Crazy Horse's Girlfriend (9781940430447) (12 page)

“Thanks,” she said. “I'm going to go put the baby down.” I quietly followed her so I could watch her and that's when we heard the door slam. I looked over at Megan anxiously, and she said nothing. She put the baby in the crib and tucked her old, fuzzy blankets around her. I walked out into the living room.

“Hey, Will,” I said, sitting down on the couch.

He had turned the TV on. He kind of nodded in my direction and then went to the kitchen, opened the door of the refrigerator, stared in for a time and then shut it when he heard a door opening and Megan come down the hallway.

“So, Will, where you been?” Megan asked, standing in the living room, her green-brown eyes flat and full of anger. Will didn't respond. He walked over to the couch, plopped down, picked the remote up and started changing the channels, his eyes on the TV.

“Will?”

“Hanging out.”

“Really?” Megan said, the channels still changing.

“Yeah, really, Megan. Why you all in auntie mode? I know you ain't getting laid with your man in jail and all, but why you gotta take it out on me.”

“You asshole. You fucking jerk.”

“So,” he said flatly.

“You know what Will?”

“What.”

“I think I'm gonna give your dad a call.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I could talk to your dad about who you like to hang with.”

Then, silence. The channels not turning.

“You never got it, Megan. I never brought home women 'cause of Mom.”

Megan laughed.

“What's so funny?”

“Your mom is dead,” she said.

“You fucking
bitch
.”

Will yelled some word I think means half-breed in Lakota, scrambled off the couch, tore his jacket off the coat hanger and started walking towards the door. I looked sharply over at Megan.

“Where you going Will? To hang with your friends?” Megan asked, her hands on her hips.

“Fuck you!” Will yelled. He pulled the door open and then slammed it after him.

“NO! Fuck you, you winkte motherfucker!” she screamed at the front door. “I fucking hate him!” She walked over to her room, opened her door roughly and slammed it shut. I let her alone for a few minutes and then I went over and knocked on her door.

“Are you OK?” I asked, trying to sound as gentle as possible.

“Yeah… ” Megan said behind the door, the baby crying. “Oh, God.” I could hear her walking over to the crib. After a minute, she opened the door with the baby in her hands, its head all sweaty from crying and Megan's face puffy with tears.

“I just fucking hate him,” she said. She sat down on the couch with the baby in her arms, her eyes looking so empty, it scared me.

“Wanna order some pizza?” I asked and Megan nodded mechanically. I went over to the phone and ordered a couple large pizzas. We sat in front of the TV for hours, eating, watching one stupid meaningless movie after another until I fell asleep, the noise of the television becoming like the sound of a buzz saw in the distance.

I woke up to the TV on, Will stumbling through the door late, stinking of whiskey and sex, his eyes two blackened bulbs. He shuffled to his room without even looking at me, not saying a word, the door opening and closing with barely a sound.

“Crazy bastard,” I whispered to myself.

This shit happened like clockwork. Will wouldn't pay the bills, he'd stop talking to Megan. And then the guys would appear. A steady stream of them who spent the night and always left in the morning. They'd shuffle past me and out the front door and if I happened to be on the couch they'd smile all funny and walk out looking confused.

I shook my head, trying to clear it enough to wake up fully and go home. I hadn't meant to fall asleep there, knew if I didn't go home at some point I'd only get in trouble, but I just couldn't leave Megan like that. I thought about a conversation me and Megan had once had.

He always wakes the baby up with his music.

Really?

Yeah… and once I heard him say to one of those guys that he had a wife.

You're shitting me.

Nope. And another time I heard one of them crying.

Holy shit, either he's a fucking stud or a total dickhead or both.

What's up with all of these fucked up guys?

I scrambled up from the couch and looked at my white plastic watch, large on my small wrist. It was a digital that Dad had given me for my birthday. It was only midnight. I sighed with relief. I walked out and shut the door as quietly as possible. I went down the steps, my shoes making a clang-clang sound I hoped wasn't waking anyone up. There were a few people sitting outside their apartments, getting trashed and talking on the second floor. A light brown boy in a long, black tank top yelled, “Hey girl,” but I kept going until I was all the way down and into the parking lot. I got in my car, turned the keys and after the engine turned over a few times it started. The streetlights were on and the town empty as I drove. I was thirsty and I decided to stop over at the 7-11 before heading home. There were cars parked in front and kids sitting on their cars, smoking and exhaling long streams out into the dark beside the neon lights. I bought a pop and got back into my car, which started without a hitch. I unscrewed the bottle and drank, driving past the park, through town and into the neighborhood where I lived. Pulling closer to the house, I could see that the lights were off. I parked and opened the front door, peering in to see if Dad was still watching something on TV and I'd have to talk to him as I tried to make my to the bathroom and then downstairs. He wasn't. Downstairs, I got into my pajamas, set the alarm and picked the book up Mike had given me to read before I fell asleep. I lay down and thought. I could just tell Mom that it had been a late night, that tourists had kept me forever. She was used to my excuses by now, knew I was full of shit. But she took it because I knew she didn't know what to do with me, how to make me stop. I wished that I was like Julia, making great grades, not giving a shit, doing what was right. But I just wasn't.

 

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5

 

Mike and I started hanging out almost every day. I'd go up any weekend his parents were somewhere stupidly exotic. Mom was relenting on the me being grounded thing, mainly 'cause she was too busy with Dad's shit and the twins to really come down. The key was to stay out of her way, not make it obvious that I was fucking up. You know, not end up in the back of a police cruiser. And Jake was talking to his parents again, his month almost up. We were going to party at Megan's when they let him out. I was also excited, 'cause the coming weekend Mike's parents were in Philadelphia and we were going to run up to Mt. Evans and camp.

I had fallen asleep on Megan's couch again after doing a couple deals and celebrating my success as a small town drug dealer with a few beers. Around 6:00 I guess, I woke up to the sound of one of Will's dudes leaving the premises. I rolled over and cracked my eyes open just a little, hoping whoever it was wouldn't realize that I was awake and trying to get a look at him. He was young, real young, and black. He was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans and he looked, I don't know, nervous. I rolled over again as the door opened and then shut, letting some of the cold in. I rubbed my nose and closed my eyes. I heard a door open and footsteps and then the fridge door opening. I sighed quietly. I knew he wasn't paying any of the bills, including the grocery bill. Megan had wondered if he wasn't doing exactly what I could hear him doing five feet from me. I rolled over and went to back to sleep. The Friday before had been bad.

I'd just come back from hanging in Denver. There were Skins who liked to play ball by the lake on Colfax and sometimes I went and if there were any chicks, I'd join them. There'd been a few girls, some I recognized from the Indian Center and we'd shot the shit and played. I felt tired after, and like not going home. Dad seemed to be drunk all the time lately, crying and waking the twins up and driving Mom crazy. I'd done a couple deals and called Megan. Told her I'd buy her some groceries. When I got there, I could see Will sitting in the dark, watching TV.

“Hey Will,” I said, closing the door behind me and setting the groceries on the counter. Will grunted and I put the groceries away. I took a shower, changed, and then sat on the couch to watch TV and wait for Megan. When the door opened about thirty minutes later, my heart started thumping in my chest. She took one look at him then walked past him and threw on all the lights. He just blinked and looked up at her, like he'd been sitting there for years with the lights out and the TV on.

We had talked about making frybread and chili, so I went to the kitchen without a word. I started on the bread. I looked over at Will and Megan as I pulled a bowl out of an old, wooden cabinet. Megan was standing over Will and staring at him and he was staring back.

Finally Will licked his lips and coughed and was like, “What?” He had on this old grey t-shirt and jeans that looked like they'd been through the gutter about fifty times and never washed once but the guy looked good. He was usually the kinda guy who could sleep in a paper sack for four days, never shower and come out looking like some kinda model unless he had gone on a super-bender. He almost always smelled nice too, like sweetgrass and frybread and some hot-ass cologne.

“Oh, shit,” I whispered, my eyes sliding over to see what was happening in the living room. Megan was still standing over Will, staring at him silently.

Finally, Will said, “Megan! What the fuck!”

“Where you been?”

Will looked back at her all innocent. “I'm so sick of you asking me that. Right here is where I been.”

Megan snorted. “You're always gone, Will and you know it. And you never pay the fucking bills.”

Will crossed his arms and said, “Look Megan, I never ask you where you and the intertribal posse been. So why you asking me?”

Megan's lips tightened. “I don't really give a shit where you been, though I don't disappear for days at a time. But like I said, you ain't paying the bills and to top it all off, your goddamn dad's been calling.”

Will flinched.

“What do you want me to tell the only uncle who's ever given a shit about me where his son is?”

Will's mouth opened and then closed and Megan stopped talking and crossed her arms over her large stomach and looked real hard at him. “'Cause I could tell him something.” Will looked like he was choking. He raised his hand to his mouth and coughed. “Yeah… ” she said real slow and almost lazy. “I could tell him about who you spend your time with.”

Will was staring at the floor and pulling his hands through that thick black hair of his, though he stopped for a second when she said that.

Megan stared at him.

After a couple of minutes Will sighed real heavy and pulled his hands out of his hair. He stared at them and then set them on his lap. Just then, the baby started crying. Megan had put her on her blanket in the corner, the one with all the toys.

“What you wanna tell him Megan?” he said all soft, his eyes slowly raising from his hands to her eyes. I held my breath as Megan went over to the baby and picked her up. Megan brought her to her chest and patted her on the head and then bent over and picked up a toy from the blanket, a fuzzy white elephant, and thrust it into the baby's hands. She stopped crying and giggled at the elephant and crushed it to her mouth. Megan handed the baby over to me. I set her on my hip and started on the chili.

“You know.”

Will watched her and licked his lips, over and over. “Why don't you go ahead and do that, Megan. You always did talk better with him than I did.”

Megan shook her head, looking like she'd just run right outta steam. “Look Will, just gimme the money for rent, alright?”

He looked down again at his hands. “I will when I get a job, OK?”

“Oh, Jesus, Will. Jesus fucking Christ!” Will flinched again.

“I just—just—lost this last one OK? My boss was a jerk… .” and when he looked up, he looked so, I don't know,
open
there for a second, but he closed back down real fast.

“Jesus!” Megan said again.

“What about Him?”

“What?” Megan asked. I had put the baby in her highchair and cut up chunks of cheese and fruit for her. The dough was ready, and I stuck a piece into the pan of oil, silent.

“Why don't you ask Jesus for the rent?” he said.

Megan was silent for a long time then, watching Will, his hair all rumpled and his face so beautiful all twisted up like that, and she started to cry, just a little. Then she said, “Oh… Will.”

Will sat there with that look on his face, that mean ass smile that wasn't really a smile at all, and then he kind of slumped a little and picked up the remote and lifted it, all slow, and turned the volume up. I handed the baby more cheese and fruit and she laughed and clapped her hands.

I walked over to Megan and put my hand on her shoulder.

“Wanna help?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Megan said and followed me meekly into kitchen.

I went into the living room and set the table. Will switched channels a few more times and then stood up, got his jacket and walked out. We sighed and finished making dinner.

We sat down. I looked over at Megan. “What are you going to do?”

“I'm probably going to have to move home. Because that fucker,” she said, pointing with her lips to the door, “is not going to pay the bills. I hate this shit.”

I nodded. Megan's mom lived in a tiny HUD house on the Ogalala rez, and there were no jobs there. Megan had been doing OK when the shit with her husband went down and everything fell apart. That's when she decided to move to the Springs.

“What the fuck is wrong with Will?” I asked Megan.

“I don't know. He's always been like that. Selfish and mean and bitchy.
'
Course, his parents weren't around much. Always off drinking and riding motorcycles and letting the kids to themselves.”

“Jesus,” I said.

“Yeah. I mean, that sucks. But, I didn't exactly have it easy either, growing up. But I go to work, I take care of my baby. I don't put my shit on other people. Will's a dick.”

I nodded. I knew what she was saying. We'd sat down to eat and watched TV until I had to go.

After that, I'd been trying to spend even more time at Megan's because I was worried for her. I was worried she would fully lose it on Will and shit would go down that would fuck everything up for her. I slept on her couch for another hour and then went home. Dad was watching TV in the living room but was too drunk to hear me walking past. I went downstairs and fell asleep after reading for a few minutes.

The next day though, I woke up happy. I couldn't wait to get up to Mike's and then onto Mt Evans. I fed the twins, talked with Mom, worked for a few hours and then headed to Mike's. I'd told Mom I was going over to Julia's to study and would be back Sunday morning. She'd given me the evil, evil eye but she'd nodded.

“Hey!” Mike said when I arrived. “Come in! I think I have everything. My parents bought a bunch of outdoors-y shit they've never used when we moved here.” He walked into the living room and I followed. There was a monstrously large blue cooler, two sleeping bags and a tent in their sacks, and a ginormous camping backpack, complete with metal frame.

“Like I told you on the phone,” he said, running his left hand through his hair maniacally, “you don't need anything. Except you,” he said suddenly, bounding up to me and kissing me on the cheek. He was sweaty.

“You're really excited about this,” I said, laughing.

“Oh yeah! My parents talked about doing this all the time but we never did. And my friends were never really that interested in it. And there were so many places in California that we could have camped, there really were. But no one would do it.”

“We did when I was a kid. It was fun, but it was also kind of a nightmare. Dad would get drunk on cheap beer, and Mom would make s'mores. I don't know. I guess it was fun until Dad would either start crying or yelling. I liked being out there, listening to the birds and the trees in the wind, all that shit. Though there's always the possibility of bears or mountain lions.

Mike stared at me incredulously and then said, “Really? I assumed they left folks alone. I mean, with the hunting and all.”

“Well, people don't hunt around here as much as they used to. And the mountain lions aren't as scared of us as they were. Fuck, a kid was killed just last year running past a lion's den.”

Mike sat down and looked up at me. “You're shitting me. You're just shitting me,” he said, shaking his head. “Really? Killed by a lion.”

“Yep,” I said.

“Well,” Mike said, “that is pretty Hemingway of him. In a way, that's cool.”

“I guess,” I said, “I don't think his parents thought it was cool.”

Mike seemed to not even hear me for a minute and then said, “What?”

“I said, his parents didn't think it was cool,” I repeated.

“Oh. Oh. Yeah. But at least he died in nature, by nature's hands. Know what I mean?”

“Not really.”

He sighed, heavy. He walked into the kitchen and brought back two beers. He handed one to me and I cracked it open and sipped. He cracked his open, clinked his beer against mine and sat down on the couch again and patted the spot next to him with one of his long, elegant brown hands.

“I'm not sitting next to you until you explain what you meant by that.”

He sighed, impatiently. It was strange. He wasn't usually like this. I guessed he'd been hanging out with his track buddies. He was always a little keyed up and cold at the same time after he'd hung with them.

“Look. We're all going to die, right?”

I nodded.

“Well, at least he didn't die in some factory, or in some cubicle, after a long, boring, meaningless life.”

I sighed and plopped down next to him on the couch and then turned to him and smiled. I put my beer down on the floor and then took his out of his hand and put it down next to mine. I put one leg over him.

He laughed. “I see you agree with me after all.”

“Maybe,” I said.

Driving up, I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. It was late May, and although the mountains still had some snow on the peaks, it had been a hard but short winter and things had been warming up for some time. We had packed Mike's big, blue SUV and were on our way up 103. His right hand was resting on my leg and he was driving with his left. Our windows were rolled down, and Mike was playing another one of his white noise bands that I didn't recognize, and I closed my eyes and let the raspberry, deep green, pine, dirt smell roll over me. It didn't take too long to get to the foot of the mountain. We were planning on camping somewhere around the lake, but we decided to drive to the top of the mountain first. They had just opened the road up for the season and we drove, things getting bumpier and bumpier, which just made us laugh as we rocked back and forth in our seats, firmly buckled in.