Authors: Devon Hartford
Romeo nods, “There’s been endless speculation on the fan blogs about whether he’s handsome or heinous.”
“I vote heinous. He’s probably a troll. With two troll heads growing from his shoulders.”
“O, ye of little faith,” Romeo snickers while pulling out a smart phone. He taps the screen and shows me an image. It’s a shirtless and headless male torso on the cover of some random book called
Stepbrother Obsessed
. I have no idea what that is. Sounds pornographic. But there’s no denying the perfection of the body I’m looking at. It’s hard, cut, masculine, inked, and it makes something squirm between my legs, something I thought was either hibernating or flat out extinct.
“You’re blush-
iiiing
,” Romeo singsongs.
“No I’m not,” I bark. I clear my throat and try to sound professional. Yes, I can appreciate a gorgeous body as much as the next woman or obviously gay man like Romeo. But I’ve always preferred brains over beefcake. “Who is this Connor guy again? Does he have a last name?”
“Nobody knows what it is. He’s very protective of his anonymity. Some people believe Connor isn’t his real first name at all.”
That’s no help. I sigh heavily, “Look, my editor literally gave me this assignment last night and I didn’t have time to research Connor
Whoever
.” The truth is, I didn’t
want
to do any research because this is such a meaningless non-story. It’s not like interviewing a headless male model with no last name at Rom Com Con 2015 is going to win me a Pulitzer. “So unfortunately I don’t know the first thing about this guy. Can you fill me in?”
“Don’t you
read
?” Romeo gasps. “Connor is
the
thing in the romance books business.”
“I read the Wall Street Journal and Ms. Magazine. Not frivolous romance novels filled with gratuitous sex. I know about 50 Shades of Grey.”
“Your loss,” Romeo shrugs. “Sounds to me like you could use some frivolity and gratuity in your life.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” I bark.
“Here we
ARE-rreeee
!” Romeo sings, ignoring me.
We stand in front of room 714.
“Are you ready to meet him?” Romeo asks anxiously, his eyes shining gleefully. “I know I am.”
“I guess.” I fold my arms across my chest and shift my weight impatiently onto the heel of one pump.
“The man of my dreams is on the other side of that door.” Romeo beams while he knocks. “Do you think he’ll be wearing a mask? Like a sexy but mysterious professional wrestler?”
I didn’t realize professional wrestlers were sexy. As before, I try to keep my confrontational comments to myself. I reach into my conservative purse and flick the power button on my mp3 voice recorder to make sure the battery is still good. It is. Distracted, I ask, “Why would he be wearing a mask?”
“Maybe he’s horribly disfigured like
The Phantom of the Opera
. Yes, that’s it! Once a dashing young man, he lost his looks in a tragic opera fire.”
“Opera fire?” I ask doubtfully.
“Yes, bear with me,” Romeo says seriously. “Now he’s wounded, his heart damaged beyond repair. He yearns in secret for the love of a strong young woman to save him from his solitary misery!” Romeo’s eyes light victoriously.
“You’re hopeless, Romeo,” I chuckle.
“I know, right?” he smiles and winks at me. “Now
THE
Connor is finally going to make his first
ever
public appearance this afternoon, mask and all, exclusively for Rom Com Con 2015!!!”
I arch an eyebrow.
“It’s an historic event,” he says seriously.
“
An
historic event?” I mock.
A woman president would be an historic event.
“That’s what I said. Did I misspeak?”
Misspeak? Romeo is definitely in a class by himself. I frown at him and nod toward the door. “Never mind. Let’s get this over with. Let’s meet
THE
Connor.”
Romeo knocks on the door and we wait.
And wait.
Wait a second…
No way.
A jumble of loose thoughts suddenly straighten in my mind. It’s just a coincidence, right? Thousands of men are named Connor. It seems highly unlikely that
this
Connor is…
him.
Connor Hughes.
I haven’t seen or heard from Connor in seven years. I haven’t even thought about him…
Dark memories lasso my guts and cinch tight. I wince internally, forcing down nausea, not letting it show. I never let it show.
Keeping a straight face doesn’t stop the distressed thoughts from pinballing around in my head.
It can’t be him…
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
CONNOR
“I can’t believe how good you are in bed, Connor,” Babe, or whatever her name is, says breathlessly. “I’ve never had so many orgasms in one morning.” Her lush lips spread into a grin.
Mine don’t.
I stand naked at the foot of the bed having just dumped my condom in the bathroom trash.
Babe is a vision of caramel delight on the rumpled white confection of the hotel sheets.
I couldn’t care less.
She runs her hands across her breasts, massaging them briefly before sliding her manicured fingers down her taut stomach and between her slick thighs, stroking herself invitingly. She locks eyes with me, hers half-hooded with naked desire for more. “Mmmmm, Connor. Do you have any idea how yummy you are?”
Yes. Some other chick called me yummy last week. Yummy turned into a chick cliché four years ago. I hear it all the time.
“Your cock is twitching. Does that mean you want to go again?” she purrs.
I’m always up for fuckin. Working out seven days a week makes me horny as fuck all the time. And I have to admit, Babe is fuckin hot. But hasn’t she had enough of me? I’ve had enough of her. As hot as she is, she just didn’t do it for me. They never do. I sigh, “I don’t mean to be a dick, but I have an interview here in the room in a few minutes. I need to clean up before they get here.”
“Interview? For what?”
“It’s nothing. Some, uhhh, fitness thing,” I lie. “Some guy’s YouTube workout channel.”
“That sounds exciting.”
I always tell girls I’m a fitness model, but I never go into more detail than that. I hate talking about myself. “It’s pretty boring. Kind of technical. Blood sugar levels, triglycerides, recovery intervals. Boring shit like that.” Usually the technical talk turns them off.
“I don’t mind,” Babe purrs. “I’m sure I’ll learn something.”
Maybe this chick has potential…
She does that stripper thing where she sticks out the tip of her tongue and runs it across her top teeth. When that doesn’t work, she tweaks one of her nipples with her fingers, lifts her tit to her mouth, and licks the nip.
…Then again, maybe not.
Why’d she have to go and ruin it?
“Trust me,” I chuckle, “You’ll be snoring inside of two minutes. And the guy is a nobody. I think his biggest video has like 700 views. I’m doing it as a favor for a friend.” I’m making all of this up as I go along. Babe will never know.
“It’s no big deal, Connor. I really don’t mind.”
This always happens. A girl like her has guys throwing themselves at her 24/7. I saw it at the club last night. Five hundred different guys talked to her, but she went back to the hotel with me. What should’ve been a one-nighter is suddenly turning into a pain in my ass. I don’t know how to break it to her that I’m not interested. After fuckin them, I never am.
So, how to get rid of her?
Usually, I like the direct approach.
“You need to go,” I grunt.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
ELECTRA
Romeo leans his ear against the door, “I don’t hear anyone inside. Do you have a drinking glass?”
“Why?”
“So I can hear better. Don’t you watch spy movies?” he hisses.
“Not really.”
“Which celebrity do you think he looks like?” Romeo muses gleefully, his ear still glued to the door.
“I have no idea.” Nor do I care. My kind of man has a career path. Soft porn modeling is
not
a career path. Nothing gets me going like a suit and tie. Not that I’ve had anything going on in the boyfriend or the bedroom department since forever. I’m focused on being a journalist, not meaningless flings.
“Whatever he looks like,” Romeo swoons, “I bet he’s gorgeous. I’m picturing chiseled cheek bones, a brooding brow, smoldering eyes, and a rugged stubbled jaw.”
I smirk, “That sounds like a caveman or a neanderthal. Does he wear a leopard skin for a loincloth and carry a club too?”
“I hope so,” Romeo grins, his eyes dreamy. “Then he can pound me with his club, take me back to his cave, and pound me with his
human
club from behi—”
“Stop!” I bark.
“Never mind me,” he giggles. “A serious woman like you is only interested in serious information, right?”
“What makes you think I’m serious?” I ask defensively.
His eyes sweep up and down my outfit. One of his eyebrows arches dramatically and his face says,
Have you looked in a mirror lately?
But his mouth says, “Please, girlfriend. Your outfit was on the cover of the latest issue of Business Matron’s Monthly.”
I hide my scowl as I look down my nose at him through my stylish eyeglasses. “That’s not even a real magazine.” My long auburn hair may be pinned up in a conservative bun, but I look good in my pumps, pencil skirt, and blouse. I always dress my best so people take me seriously.
“We’ll work on tomorrow’s look later,” he smiles. “But we can do something about that uptight hair of yours.” He reaches for my bun like he’s going to fiddle with it, or worse, let it down completely. “Your hair bun is so tight it’s giving you a facelift.”
“Hands off!” I growl, pulling back defensively. He thinks he can give
me
fashion advice? He looks like a cartoon character. I resist the urge to kick his shins with my pointed pumps.
He drops his arm to his side, “Loosen up, girl. I’m just trying to help.”
“What do you know about women’s fashion? Look at
your
outfit! I didn’t realize sci-fi emo was still a
thing
,” I spit. “And what’s with that stupid monocle?”
With practiced flair, he flips the monocle up with a flick of his wrist and squinches it in his cheek. He stares at me through it, the monocled eye comically magnified. “Perhaps you need a personality makeover, darling,” he mutters before letting the monocle tumble free.
I’m about to give him a tongue lashing when I stop myself. I admit it. I’m very sensitive about my looks, my personality, everything. Let’s face it. I’m just plain sensitive. I blame four years of high school torment from Connor Hughes. That asshole left me scarred.
That’s when the hotel room door suddenly whips open and my chest locks down tight, stopping my breath.
It’s him.
Connor Hughes.
No. Fucking. Way.
Chapter 2
CONNOR
Fuck me.
It
’
s her.
Electra Warmoth.
Standing on my fuckin hotel doorstep, rockin the sexy librarian look with the hair bun and sexy glasses. And those fuckin legs? They go on for miles.
My dick is instantly hard.
Forget about Babe.
Electra Warmoth is in the fuckin house.
Damn.
When did she learn to dress like such a fox? All I remember is her funky thrift-store overalls and plaid shirts.
Where the hell has she been hiding for the last seven years? Electra was the girl who got away.
Memories blast up outta my past.
In high school, Electra had the sharpest tongue out of anyone, guy or girl. She had a goddamned mouth on her that could peel paint. When it came to me, Electra Warmoth spit venom on a daily basis.
Weird thing was, her mouth was also the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. Her clunky braces never fooled me. To this day, she still has the best pair of lips on the planet. Now she has the braces off, they might be the best pair in the universe.
Not that I ever found out how those lips tasted.
Nobody
in high school found out. Electra hated everybody.
I
wanted
to find out. I was
dying
to find out. I would’ve given my left nut to feel those sweet lips on mine, braces or not. But I never got to. Everybody said she’d die a virginal spinster. Believe me, I tried to save her from a lifetime of solitude, but nothing worked.
Electra never let down the brick wall she built around herself.
The harder I tried to get close to her, the harder I got thinking about her. I couldn’t sleep because of her. Every night in my dreams, she gave it up like a porn star. You know a girl with a hot mouth like that is crazy as fuck in the sack.
During the day, Electra gave me nothing but grief. Dirty looks, harsh comments, insult after insult. She literally flipped me off every time she saw me. The chick hated me. She dubbed me The Con Man, Connor Rude, Connor the Stooge, Connor Brews, Connor Pukes, and countless others. Yeah, I drank way too much in high school. What can I say? I was a drunken fuck up back then. Arguably, I still am.
But I’m no idiot.
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Believe me, I tried every angle I could with Electra. Early on, I realized pursuing her was pointless. When someone says no to you all the time, you realize you need to find someone else who’ll say yes.
Plenty of girls were happy to say yes.
Let’s face it.
In high school, I was Connor Huge.
Every girl who put out wanted to find out if the rumors were true.
They were.
I got more pussy than any high school kid deserved. I banged my way through every hottie in town. What do you expect? I’m a guy. The only downside was I got in plenty of fights for screwing other dudes’ girls. I didn’t care. I was always up for a fight.
Sad thing was, four years of fuckin and fighting didn’t make any difference. I was still dying to taste Electra’s sweet lips.
Both pairs.
If I want something bad enough, I’m gonna get it eventually. I’m fuckin persistent when I wanna be.
The night we graduated senior year, I gave it one last shot.