Crystal (15 page)

“We didn’t know it because we didn’t want to know it,” her father said. “All this stuff about me not standing in the way. I can’t believe I let myself go for that crap.”

“Daddy, please don’t fight,” Crystal begged.

“I’m not fighting, honey,” he said. “But I’m going to be right here in the middle of everything from now on. I’m gonna sleep with both my eyes open.”

“I think Crystal can use some sleep,” Carol said. “And you and I can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you” was the quick answer. “I need to talk to my daughter.”

“Daddy, are you going to get mad?” Crystal asked.

“I might,” he said. “But I can handle it.”

Crystal began to tell her father about the modeling. About how she had liked it at first and then how it had become something different.

“How did it change?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe it didn’t even change. I was supposed to be pretty, and I was supposed to be a little sexy, I guess. It was like there were two of me. A real me underneath and an outside me that was pretty and sexy. Then after a while, the outside part just seemed to get more and more important until it was the only thing that mattered.”

“You don’t have to be pretty, or sexy, or anything else in the world that you don’t want to be,” her father said.

Carol Brown put the coffee cup down and left the room.

“Is Mama going to be all right?” Crystal asked.

“Sure, she’s strong,” Daniel said.

“You’re not going to fight with her, are you?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Daniel said. “I can see where she’s coming from. Sometimes, if you miss a few things along the way, you lose your perspective. She don’t mean nothing but the best for you, honey. Just that sometimes the best is hard to get to. We’ll get over this thing the same way we’ve got over a lot of other things. I ain’t saying it’ll be easy, because what got us here didn’t happen overnight. But we’ll get there.”

Crystal put her arm around her father and kissed him.

It was something that Crystal had to do. She wasn’t sure what Jerry would say or do. She had just called him and said that she would be over later to talk about the pictures he had of Rowena. She started to ask her father to come with her but decided against it. She was going to ask Jerry for Rowena’s pictures, the ones she had seen in the studio. She didn’t want her father to know about them.

She had been so close to him the last few days. He had spent so much time showing his love for her, and for her mother, that Crystal couldn’t bear to hurt him. It might come someday, she knew, but not now.

“Hi, come in.” Jerry backed away from the door. He smelled vaguely like the chemicals he used in the darkroom.

“How’ve you been?” she asked.

“Crystal, let me show you something,” Jerry said, ignoring her asking about his health.

Jerry went to the fireplace and took an envelope off the mantelpiece. He handed it to Crystal.

Crystal opened it and took out the papers inside. They were release forms that Rowena had signed.

“I figured she had signed these,” Crystal said. “I’m just here to beg for them. I’m not trying anything legal. I’m just trying to get my friend’s pictures back.”

“You really want them?” Jerry asked.

“I really want them.”

Jerry went to his desk, picked up some forms, and handed them to her. “I don’t have release forms for your pictures,” he said.

“Loretta said
La Femme
didn’t want them, since I’m not going to be in the movie,” Crystal said.

“Yeah, she told me,” Jerry said. “She said you’ve decided to get out of the business. You’ve turned down the movie, your accounts, the whole ball game. I’m sorry to hear that. But I’m still in the business.”

Crystal looked at the forms. “You’re saying that if I sign these you’ll give me Rowena’s pictures?”

“You either want them or you don’t.”

Crystal sat down. She looked at the release forms and up at Jerry. She hadn’t even realized that she hadn’t signed the forms before, but now, now that she knew, life was hard again.

She thought about Rowena lying in the hospital bed. She had asked Crystal to take her makeup off. She had wanted to be Rosa again. Her hands had been bandaged, the intravenous tube in one arm. She had been unable to help herself.

“My father doesn’t read girly magazines,” she said as she signed the release forms. “I just hope that his friends don’t.”

Jerry took the forms from her. “Wait here.”

He went upstairs to his studio. Crystal looked again at
the forms he had shown her. There it was, in black and white, Rowena’s signing away of her life. It was a matter of minutes before she heard Jerry’s footsteps on the stairs. He brought the pictures down. There were even more than she had seen before. Jerry handed Crystal a large envelope to carry the pictures in.

“You don’t have to believe this,” Jerry said, “but I wasn’t going to sell them.”

“Fine,” Crystal said, standing. She pushed the pictures into the envelope and started toward the door.

“Here, take these with you, too,” Jerry said. “I cared for Rowena, too, Crystal. I really did.”

Crystal looked at the release forms she had just signed and pushed them into the envelope.

It was cold outside, snow flurries came down in frantic circles and melted instantly against the hard concrete. Down the street from Jerry’s studio, there was an empty lot. In one corner of it, there were some men standing around a fire in a barrel. Crystal headed toward it. She smiled at the men as she dropped the pictures into the flames.

Crystal and Pat stood in front of the Regency State and looked at the pictures advertising
To Touch the Sunset.

“We can see the movie, then we can go on over to Bloomingdale’s and window-shop,” Pat was saying.

“Don’t you ever get tired of window-shopping at Bloomingdale’s?” Crystal asked. “I mean, why don’t we give some of the other stores a break? Let’s go up to Tiffany’s.”

“I tell you what,” Pat said. “I’ll go to Tiffany’s if we go for Chinese food afterwards.”

“It’s a deal, but I don’t want to go see the movie,” Crystal said. “The reviews were terrible.”

“But they said Alyce Winslow was a knockout, and she’s the only model besides you I know anything about,” Pat said. “And you know the producer, right?”

“Actress now,” Crystal said. “She’s just doing acting now.” She was looking at the stills of Alyce in a bathing suit, next to the male lead.

“You don’t even want to see if she really takes off all of her clothes like they said?” Pat asked.

“She told me that she did,” Crystal said. “I told you she calls me once in a while.”

“You ever figure out why?” Pat asked as they started away from the marquee. “I mean, you said you were more friendly with that other girl, weren’t you?”

“I was,” Crystal said, “but Alyce is okay, too. It’s just taking her a while.”

“Okay, girlfriend, if you say so,” Pat said. “So it’s off to Tiffany’s.”

“Excuse me.” A tall, thin man came up to the two girls. He gave Crystal his card. It said, “Edward Abruzzi, Photographer.”

“You talking to us?” Crystal asked.

“Yes. You know, I think you could get into modeling,” he said. “I’d even be willing to take a few shots of you on speculation if you’re interested.”

“Do you really think she could?” Pat asked, wide-eyed. “Can we give you a call sometime?”

“Yeah,” the guy said, starting to cross the street. “If
you’re willing to take the business seriously, you might be able to make it. You’ve got the basic equipment. Give me a call during the week.”

Pat dropped the card in the wastebasket as Abruzzi jumped out of the way of a cab. Then the two girls, arm in arm, began walking along the crowded New York streets toward Tiffany’s.

Cover photography © 2002 by Lyndon Wade and Rush Wade 2

Cover design by Karin Paprocki

Cover © 2002 by HarperCollins Publishers Inc.