9
We both got back to my flat at around 9.30pm. Neither of us were in the mood to cook so I rang Perveen’s for a takeout. Fuzz went straight to her laptop and Skype and started calling in favours and hitting pilots’ forums. I scooped up my doormat mail and got the plates out for us. Busy morning ahead tomorrow. There was a postcard from Asma and Bambi, and a letter from St Andrews University terrorism studies course. I had to complete a module. I laughed inwardly. Oh the irony. I
had
fallen a bit behind lately, what with being shot at by everyone from the Syrian Army to mad wahaabis and then tied to a massive van-bomb. I was sure they’d understand.
An hour or so later, me and Fuzz were deep into our various laptop excursions. The takeout had arrived. Behind us on my wall TV the Parliament Channel was showing George Galloway giving the other side an almighty bollocking about the last couple of months. Go on George, I thought to myself.
Fuzz looked up. ‘Sorted. The main thing I’m doing tomorrow is looking at Iron Maiden’s Boeing loadout down in ATC Lasham. But before that, we have an appointment at Chrome Flightplan in Crawley.’
I nodded back at her. ‘OK ukhti. By the way - how are the rest of the girls getting on?’
Fuzz looked up again and seemed to be sorting through a mental Rolodex. After a minute she replied.‘Duckie was last heard of in a known Combat 18/Infidels pub in Stoke-on-Trent. That's a bit of a tightrope. Calamity and Sadie are on a sniper course in the States, down at the bloke from YouTube's range. What's his face, the guy you laugh at... Professional Russian? They're brushing up on the non-shooting bits. Y'know, sniper-as-reconnaissance.’
I pulled her up on that.‘He's not actually Russian and hang on a minute... what? Has she still not dropped yet? Pregnant? In that heat? She's nuts.’
‘...And we got the mother of all bollockings from Maryam's mum. You can imagine the phone calls. Why was her daughter running around being shot when she should be doing her homework etc. she's so grounded etc.’
‘Where did she end up that night?’
‘We plonked her in UCL A and E. She wouldn't have said anything, she hates cops’, said Fuzz blithely.
‘Jesus, you are some tough chicas.’
‘Wouldn't have it any other way... ’
‘And Roadrunner?’
‘You'll like this. She put a plank on the accelerator of the fire appliance and launched it into the Thames.’
My various email addresses were pinging. Three new emails. First one was a Liveleak update. Oh brilliant, here was the new viral video from the Blackeyes, starring Bang-Bang chainsawing Iqeel al-Afghani’s head off. It had gone global. I could tell it was her, behind that crazy Mexican sugar-skull makeup.
The second email was from a Salafi friend of mine. He’d forwarded this month’s update from the conspiracy magazine Notes from the Glue Factory. They were leading with… fucking hell, they were leading with a picture of me running down the bottom level of Westfield Stratford with an AK. It was captioned “dead al-Qaeda terrorist?” The shot must have come from a bystander’s mobile. The MOD now had an office designated DS35 devoted entirely to scooping up any footage from Black Thursday, be it CCTV or mobile phones, anything. This must have slipped through the net.
The next photo really shook me. It was a photo of Bang-Bang’s M14 rifle, lying on the floor in that mess of blood. It was captioned “Covert British Army unit weapon?”
I took a deep breath. I opened the last email.
It was an office circular from Toots. It read-
From
:
Tasneem
Khani
(
tkhani
@
kts
.
co
.
uk
)
Sent
:
24
Sept
2012
14
:
28
:
33
CC
:
Riz
Sabir
(
rsabir
@
kts
.
co
.
uk
)
Subject
:
ANALYSIS
OF
TRENDS
AND
INTENTS
WITHIN
ANTI
-
ISLAMIC
GROUPS
STAFF
EYES
ONLY
NODIST
Recent
terrorist
outrages
have
prompted
UK
Nationalist
and
right
-
wing
extremist
groups
to
attempt
counterprotests
in
Muslim
-
majority
areas
.
The
English
Defence
League
leadership
appear
to
be
planning
major
marches
or
static
demos
outside
mosques
in
Manchester
and
Birmingham
.
The
breakaway
Infidels
groups
,
who
have
links
with
Combat
18
,
are
planning
what
they
refer
to
as
“
days
of
rage
”
on
the
same
days
,
with
flashmobs
outside
mosques
.
EDL
leadership
has
disassociated
themselves
from
Infidel
/
C18
involvement
(
opportunity
for
action
here
?).
Elements
from
European
far
-
right
groups
also
appear
to
be
planning
to
attend
these
events
. (
cf
Belgian
and
Danish
Int
.)
SOCMINT
would
appear
to
indicate
Vlaams
Blok
,
SIOE
,
NDL
,
and
many
others
have
elements
heading
to
UK
in
the
next
few
weeks
.
All
of
the
above
also
coincides
with
today’s
anniversary
of
the
death
of
Ian
Stuart
Donaldson
,
former
lead
singer
of
Skrewdriver
.
Blood
and
Honour
will
be
attempting
gigs
as
close
to
this
date
as
possible
.
So
far
no
gigs
have
taken
place
but
B
&
H
are
attempting
to
book
decoy
venues
in
East
London
and
the
Midlands
.
Two
other
items
of
interest
.
First
-
Bloed
,
Bodem
,
Eer
en
Trouw
(
BBET
; "
Blood
,
Soil
,
Honour
and
Loyalty
"),
a
Flemish
Neo
-
Nazi
group
,
has
recently
successfully
infiltrated
members
into
and
/
or
recruited
members
in
the
Belgian
armed
forces
.
These
elements
are
rumoured
to
be
actively
stockpiling
weapons
from
foreign
conflict
zones
that
can
be
transferred
to
Europe
via
military
channels
.
Second
–
Anders
Breivik
is
communicating
via
letters
to
supporters
on
the
outside
,
and
has
mentioned
his
“
English
mentor
”
aka
“
Lionheart
/
Lionhearted
”
several
times
.
Security
services
are
actively
attempting
to
trace
this
person
,
IF
they
exist
.
See
attached
files
for
NATO
security
services
reports
.
ENDS
TK
Free
Resilience
HealthCheck
Events
taking
place
in
London
during
2012
have
raised
the
UK’s
threat
level
to
critical
.
As
such
businesses
are
being
urged
to
consider
the
risks
that
such
events
may
bring
.
Use
KTS’s
free
online
Resilience
HealthCheck
to
assess
your
risk
management
–
and
get
advice
on
reducing
your
organisational
vulnerability
.
www
.
kts
.
co
.
uk’
Even better. More crap to stir into the pot. I made a mental note to contact Tommy Robinson, infamous leader of the EDL, when… if… I got back from wherever I was headed. I was chinstrapped. I looked up at the lounge light. The light was filling my vision.
The light was very bright. It was one of those disco mirror balls. Hang on a minute. I was asleep. No, I was definitely awake. Farzana Shaheen was onstage. Graham Norton introduced her. She sang Yes My Darling Daughter with the entire Windmill Club Band behind her. I
was at the bar trying to lose myself in a martini but she had my attention. I used to come and watch her do standup at tough east London clubs where she'd get in fights and lose teeth. Certain members of the audience would always take exception to a mad Paki bird ripping the piss out of them onstage, and more often than not it would kick off. Fuzz never held back though, she had a punch on her like a mule-kick. Heck, I'd been at the one where Calamity thought Al Murray was a real pub landlord and had climbed onstage to get her pint back. The ensuing fight had been like something out of a Western.