Coveting Love (Jessica Crawford) (10 page)

Amy’s spirits had lifted tremendously. She was able to talk about the baby with excitement now. They spent all their spare time looking for baby clothes and even made a few purchases.

She had received a few proposals of marriage from well-wishing friends, but had declined them all. A loveless marriage wasn’t the answer.

Jessica had begun to refer to the baby as her niece or nephew. Being such an important part of the baby’s life made her feel good. For some reason it seemed to ease the loneliness, just a little.

She still hadn’t heard from Brandon. She had begun to give up hope that she ever would. The memory of their meeting was strong in her mind, and his face would float before her eyes when she least expected it. To escape his image, she poured herself into her work—to the point that her co-workers began to refer to her as Dragon Lady II. She laughed and eased off a bit.

One day, as they were having dinner at Amy’s, Jessica pulled out a package and handed it to Amy. It was wrapped in pretty paper and tied up with colorful ribbons. Amy looked at the package, puzzled.

“
What’s this for?” she asked, as she began untying the ribbon.

“
Just open it.”

Amy recognized the small delicate item immediately. Tears clouded her eyes.

“
I saw you eyeing this when we were shopping with Mom. I also knew that you couldn’t possibly part with that baby of yours, no matter what the outcome with Bob was. I wanted you to have it, so I bought it.”

Amy wound the precious carousel and placed it gently on the table. She listened intently to the soft melodious lullaby that came from the miniature music box.

“
You were pretty sure of yourself, weren’t you?”

“
No. I was that sure of you. But I figured that even if I did have you figured wrong, one of us would have use for it someday.”

Amy eyed her with a twinkle in her eye. She smiled and dipped her head questioningly at her. “Jessica Crawford, is there something you are not telling me, something that you should be?”

Jessica held up her hands in protest. “I’m afraid not; I haven’t heard a single word from Brandon since we got home.” She bit her lip, frowning. “I guess he wasn’t interested, after all.”

“
Well, maybe he’s just busy. Yes, that’s it. He’ll call soon; you’ll see.”

She wished she could be as sure as Amy seemed to be.

“
Speaking of which, Mom called yesterday. She said that Randy has been asking about you.” She saw interest spark in her eyes. “I think he really cares for you. Maybe you should give him a chance to show you just how much.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so, Jess. I have thought a lot about my life lately, and I don’t think it would be fair to Randy, pursuing him when I am carrying another man’s child. Randy is a good person. He deserves a woman that can give herself to him, completely. I come with baggage now.”

“
Well, it’s up to you. But I think you should let him make the decision. He might not care that you are expecting a baby.”

“
Maybe not, but right now I have to concentrate on getting through today. I’ll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.”

“
You think about it. But don’t take too long. He’s too good a catch to let get away, and he’ll be returning home soon. I certainly wouldn’t risk it if I were you.”

She stood to leave. “I have to go now. It’s getting late, and I’m exhausted.” She bid her friend goodbye and left.

After she left, Amy spent some time thinking about what she had said. She knew Jessica was right. Randy was too good a catch to let get away. She should at least tell him about the baby. Then if he decided he didn’t want anything to do with her, she would understand.

Determined to go through with it, she reached for the phone, before she could change her mind. She would ask him to come up this weekend and tell him the whole story.

Her hand was halfway to the receiver when she pulled it back. She could never be so bold. Switching off the lights, she began to walk to the bedroom. The ring of the telephone startled her. Her heart was thumping as she reached to pick it up.

“
Randy!” she exclaimed into the phone, a smile spreading across her face, “I was just thinking about you.—No, it’s not too late at all.”

It was late when Jessica arrived home. She was weary from her long day and yearned desperately for a warm bath. She had stayed at Amy’s apartment much later than she had planned.

There was a note waiting for her on her front door. As she reached for it, her heart pounded. She hastily opened it. As she had hoped, it was from Brandon. She leaned against the door and read the neatly written words.

She could hardly control the shaking hand that tried so unsuccessfully to open the door. Taking a deep, calming breath, she managed to insert the key into the lock and turn the knob.

She went immediately to the bathroom and began filling the tub. She reread the note three times but could hardly believe the words. He had said that he thought about her constantly. She had also thought about him constantly. She couldn’t wait to see him.

As she slipped beneath the warm, sudsy water, she wondered how it would be to see him again. Her mind drifted back to the night she had met him. She saw clearly his strong jaw and delicate eyes. She could remember clearly his scent as he had leaned over to kiss her. She could still feel his gentle lips upon hers. She felt a burning longing for him. What was it about this man that had made such an impact upon her?

She stood and toweled herself dry. She was eager for tomorrow to come and dressed quickly for bed.

The wind howled outside, and the sky roared with thunder. She smiled. Unlike other nights, tonight the storm did not frighten her. She saw Brandon’s face before her and it was a comfort as she drifted off to sleep.

When the alarm went off the next morning, she hit it once, twice, and then finally, reluctantly, she roused herself from her dream state.

She pulled on her robe and headed to the kitchen for her morning coffee. As the coffee dripped into the pot, she allowed her mind to wander.

She couldn’t remember ever having felt this excited about a man before. Well, unless of course, you counted Brian Crandall, from the ninth grade. She smiled. She hadn’t thought of Brian in years.

Brian had been the love of Jessica’s life. She had loved him for as long as she could remember. Brian, however, was popular with all the kids in school. He hadn’t even known Jessica existed. That is, until the summer his folks went to Germany and decided to let Brian remain at home with the Wagners.

The Wagners lived next door to the Crawfords and were, unknowingly to Jessica, completely aware of her attraction to him. They had worked with her mother—the little matchmakers—to arrange a courtship between the two of them. Jessica was at first nervous and hesitated before accepting a date with him.

Brian, on the other hand, was self-assured and laughed at Jessica’s shyness. It didn’t take long for the romance to blossom. Soon, Jessica was deeply in love with him. She was sure Brian felt the same way.

The two lovebirds were inseparable that summer. The world outside each other did not exist. He introduced her to stone skipping, sail boating, rock climbing, and double-decker, triple-fudge ice cream cones—eaten before dinner. She taught him how to meditate on nature, introduced him to classical music, and taught him which side won the civil war.

Then to both of their utter devastation, on a hot day in the middle of summer, a telegram arrived. They had spent the day swimming, and had stopped at the ice cream parlor on the way home for their usual afternoon treat. Jessica was sure she had found the man she wanted to marry, even if he would finish high school two years before her. Brian also talked of marriage. He would finish college just about the time Jessica was ready for marriage. In his planning, he would get a job and she would finish her last couple years of college.

They were wild, carefree, and madly in love on that dreadful day when they walked into the Crawford’s living room. Her mother, along with the Wagners, sat waiting for them. They wore strained faces and Sarah had been crying.

A drunk driver had killed Brian’s parents. He was to go to Germany at once to attend the funeral services. He would be staying there so his aunt could care for him.

The Wagners had pleaded with the aunt, begging her to let the boy stay with them so he could finish school with his friends, but the aunt was firm. His parents had made it clear; they wanted him to go to Germany. Jessica had run from the room screaming, refusing to come out for a week.

Brian had tried, on several occasions, to see her. He wanted to say goodbye, but she refused, it was too painful, and so he left her a wonderfully expressed letter. In the letter, he poured out his feelings for her. He spoke of his passion and his hopes for the future. He swore to come back for her someday, but of course, he didn’t. For months, she had read and reread the letter, hoping that by doing so things would change back to the way they had been, but they hadn’t changed. Time went on. Eventually Jessica recovered from her heartbreak.

She vowed to dedicate her life to a career. She enrolled in college and studied day and night. It was during these mourning years that Jessica’s love of strolling through the mountains intensified.

Sarah, thinking to draw her daughter out of her depression, splurged on an expensive camera outfit for her, telling her she should use her time in the mountains to develop a hobby. It hadn’t taken her long to fall in love with the camera and decide what her ambition would be. She changed her major from business to photography, signed up to be on the school newspaper, and took on a part-time job as a journalist for the local newspaper. She didn’t care that all her assignments were for new business openings, or local Chamber of Commerce events. She didn’t even mind covering the church bazaars. She just loved being behind the camera. She had discovered her hidden talent and she thrived on it. Sarah was overjoyed at the change in her daughter. It was like having the old Jessie back.

Several years went by and one day Jessica received a letter from Brian. He told her he was doing well and thought about her often. To her surprise, she didn’t cry when he said he was getting married the following year. She would always have a special spot in his heart, he wrote, and she believed him. She had sat down at her desk and immediately wrote back, pouring out her congratulations. She wished him well and told him that he, too, would always have a special place in her heart.

Now, today, Jessica could look back at their time together with fondness, for if nothing else, it taught her that every obstacle in life could be overcome, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.

She wondered where Brian might be, and what he might be doing. He must surely have a few kids by now. They had talked about having a large family. Both of them had been an only child; they each wanted their home filled with laughter.

Jessica used the tip of her finger to wipe the tears from her eyes. She glanced up at the clock and sighed. She rose from the sofa with great effort and went in to shower. She let the warm water cascade softly over her body as her mind wandered again to Brandon.

The feeling she had now was much more intense than it had been with Brian. It was certainly a more mature infatuation. Infatuation; is that what this was? Of course, it was. There is no such thing as love at first sight, is there? She had loved Brian with all her heart, a schoolgirl’s crush, but love nonetheless. Her attraction for Brandon was purely physical. She was convinced of that.

She chose her clothing carefully, on the chance that Brandon would want to meet with her sometime before the day was over. When she was confident she looked her best, she headed out the door.

It was still raining, but she wasn’t going to let that get her down. She took a deep breath and walked the short distance to the subway station. She wasn’t feeling rushed so she had time for a leisurely ride into the office.

She chose a seat next to a woman with a small child and took out her memo pad. She began jotting notes. Cognizant of the fact that someone was watching her, she turned her head slightly to stare into big brown eyes, just inches from her own. She smiled slightly at the child and patted her softly on the head. She realized her mistake immediately. The little girl broke into a big grin and began to chatter incessantly. Jessica placed her memo pad aside and engaged herself in childlike conversation for the duration of the trip.

By the time she arrived at work, she felt as if she had already put in a whole day of hard labor. She laughed aloud and thought about the child’s poor mother. No wonder the woman had looked so weary. She was still laughing when she entered the building.

“
My, aren’t we in a good mood this morning,” Sandy said as Jessica walked in the door. “What has put you into such a chipper mood?”

“
I think I have just discovered the shortcut to premature aging.”