Darkangel (The Witches of Cleopatra Hill) (20 page)

“You might think that now,” she replied. Now her tone was sad, the anger somehow ebbing away. For the first time ever I thought she looked old, the lines around her eyes etched a little deeper than they’d been only moments earlier. “But you don’t know what you’d be giving up.”

“And what would I be giving up?”

“The life you should have had.”

Watching her, I thought then that she was talking of something far beyond me. I didn’t know if I should prod her any further. This confrontation had already hurt enough…probably because we so seldom quarreled. But the scab had already been peeled off the wound; walking away now would only let it heal halfway, if that.

“Are you telling me that because you really believe it…or because you think that’s what happened to you?”

A stony silence. She went back to wiping off the wooden figurines, head down. Her eyes would not meet mine. Our roles might have been reversed — she the silent child, I the scolding adult. That wasn’t how I’d intended things to progress, but I didn’t see a way to back down now.

“Look, I get it. You would never talk about what was going on in your personal life when my mother showed up with me, and I suppose that’s your business. But it was a huge disruption. You think I don’t know that?” My throat was tightening now, but I gave a little cough and forced my way onward. “I’m pretty sure that getting a baby dumped on you wasn’t something you planned, and I know you’ve said over and over that having a family of your own was never in the cards, but I’m not sure I believe that anymore. You don’t want me to make a foolish decision now because you feel as if you’ve thrown away your own life, and that would just negate the sacrifices you’ve already made.”

“I do not — ” she began, but I cut her off.

“Yes, what you’ve done to raise me was incredible, and you’ve done an amazing job, but it was always focused on me. Maybe there were others who would’ve taken me in, but you wouldn’t allow that, since you were my aunt, my closest relation.”

She said nothing.

“I’m not marrying Adam because I want to throw my life away. I’m choosing to be with him because fate apparently doesn’t want me to have my consort, and I am concerned about the safety of this clan. At least he cares about me…and I’ll learn to care for him as a husband. He’s already a friend, so I think we’re halfway there.” I paused, thinking she might finally want to say something, but she only stood there in front of the shelf with the carved deer and horses and javelinas on it, shoulders slumped. “And you can ignore this, but you know what I think? I think you and Tobias should get married. I’m out of the house. I’m
prima
. You don’t need to watch over me anymore. Take care of yourself, and let yourself be happy. That’s all. Because that’s what I’m going to try to do. Be happy, even if things haven’t turned out the way I expected.”

Since there didn’t seem to be anything else to say, and she clearly did not intend to respond, I went and got one of the coffees Tobias had brought in, then went outside. Luckily, the stretch of sidewalk in front of the shop was deserted. I really didn’t feel like seeing or talking to anyone right then; I just wanted a chance to clear my head. That whole time my combination backpack/purse had been slung over one shoulder, and with my free hand I reached in and pulled out my sunglasses. I didn’t want the world to see the tears that filled my eyes but refused to fall.

For some reason my feet wanted to carry me down Main Street, toward the overlook that afforded an amazing view of the valley beyond. Here there were a few tourists clustered around, taking pictures and chattering with one another, but they ignored me. I was glad of the barrier my sunglasses provided, though, glad they couldn’t see the torment in my face.

I stood at the overlook for a long time, gazing out at the straw-colored, rolling hills of Clarkdale and Cottonwood. Maybe I should have stopped there, but it seemed impossible to keep myself from gazing beyond, to the looming conical shape of Mount Doom — that is, Humphreys Peak. I wondered if Damon Wilcox was looking this way, watching to see what I was doing. Which was silly, because I’d heard you couldn’t just reverse the view…something to do with the differences in elevation and topography. We could see the mountains in Flagstaff, but people there couldn’t really see Jerome very well, not with the unaided eye, that is. Even so, I knew he was there. Waiting. He’d made his play, but was it his final one?

Minutes passed. I don’t know how long I stood there, but eventually I felt someone come up behind me. I turned and saw Tobias standing a few feet way, his normally jovial expression serious.

“Are you going to give me crap for talking to my aunt like that?”

He shook his head and came a little closer. The wind ruffled his overlong hair; in the bright sun I could see how much silver threaded its way through the brown. “That’s not my place. She didn’t want to hear what you said to her…but after she had some time to think about it, she admitted you might have been right. Well, partially right,” he added.

I couldn’t help smiling at that, although the smile faded abruptly. “And do you think I’m being stupid?”

“No.” The reply was immediate, and firm. “I think you’re doing what you think is best. None of us thought things would get to this point, but….”

“And you knew, too, I suppose,” I said wearily. I was so tired of the secrets.

“Some of it, not all. But it wasn’t my place to have that talk with you.” He crossed his arms and gazed past me to the blue-purple bulk of Humphreys Peak, so many miles away. But even if it had been twice as far, I still wouldn’t have felt safe. “Don’t be too mad at Rachel. I get the impression she thought Ruby would have told you some of these things, not that you’d have to pry them out of Margot Emory, of all people.”

I wondered about that, too. Maybe Great-Aunt Ruby had clung to the belief that my knight in shining armor would show up eventually. After all, hers had. There had never been a McAllister
prima
without a consort. That was something that happened to other clans, not us.

“Yeah, that was a little awkward,” I admitted. “But at least she didn’t clam up on me.”

“And Adam? He’s okay with this?”

“Why wouldn’t he be? He claims to have been in love with me since he was seventeen.”

Tobias made a wry grimace. “Even so, no one wants to think of themselves as second best.”

“He’s not. He’s….” I trailed off, then shrugged. What was he? Third best, after Chris Wilson and Alex Trujillo, in terms of the good-looking guys in my life? That wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t be comparing them. I’d never had a shadow of a chance with Chris, not really, and Alex hadn’t exactly shown any signs of pining for me. “He’s just Adam. We know each other. We get along. It’ll be fine.”

“Now you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself.”

Irritation flared. “Look, Tobias, I appreciate the input, but shouldn’t you be worrying about your own love life?”

An improbable grin lifted his mouth. “Well, it turns out I might not have that much to worry about after all. Rachel told me what you said…and so I asked her again. This time she said she’d think about it.”

Whereas every other time before that I was pretty sure he’d been shot down summarily. “That’s great news. Next time you might actually get a ‘maybe.’”

“A man can hope.” His gaze shifted to the coffee I still held. “Did you end up actually drinking any of that?”

I started, then gave a guilty shrug. “Sorry, guess I was too busy brooding. It did make a good hand warmer, though.”

“Then it wasn’t wasted.” He looked around, at the people walking to and fro, at the cars searching for parking spaces. It was closer to noon now, and the crowds would start to get thicker, even though the real influx of tourists wouldn’t start until tomorrow. “Why don’t you go on home? I think you and Rachel need your space right now, and if it gets busy she can call Riley to come in and help.” A quick glance over his shoulder to the sidewalk across the street, where I realized the other two bodyguards were loitering, pretending to look in a shop window. “Besides, I’m pretty sure Henry and Allegra are getting tired of looking at the same display over and over again.”

A pang of guilt went through me. “You’re right, of course. I should have thought about that. Let’s go back up to the house, and I’ll order some sandwiches from the deli for lunch for everyone.”

“I think they’d like that.” He sort of waved at them, and then jerked his thumb upward, appearing to indicate that we were heading up the hill and back to the house. They nodded and began walking when we did, although they stayed on their side of the street. Didn’t want to be too conspicuous, I supposed.

And actually, hibernating inside for a while seemed like a good idea. Maybe then I’d have a chance to figure out if I really was doing the smart thing…or making the biggest mistake of my life.

“
Y
ou’re what
?” Sydney exclaimed, looking as if she were about to keel over. “You’re going to marry
Adam?
The guy you’ve been avoiding for the past five years?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it
avoiding
,” I protested. “I’m starting to run out of options. And he’s worlds better than the last candidate I had to deal with.”

“That doesn’t sound like much of a recommendation.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and frowned. “Okay, I’ll admit that I’ve always thought he was kind of cute, so I could never really figure out what exactly you had against him, except that you told me he wasn’t your consort and he couldn’t get it through his head that he wasn’t….” A look of puzzlement slipped over her features. “But he isn’t, right? So how does that work? I thought you said — ”

“I did say.” Just when I thought I’d gotten things more or less figured out, Sydney’s questions were only serving to make me confused all over again. “That is, it doesn’t happen very often, but a
prima
can marry someone who isn’t her consort. It’s better this way.” No way was I going into the whole Wilcox thing with her. Obviously she’d figured out that there was something about Flagstaff the McAllisters avoided, since I’d always turned down her offers to drive up there in the summer to avoid the heat. But I’d never elaborated, and Sydney was generally pretty good about not prying.

She wrinkled her nose and lifted her glass of chardonnay, but didn’t take a drink. The day after my blowout with Rachel, Sydney had called, saying plaintively that we hadn’t talked at all, and she wasn’t working today but Anthony was, and could she come up?

I didn’t have the heart to turn her down. Besides, after all the tumult of the past few days, there’d been something very appealing about the thought of sitting down with a friend and just talking things over. Anyway, she would’ve killed me if she’d discovered my plans before I had a chance to tell her myself.

“So…you’re going to wait until the last minute, and if no Prince Charming shows up, then you’ll just marry Adam? With no planning? No flowers, cake?” An expression of comic alarm twisted her features. “No
dress?
”

Oh, boy. “Well, that will come later. I mean, we don’t have to get married right away. We just have to, you know….” I couldn’t quite complete the sentence.

“…have sex,” she finished for me.

I winced.

“Jesus, Angela, don’t be such a prude.” At last she took a swallow of her chardonnay. “It’s just sex.”

Easy for you to say
, I thought. She’d lost her virginity at sixteen. Sleeping with guys was old hat for her. For me it was frightening, unexplored territory. Especially since I’d been told that being with your consort was supposed to be this amazing, life-changing, ecstatic experience. Going to bed with Adam? Probably not.

I took a deep breath. “We haven’t really talked about it, but sure, I know we’ll have some kind of ceremony. We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry — there’ll be a dress. And you can help me shop for it.”

“Awesome.” Relieved that she wouldn’t be completely deprived of the fun of dress shopping, she went full force into a discussion of the various bridal shops in Prescott, and whether they’d be worthy of the occasion, or whether we should go to Scottsdale and find something really special, and how she hoped I wasn’t just going to do something in Spook Hall, and maybe we could have a reception at the Asylum restaurant up at the Grand Hotel at the top of Cleopatra Hill, and….

Listening to all that was enough to tire me out all over again, but I let her rattle on. A wedding didn’t appear to be in her future anytime soon, although she and Anthony seemed to be holding on for the moment. Maybe she’d finally make it past the two-month barrier. And although I hadn’t even stopped to think about dresses or flowers or any of that, Sydney discussing it made the situation seem somehow normal. All I’d been thinking about was how atypical my position was, and so different from what I had imagined my life would be. To someone on the outside looking in, it must not look that strange. Just two young people who’d known each other all their lives suddenly realizing they were supposed to be together.

Only I knew that we weren’t meant to be together. This was a solution to a problem, nothing more. Of course I wasn’t indifferent to Adam — I cared about him, just not in that way.

Maybe someday I’d figure out how to change that.

S
ydney
and I hung out for a while, but she didn’t stay for dinner — she was meeting Anthony down in Cottonwood after he got off work. “You and Adam could come down,” she suggested, as we stopped in the foyer. From the family room came the faint sound of the TV as the afternoon’s bodyguards watched a football game, but I’d gotten so used to the background noise that I hardly paid it any attention anymore. “The four of us could go out to eat together.”

I shook my head. “Maybe some other time. I’m not really feeling the whole ‘going out on the town’ thing.”

She made an exasperated noise. “Having dinner at Nic’s isn’t exactly going out on the town. Besides, maybe you’d feel more…normal…about things if you two did some regular stuff together.”

She did have a point there, but I still wasn’t that interested. For one thing, I was in a sloppy sweater and ratty jeans, and I’d have to change and put on some makeup. It seemed like too much of an effort. Anyway, there would be plenty of time later for all of us to do the whole double-date thing.

I told her as much, and she shrugged. “Have it your way. Just don’t go into hibernation, okay? I know you have your reasons for doing what you’re doing, but don’t hide out just because you’re going to be with Adam.”

“I won’t.”

“I mean it.”

“I swear,” I said.

For a second or two she didn’t say anything. Then, out of nowhere, she reached over and gave me a quick hug. We were never that demonstrative with one another, so I blinked in surprise, wondering what had brought that on.

“It’s going to be okay,” she told me, then squeezed my hand a final time before letting herself out the front door.

I hoped she was right. But I didn’t have time to think about it for much more, since when I turned around I saw Maisie standing in front of me. I gave a little gasp. This was the first time I’d seen her anyplace except wandering around Hull Avenue. I could never be sure whether this was because she couldn’t leave her usual haunts, so to speak, or whether she simply preferred to stay someplace she was familiar with.

“Hi, Maisie,” I said cautiously, keeping my voice down…not that the bodyguards probably could have heard anything over the sound of the football game they were watching.

She didn’t reply at once, but moved in her soundless way into the living room. Once there, she looked around, as if absorbing the decor. I had no idea whether she’d ever visited the place while Great-Aunt Ruby was alive…or the
prima
before her, for that matter.

I followed Maisie and stopped in front of the fireplace, which was dark at the moment; Sydney had said she didn’t want a fire while we hung out, so I’d left it alone. “Um…did you want something?” I asked.

Maisie halted her inspection of the room. “It looks better than I thought it would.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Either she didn’t hear the sarcasm in my voice, or she chose to ignore it. “I’ve heard you’re getting hitched to someone who isn’t your consort.”

“And you’re here to tell me not to?”

“’Course not.” She shook her head, and the curls gathered up at the back of her head danced with the movement. “He seems like a nice young gentleman. Sorta reminds me of my Seth.”

“Seth?” I asked. This was the first time she’d ever mentioned anyone in particular. Considering her previous occupation, I’d sort of assumed she didn’t have anyone.

Her expression grew wistful. “Seth Carlson. He was a miner — came here from somewhere east, Minnesota or Michigan or one of those places. He was saving up his money, wanted to buy a ranch over Prescott way. Wanted to marry me. But then this happened.” She gestured toward herself, and for a few seconds I thought I saw livid black bruises appear on her neck before they disappeared again. “Anyway, your Adam calls Seth to mind, for some reason.”

“So that’s the general consensus of…everyone?” I asked. By “everyone” I meant the dearly departed population of Jerome. To be honest, up until this moment I hadn’t really stopped to think what their input might be. They coexisted with us witches, but aside from me, there wasn’t a lot of interaction. The ghosts were not clan members. McAllisters generally seemed happy enough to move on to the next plane with a minimum of fuss, from what I could tell.

“More or less.” A shadow seemed to pass over her face, and she seemed to go slightly transparent before she gathered herself again. “There’s something…something we can’t see, can’t feel. It’s not one of us. It’s always at the edge of our vision. But something about it doesn’t seem right.”

“Like…” I swallowed. “Like when that apparition showed up in my aunt’s store?”

A small lift of her shoulders under the white pintucked blouse, so prim and proper, so opposite what she’d been when she lived here in Jerome. “Sort of. Not exactly the same…but still cold. It feels like it’s watching.” She shivered, as if recalling a chill she shouldn’t be able to feel at all.

I was cold as well. Time for that fire. I made a small flick of my fingers, and the logs crackled to life, bringing some much-needed warmth to the room. Somehow that wasn’t enough to dispel the ice that seemed to be running through my veins.

“What should I do?” I asked. The words came out in barely a whisper.

She took a step toward me and raised her hand, as if she wanted to pat my shoulder in comfort and then realized that would do no good at all, that her fingers would only move through my body as if it weren’t there. Yes, she looked solid, but she was no more corporeal than a drift of river mist.

“What you are doing,” she replied, sounding a little too cheery. I didn’t know who she was trying to convince…me, or herself. “You have your own watchers, and that’s good. And you have Adam. That’s good, too. He’ll help to keep you safe.”

She seemed certain of that. I could only hope she was right.

T
hree days later
, and only four days to go until my birthday. I could feel time running down, just as the year ebbed to the darkest night, the solstice. In the past I’d always sort of enjoyed having my birthday on that day, of feeling the power of the day I’d come into this world combining with that pivot point when the world shifted back toward the light. Now, though, I could only think that it was an unfortunate combination. It was on the solstice when some of the darkest magic was cast. If I were still vulnerable on that night….

You won’t be,
I told myself.
Because Adam and you will be…together…just a few hours before. Well, unless this one works out.

Talk about your Hail Mary passes. Things were still delicate and uncertain between Aunt Rachel and me, but she’d called late on Saturday afternoon to say she had another candidate for me and that he was coming over on Sunday. It hadn’t been phrased as a question, and I hadn’t bothered to argue. None of the other candidates had worked out, and I had no reason to think this one would be any different. But I figured I might as well humor her.

Adam, of course, hadn’t taken it very well. “Like it’s going to make a difference at this point!” he fumed.

I didn’t bother to point out that he had a vested interest in my not seeing any candidates during this final week before my birthday. “She thinks it might,” I said gently. “I don’t think it will, either, but since she and I are still walking on eggshells around each other, I figure it might make things a little better.” Adam and I were sitting in the nook off the kitchen and drinking coffee; it was a cold, blustery morning, and although the skies threatened, no rain had fallen yet.

“I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I, but it’s just one more thing to get through. Okay?” I’d reached out and laid my hand on his where it rested on the tabletop, and after a second or two he’d knotted his fingers around mine and given them a squeeze. So, not perfect, but at least he wasn’t angry at me. I thought it best not to dwell on his attitude toward Rachel at the moment.

He’d gone back to his apartment, since I thought having him around would only make matters worse. There wasn’t much I could do about the bodyguards, but they’d wisely remained in the sitting room, TV tuned to yet another interminable football game. Allegra was one of the bodyguards today, and she’d seemed less than thrilled about that choice of viewing material, but Boyd and Henry had outvoted her.

The doorbell rang. I drew in a deep breath and went to open the door.

Alex Trujillo stared down at me. I blinked.

No, wait, it wasn’t Alex, but someone who looked so much like him that they had to be closely related. After a quick second glance, I realized this man was older, maybe even as old as thirty. “Another Trujillo?”

“You got me.” He extended a hand, and I took it, hoping I didn’t look as surprised as I felt. Very rarely did two candidates come from the same immediate family. “Diego Trujillo.”

“I’m Angela McAllister.”

“Yeah, I kind of got that,” he said with a grin.

“Come in,” I said quickly, to cover my confusion and embarrassment. “This way.” I shut the door behind him and then led him to the living room. This time I already had a fire going in the hearth, since it was hovering in the mid-40s outside. “Coffee?”

He shook his head. “Just some water would be fine.”

I nodded and hurried off to the kitchen, where I poured a couple of glasses of water and added a slice of lemon to each. The lemon slices had been left behind in the refrigerator by Kirby at some point; he liked to add them to his Coke, apparently. As I put together the drinks, I tried to figure out what Diego Trujillo’s presence meant. He was older than any of the other candidates; everyone else had been under twenty-five. But Aunt Rachel knew I’d found Alex attractive, so maybe she thought she’d try again from the same gene pool. I doubted it would make any difference, although I had to applaud her ingenuity in coming up with this possibility.