covencraft 04 - dry spells (28 page)

“You don’t know that. You’re not responsible. Neither of you.”

Lily sighed, long and deep. The dungeon was silent for what felt like a long time. Paris wasn’t sure if he should break the silence or not. He didn’t know what to say.

“And now Seth,” Lily said.

“Is Seth… Is he hurting her?” Paris felt the way his words climbed an octave at the end as his throat closed up over the syllables.

Lily shook her head. “No,” she said, her words sounding bewildered. “He wants to talk about it.”

Paris was confused. “Why?”

“I don’t know. But it makes her… she feels -” Lily breathed in, her breath hitching a few times on itself as she did. “She never thinks of it.” Her eyes met his again and he flinched, not expecting it. She reached out and clutched at his hand, her fingers tight around his. “I can live with what happened. I can make peace with it.” She swallowed. “I can’t forgive or forget, but I can live with it,” she said again. “But Jade won’t. She won’t speak of it. Won’t acknowledge it. To her, it is forbidden. If she does not think of it, it did not happen.” Lily shook her head. “You can’t resolve something you won’t acknowledge.”

Paris didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have words of wisdom or counsel for her. His entire life, he’d learned to be diplomatic and caring, yet professional, political and polite. He thought he would know what to do or say in any situation that he ever faced. But now, he was tongue-tied.

“What should I do?” he asked.

He was on a precipice waiting for her reply; when she only shrugged, his heart sank. She had no answer for him. Though she and Jade were intimately bound, she had no insight to offer.

“I don’t know.” She swallowed, pulling her hands back into her lap. “If I did…” She trailed off and sighed. “In a lot of ways, she was more prepared to be alone than I’ll ever be. She never knew or remembered what to expect,” Lily said, changing topics back to their dual nature again. “I never thought it would be this hard. I don’t remember it being this hard.” Lily scratched absently at her forehead.

“She’s not alone. She has you. She has Bruce.” He paused and then added, “She has me.” He felt the weight of the words sink into his flesh and bones.

“Does she?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “What did you see?” he prompted. “What else is there in the Dearth?”

“Nothing. Just the car. Her driving with Seth.”

“And he’s needling her,” Paris prompted, echoing Lily’s earlier words.

“He wants her to talk about it. About when we… when we were…” She looked away. “I can’t get her to talk about it with me. She won’t talk about it with him. I don’t even know why he would ask.”

“How can we help her?” Paris thought of the grimoires, of the spell books laid out before him. There must be something, some knowledge or spell he could pass on to Jade to assist her.

“I don’t know,” Lily said. “I don’t think magic works in the Dearth. Not the way she’s used to anyway.”

Paris stared at the books strewn across the table. All the spells Sakkara had written, all the demon runes he had at his disposal. He feared Lily was correct; none of it would be of use to Jade. But what else did he have?

Bruce curled around Paris’ legs, his body warm and solid. His tail came around to rest on Paris’ toes. Paris was warmed by the reptile’s proximity. Though Bruce didn’t speak, his actions seemed to indicate his belief and trust in Paris. Perhaps it was just Paris’ imagination. Bruce coiled tighter around Paris legs.

“They’re traveling toward the Gorgon,” Lily said. “She’s thinking about it.”

So was Paris - wondering if there was anything he could do to help. Or if all he was meant to do was wait patiently.

#

The silence in the car should have been heavy and uncomfortable, like a wet wool blanket on a hot, damp day. It wasn’t. It was just there. Like the sun was bright and the Dearth was vast, the car was silent. Though Jade didn’t want to, she turned Seth’s words over in her mind. She pulled her emotions back from just underneath her skin, where they lay ready to burst forward like a purulent wound, and instead reviewed what he’d said. The way he’d said it. The tone of his voice. She made herself not think about how Seth’s words made her feel, but tried to think of what he’d been after. There wasn’t a reason to push her buttons in the Dearth. Seth needed Jade to complete the errand or the binding mark that affected them both wouldn’t be resolved. He needed her to face Medusa and win.

Why? Why would Seth poke and prod at Jade? Why would he push buttons that were so sensitive they remained permanently raw even after years? Spots exposed to the elements at all times, unable to heal.

Why, unless it served him somehow. Why, unless it was to help him get out of the Dearth. And to get out of the Dearth meant Jade had to face Medusa and survive. Was it possible Seth was trying to
help
her?

“It’s about her, isn’t it? The things you’re asking, the answers you want that I can’t give. You’re not really looking for
my
answers, your looking for
hers
. Medusa’s.”

“
Cherchez la femme
, Possum. When a man acts in an inexplicable manner, look for the woman.”

Unable to look in his direction, finding it too intimate at the moment, she stared out the window. There were more of the strange blue rock-things she’d seen earlier - the
vismuthas
, Seth had called them. They glided across the desert floor like skaters on ice.

“Is that why you broke up? Because Medusa can’t get over what happened to her?”

“She
won’t
get over what happened to her,” Seth corrected. Jade felt a surge of outrage and fury on behalf of the Gorgon.

“Why should she? And what makes you think you can force her to do that?”

“I don’t want to force her to do anything,” Seth replied, his voice angry. “But how long does someone hold a trauma close and use it as a battering ram against everyone else in their life?”

“As long as they fucking want to!” Jade replied hotly, no longer intimidated by facing Seth. She turned partially in her seat, angling her body toward him. “You don’t get to make that decision. It’s not yours to make.”

“I’m trying to help her.”

“Did you ever ask if she wanted help? Maybe she doesn’t want to get over it. Maybe she shouldn’t have to.” Jade paused, letting her words sit in the stillness of the car. Seth’s jaw worked, his hears twitching on top of his head. “And what does it mean anyway? Does it mean ‘forgive and forget’? Maybe she can’t do that.” Jade felt tears prick her eyes. “Maybe I can’t do that either.”

If words were weapons, then those were sharp, jagged ones. It felt like something opened inside her as she said them and she bled freely. Unending.

“Don’t you want to?” Seth asked quietly. “Don’t you want to heal?”

“Maybe this is as healed as I can get,” Jade replied. “I think getting around, walking, talking, holding down a job and not spending every single moment stuck back there in
that
moment when I… when I was… assaulted.” The words was like a bitter liquid on her tongue. “Is maybe as good as it gets.”

Jade looked out the windshield and spied a strange building structure in the distance. She wondered what it was, but was afraid to ask. It didn’t matter. She’d find out soon enough if it was something she needed to be worried about.

“But you aren’t cruel, Possum. You don’t lash out at anyone and anything in your path. You don’t see something that reminds you of your trauma and then lay waste and destruction down as quickly and easily as you would a blanket on a bed. You don’t hurt the people closest to you and take pleasure in their pain, glad to see someone hurting as much as you had.”

Jade swallowed. “Is that what Medusa does?”

“Yes,” Seth replied simply.

Well, that was just fucking great. Not only was Medusa a Gorgon that turned people to stone, she was apparently also a stone cold bitch to everyone, including people she
liked
. Jade dropped her face in her hands and rubbed her eyes. She was never getting out of the Dearth alive.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Jade said honestly. “Maybe she was like that before she got hurt. Or maybe that’s how she responded. But you don’t get to decide if it’s right or wrong. And you don’t get to decide when or if should get over it.”

“I’m trying to help her,” Seth said, repeating his earlier words.

“Yeah, but that’s not your choice either. You can’t decide she needs help, and then make her take it. She has to want help first.”

Jade thought about her words in reference not only to Medusa, but to herself. For so long, she’d avoided any thoughts of the past, thinking that if she avoided it long enough, she could outrun it. But she couldn’t. And it hadn’t really mattered when she wasn’t attracted to anyone anyway. She’d never been the type of person to have crushes on boys in school, or people-watch in public and see a good looking person and just want them.

Now she did feel something. She felt things when she was with Paris, when she thought about him, when he was close enough that she could smell his laundry detergent on his clothes and the cedar and mint scent of his magic. But then she thought about him leaning closer and entering her personal space, of him maybe pressing her down, and a tight, vice-like feeling clutched at her throat and her lungs and she wanted to run. To escape.

She didn’t want to feel that way. She certainly didn’t want to feel that way forever. If Jade made it out of the Dearth, presumably with all her bits not turned to stone, what was she going to do about it?

“I have phenomenal power and am incredibly old,” Seth said, and Jade could feel the way her own face screwed up in confusion as she tried to fit his statement into what they’d been discussing.

“Okay,” she said, shrugging one of her shoulders.

“No, not okay,” Seth spat venomously. “Do you know the things I’ve seen? The things I can do? The power I have at my disposal?”

“Er, no?”

“I’ve torn apart kings, I’ve made immortal beings weep at my feet.”

“All right.”

Seth exhaled sharply. “I have enough power to fix this.”

“Is that what this is about? Is your ego bruised? Because you can’t strong arm Medusa into being what you want her to be? Into letting go of something, because it’s what you want?” Jade rolled her eyes. “Jesus, I know I’m only a stupid mortal in the grand scheme of things,” she said sarcastically, “but even I can see that’s monumentally egocentric and selfish. It’s not about
you
, Seth. It’s not something you can fix or beat into submission.” Jade shook her head. “For someone who’s insanely old, I would think you would know that by now.”

Seth pursed his lips together and his ears twitched. “What am I supposed to do then? Nothing?” His tone was disdainful and dismissive.

“Yes,” Jade said emphatically. “You wait. You sit there and you wait for her to tell you she’s ready.”

“It’s been millennia! How long am I to wait?”

“As long as it takes if this is what you want!” Jade shouted back. “You forcing her to bend to your timeline and your will is just like Poseidon raping her!”

Seth slammed on the brakes. Jade put her hand out to stop her forward momentum, but still ended up smacking her face into the dash. There was no pain, but it was still shocking. She touched her face with her fingertips, expecting blood but found none.

“How dare you?” Seth turned to her, his nostrils flaring. Jade flinched back from the look in his eye. “I am nothing like him. This is nothing like that. I’m trying to help her. I love her.”

“You’re trying to make her do something she doesn’t want to do,” Jade retorted, forcing herself to hold her position, even though she wanted to press herself against the door and clutch at the handle to escape his wrath.

Seth’s dark eyes flared gold for a moment and he opened his mouth, teeth sharp, looking far more pointed and deadly than she’d seen them before.

Unable to stop herself, Jade shrank back. “Is this how you try to convince her as well? The same way you’re convincing me right now?”

Jade hadn’t known Seth could go pale as she watched the color draining from his face. He closed his mouth, hiding his razor-teeth from view. “No. Of course not.”

“Really?” Jade could hear her voice shaking. “Are you sure?”

Seth’s posture deflated and he sank back into his seat, pulling away from Jade, shaking his head. “No, I… It’s not like that.”

“It might feel like that to her.”

Seth turned away from her, one of his hands gripping the steering wheel. He squinted, looking ahead along the highway. He opened his mouth, as though to speak, and then closed it again. He took his foot off the brake and the car rolled forward until it picked up speed and they were once again hurtling down the road at a breakneck pace.

“We’re almost at Customs. Let me do the talking and keep a hold of your magic. You’re still leaking it all over the place. It’s irksome.”

Jade touched her face once more, certain she’d find blood after the hard collision she’d had with the dash, but again, her fingers came back dry. The hardest hits weren’t always the ones that left visible wounds.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Paris read once it was actually impossible to multitask and that, instead, most people switched between tasks, not doing any of them with their full attention or ability. He understood that now. He wasn’t able to completely focus on the demon grimoires because he was thinking about Jade. But when he thought of Jade, his mind also drifted to Sakkara’s demon deal. Lily had taken Bruce for a walk around the Coven, claiming a need for fresh air. Though Bruce had resisted at first, scooting to the far end of the dungeon and hiding under a study carrel, he’d eventually come out, waddling slowly toward the stairs and following Lily up them.

Paris thought Bruce was humoring Lily, if the significant look the lizard gave Paris as he left was anything to go by.

Paris continued reviewing the grimoire, copying the demon runes he saw into a notebook and trying his damnedest to ensure he wasn’t infusing any of them with magic. He was also reading the demon runeology book Callie had brought out of locked storage. It was slow going. He was only able to read for so long until the words burred and a headache started behind his eyes. He’d then have to take a break, reading something else or trying to get some work done or find himself worrying about Jade all over again.