Daddy Wore Spurs (Mills & Boon Cherish) (Men of the West, Book 32) (14 page)

Finally, he tossed aside the catalog and was scanning through the newspaper when his father knocked on the open door and stepped into the room.

At sixty-three, Orin Calhoun was still an imposing figure of a man. Tall and broad-shouldered, with thick iron-gray hair that waved away from his face, he was in top physical shape. He could outride and out-rope most of the hands on the Silver Horn, and he didn’t let them forget it, either.

“Am I interrupting?” Orin asked.

Finn folded the newspaper and placed it to one side of the desktop. “Not at all. Just catching up on the news.”

Orin sank into one of the straight-backed chairs sitting at an angle to Finn’s messy desk. He cocked a brow at the newspaper, then looked directly at his son. “I didn’t realize they printed news articles in the classifieds. I’ll have to start reading that section of the paper, too. Just to make sure I don’t miss anything,” he said pointedly.

Finn bit back a sigh. Even though Orin had happily welcomed Finn back home, the strained words they’d exchanged over the mustangs were still standing between them. Once he’d informed his father that Sassy had given the horses a temporary home, Orin had dropped the subject completely. Even so, Finn wasn’t fooled by the silence. Orin and his grandfather Bart were silently keeping an eye on anything and everything Finn had been doing since he returned from Stallion Canyon. And the notion irked him greatly.

“Actually, I was going through the real estate ads to see if there was any land I might be interested in buying.”

Orin grimaced. “We have all the land we need here on the Silver Horn.”

“It’s not mine. It belongs to the family.”

“And you’re a part of this family, Finn. For a while there I was thinking you’d forgotten that. But now you’re home and hopefully getting settled back in your old routine.”

Two weeks. That’s how much time had actually passed since Finn had driven away from Stallion Canyon. But it felt more like two hundred weeks since he’d last seen Mariah’s lovely face.

There’d been a flood of tears in her eyes when she’d said good-bye to Harry that morning on the front porch of the ranch house. But she’d said nothing to Finn. In fact, she hadn’t even looked at him. She’d walked back into the house and left him standing there like a hopeful fool.

Since then, Harry was slowly getting accustomed to his new surroundings, but he was clearly still missing Mariah. There’d been times these past couple of weeks when he’d cried for no reason and nothing seemed to make him happy. During those times the women of the house had tried their best to pacify him, but Harry wanted Mariah. He wanted his mother—the one thing Finn couldn’t give him.

So far he hadn’t attempted to hire a nanny. What with Lilly already being in the house watching over her two children, and Tessa, the young ranch-house maid, to help with Harry, the two women kept insisting he didn’t need a nanny. And frankly, Finn was loath to start interviewing women for the position.

All along, he’d planned on Mariah being with him and the two of them caring for their son together. Now that those plans had been crushed, he didn’t know where to begin or how to start feeling like a human being again, instead of a miserable fool.

“Things with the horses are slow now that foaling season is over,” Finn replied.

“There’s plenty of training for you to oversee,” Orin told him. “And Dad and I have been talking about purchasing a new stallion for the ranch’s working remuda. Blue Cat is getting on in years. We need to bring another stallion in before his fertility drops. And we’d like to hear your input on the bloodlines you think would fit.”

Rimrock. He was the sturdy stallion this ranch needed. But Finn would be wasting his breath to make such a suggestion. Instead, he bit back a weary sigh and said, “Sure. I’ll think on the matter.”

He felt his father’s gaze boring into him.

“I’ve never heard you sound so enthusiastic.”

“Sorry. I guess I haven’t had time to get back into the swing of things yet.”

“You don’t need time to do a job you normally could manage with both eyes closed. Is this about Harry? Are you thinking that having a baby son has cramped your style?”

Incensed, Finn stared at his father. “My style! You make it sound like I’m some sort of playboy or something. Hell, just because I had one brief fling with a woman! Even before I met Aimee, I rarely left this ranch for any reason. And that includes spending time with the opposite sex. So, no! Harry hasn’t cramped anything. I love him dearly.”

“Then it’s something else. You’re moping about those damned mustangs, aren’t you? You’re still angry with me and your grandfather because we don’t want any part of them. Well, if it means that much to you, then bring the things over here and put them out on the far west range. Just make sure the fence is bull strong.”

Finn rose from his chair and walked over to the doorway. As he stared down the alleyway of the huge horse barn, he realized that he could look in any direction and see the best of everything. Horses, equipment, facilities, and competent ranch hands. Here Finn didn’t have to want for anything. But as thankful as he was, it wasn’t quite enough. And that realization only served to make him feel worse.

“Thanks, but that’s not what I want.”

Finn heard his father stir from the chair and then his strong hand closed over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Finn. That didn’t sound very sincere. And I—well, I didn’t come out here to fight with you about the mustangs. Far from it. I can see how miserable you’ve been and I don’t want that. I want my son to be happy. To hell with what your grandfather wants. Bring the mustangs home. It’ll be fine with me and him—once I set him straight.”

But that was just it, Finn thought. Home didn’t feel the same to him anymore. Home was back on Stallion Canyon with Mariah. Holding her, kissing her and making love to her. He’d thought it would never end. Their meals together and the precious playtime they’d shared with Harry. Those hours and days had been burned into his memory. He couldn’t shake them. And today he’d reached the decision that he didn’t want to shake them. He wanted them back. But how to manage that miracle was still something he hadn’t figured out.

“I don’t want that, Dad.”

“Finn, I—”

“I’m not angry,” Finn gently interrupted. “And I do appreciate the offer. But I want a place of my own.” He turned to look at his father and was surprised to see a wry acceptance on his face. “You’ve told me that when my great-grandfather started the Silver Horn he didn’t own much and this place was just a ragged piece of desert. But he had a dream, a plan. And he went for it. I don’t think it’s wrong for me to want the same things he wanted.”

Orin patted his shoulder with understanding. “No, son. It’s not wrong. I’d hoped the Horn would be your lifelong calling. But ever since you returned from California, it’s become obvious to me that you need more to make you completely happy. And that’s what I want for you, Finn, to be happy. Even if it means I have to give you a loose rein. Whatever it takes, I want you to go for it.”

“Yeah,” Finn said softly. “Whatever it takes.”

* * *

The following week Mariah was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor of Aimee’s old bedroom. Boxes of clothes, photos, horsemanship ribbons and trophies, and other souvenirs were scattered here and there, while a few books and stuffed animals were piled directly in front of her.

At the moment, Mariah’s thoughts were lost in the past as she held a tiny gold locket in her palm. It was one of the last pieces of jewelry she’d seen her sister wear. At the time Mariah hadn’t taken much notice of the necklace. Aimee had always had piles of inexpensive fashion jewelry lying around. But now as she opened up the little locket and found a tiny picture of Finn inside, an overwhelming sense of loss and bitterness swept over her. Maybe her sister had actually cared about Finn, she thought. In any case, he’d deeply affected both of their lives.

“Mariah? Are you home?”

The sudden sound of Linda’s voice calling out to her had Mariah snapping the locket shut and dropping the piece into her shirt pocket. “In here, Linda. In Aimee’s old room.”

Moments later, the woman appeared in the open doorway. “What a mess!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing dragging out all this stuff? Haven’t you had enough to cry over here lately without getting into Aimee’s things?”

Mariah sighed. “I’ve been putting off sorting through my sister’s things, but I decided I can’t keep doing that. Whenever I leave here and start living in an apartment I won’t have room to keep Aimee’s stuff. I’m going to pick out a few pieces to keep and give the rest to charity.”

Linda entered the room and sank onto the edge of the queen-size bed. Mariah rose to her feet and dusted off the backside of her jeans.

“Sorry about the mess,” Mariah told her. “Want to go to the kitchen for coffee?”

“In a bit.” Gesturing toward the things on the floor, Linda asked, “So other than this project have you been keeping yourself occupied?”

Since Harry and Finn had left, she’d only seen her friend a couple of times. Once when Linda had attended graduation ceremonies at the high school where Mariah was employed. The second time had been about a week ago when the two women had inadvertently spotted each other in the produce section of a local supermarket.

“As best as I can now that school is out. And the house is—well, like a tomb with Harry not around. I can’t even bear to walk into the nursery. It’s still the same as it was the day that Finn and Harry left,” she finished woefully. “What about you? How does it feel not to be a nanny to Harry anymore?”

Linda grimaced. “I hate it. Just like I hate the thought of you moving away from here. Have you heard more from that Clark woman? Is anyone getting closer to buying?”

Mariah shook her head. “No. As far as I know the man who came out for a look at the place has momentarily cooled his heels about buying. Ms. Clark keeps reminding me that the lending rules on mortgages are much stricter than they used to be. And the real estate market is still a little slow in our area. She tells me I need to be patient.”

Linda let out a breath of relief. “Thank God! Maybe you’ll come to your senses before a buyer shows up.”

Groaning, Mariah picked up one of the boxes of clothing and sat it on the end of the bed. “Get real, Linda. Right now there’s a stack of bills on the end of the bar just waiting to be mailed. But I can’t do anything with them until my paycheck goes into the bank. And then hopefully there will be enough left over to buy groceries and gasoline for the car.”

“Everyone has a sob story, Mariah. You think you have a corner on hard times?”

Linda’s cutting remarks were so unlike her that Mariah was momentarily stunned. She dropped the sweater she’d plucked out of the box. “What in heck is wrong with you?”

Linda raised back up to a sitting position. “It disgusts me to see you losing everything that was ever important in your life, while you just stand around doing nothing about it.”

Mariah walked around to the side of the bed and took a seat a short space from Linda. “What am I supposed to do about it? Harry is Finn’s child, not mine. I had no right to keep him here.”

“I wasn’t just talking about Harry. But now that you’ve mentioned him, how is he? Has anyone been keeping you informed?”

“Not Finn, if that’s what you’re getting at,” she said glumly. “His sister-in-law, Lilly, has been seeing after Harry and she’s called me a few times. She says he’s getting adjusted. And his tooth finally broke through. The first one. I kept hoping that would happen before he left. But—”

Her throat too choked to go on, she bent her head and tried to swallow away the burning pain.

“Here. None of that,” Linda gently scolded. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll make some coffee while you pull yourself together.”

Out in the kitchen, Mariah took a seat at the bar and waited for Linda to brew the coffee. By the time the other woman joined her, Mariah was able to accept the cup of coffee and give her friend a lopsided smile.

“Thanks. And sorry about all the whining. I’ve been telling myself I’m not going to be doing any more of it, but—I’m still having my moments. And going through Aimee’s things hasn’t made matters any easier.”

Linda sighed. “Aimee was irresponsible and most of the time I wanted to smack her and tell her to wake up. But I loved her. With everything inside me I wish she was still alive.”

“I wish that same thing, too,” Mariah murmured thoughtfully. “Except that—well, it would be hard for me to see her and Finn married and raising Harry together. That’s awful of me, isn’t it?”

Linda shook her head. “Trust me, Mariah, if your sister was still living she and Finn wouldn’t be married. She was hardly his type.”

“She must’ve been his type,” Mariah argued. “They had a child together.”

“It hardly takes a long-term relationship to make a child. No, he would’ve figured Aimee out very quickly. Now you, Mariah, are a different matter. I saw the way Finn looked at you. I’ve never seen so much adoration in any man’s eyes.”

“I don’t want to talk about Finn. It—hurts too much.”

“Maybe you need to hurt. Long and hard. Maybe then you’ll realize how wrong you were to send him away.”

Confused, Mariah look at the older woman. “Why are you being so mean to me today?”

“I’m not being mean. I’m trying to wake you up—before it’s too late.”

Mariah stared at the brown liquid in her cup. “Oh, Linda, don’t you think I’ve been asking myself over and over if I was wrong? If I should’ve trusted Finn completely? There are moments when I think I must have been crazy to send him away. And then others when I realize I was right to stand up for myself, my feelings. But even that doesn’t make me feel any better now. Having Finn and Harry gone is making me ache all the way to my bones.”

Linda placed her coffee cup on the bar, then turned to Mariah. “I think it’s time I told you something. About your dad. And me.”

Mariah’s head came up. “What could Dad have to do with me and Finn? He’s been gone for more than four years now.”

“And I’ve grieved for the man every day of those years,” Linda said bluntly.