Crushing Desire (14 page)

“What do I want with visitors? Besides, Dan hasn’t come to call since the twins joined His Majesty’s army. George is so embarrassed by the mishap at the party that he won’t speak to me, and Joshua has been behaving strangely.” Her head fell in her hands. “He hates me now.”

“Nonsense. You’re overreacting,” Emily said.

“I am not. I told him about what really happened, and he no longer wishes to associate with me. His one kindness being that he has decided to spare my reputation.”

“And what did you tell him that was so bad, exactly?”

“I don’t really recollect what I said, but I just know I told him every last scandalous detail.”

“You are being ridiculous girl. Things have been awkward between you two before, and they have returned to normal. You will see, something will happen that will take the current worry from both of your minds and everything will be back to normal.” Emily picked up the book from Reena’s lap. “And if you would stop spending your day reading by the river, instead of the front of the house, you might see him more often.”

“I don’t want to avoid Joshua, but he’s been so clipped with me… I get the feeling he wishes to avoid me, and it hurts too much to listen to his constant excuses. He behaves as though nothing out of the ordinary has happened, yet he can’t seem to look me in the eye.” Reena closed her eyes, opening them again when Emily pressed the book into her hands. “I can’t talk about this now. I need to be alone for a moment.”

Emily nodded, leaving Reena alone with her thoughts. Placing the book that Joshua had given her on the table beside her, she stood. That was one thing that Emily had been very wrong about. She hadn’t been reading all this time, but holding the last gift he’d given her. Holding it and recalling the look in his eye. The sweet acceptance of a man who had no idea what terrible things she’d done. No idea that she had ruined a man’s life without ever intending it.

She lifted the precious leather, running her finger over the spine. His face came into her mind, and she found herself heading for the lush greenery of the garden. When she moved to stand at the side of the house, leaning up against the wooden slats, her uncle’s voice drifted to her ears.

“It’s over. It’s done. It won’t work, Emily.”

“Don’t fret so, Howard,” Emily said. “It will still work. In fact, it will work very well.”

Peeping in the window, she could see that Howard stood by the massive fire, his face ragged.

“But what should I do if it doesn’t?” he asked, his voice slurring.

She drew her brows together and bit her lip. It was very uncharacteristic of her uncle to drink to drunkenness. She wondered what was troubling him.

“There is no need to be so overwrought, things will work themselves out. I know they will. We have to trust fate and love to—”

The door clicked open, and Joshua came in. Reena hoped that her uncle wasn’t too distraught over whatever was troubling him. She would have to see if Emily shared the information later as she often did.

“Not right now, my good man,” Uncle Howard slurred. “I’m under the weather a piece. If you would, give me some time to recover.”

Somewhat disappointed at the lost opportunity to watch Joshua and wondering at her uncle’s condition, she headed to her rooms. Reena closed her bedroom door and turned in the direction of her bed. She wanted to lie on her back and let the world of memories leave her in exchange for a blank ceiling. A thick white envelope lay propped against one of Reena’s pillows at the head of her bed.

Reena eyed it, wondering who could have written it. She could see that it had been opened already, so she dashed to the bed and read the missive.

As she read the words, all other thoughts rushed from her. All thoughts of Joshua, Michael, Uncle Howard, and everything in her current life fled.

Your father is ill. Doctors are doing all they can. We don’t know much yet.

Love to you,

Mother
.

She reread the letter, then held it to her chest, thoughts of her family filling her mind. After a moment, Reena ran to her uncle’s study, opening the door without even requesting an audience. Her uncle stood regally in front of the fire. His uncharacteristic glass of brandy swirled beneath his nose as though he were deep in thought. He turned his head and looked at her, but his posture never changed.

“Oh, Uncle. It’s terrible, Father is ill, and I must return to him. You must send me home immediately. The groom says that there is a cargo ship leaving at the end of the week, and two passenger ships leaving at month’s end. I am certain one could be convinced to take us to America.” Reena spoke quickly, shoving the paper into his hands and pointing at the words as she did.

He took the missive and read it, his statuesque composure never cracking, not even faltering. When he was done, he turned to Reena.

“We don’t even know that the illness is serious, Reena. He might even be well already. I think that you should remain until we know more.” He moved to the large wooden desk and took a seat.

She glared at him, hands on her hips. How could he treat this all so flippantly?

“They sent a letter, Uncle, which means that it
is
serious. They also say that the doctors are doing all they can, and that tells me it’s very bad, perhaps even deadly. If not, mother would have it well in hand. I want to return,” Reena insisted.

“Out of the question. I see a proposal from a very powerful and well-respected man on the horizon, and I’ll not let you leave until I get it.” He sipped from his warmed brandy.

Reena clutched at the paper, her hands closing fiercely around it. Her father was more important than any suitor, no matter how powerful.

“Uncle—”

“That is enough, Reena.”

“You act as though you were the one who is getting the proposal! I don’t want to think about that while—”

“I’ve had my say, Reena!” His voice boomed. “This conversation is over.” His hand extended toward the door.

Reena stomped her foot so hard that the impact reverberated through her leg. Wrenching the letter from his grasp, she ran from the room.

Emily stood in the hall, hand resting on her throat, eyes averted. Reena reached for her arm and pulled Emily silently with her to her room.

“We have to leave here, Emily, we have to go to my father.” Reena closed the door behind them as she spoke. “Look.”

She handed the letter to Emily, and she read it over, eyes hooded. Her face was hot, but her temper was cooling some with her certainty that Emily would help her.

“You want us to leave together? Just you and I? Impossible.”

Reena’s jaw dropped. She stared at Emily for a moment, then trudged to her bed and plopped down upon it. Emily came to her and stroked her hair, gently freeing it of the pins, which had come loose when she’d stormed from her uncle’s study.

“You know we can’t. I’m sorry, but until your uncle gives us permission, we have to stay.”

“I don’t understand this.” Reena fell back on the bed, hands covering her face. Emily, the woman who had always been the one to see what was important and to help her find the answer was telling her no.

“It’s not safe, Reena. Two women traveling alone...”

“But we traveled alone when we came here, and we have our pistols,” Reena sat up and faced her. “Besides, you’re not afraid of anything, and I… I shall try not to be.”

Emily shook her head, her eyes soft. “The captain on our first crossing was a friend of your fathers, he had several loyal men aboard, and you were still quite young. Things are different now. Maybe if we had a man along…” Emily shook her head, looking at Reena as she spoke. “We can’t do it. Two small pistols will not stop a ship’s crew. We need protectors for a long voyage at sea.”

Emily hugged Reena to her. “Your uncle will come around. Give him a day or two and then ask again. Now, I want you to go outside. It’s a superb day for a little reading, and the sun will greatly improve your disposition.”

Reena opened her mouth, but Emily placed a finger over her lips. “I’ll not argue about this right now.”

Balling her fists, she brought them to her lips. She would have to find another way. Grabbing the letter, she ran from the room.

Chapter Fourteen

 
Joshua walked back from the river where he’d spent an hour to give Howard time to sober himself. Reena had not been reading by the river. He glanced around, hoping, yet not wanting to see her as he went. The thought of another man having taken her virginity… He rolled his head on his neck, relieving the strain. Part of him wanted to propose to her, to give her the shelter of his name and spare her the humiliation that would come if she was with child. The remainder wanted to throttle her.

“Devil’s hangman!” Joshua picked up a rock and threw it hard into the river.

His emotions had been out of control, each fighting for the chance to come to light. During the past few months, Joshua had slowly come to the realization that he not only wanted her, but also deeply cared for her. He hadn’t been able to convince himself, however, that he could accept Michael having taken her virginity. The war inside him was still rampant as he stepped into the gardens that ran alongside the river. When his foot finally hit the bottom of the stairs, dark thoughts vied for control of his mind, but all was forgotten when Reena came running out the door and into his arms. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders, forming a golden halo that framed her face. The tears that streamed down her cheeks and the crumpled note in her hand sent the white flags flying. All he cared about at that moment was fixing whatever troubled her.

“What is it Reena?” He cupped her face in his palms and pulled her gaze up to meet his.

She leaned her cheek into his hand, basking in the comfort it offered. Her eyes, when she handed him the letter, showed a depth of misery that crept into his very soul. He read the missive and handed it back to her.

“When do you leave?” he asked, paying no heed to the stab of pain that shot through him at the thought of her departure.

Motioning for him to walk with her, Reena plodded down toward the path, which led back the way he’d come. Joshua wandered along the path until they reached the small garden at the rear of the house. When they were finally seated in the gazebo, which stood at the center of the garden, Reena bowed her head, smoothing the crumpled paper lovingly in her hands.

“My uncle won’t let me go. He says he’s waiting for an offer from a powerful suitor and until he gets it, I’m not to leave.”

A twisting sensation in the vicinity of his heart nearly felled him, and he dropped onto the bench next to her. At that moment, he no longer wanted her to marry any of them. It didn’t matter what had happened between her and Michael. He wanted her to be with him, and him alone. All that he had to figure out now was how to convince her of the same thing.

“I have a plan though.” She looked down at her wringing hands. “I must ask your help with it. Normally, I would ask Emily, but she sees eye to eye with my uncle this time.”

He lifted her chin, staring into her eyes. They were red from tears, and her cheeks had pinked beautifully. She seemed so frail and helpless despite her tall stature.

“What plan?”

Head high, Joshua steeled himself. He could see that she was desperate, and any plan she may have would reflect that desperation.

“I require some large men’s clothes and packing cloth. The clothes need to be very plain and poor.” She tugged out a pouch full of coins. “This should be enough to pay for it. I need it by the week’s end. Can you do it?”

Joshua gaped at the pouch and back at Reena’s expectant face. “What are you planning?”

“I intend to gain passage on a ship,” she said. “I know the passenger ships won’t take me for so little coin, and they don’t leave for a while anyhow, but the Pampered Princess is sailing to America. It may be a cargo ship, but I think I can gain access. “

Joshua’s eyebrows rose with his tone. “I heard how difficult it was on you when you were a young girl, crossing from the Colonies with the war so recently won.”

Trade, travelers, and mail had to be smuggled to and from the ports most of the time or risk the anger of those that caught them. Even now as the century came to a close, it was still difficult, and at times, dangerous to travel to or trade with the Americas.

Joshua knew that her father, Richland, sent her abroad to free her mind of all the carnage. Carolyn, her mother had been caring for the injured men and had no choice but to take Reena along when the battles were at their bloodiest. As Joshua knew too well, all hands were needed during those battles. At the end of it, Richland had taken great faith in a captain he’d befriended and sent her on the perilous journey. Joshua still wasn’t sure that if he were the one to decide, he would have made the same decision. And now it seemed that the same decision was on his shoulders.

“I shall be fine. I’m no longer a child.” Her chin rose, and she glared at him, daring him to dispute it.

“All right, how will you get aboard?” Joshua waited for the illogic of the plan to strike her.

“If I can convince the captain I’m a man, he might take me on as part of the crew, and I can sail with them. If he refuses then I can stow away and hope that I’m not found until we are too far to turn back. The Princess leaves at week’s end, and I intend to be on that ship, one way or another.”