Cowboy Take Me Away (28 page)

“It would be a whole lot easier to have make-up sex,” Chase muttered. “But then tomorrow we'd be back to square one again.”

She nodded, scooping her hot chocolate back up and focusing on the warmth against her palms. It wasn't the same as touching Chase, but it was better than nothing.

“I need you to tell me everything, Hope,” Chase said. “Right from the start.”

*   *   *

Chase gritted his teeth when he accidentally bumped the side of his eye. It was hurting like hell, but it was a damn good reminder of the fact that he hadn't been on form tonight. If he'd been focused there was no way Randy could have swung at him like that and managed to connect, but he had and Chase deserved the bruiser he'd received. Now he was sitting beside Hope, about to give her a second chance. Or at least that's what he knew he should do.

“So tell me again, how far along were you when you found out?” Chase asked, sipping his hot chocolate and remembering exactly why he'd missed the sweet drinks. Even Mrs. T hadn't ever been able to make them like this.

“Four months,” she said, tucking her feet up beneath her on the sofa. “I couldn't figure out why I was so sick all the time, and it went on way too long to be a stomach bug.”

He nodded and listened.

“I went to the doctor, laughed when she asked me to do a pregnancy test, and then laughter kinda turned to tears pretty damn fast when I found out how far along I was.”

“Did you tell your parents then?”

“I took a few days to process it all, considered all my options, and then decided to keep it to myself for a while before finally breaking the news.”

“They took it okay?”

“It's complicated. I didn't actually tell them until I was with my ex.”

“So when did your husband enter the picture?”

“Harrison knows he wasn't his father, if that's what you're worried about,” she said quickly, meeting his stare. Before that she'd been gazing into her chocolate. “I met him again when I was pregnant. I'd known him for years, and things moved fast and I let him think I was pregnant with his baby, that when I went into labor it was really early. But I confessed to him as soon as Harrison was born, told him the truth. I thought he loved me enough that we could get past it, but even though he let me think he could, I guess he never did.”

“And you told your parents the truth?”

“Yes, the very same day.”

Chase took her hand, linked their fingers, and squeezed. “He should have loved you anyway.”

“Yeah, he did,” she added, her voice a note deeper. “For my money.”

“Hey, I've been there,” he said. “I've had one serious girlfriend since college, the first woman I've actually ever let close to me other than you, and I've told you already how that ended.”

“Chase,” Hope said, leaning across to set her mug down and facing him on the sofa, both feet still tucked beneath her, “I need you to know that there was no one else. I mean, I hadn't been with another man in college, in case you were…”

“You kept something huge from me, Hope, but you don't have to explain yourself. You never slept around and it's pretty obvious from looking at the kid that he's a King.” Chase laughed. “I was the douchebag who didn't put two and two together. I mean, he even looks like me.”

“I want you to know that since I've been back, not a day has gone past that I haven't felt like the biggest bitch on the planet.” She held his hand tight as she spoke. “Seeing you after all this time, watching Harrison with your brothers, it's been like a knife to my heart. I can see how much he's missed out on and it's killing me.”

Chase was still pissed with her, it was impossible not to be, but he also got what she'd done. Hope had been young and scared, and she'd made a decision that she'd had to live with.

“Would you do it differently if you could?”

“Now that I'm here with you, yes.” Tears welled in Hope's eyes and it hurt him to just stare at her, to watch and do nothing to comfort her. But he needed to hear this no matter how much it hurt her. “But I was only twenty-six back then, Chase, and I wanted so badly for you to just
want
me. Like you wanted all those other girls. But we had one night together and then…”

“I emailed you,” he said, letting go of her hand. “I texted you, tried to check in.”

“You didn't text me for a week after we had sex, and then like a month after that,” she said, shaking her head and wiping at her face, brushing tears from her cheeks. “And I wanted more, Chase. I wanted you to love me. I wanted some big gesture so I knew that I meant more to you than just one night in a cheap motel. Not just a friend doing a cursory check-in.”

He stood up and paced across the room. “You could have called me. Told me how you felt, what had happened.”

“And then I'd have been as desperate as the girls you bedded all the time. The ones you never called back.” She sighed. “And then there was the fact that I was never going to relocate here, leave my family.”

“Hey, I've always been deadly fucking clear,” Chase growled. “I never pretended I wanted anything more than a night of fun, not with any of the women I was with.”

“And me?”

“What happened between us meant something, Hope. You know it and I know it.” He was pissed off again now, anger building deep within him and threatening to boil over. “But yeah, there was that whole geography issue.”

“I didn't want you to feel trapped and I didn't want to be the desperate one.” She wrapped her arms around herself, chin on her knees. “You were always so careful not to get yourself in a relationship, sure about what you wanted…”

“Did it ever cross my mind that maybe I was doing all that to get at you? That I wanted
you
?”

She smiled, but it was a sad upturn of her mouth, her eyes still swimming. “Part of me always hoped that was the case, but when so many weeks, then months, passed with nothing but the odd friendly text, I realized what had happened between us was just a drunken fling.”

“It was more than a drunken fling,” he growled, crossing the room again and dropping to the sofa beside her.

“I know that now, but I didn't then,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “Imagine me four months later. I hadn't spoken to you, I thought you'd moved on, but I still loved you and didn't want to burden you.”

He put his arm around her, swallowing his anger and tugging her close. “And here we are. Two idiots who didn't know what was good for us.”

“I don't expect you to forgive me,” Hope said, turning her bright blue eyes up to him, her lower lip caught beneath her top teeth. “But Harrison needs his dad, more now than ever, even if it's just some weekend time with you.”

“I'm not gonna shirk my responsibilities, Hope. Not now that I know.” He stared at her. “Not when I've met him and can't stop thinking about what an awesome kid he is.”

“And what about us?”

Her voice was deep and emotional. He'd never seen her like this before. Hope had been so strong, so unflappable in college. It hadn't mattered how much he'd tried to get under her skin, because she hadn't reacted when he'd slept around, when he'd teased her or tried to get her into bed, or when he'd brazenly tried to copy her notes or drink her under the table. Hope had always been his fun, beautiful friend, only he'd been so stupid that he hadn't seen how hard it must have been for her.

“When I was a dickhead back in college, all the shit I did when we were friends, did you actually not give a damn?”

She reached for her hot chocolate, cupping the mug again and not once glancing at him as he watched her. “Of course I gave a damn, Chase.”

“Why?”

“Do you really need me to say it?” She shook her head and finally met his stare.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“Because I loved you,” she whispered, blinking away tears again. “Because I wanted you to want me as more than a friend. And I wasn't going to spend one night with you just for the hell of it, to be one of those girls so desperate that I took my panties off in the heat of the moment and regretted it forever.”

Chase didn't know what to say. He'd been a fucking idiot, he knew that, but he didn't even know where to begin.

“And then I did exactly that and regretted it for five years.” She laughed, slamming her cup back down on the coffee table and shuffling farther down the sofa, away from him. “Hell, I still am.”

“Well, I don't regret sleeping with you for a second.”

“Of course you don't.”

Hope didn't look impressed, but it took more than a pissed-off look to stop him in his tracks.

“I don't regret finally having you naked in bed with me,” he told her, moving down the sofa until his thigh was hard against Hope. “I don't regret all the years of flirting that finally resulted in the best goddamn sex of my life, although I sure as hell regret not doing it sooner.”

“And Harrison?” He watched as she swallowed, her eyes wide. “Do you regret what we made that night?”

“The only thing I regret is not jumping on a plane and telling you how much I missed you,” Chase said. “And that's the most honest goddamn thing I've ever said in my life.”

Hope ran her fingers through her hair and he watched until she reached the end. Then he reached to pull her forward, not letting her resist. Chase was happy once he had his fingers tugging gently through her long strands of blond hair, her head on his shoulder, her body finally,
finally
relaxing into his instead of being so hard and tense.

“We're going back to where it all began.”

“What?” Hope wriggled and turned so she was staring at him.

He ran his tongue over his lips, chuckled as her eyes dropped to watch his mouth. “We're going on a road trip, Hope. And this time, we're gonna do things right.”

She grinned at him, the smile kicking up one corner of her mouth before spreading to the other. “We are?”

“Yeah, we are.” He might have thought he could never forgive her, but maybe he was wrong. Just like he'd been wrong five years ago when he'd let her walk away in the first place. “We've both made mistakes, so let's just be honest and admit that we've both fucked up.”

She nodded. “Agreed.”

“And this time we're gonna give it a go, no bullshit, no holds barred. We say how we feel when we feel it.” Chase ran his eyes over her full mouth, her plump lips parted. He dropped a slow kiss to those very lips, was hard after only a moment of brushing their mouths back and forth, her tongue teasing his. “We do what we want, when we want it.”

Hope's eyes were hidden from view, her dark lashes shielding her from his gaze as she stared down lower, maybe at his mouth.

“And when are we going to take this trip back in time?” she asked, grabbing hold of his hair before he had a chance to evade her hand. He only resisted a moment before yielding, only he did more than give in. Chase grinned and pushed her back onto the sofa, laughing as she tugged hard at his hair. She could pull all she liked—unless she actually told him no, nothing was going to stop him.

Chase forgot all about why he was in her house, what had gone down between them, his body covering hers as he lowered himself over her and planted his lips on hers again. There was nothing gentle about the way he kissed her this time, his mouth rough, loving that she matched him every step of the way, her body arching up to press harder into his. When Chase finally extracted himself, he had to jump back onto his feet, staring down at her. His breathing was ragged, his body begging to be jammed hard up to hers again. But he wasn't going to take her on the sofa.

“Sweetheart, I just promised you a trip down memory lane, and that doesn't involve me screwing you on your sofa.”

Hope's lips were still parted, her chest rising and falling, fast, as she stared at him. “I thought we just agreed to let bygones be bygones?”

“No,” he corrected her. “We agreed to a no-holds-barred trip down memory lane, and for the first time in my life I'm going to turn down a beautiful woman.”

“You're telling me you've never actually said no before?” The look on her face told him she wasn't at all impressed.

“I'm saying that I'll pick you up Friday once you've knocked off for the week. Then we do this.” He started to walk backward and threw her a wink.

“Have you forgotten about Harrison?”

“I want to see that boy every second I can, make up for all the time I've missed out on, but we need some alone time, too.” Chase touched her hand. “His uncles can take him for a few days. Chloe'll be there and he'll have a blast hanging out with them, if that's okay with you?”

A look of terror washed over her face. “We can't tell him,” she said. “Not without preparing him, without…”

“Relax. We'll tell him when we're good and ready. Just meet me at the ranch on Friday, okay? There's no pressure to tell him anything yet.”

She nodded.

“Promise me.”

She laughed. “I promise.”

“Good.” Chase changed his mind and marched back across the room, bending low and pressing one last, slow kiss to her lips, groaning when her tongue darted straight back to dance with his.

“Good night, Hope,” he murmured against her mouth as he pulled away. “Sleep well darlin', because you're not gonna get much shut-eye come the weekend.”

He backed away, a familiar current surging through his body, one he hadn't felt in a long, long time. Because he was suddenly playing to win something that wasn't his to take, and he never backed away from a challenge.

“Can I look in on him, before I go?”

Hope nodded and took his hand. “Come with me.”

They walked upstairs and down the hall and Hope nudged open the half-shut door, standing back for him to move past. Chase held his breath as he stepped closer, looked down at the sleeping boy in the bed. His hair was all messed up, body out of the covers, mouth open as he breathed heavily. Chase bent low, traced a hand through Harrison's hair, gulping as he kissed his forehead.