Daisy Lane (22 page)

As she had when her mother and grandmother were buried, she wondered where her grandfather had gone. Was he in the heaven he thought no one was good enough to get into or in the fiery pit where he was sure everyone was eventually headed? He would be irritated if he saw all the people he had verbally consigned to that place waiting for him. He would shake his head and sigh, forever condemned to put up with all the people he hated, for eternity. That would be hell for him.

Wherever it was, would he meet Nino there? Maybe Nino would say, “Hello, you might not remember me but I died on your front porch. That was my glass swan you found.”

Would her grandmother be there, and her mother? Would they be the same people, or somehow better, nicer people? Would her mother be sane?

Or was there nothing, no place, and no one, just a coffin covered in dirt and a vacant space where there once was a person? That thought made Grace shiver and feel hollow inside. She was reminded of the dark thoughts she’d had in the cupboard that day. How could she ever have thought she’d be better off to run toward this awful place? It would be better to fight against it for as long as she was able. She looked up at the bright blue sky. She wouldn’t be able to see that if she died.

Grandpa was to be buried next to Grandma, with Grace’s mother on the other side; just as in life, Grandma stayed in the middle to keep the two hotheads apart.

They had a canopy set up and its flaps were blowing in the sharp wind. Kay put her arm around Grace and said, “I should have got you a coat.”

Only a few people came to the graveside, most of them Fitzpatricks. They gathered around her and each would occasionally touch her, as if to remind her they were there. Grace was glad for the company as well as the wind block.

The minister talked some more, quoted the Bible and then said the “ashes to ashes” part, which meant it was almost over. Grace felt light-headed, and could feel herself sway. It was the oddest feeling, as if her soul wanted to leave her body and soar away, but just for the briefest moment. She heard Kay say, “Scott!” with quiet urgency and then the next thing she knew she was in the long black car again. Kay was saying, “She probably just needs something to eat.”

At the community center Grace realized she had run out of whatever fortification it was that had brought her to this point. She didn’t want to talk to any more people or feel their prying eyes upon her; she didn’t want to be the object of so much attention, well-intentioned or not. She wanted, she needed to hide somewhere, sleep if she had to, anything to get away. She was feeling almost panicked but didn’t know how to say it. She was having trouble meeting anyone’s eyes; she was fighting the urge to flee.

“Hey,” said Sam, who had come up so silently in his wheelchair that she hadn’t noticed him. “Had enough?”

She nodded, and tears swam in her eyes.

“Come with me,” he said.

Grace followed him across the large room and through a hallway, past the cloak room and bathrooms, and out a side door. Just outside they paused on a porch at the top of cement stairs that led to a sheltered grassy area facing nothing but trees and sky.

“Have a seat,” he said. “Here, this is Hannah’s.”

Sam gave Hannah’s jacket to Grace and she put it on. She let out a long, deep breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, and sat down on the top stair.

He offered her some cookies wrapped up in a napkin.

“I stole these from Hannah’s plate,” he said. “But don’t worry, there were plenty left. Her pockets are probably full as well.”

Grace took the cookies and nibbled on one.

“You’re like me,” he said. “There’s only so much community support we can take.”

“They’re all so nice,” she said. “I don’t want to seem ungrateful.”

“Don’t worry,” Sam said. “I think you’ve done enough smiling and thanking people for one day. It can get to the point where if one more person looks at you with pity in their eyes you just want to scream.”

“Yes,” breathed Grace. “Exactly.”

“We can talk or just sit here,” he said. “Either way suits me.”

“How long will you have to stay in that chair?” she asked.

“Until my knees heal up,” he said. “If it were up to Hannah, I’d stay in it forever.”

“Because she worries,” Grace said.

“Yep,” he said. “But people have to go and do brave things sometimes, even if they get hurt; even if they die.”

“Where do you think people go after they die?” Grace said.

“We won’t know until we go,” Sam said. “Anything anybody else tells you is just their best guess.”

“So you’re not, like, religious at all,” she said.

“Nope,” he said. “I definitely think it’s a big mystery, and the truth may be something we can’t even imagine, but nothing anyone believes is worth starting a war over.”

“Is that what your war was over?”

“Depends on whom you ask,” he said. “Some might say it was about who gets to control billions of dollars of oil reserves.”

“What do you think?”

“I think it was a combination of a lot of things,” Sam said. “I fought because I believed our country’s freedom was at stake. I still believe in fighting for that, every time, no questions asked. Other people had different stakes that had nothing to do with that. No matter how honorable a cause is, there’s always somebody looking to make a dime off the back end.”

“Did you kill people in the war?”

Sam looked at her with a facial expression she couldn’t read.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s none of my business.”

“I did,” he said. “And I saw plenty of my friends get killed as well. It’s an awful, horrible thing to kill a person. It haunts you ever after. But in the moment I wasn’t thinking about killing at all. I just wanted to survive, and to protect the soldiers in my unit. The thing is, you see, the people shooting at us were doing the same thing: believing their freedom, their families, and their friends’ lives were at stake. You think about that long enough and it’ll drive you crazy.”

“Do you still see anyone you were with over there?”

“Not often,” Sam said. “Some of the strongest bonds I ever formed were with the people in my unit. I would do anything for them and them for me.”

“That’s a kind of love, isn’t it?” Grace said.

“It is,” Sam said.

“And you feel that way about Hannah and Sammy, too.”

“Absolutely,” Sam said. “But just like me they both want to go out in the world and have adventures. It killed me not to be able to get to Sammy and protect him from those dogs. I didn’t feel like much of a dad that day.”

“But Sammy had the dogs to protect him,” Grace said. “I think they’d do anything to keep him safe.”

“And he had you,” Sam said. “I saw you swinging that tree branch. I thought, ‘Those dogs are gonna eat her up.’ But you held your ground. That takes guts.”

“I didn’t really know Sammy,” Grace said. “I would have done the same for any kid.”

“That’s exactly what it feels like to fight for your country,” Sam said. “There’s plenty of people I don’t like or agree with, but I would fight for them, regardless.”

“I appreciate that you did that,” Grace said. “You didn’t have to but you did.”

“Same to you, Grace,” Sam said. “Same to you.”

Scott came through the door behind them and said, “Grace, there’s an attorney here representing your father and he wants to speak with you.”

Sam looked at Grace. His gaze was intense but Grace couldn’t read the emotion.

“Go on,” he said. “Do what you have to do to survive.”

Scott led Grace to a small meeting room, where Kay was sitting across from a large man with abundant gold hair and startling white teeth. When he saw her he rushed forward to shake her hand. He gripped it so hard it hurt.

“Nice to meet you, Grace,” he said. “I’m Ken Sheridan; I’ve got a law practice in Morgantown. I’ve never met Mr. Clark, you understand, but he hired me to bring these papers to you. Please have a seat.”

“Do you want me to stay?” Scott said.

“Yes,” Grace said.

Scott and Grace sat down next to Kay across the table from Mr. Sheridan. He took some papers out of his briefcase and spread them out on the table.

“I know this is a terrible day to be doing this, but he wanted it done right away, just so there was no question, about, you know, what would happen next. This first document is a refusal of any claim to parental rights; the second is basically a hold harmless agreement wherein you relinquish any claims of paternity.”

“What’s the third one?” Grace said.

“Well, Grace, that’s in case you refuse to sign the second document,” he said, with a big toothy smile that did not extend to his eyes. “That’s an agreement to undergo paternity testing.”

“But in the first one he’s saying he knows he’s my father but he doesn’t want me,” Grace said.

“Actually if you read it closely it says he does not believe he is the father. He’s disclaiming paternity.”

“Then why bring me any documents at all,” Grace said. “If he’s not my father, then nothing about me is any of his business.”

“I’m sure it’s hard for you to understand this grownup legal jargon,” the man said.

“No,” Kay said. “I’d say she understands it perfectly well.”

“Basically, here’s the situation,” Mr. Sheridan said. “Mr. Clark doesn’t know if he’s your biological father or not, but he has no interest in claiming paternity either way. Either you agree with this by signing the second document, or you will be forced to take a paternity test to prove he is or isn’t. If you are his biological issue, you’ll have to fight him in court for any remuneration you think you may deserve.”

“Hold on just a minute,” Scott said.

“No,” Grace said. “He’s just telling the truth. I appreciate that.”

“You should have a lawyer look at those documents,” Kay said, “before you sign anything.”

Scott said, “Maggie’s brother Sean is a lawyer; let’s have him look them over and advise you.”

“Fine with me,” the man said. “Here’s my card. Let me know what you decide.”

“Will you be talking to my, to Mr. Clark?” Grace said.

“Well, yes,” the man said. “As soon as I leave here.”

“Tell him I said thanks for nothing,” Grace said. “Tell him I think he’s a worthless coward for not doing this in person, and I hope with all my heart that he’s not my real father.”

Grace cried, the tears streaming down her face. Kay reached over and put an arm around her.

“Listen, kid,” the man said. “I don’t even know the guy.”

“Then maybe you should be more particular what you do for money and for whom,” Kay said.

The man rolled his eyes and then sighed as he put the papers back in his briefcase.

“I wish I could pick and choose,” he said. “Unfortunately I work for a firm, and when they say go I go.”

“You’re just doing what you have to do to survive,” Grace said.

The man gave her an odd look.

“I guess you could say that,” he said. “By the way, I am sorry for your loss.”

“Which one?” Grace said, but the man didn’t answer.

After he was gone, Scott said, “If it’s okay with you, Grace, I’ll ask Maggie to call Sean.”

“It’s fine,” Grace said. “I feel so stupid. When he said he was representing Mr. Clark, I thought my father might want me to come live with him.”

“He’s an idiot for not wanting to,” Kay said.

“He’d be lucky to have you for a daughter,” Scott said. “He just doesn’t know it.”

Scott’s cell phone buzzed and he excused himself to take the call.

“How are you holding up?” Kay said.

“I want to go home and take a nap,” Grace said.

Kay gave her such a funny look that Grace said, “What?”

“Do you mean at my house?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Grace said. “That’s what I meant.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Kay said. “I’m honored you called it home.”

“I know you don’t want to foster me,” Grace said. “But I appreciate you keeping me until I know what happens next.”

“Actually,” Kay began, but Scott came back in and interrupted, saying, “Grace, I need to talk to you. We’ve had some news. It’s not good.”

“What’s happened now?” Kay said, and Grace was struck by a certain tone in her voice, one that seemed to convey that all the news related to Grace was bad news, and she had had just about enough. It made Grace want to disappear.

“Just tell me,” Grace said.

“It’s about your Aunt Lucy,” he said. “She died around Christmas time last year, from a drug overdose. She was in Las Vegas.”

Grace tried to feel something, but she felt nothing.

“Can we go home now?” she said to Kay. “”I’m so tired.”

“I’m so sorry, Grace,” Scott said.

“I think Grace has had enough bad news for one day,” Kay said. “Let’s give her some time to process it all.”

“Meanwhile, I’ll ask Maggie to call Sean,” he said.