Dark Illusion (35 page)

“I burn.” She rolled over onto her back and regarded him steadily. He sat facing her, trying to figure out the puzzle that was Julija. “I’ve always burned. I learned to wear long sleeves all the time and a hat to shade my
face. I wear sunglasses all the time and heavy-duty sunscreen. You won’t ever see me tanning on the beach.”

“Getting a sunburn and actually burning in the sun are two different things,
kessake
.” He called her a cat—she reminded him of one with her lazy way of stretching and then curling back in on herself. “If I were to stay in the sun, it would kill me. I am an ancient and it has become much more difficult to wake early or go to ground late.”

Julija glanced around the chamber. “You thought we would both sleep in the ground.” She made it a statement.

“We did the other night.”

“No, I lay in the soil because it felt good, but I didn’t bury myself deep. I didn’t cover my face. I wouldn’t like that at all, and I don’t need to do it.”

He reached out and gently shackled her ankle, his thumb sliding up and down her skin. “Uh-oh. I believe we are about to have our first real fight,” he said gently. Sadly. Watching her closely.

She sat up as well, but she didn’t pull her leg away. “There’s no need to have a fight. We can do what we did together the other night. We were close, but I didn’t have to feel as if I was being buried alive.”

She put one hand to her throat and then, noticing that he was watching her carefully, stroked it as if that had been her intention all along. He wasn’t buying it.

“Julija, were you ever buried alive? Did someone do that to you?”

He expected her to say Barnabas. He already had the man so entrenched in his mind, he was so absolutely certain, that when she replied, he at first didn’t comprehend.

“My father. Anatolie. He buried me several times.” Her voice was very low, and she looked around the chamber as if she expected him to leap out at her from behind a rock.

Isai sat in silence trying to digest that. What father would be so cruel to his daughter? “Was it a punishment? What crime did you commit that your father would do such a terrible thing?”

She shook her head. Shivering. Wrapping her arms around herself for comfort. Immediately, Isai waved his hand to clothe her in a warm robe.
Gathering her into his arms, he sat in the chair again, this time with his woman cuddled on his lap.

“When I was very young, he wanted to see how much Carpathian I had in me. I remember her crying. Trying to tell him not to do it. She whispered to me all night. Told me to be brave, that she was proud of me.”

“She?” he prompted.

“My birth mother. Francise. I don’t remember much about her, although I try to hold on to her, but I was so young when she died.”

“You said more than once?” He had to know. How could any man do such a thing to a child? He didn’t ask how old she’d been, but he knew, from what she’d told him, that her mother had died when she was very young.

“The second time I was twelve and had gotten my period. Carpathian women don’t have periods. Not like we do.”

“We? Julija, you are Carpathian.”

“I’m both. And mage women have periods, so when mine showed up, Anatolie was furious.” She pushed deeper into his chest, nuzzling with her cheek. “He talked to Crina and she convinced him he needed to be sure.”

Isai wanted to swear, but what was the use? That time she’d had no mother to whisper to her as she’d lain beneath the earth.

“It was the most terrifying night of my life. I thought a million times that I was going to suffocate. I could feel my air closing off, and I just don’t think I can do that again.”

“The third time? Was Barnabas involved?” He was just so certain. The man was cruel. He liked hurting things. Xaviero had been crueler than any other mage ever recorded. If Barnabas was his son, trained in his ways from childhood, there was a good chance that he was equally as cruel.

“He objected strenuously when Anatolie told him he was going to test me again. I don’t remember how old I was at that point, but years had gone by. Barnabas left angry and threatened retaliation if I was harmed. It felt strange to have him stand up for me and, more, to threaten revenge. In any case, I was able to get through the night, but I didn’t like it.”

He heard in her voice the struggle she’d had with sanity, but he didn’t question her further, wondering why Barnabas had passed up his chance
to be cruel. “Was that before you knew he was involved in a cruel hoax on you?”

“Yes. When I first started attending his classes. Anatolie told him I was Carpathian but when he fed, he said he didn’t believe it. My blood wasn’t . . . intoxicating or powerful enough.”

There it was. Barnabas had deliberately sneered at blood that was both those things as well as compelling. There had never been a doubt in his mind that Julija was Carpathian, but he’d wanted to appear to her as a man who would stand up to her father. She still didn’t get that he had been the instigator, deliberately questioning so Anatolie would put her in the ground.

Isai didn’t enlighten her. It was over with. Barnabas hadn’t been showing her kindness at all. He kissed her upturned lips. “Let’s get you in the soil, but just like the other night. You will not be buried, Julija.”

He opened the earth right over the spot she’d been playing in earlier. Calling the cats to them, he slid down into the cool soil, removing her robe as he did so. Holding her close to him, he waited until all the cats were with them before he covered them with a thick blanket of dirt. All the cats wanted to be pressed close and under the soil. In the end he lay with his head out of the bed of dirt with his woman curled right into him. Only when she fell asleep did he cover himself
completely.

The wind howled across the lake, carrying the promise of snow. Every gust sent a bitter cold, chasing the needles off the trees. At times the howl turned to shrieks of fury, as if winter herself was angry with waiting. Above, the clouds were heavy and growing darker with each passing hour. Although the moon was full, shining her light was difficult through the gray shadows crossing the night sky.

Julija shivered and moved closer to Isai. “I don’t like this weather. It came on too fast.”

“It is real, little mage,” he assured, curving his arm around her waist. “If it were not, I would have stashed you somewhere safe, even had I been forced to send you to sleep.”

She widened her eyes at him, a little shocked, but anger stirred beneath the astonishment. “You can really do that?”

“Yes.” He sounded distant, matter-of-fact. Not paying attention to their conversation.

Isai wasn’t looking down at her, but out, over the lake. They had to walk around it, circling the entire lake. Finding the exact spot where Iulian had sacrificed his life in order to seal the book to the lake wouldn’t
be easy. They were counting on the fact that she had a connection with Iulian and would pick up his trail when they came across it, and that Iulian’s blood would call to Isai’s. If they were wrong, and this hadn’t been the last place he’d come, she had no idea what they were going to do. The Sierras were a huge mountain range and finding Iulian’s resting place would be impossible.

“I can do that, too,” she said.

Isai scanned the rocks around the lake, and then the meadow, his senses and attention on making certain they were safe. That was his job, while hers was to pick up any psychic footprint Iulian had left behind. He was doing a better job than she was, and for some reason, she’d woken up annoyed. She sighed. Not annoyed. That wasn’t the truth. She rubbed her palm over the mark of the dragon. She should have told him everything she believed. It sounded ridiculous, even to her, but the thoughts kept coming into her head and she couldn’t keep them out. It was a good thing she didn’t have his full attention.

“You have my full attention,” Isai said, still not looking at her. He slid his hand down her hip to cover the hand over the mark of the Dragonseeker on her body. “And you cannot put me to sleep, even with your mage spells,
sívamet
. Not unless I give my consent.”

“Why would you think that?” she challenged, more because she didn’t want to think too much about why she was so disgruntled and out of sorts.

He pressed his hand over hers and then moved it up to cover her womb. Her heart jumped, and she looked up at him. His eyes met hers, sapphire blue, deeper than any color she’d ever seen. His eyes held knowledge, too much. She had to look away, feeling the inevitable burn of tears. She wasn’t going to cry in front of him. Not again. Not when it seemed to her that in every crisis, that was her first reaction.

“This is not a crisis,” he murmured. He curled his fingers around hers, took her hand off her dragon and brought her fingertips to his lips.

She snuck another quick peek at him, her heart pounding so hard it hurt. Once again, he was scanning the entire area around them. Their six shadow cats had spread out under orders from Isai. He was certain they would be attacked the moment they found the book. She didn’t feel eyes
on them, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anyone or anything watching them. She supposed the smart thing to do would be to hang back, let them find the book and then attack.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

“No.” Her voice was tight. She couldn’t help it. She was turning into one of
those
girls. Needy. Leaning on him. And now she’d trapped him.

“Do you remember how it felt when I put you over my knees and spanked your rather superb bottom?”

There was something in his voice, an equal tightness. She glanced up warily, but he was looking over the lake again.

“Yes.” She bit her lip and kept her head down, staring at the icy ground. The blades of grass looked as if they were lined with frost, lending them a silvery appearance. Even though it was cold, and the wind was really kicking up a fuss, it was a beautiful world to be sharing with a man she was falling in love with. Or maybe she was already gone. Completely. Maybe she loved him so much she was afraid they would lose their chance at a life together, because he would never stop doing what he thought was right.

“I suggest that you bring that memory up and revisit it. Let yourself feel it all over again.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“We can re-create it if you would rather.”

His voice was so mild she looked up at him sharply. There was nothing mild about his expression. He wore his stone-face. Implacable. Filled with resolve.

“Isai . . .” She started hesitantly. He was upset with her. Isai didn’t get upset.

“Trapped me? You do not want to talk about it? You are my lifemate. You were born with the other half of my soul. We are destined to be together. You may not have wanted that fate, but you accepted it. We are tied together and there is no way to break that bond. I knew the first time I made love to you. Not the first time we had sex, but that very first time, when we came together, and I was loving you. You know when. I knew it happened then and I waited for you to say something. Your dragon grew
bright and hot. Glowing. I saw him. I felt him. He didn’t hide from me because he knew I was your other half. He would never have allowed such a thing to happen with another man.”

There was a bite to his voice that made her wince. They walked for a few steps, the pace slow, as if they were two lovers strolling around the lake together. She wore a warm coat, long, with weapons hidden in the inside lining where there were loops to hold them. The hood was warm and covered the back of her neck, the lining made of some material Isai had come up with to shield her from any weapon should they be attacked. She had reinforced that armor with a protection spell.

“Why do you insist on casting me in the worst possible light, Julija?”

Her heart twisted and squeezed down hard. Was there hurt in his voice? “Isai, I don’t do that. My insecurities have nothing to do with you. You’re like this larger-than-life hero who has come into my life and swept me off my feet. You’re perfect, other than that spanking thing.” She tried to insert a little humor, but it fell flat. She wasn’t feeling humorous. She wanted to cry for herself. For him. For the knowledge that they weren’t going to survive this deadly task.

“Everything seems so fated. Like we have no choices. I knew when we talked purity that innocence was involved and, low and behold, I believe absolutely that I’m pregnant. There is an innocent life growing inside me. It hasn’t had time to even develop and yet I’m taking it into a conflict that we have little chance of living through. More, I will use my blood,
our
blood, the blood of my unborn child in an attempt to destroy a book that is so vile that I would never want my child on the same continent with it.” She had known the moment she realized she was pregnant that it would be a combination of their blood, the child’s, hers and Isai’s. It was fated. None of them had a way out.

“This is not so. We could turn our backs on our duty.”

“You would never do that.” She tried not to sound bitter.

“Neither would you.”

He turned her to face him, to stand directly in front of him. She realized that tears were running down her face when he brushed at them with his hands.

“Julija, why wouldn’t you tell me of your fears instead of jealously guarding them, keeping them from your lifemate? I am your partner. When you are afraid, when you have these kinds of worries, who better to share them with?”

She’d been alone so long, holding things to herself, she almost didn’t know how to reach out and share with him. This? This was huge. She wrapped both arms around her body, trying to shield her child. “I don’t want this for our child. I don’t want either of us to die here. We haven’t had a chance at a life together. We have to do this and even if we didn’t, Barnabas and Anatolie won’t ever let me leave.”

“Anatolie might, but you are correct: Barnabas is not going to leave you alone. I know you fear his power, Julija, and you have every reason to do so. I believe you are a match for Anatolie. Barnabas, no. But together, you and me, I believe we are. I feel very strongly about that. Now we have a third. A triangle of power.”

“I don’t want our child to have been conceived because we need him or her to complete this task. It feels like I did that. Worse, we haven’t been together five minutes and already there’s a baby coming. Who wants that?” She pressed her fingers to her mouth and to her horror, they were trembling.

“
I
want that, Julija. I hope you want it as well. Neither of us planned for it . . .”

“But we didn’t do anything to not make it happen. That was irresponsible of me. Of both of us. I knew I wasn’t on birth control. I had been, but the shot wore off and I didn’t get back in because . . . well . . . for reasons.” She hadn’t wanted the doctor to see her with bruises and lacerations from the shadow cats. They hadn’t accepted her help easily. If the doctor had told her father, they all would have found out. “That doesn’t matter. I should have been careful.”

He shook his head. “It would not have mattered how careful you were. You are Carpathian. Your birth control did not prevent you from getting pregnant. In your case, your dragon did. Or maybe both, your Carpathian nature and your dragon. We do not have the exact same concerns as humans. Perhaps mages do, but we do not. A Carpathian’s body
releases the egg only when it believes it is the right time for that being to come into the world. Sometimes it is only one every fifty years or so. Sometimes longer. A few lucky ones are close together and raised that way. You do not have the control.”

She shook her head. No matter what he said, it didn’t take away from the fact that their child was barely a thought and yet already he or she would be going into a very dangerous situation. If Anatolie or Barnabas found out she carried a Carpathian child, one fathered by a powerful ancient, they would move heaven and earth to get her back. She knew both would abandon their quest for the book, at least for the moment, in order to secure her. Like Elisabeta, she would become a prisoner.

Isai framed her face with both hands and gently ran his thumbs over her cheeks. “Like Elisabeta, you have been a prisoner your entire life. You tried not to look at it that way because you had some freedoms, but that was what it amounted to. It will not happen again. They cannot have you. You are free now, Julija. You can soar through the sky or lie with your feet up in a house of your choosing. You will meet many men and women back at Tariq’s compound. They will offer you sincere friendships and you will be able to wreak havoc with the other women and laugh about it. Our child will play with their children in a safe environment, well protected from vampires, mages or any other danger. As for me, I want you with every breath I take. Not just your body, but your heart and mind. You bring me joy. This child,
our
child, how could it not bring the same to me? To us?”

“This book . . .” She tried to hold on to fear and distress when he was so matter-of-fact.

“We have a plan to destroy this book. The very fact that you are pregnant only reinforces that we are on the right path. I have absolute confidence that we can destroy it.”

“I’m so afraid,” she admitted, trying not to let her teeth chatter.

“You should have told me. Come to me when you have these fears. We are meant to face them together.”

“If we’re wrong about Iulian and this isn’t where he was last?”

He shrugged. “Then all along we were not meant to destroy it. We leave fate to find another couple and we return to the compound. Ferro will not wait much longer for Elisabeta, and you need to be there to help her through her transition. It will be very hard on her.”

Julija appreciated him understanding about Elisabeta. She had never had such a friend. They hadn’t really spent any time in physical form together, it had almost always been telepathically, but the conversations were meaningful, and they told each other almost everything. Elisabeta meant quite a lot to her and Julija had given her word that she would be there to help her when she rose. Of course, at the time, neither knew of the complication that her lifemate would be right there in the same place where they had put her to ground.

Isai brought her in close to him, his arms around her. “You have to get to a place, Julija, where you fully trust me. I think we are there and then you retreat.”

She opened her mouth to deny it, but then she snapped it closed. He was right. Her ear was over his heart and she listened to that steady beat. “They wanted a baby from me. A baby whose father was Carpathian. They discussed ways to achieve that goal. I overheard them talking. One of the ways was to deceive me into thinking that any Carpathian male was my lifemate.”

Isai rarely reacted to anything, but she felt the difference in him immediately. A kind of raw fury burst through him. He shook with it. Not overtly, but rather beneath his skin where no one would see, but she felt it. That fury ran like a river, very deep in him and anything or anyone caught in it was risking their life.

“I assure you, woman, I am your lifemate. There is no other and there will never be any other. There is no hoax. You are free to examine my mind at any time. I will hold nothing back from you, not even the things I have seen in this life that you should never see. If that is what it takes to convince you I am real, and you belong to me, then that is what we will do.”

Julija bit down hard on her lip. She had never seen Isai’s cool
demeanor so intense, or electric. He meant every word. The sapphire eyes burned into her. Burned deep. She held her breath, thinking flames burned behind that blue.

“We have to be totally in sync, Julija. This entire lake could be a trap. The moment we bring that book to the surface, we will be attacked. We do not know who or how many enemies we will have coming at us. If we are not totally together, if you do not trust me implicitly, we are not going to survive.”