Darcy's Passions (36 page)

“Fitzwilliam, when I saw the lace in London, I kept thinking you were somewhere close by and thinking ill of me. By that time, I read your letter at least a dozen times, and I knew if not for my prejudices, I could be choosing this very lace for my wedding. I went back to the lace several times, but I did not buy it because I thought you were lost to me forever. I was discovering myself—how I judged people—how I judged you.You offered me an honor with your proposal. I foolishly threw your love away. It was the first time I admitted to myself I carried any feelings for you.”

“Then the lace was meant for you, Elizabeth,” he whispered as he moved a strand of hair away from her face.

She reached for the hair at the back of his neck, rubbing her finger along the shirt line.“I used to tell Jane the problem with our parents' marriage was Mama always waited for Papa to make the
grand
gesture. She is a very foolish woman, but as much as I adore my father, I believe she wants only some of his attention—the things he showed her when they were first married. They forgot what brought them together.You, Fitzwilliam Darcy, gave me more today than my parents have given to each other in years. You obtained the lace for a woman who thoroughly abused you and refused you.What did I ever do to deserve your love?You made the grand gesture without ever knowing I would love you in return.”

Darcy took her hand and brought it to his lips. “Elizabeth,” he
too hesitated before saying what he now realized, “you will be—we will be wiser—my parents loved in a manner appropriate for their time and station, but they only showed regard for our family circle, leaving me with all my false pride.You admire your father's abilities and are grateful for his approval, but you understand although you love his wit, it has its limitations. Do not second-guess; being his daughter does not mean you will make Mr. Bennet's mistakes any more than I will make those of my father.We are not our parents; our love will be freer, more open—more hopeful.There is no guarantee, Elizabeth; you are more vulnerable than is your father because you love life. That is one of the many reasons I fell in love with you.”

She nodded as he spoke, and Darcy watched as she shook her head as if to shake off the desperation she felt. The shift of her shoulders and the glint of her eyes told him she was ready to face their life together devoid of the apprehension she just experienced. In due time, playfulness rose again. “When, Love, did you know you cared for me? How could you begin? I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?”

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

“My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners—my behavior to you was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now, be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?”

“I believe it was your wit—the liveliness of your mind of which I first took note.”

“You may call it impertinence, my Love, for it was very little else.The fact is, that you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious attention. You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking, and looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused and interested you because I was so unlike them. There—I have saved you the trouble of accounting for it. To be
sure, you knew no actual good of me; but nobody thinks of that when they fall in love.”

Darcy loved the quickness of her mind, and he picked up on her playfulness.“I pray thee now, tell me for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?”

Elizabeth recognized the familiar Shakespearean lines offered up by Benedick and Beatrice.“For them all together, which maintained so politic a state of evil they will not admit any good to intermingle with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?”

Darcy's laugh resonated; the woman stirred him in unfamiliar ways. He took a countenance of false hurt. “Suffer love! A good epithet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.”

“In spite of your heart, I think, alas, poor heart!” Her hand rested on his chest.

He touched her chin with his finger; it was the same gesture he used with Georgiana.“Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.” He pulled her to him once again.Then they both found happiness in such shared moments.Taking a more serious tone, he then said, “I told your father, Elizabeth, your affectionate behavior for Jane when she was ill at Netherfield touched my heart. I wanted a person such as you to be Georgiana's sister.”

She turned to him.“Why when you came to Longbourn were you so shy and did not speak to me? Even when you dined here you looked as though you did not care about me.”

“I tried to read your countenance, and you were grave and silent; you gave me no encouragement.”

“I was the same as when you first found me at Pemberley. I was embarrassed.”

“And so was I.”

“You might have talked to me more when you came to dinner.”

“A man who felt less might.”

“You are very lucky, Mr. Darcy,” she teased, “your answer is so reasonable, and I am reasonable enough to accept it.”

He took her hand.“Let us walk for awhile. I love being outdoors.”

“I am anxious,” she said looking up at him, “to see Pemberley again. I wish to walk its many pathways.”

“I have much of our home I wish to share with you, Elizabeth.”

“Despite our contentious times at Rosings, our walks produced some fond memories.The field of wildflowers was beautiful!”

“You were beautiful, turning around and around in it. I could barely contain my ardor! That image lulled me to sleep on many a night.”

“You thought me not foolish?”

“Elizabeth, you have no idea what effect you had on me.”

“
Had,
Sir?”

He scoffed,“I am not the man I was then.”

“Thank goodness, neither of us is what we were then.”

They walked on in silence for a few moments. Finally, she tentatively began again. “I was anxious to go to Hunsford; Charlotte's marriage to Mr. Collins placed a wedge in our relationship; I missed my friend, but I dreaded seeing Mr. Collins again.”

“Because of his proposal?” His knowledge of her private affairs surprised her.“I cannot say, Elizabeth, it gave me much pleasure to know I was in the same category as the colorful Mr. Collins. The only pleasure I received from its knowledge was you would not
settle
in a marriage. I would have to earn your love.”

“My mother wished me to marry Mr. Collins no matter how unsuitable a match.”

“Then how did you avoid it? Did your father, too, not insist?” Darcy asked the question although he knew Mr. Bennet allowed Elizabeth the choice.

Elizabeth remembered fondly her father's support against Mrs. Bennet's will. “No, Sir, he did not. He simply said if I did not marry Mr. Collins, Mama would never speak to me again, and if I did agree to marry Mr. Collins, he would never see me again.”

Darcy laughed softly. “Hopefully, he did not say something similar to you about me, but I must thank your father for his insight. When I heard of the proposal, Elizabeth, I . . . I cannot explain . . . the revulsion of the idea . . . Mr. Collins and you brought
about murderous thoughts.” His features darkened suddenly with the words.

Elizabeth reached up to soothe his brow with her fingertips; fortunately, the approach of Bingley and Miss Bennet interrupted his apprehension. “We were going to the house for some refreshments,” Jane began.“May we all go together?”

“Yes, it seems we have some mutual plans to discuss.”

 

The couples sat together in the drawing room at Longbourn. Mrs. Bennet graciously went to town to spread the news of Elizabeth's “conquest” to her sister Mrs. Phillips and to Mrs. Lucas. She took both Mary and Kitty with her so the intendeds served as each other's chaperones, allowing them to speak openly. Jane Bennet served the tea and the afternoon cakes and fruit. When she finished, she turned to her sister's choice for a husband. “Mr. Darcy, I cannot tell you how happy Charles and I are you and my sister have finally found each other. We often spoke of the possibilities, but we never thought it would happen. We wish you the same happiness we expect for ourselves.”

“Yes,” Bingley added with a smirk, “Miss Elizabeth, we are relieved you are putting my friend out of his misery.”

Elizabeth smiled. “It is my true pleasure, Mr. Bingley.” She sipped on her tea.

“I offer you similar congratulations, Miss Bennet,” Darcy began.“Everything has come about so quickly, none of us have had time to reflect on our good luck.”

“Darcy,” Bingley began, calling his friend's attention back to him, “it seems our brides landed on an idea which needs our mutual approval.”

“They are artful women.” Both ladies blushed slightly, but it was Elizabeth who recovered her voice first.

“Jane and I are so close. Fitzwilliam, you and Mr. Bingley are such good friends. Our idea was for us to share our wedding day.”

“Elizabeth,” Darcy began,“I can think of nothing more pleasant than to marry you as soon as possible, but as Charles is my dear
friend, I would not want to intrude on his day with your sister.”

“Nonsense, Darcy,” Bingley broke in, “I can think of nothing I would like more.We are friends; we will be brothers on the same day.”

“If you are sure, Bingley,” Darcy leaned forward to shake Bingley's hand.“I fully accept; it is settled then.”

“May we set a date then?” Jane put in shyly, not used to asserting herself in company.

“I would like to do so before the festive days,” Elizabeth added. “I know this sounds impetuous and probably a little demanding, and I do not mean it to seem so.” She lowered her eyes, realizing how boldly she spoke. Darcy reached across the seat and took her hand in his, bringing it to his lap and pulling her closer to him.

Jane Bennet reiterated her sister's opinion, but not so boldly. “It is the first week of October,” she began. “The earliest date we could consider with a proper reading of the banns is early to mid-November.”

“November,” Bingley thought about it for a few seconds, “will come soon enough.”

“Fitzwilliam,” Elizabeth turned to him, “I wanted to ask you something privately, but this conversation leads me to it sooner than I intended.”

“Go on, Elizabeth,” he encouraged her.“You need only to ask, and if it is in my power, it is yours.”

“I am ashamed to speak so in front of your friend,” she stammered.

“Miss Elizabeth, you are to be my sister soon,” Mr. Bingley responded. “I will not judge ill of you for what you say among us four.”

“I really do not know how to broach the subject without seeming greedy or prideful.” Darcy's light chuckle sustained her nerves, and she went on. “When Mama heard of my marrying Fitzwilliam, you can imagine her surprise.”

Jane Bennet snorted with suppressed laughter. “You will be happy to know, Mr. Darcy, the news literally silenced our mother for some time.” Darcy smiled at the playful wit of his new sister; it
was something he did not expect to find.

Elizabeth began again. “Anyway, Mama in her ravings said something I did not consider before, but I will ask if it is possible. Mama suggested a special license.”

“Elizabeth!” Jane gasped.

Darcy's eyes could not be diverted from the anxious look on Elizabeth's face.“Is that what you want, Elizabeth?”

“The honor of a special license means nothing to me; I do not see it as a symbol of status, and I care not for a large wedding; family and a few friends are all I need besides you, Fitzwilliam. A special license just means we would not have to wait so long.”

“I would wish for no more either, Charles,” Jane Bennet added.

“What say you, Charles?” Darcy turned to him.

“A special license—can we arrange such a convenience, Darcy?”

Darcy turned to Elizabeth.“If Elizabeth wishes a special license, I will apply for one immediately.”

“I would want to be your wife, Fitzwilliam, as soon as possible.”

“Then we will apply for a special license,” Bingley added in reassurance.“What date will we choose?”

“Monday—a fortnight,” Elizabeth offered.

“Our poor mother,” Jane began. “Her nerves will be such a flutter.”

Realizing her mother preferred her other sisters, Elizabeth offered,“But she will only go through it once.”

“I must make arrangements for Georgiana to join us. I may bring her to Netherfield; may I not, Charles?”

“Of course, Darcy, you need not ask.”

Darcy turned back to the man whose friendship he never valued properly until of late. “It seems our days are numbered, Charles.” Darcy laughed lightly, but he squeezed Elizabeth's hand to reassure his speech was in jest.“This evening at Netherfield, you and I will take care of the legal matters, the marriage articles, the application for the special license, and the church. I will send for Georgiana to come to your home.Are your sisters on their way?”

“They come at the end of the month. I will wait to tell them of the change in plans. Their arrival will be soon enough.” Charles Bingley's face showed the angst he felt concerning his sisters' arrivals. Jane Bennet, sensing his discomfort, interlocked her arm through his.

“Miss Bennet,” Darcy offered her a slight nod of the head,“you have earned the love of one of the finest men I know.”