single inch of her body, his gaze never leaving hers, as if he couldn’t get enough, as if he were memorizing every moment to keep with him forever.

Gideon sank deep again, harder this time, further, and her hips came off the ground as fire exploded inside her, not just her body, but in her mind and her soul. The look in his eyes was so intense she felt like he’d strip her raw as he pulled out again, his eyes darkening when she wrapped her legs around his hips to try to keep him inside her.

Then he plunged again, so hard their bodies smacked together, and this time he didn’t stop, his hips moving in a steady rhythm, harder and faster with each thrust, his blue eyes never leaving her face. His eyes were turbulent cauldrons of emotion, the complete antithesis of the man she’d once thought him to be. He was heat, he was fire, he was a lethal warrior, but he was so vulnerable, so damaged, so desperate for
her
.

He caught her mouth in his, a hot, wet kiss as frenzied as the movement of his hips as he drove so deep inside her, and flames began to lick at her, searing her body, her arms...her forearms were on fire—

The bond.

Yes, Lily. The bond. You are mine. Forever.

The utter possessiveness in his voice sank deep into her heart and tumbled her right over the edge. Her body exploded, and she screamed as the orgasm consumed her. Gideon stiffened and he threw back his head, bellowing her name to the world in utter and complete capitulation to everything he fought so hard not to be.

* * *

Gideon buried his face in Lily’s neck, breathing hard. Her arms and legs were wrapped around him, her chest rising and falling as she fought to regain her breath.

He was afraid to move, not willing to lose the moment yet. It had been...it had been everything he’d never thought he wanted, and it had stripped him bare.

Lily was stroking the back of his neck, playing with his hair. Her touch was light and delicate, a casual affection that spoke of so much more than sex or lust. He closed his eyes, focusing on the gentle play of her fingers against his skin, trying to imprint the moment in his mind forever.

Because the minute they got up, it was over. It had to be.

“There’s one stage left now,” Lily said.

Gideon lifted his head to look at Lily. Her green eyes were at half-mast, drowsy from the lovemaking, but there was a hard reality beneath those thick lashes. “I know.” He caught her arm and flipped it over so he could look at the brand. The silver lines were dark and bold, and all that was left to appear was a small design on the handle of his axe. The symbol of his lineage. “All that’s left is for you to kill to defend me, or to risk your life for me. Your half of the death ritual.”

All the other stages had been satisfied. Sex. Blood ritual. Transference, when his weapon responded to her call. The Death ritual, his part satisfied when he’d killed to save her life. Trust had occurred when she gave him the power to kill her at the mansion, and when he’d bared his soul and told her the truth about the day his first
sheva
died.

They were so close now, and even though Gideon knew it was dangerous and wrong, it felt so damn good to see his brand on her skin.

Lily rubbed her fingers over the mark. “When this first happened, all I could think about was going insane and murdering my children.”

He worked his jaw. “I remember.”

“But now...” She fell quiet.

“Now, what?”

Her gaze went to his. “Did I ever tell you that I think I killed my brother?”

He frowned at the change in topic, but it also made him smile. Hell, his woman was so complex. She had such a full life, so full of challenges and heartache, but somehow, she was lying here with him, inviting him into her soul and herself. “No, you didn’t. Tell me.”

Lily nodded, her fingers still tangled in his hair. “I knew that many Calydons don’t survive their dream, so I spent my life researching the dream to see if there was a way I could ensure he survived.” She sighed. “I knew that the dream entailed them getting involved in some deadly battle in a dream, or in another world, and I worried about him because he didn’t have a mentor who’d taught him how to fight.”

Gideon recalled his own dream. He’d been in a barren field, armed with only his axe, and he’d been faced by a huge warrior in all black, with a black hood over his face and a sword in his hand. Gideon had known instantly it was Death, and he’d realized that to win would take far more than battle skills. It wasn’t a test of physical strength. It was a test of emotional strength, conviction, ruthlessness, intelligence and toughness.

Gideon’s dream had been over in less than a minute, and he’d awoken with his brands and his weapons.

Lily rubbed her hand over the brand on Gideon’s arm, and satisfaction rumbled deep inside him at the action. It was a statement of acceptance of who he was, and he loved it. “When Trig got close to the age to have his dream,” she said, “I slept in his bedroom every night with a bucket of dirt to feed my magic. One night, he woke me up with his screaming. He was convulsing on the bed, and he was bleeding from deep gashes all over his body.”

Gideon winced. “He was losing.”

She nodded, her grip on his arm tightening. “I panicked, and I started dancing, calling my magic to make him stronger. I held his hand and gave him everything I had until I passed out. When I woke up, he was dead. My magic wasn’t enough. The one thing I wanted to do with my magic, and I couldn’t do it.” Her voice was quiet, muted with the ache of old pain as she looked at him. “I’ve spent my life torturing myself over that night, wondering if I’d done something differently, whether he’d still be alive.”

Gideon managed a wry grin as he took her hand and entwined his fingers through hers. “I’m familiar with that sentiment.”

“I was so envious of you,” she said quietly. “You’d killed people you cared about, and it didn’t bother you. I wanted to be like you. I wanted to be spared the pain of what I’d done. I wanted to stop feeling, because it hurt so much to lose Trig, to know I might have killed him because I interfered.”

Gideon gave a harsh laugh. “You were envious of me?”

“Yes.” She looked at him. “But I’m not anymore.”

He felt something tighten in his chest. “No?”

“No.” She slid her hands over his shoulders. “Because I see what it’s done to you.”

“And what is that?”

Her green eyes were so intense as she looked at him. “It broke you.”

Gideon tensed. “I’m not—”

“You’ve spent five hundred years crumbling inside because of the choice you made with Juliette. After I met you and realized that, I saw I’d done the same thing. I’d tormented myself with my brother, and wasted my energy hating a man who had simply done his job. When I was kidnapped today, Frank mentioned my past with Trig, and it broke me.” She smiled softly and rubbed her hand over his chest, an intimate, natural touch that in some ways, was even more stirring than sex had been. “A few minutes later, when I couldn’t reach you, I thought you were dead. In the light of that, the whole thing with my brother simply faded into the past, into something that could never be changed, no matter how hard I tried. You are my present, and you are what matters to me today.”

Gideon closed his eyes, basking in the feel of her gentle touch. He understood her words, but he knew he couldn’t live by them. “I know I can’t change the past,” he said. “But I need to keep it alive. By remembering, I can do things to try to atone for it.”

“What things? Like being dead even while you’re alive?” Lily’s grip tightened on him, and her voice became fierce. “I loved my brother and I will treasure the time I had with him, but I’m wasting my life obsessing about his death.” Her gaze met Gideon’s. “Right now, you’re here, and if I fight our connection and make myself miserable, then, when I lose you, then I’ll never have had any joy at all.” She smiled, a beautiful, warm smile full of such love. “You give me peace, Gideon. I’ve never had that before, and I treasure it. Whatever time we have before destiny rips us to shreds...” She lifted her chin. “I’m in.”

He cursed. “Lily—”

She put her hand over his mouth. “Don’t say it, Gideon. I just wanted you to know I’m here with you.” She held up her arm, showing him the mark. “It feels so right to be connected with you right now, and I know we can hold off the final stage of the bond long enough to kill Frank. After that...” She shrugged. “After that, I vote that we enjoy what we have until we don’t have it anymore.”

His throat tightened up and something ached in his chest. “How can you say that? How can you just give in? The
sheva
destiny means we will both die.
Die
.”

“I’m not immortal, so I’m going to die anyway, unless we complete the bond.” Her green eyes were unwavering. “But while I’m alive, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a fear of loss haunt me. Been there, done that, and for the first time in forever...” She looked at him. “You make me happy, Gideon. Even when you make me mad, you make me so happy.”

Gideon dropped his head to the curve of her neck, blinking hard against the stinging in his eyes. “Jesus,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “Like I didn’t have enough reason to feel like shit for not keeping you safe.”

Her arms went around him and she hugged him tight, so tightly, with no reservation, total forgiveness for the fact he’d already failed to protect her, for his being who he was, and somewhere, deep, deep inside him, hope flickered.

You aren’t a monster, Gideon.

He pressed his face into her skin, desperately fighting off his need to believe her, to fall into what she offered. He’d never be able to stand the loss if he bought into it and then had it ripped away from him. Never.
Your parents think I’m a monster. You can’t have me and them in your life. They’d never survive it.

But the truth was, he was the one who wouldn’t survive it. He’d gone so long not caring about what other people thought about him, and Lily had broken through that. She’d made him feel, and now there was no way he could sit there, on the outside of her family’s circle and not be affected by their hatred.

Not anymore.

And Gideon could never take Lily away from her family and thrust her into a life with the man who brought nothing but death to her and her family.

Lily would die if she stayed with him, and he couldn’t live with that.
So many reasons, Lily. There are so many reasons.

He felt her pause, felt her flicker of sadness for the truth he spoke. Sudden grief slammed him so hard he lost his breath. He gritted his jaw and summoned up the cold walls he’d held around himself for so long, his gaze boring into Lily’s face. “They’re your world, Lily. I felt the love between all of you. It was—” No. He couldn’t think about how intense their emotions had been, how much he’d yearned to be a part of it. “They’re family, for hell’s sake. Family is...” He had to stop to fend off the thickness in his voice. “Family is the foundation of life. You can’t walk away from them, not for me. You’d never forgive yourself, and I wouldn’t either.”

“Gideon—”