Crushing on Love (The Bradens of Peaceful Harbor, Book Four) (8 page)

At Buckley’s she took several deep breaths before heading inside. She’d come to Colorado to figure out who she was
apart
from her family. She needed to stop worrying about them, or Steve, and focus on having fun tonight.

She walked inside and realized she’d called the emergency girls’ night because of Steve. Forgetting about him was obviously
off
the table.

The dimly lit bar was loud, crowded, and smelled like too much perfume and testosterone, contrasting sharply with the pine-scented mountain air she’d already gotten accustomed to.

She spotted Jade and Max on the dance floor. Jade’s long black hair hung nearly to her waist. Dancing to the fast-paced country song in her skinny jeans and cowgirl boots, she looked like she’d never had a baby. Max leaned forward, her brown hair sweeping over her shoulders, and said something. Jade’s smile widened. They looked carefree. Why wouldn’t they? They were happily married with adorable children, wonderful husbands, and careers they loved, while Shannon’s career had turned out to be too solitary and not as fulfilling as she’d hoped—and to top it all off, the only man she wanted was harder to pin down than the foxes she was researching.

The girls waved and hurried off the dance floor.

“The cavalry is here!” Jade announced as they both hugged her.

“And we’re all ears,” Max said. “We’ll figure out whatever’s got your panties in a bunch.”

Good luck with that
. They led Shannon to their table, where Rachel and Savannah were waiting with eager smiles and alcohol.
The perfect combination
. This was just what she needed. The tightness in her chest eased.

“Hey, Rach. Savannah, what are you doing here?” Savannah lived in New York with her husband, Jack, and their new baby, Adam. Shannon hadn’t seen her in weeks.

“Jack had a flight, so I tagged along.” Jack was ex-Special Forces and now worked teaching survival courses and as a bush pilot. “We got in this morning. My dad was missing his grandson and was thrilled to watch Adam tonight.” Savannah rose to greet her and pushed her auburn hair over one shoulder before hugging Shannon. “Nothing could’ve kept me from seeing you tonight.”

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Shannon slid into the booth beside Rachel and hugged her. “Thanks for coming, Rach.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been dying to know what is going on up on that mountain ever since we ran into each other.” Rachel slid her drink to Shannon. “Drink up, because we want details.”

“Thank you.” Shannon took a long pull of Rachel’s drink. It was sweet and burned all the way down.
Perfect
.
Even the drink is a contradiction
. Could she make it through one minute without thinking about Steve?

Max and Jade settled in beside Savannah.

“I’m
so
glad you called,” Max said, reaching for her drink. “I needed a little time away from our beautiful babies. Sometimes it’s nice to be Max instead of Mom, and actually go to the bathroom alone.”

They all laughed.

“I was surprised when you called,” Jade said. “I didn’t know there was anything going on with you and Steve.”

“There isn’t,” Shannon corrected her. “I mean, there could be, but there isn’t.” She rolled her eyes and flagged down the waitress. After ordering drinks, she pointed to Jade and said, “What’s the deal with your brother?”

“I’ve been asking myself that for years.” Jade winked. “What’d he do? He seemed like he was totally into you at my wedding. In fact, Max and I were surprised you two didn’t hook up when you were here before.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Savannah said, waggling her brows.

“
Ugh
. No, we definitely didn’t hook up.” The waitress brought their drinks, and Shannon took a sip.

“Because…?” Max asked.

“How should I know? He makes it hard for me to think. I’m already having a hard time doing my research because when I’m out on that mountain alone, I get bored. And then my mind travels, and the next thing I know, I’m thinking about Steve. Then hours go by and I realize I’ve totally blanked on doing any research at all.”

“Oh my God. You’re falling for him,” Max said with wide eyes.

“You won’t be the first,” Rachel said. “He’s hot. He’s smart. And he’s badass.”

Shannon downed her drink. “Please tell me something I don’t know.”

“It’s just…what you see in him? So have lots of other women.” Rachel paused and raised her brows, obviously waiting for something to click for Shannon.

“So…Is he a player?” Shannon guessed, but that didn’t feel right unless there were forest pixies filling his bed at night.

“Hardly,” Jade said. “She’s trying to tell you that lots of women have tried to catch his attention, but as far as we know, he’s never been the type of guy to hook up. He’s not like other guys. His priority is his work. He’s supremely focused. But I think it’s more than that. I think he’s scared to trust. I think my father’s bad decisions messed him up.”

“I don’t think he’s messed up,” Savannah said. “I’ve known him my whole life, and I think he’s just careful. It’s his nature.”

“I think it’s both,” Rachel said. “When he got back from college, he was different—more manly, of course, because he’d grown up and filled out—but he was distant. I really noticed a difference that fall when he returned home. Remember, Jade? He got that job up on the mountain, and it seemed like everything changed after that. But like I said, I think he was different from the day he got back that fall.”

Jade nodded. “You might be right. I wasn’t around when he came back. That was before I moved back to Weston.”

Shannon closed her eyes for a second. “Oh my God. It figures that the one man I want has bigger issues than I do.”

“Oh, please,” Savannah said. “Those aren’t big issues, if they’re even true. We’re all speculating. Besides, there’s nothing two people can’t overcome if they try. Jack and I are a prime example. He lost his wife when they were just hoping to start their family. It doesn’t get much worse than that. Remember when we met? He’d been hiding out in the woods for two years. No one thought he’d come back to life, and now he’s the most wonderful father and husband I could ever hope for. He’s as close to his family as I am to mine. It just takes the right kind of love to get through to people. You have to take the time to figure out what’s holding him back. If he even wants you to know. And then, of course, he has to want to let you in. That’s the hard part. Sometimes people don’t know what they want.”

“You sure you’re an entertainment attorney and not a therapist?” Max teased.

“I’ve met so many women in the birthing classes I took, and the baby classes,” Savannah said. “I feel like I’ve heard it all. I have yet to meet a woman who either didn’t have trust issues herself, or her husband didn’t. I think most people are afraid of something, and I think almost everything can be overcome with patience and the desire to make it work.”

“So, you think I shouldn’t give up?” Shannon asked.

They all said “No” in unison.

“But it’s crazy, right? We haven’t even kissed. How can I fall for a guy who tells me he wants me in one breath and refuses to kiss me in the next?”

Jade and Max exchanged a smile and a knowing look that told Shannon they knew something she didn’t.

“Do you even know the man I’m married to?” Jade asked. “Mr. Loyal? Mr. I Can’t Touch You for
Fifteen
Years? Thankfully, my man isn’t afraid of confrontation, and he forced our stubborn fathers to put an end to that ridiculous family feud. But talk about refusing to kiss someone.” She shook her head and smiled. “And look at us now.”

“You two can’t keep your hands off each other,” Savannah said. “Just as it should be. Like me and Jack and Max and Treat.”

“Look, Shannon,” Jade said more seriously. “Steve and I have never really talked about our personal lives, but he’s always been super careful with the girls he goes out with. But you must know he’s got the biggest, kindest heart. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for any of us.”

Shannon sighed and looked around the bar, wishing Steve would appear. Why wasn’t he chasing after her? Making sure she didn’t hook up with someone else? She noticed Cal sitting across the room with a group of guys. He waved, and she smiled, feeling guilty because she wished he were Steve.

Jade tapped her hand. “Rexy said Cal’s got a big ol’ crush on you.”

“He’s a nice guy,” Shannon admitted. “He’s just got one issue.”

Rachel laughed. “You have issues with hot, wealthy guys? I’ve had a crush on him forever and he doesn’t even know I exist.”

“Trust me,” Max said to Rachel. “There’s no man on earth who doesn’t know you exist. Bald men line up to sit in your salon chair just to be near you.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Never the right guys.”

“I have the wrong guy problem, too.” Shannon didn’t give a hoot about money or even looks, although in Shannon’s opinion Steve was hotter than Cal. Heck, he was hotter than any man she’d ever laid eyes on.

Jade reached across the table and squeezed Shannon’s hand. “Cal’s problem is that he’s not my brother.”

“Am I a fool for being so hung up on him? We’re not even very much alike.”
Which is exactly why he won’t take a chance on us
.

“Why do you have to be alike?” Max asked. “Treat and I were as different as the day was long. I was so broken when I met him, and he was so…” She sighed dreamily. “He
is
so distinguished, so manly, so—”

“Okay, down girl,” Jade teased. “No ‘O’ faces at the table.”

Max laughed. “I was making a point. You don’t have to be alike to fall in love. Love is about discovering underlying truths. It’s about caring enough about someone to put yourself last and wanting to be with them at their ugliest times as well as their most beautiful.”

“That’s so true,” Savannah said.

“I want to find that,” Rachel added.

“That sounds amazing,” Shannon said. “But that would require two people wanting the same thing. Maybe I’m barking up the wrong tree and I should have gone out with his friend Will.”

“Cumberland?” Jade asked.

“Uh-huh. He asked me out and I canceled because I wanted to be with Steve, but then your do-the-right-thing brother blew me off.”

“Talk about opposites,” Jade said. “Will’s about as brazen and risky as a guy gets, so different from Steve, but he’s one of his best friends. Go figure.”

Maybe there was something to be said about opposites attracting after all. Her mind circled back to last night. “I think I came on too strong to Steve.”

“A Braden coming on too strong?” Max’s eyes widened in feigned disbelief.

“I’m serious. He’s like a calm and steady creek, and I’m a white-water rapid.”

The girls laughed.

“Seriously, you guys. I talk
all
the time, and I get excited over everything. He’s perfectly happy in his own world, chopping wood, climbing mountains, and probably wrestling bears, for all I know. Don’t hate me, Jade, but I called him a dumbass for not kissing me.”

“He
is
a dumbass for not kissing you,” Jade said. “But I’ve honestly never seen him look at any woman the way he looks at you, so I’d be surprised if something doesn’t happen between you two.”

They talked for a long time and danced until they were giddy. It was wonderful to get lost in girl talk and to hear that they didn’t think she was nuts for being hung up on Steve. They headed back to the table in a gaggle of whispers and giggles. A hand landed on Shannon’s arm and she spun around.

Cal stood before her in a pair of low-slung jeans, a white T-shirt stretched across his broad chest. A sexy smile softened his sharp features. “Hey there, darlin’. Can I have the next dance?”

“Damn, she’s lucky,” Rachel said to Jade.

Maybe it was loneliness that kept Shannon from saying,
no thanks
, or maybe it was the fact that Cal wanted her when Steve didn’t. She didn’t know why she held her tongue, but she stood silently, debating dancing with Cal.

“Go,” Jade encouraged her. “You should have fun tonight.”

Savannah nudged her arm.

“Sure. Why not?” Shannon said. “I’d love to dance.” As she wound her arms around Cal’s neck and his arms circled her waist, she couldn’t ignore the stab of guilt in her chest. Cal was the epitome of a hot cowboy, right down to his Western accent. He was a perfect gentleman, with thick blond hair and cerulean-blue eyes. And he was a sensational dancer to boot. She should be head over heels, swooning like Rachel was from their table across the room.

But he wasn’t Steve.

She danced two dances with Cal, waiting for the
zing
of attraction to hit her. Her stomach didn’t even flutter. Nothing. It was like dancing with her brother. She apologized for not returning his calls and spent the rest of the evening with the girls, feeling no less confused than when she’d arrived.

When she finally left the bar, she thought about Steve as she drove up the mountain.
Be careful on these roads. Turn on your headlights.
The roads were pitch-black, save for her headlights, but she wasn’t scared. She felt safe knowing he was nearby. She saw a light on in Steve’s cabin and debated stopping and trying to talk things out, but she was supposed to be figuring out who she was. And who she wanted to be
wasn’t
the type of girl who chased down a man.

She forced herself to drive past, and as she came around the bend at the top of the hill, she was shocked to see a dozen or more glass jars with sparkling white lights illuminating the path from her driveway to the porch. Several more jars lined the steps and porch. That dangerous emotion,
hope
, came skipping in.

She stepped from the Jeep and picked up one of the glass jars, inspecting it more closely. There were no batteries, no wires, but a handful of sticks and leaves and tiny flickering lights that looked like fireflies.
How did you do this?

She followed the lighted trail, hope soaring with every step. On the porch she found a card tucked into the doorjamb. The paper was the recycled type, off-white with dark specs like vanilla bean ice cream. On the front of the card was a sketch of wildflowers. She ran her finger over them and the pencil marks smeared.