The pleasurable stillness was rent by the screams of horses, the thunder of
hoofbeats, the rumble of wheels.
And in the midst of these, a horrified cry - muted, seemingly distant, yet when
I opened my eyes, I beheld V. kneeling over me, wailing in terror.
He bent low to embrace me, gathered me into his arms - and pressed his lips to
my neck, softly, tenderly, as a lover might.
I groaned, tried to struggle, but my mortal wound rendered me unable to so
much as avert my head. I prayed (not with words, for I was too weak to petition
with aught but my heart) that death would take me first, for even as he lingered
over my neck, vision failed, and all became consuming blackness. I felt joy,
victory in death, for I knew the horses had bolted, taking Mary with them. God
had heard my petition: my son and wife were safe.
Yet in the midst of the blackness came a small pricking pain, less intense
than the fire that filled my torso, but bright and sharp and silvery, like moonlight
upon water. I felt a surge of anguish - yet that wave of emotion, ere it passed,
turned sweetly sensual. My moan of dismay became one of pleasure; the agony
in my chest faded, forgotten, and I yielded to the intoxicating sensation of
my life blood flowing out to meet his.
I felt his deep gratification; and I felt my own thoughts sailing towards him
on that crimson flow:
The memory of Kohl; each detail of his broad florid face, his rounded nose,
the sparseness of his pale golden hair, the gleam of pale blue eyes beneath
his spectacles.
Mary's tears, and mine, as Kohl solemnly swore to us that he would raise our
child as his own, should we not survive.
These memories faded, and I knew nothing but my own pleasure. With a final
burst of strength, I raised my arm and clutched the back of V.s head, pressing
him deeper into my flesh.
And then my arm fell, and blackness descended utterly. It was the instant of
most profound ecstasy I have ever known; even now I cannot write of my own death,
cannot recall it, without a thrill of pleasure, without the desire to return
once more to that infinite moment.
* * *
When I woke it was night, though I could see as day. I was alone, in the family
tomb, lying in the open coffin from which my sister had risen.
I went to the castle, finding that I needed not travel on foot, but could cast
my essence upon the air, and move like the wind.
V. and Zsuzsa were gone; no doubt the coward knew I am now as strong as he,
and will gladly destroy him. Of my darling Mary, I could find no sign.
I go now to search for a mortal who will free me with stake and knife, and
end the covenant. If I can only die innocent, without tasting of human blood,
without taking a life
But the hunger! The hunger - ! I thought when I first rose it would drive me
mad. I went into the forest and chased down a wolf, and suckled at its neck
like a newborn.
It tasted foul, but it calmed me a time, permitting me to record the ending - and
strange new beginning - of my life. But it is not enough! Not enough
* * *
God, in Whom I had put no faith, help me! I do not believe in You
- did
not, but if I am to accept such infinite
Evil as I have become, then I pray infinite Good exists as well, and that
it has mercy on what remains of my soul.
I
am the wolf.
I
am Dracul. The blood of innocents stains my hands,
and now I wait to kill
him
* * *
I have killed a man. I went in search of my own destruction, but the hunger
overtook me, and I drank - drank, and found it the most divine nectar.
I am corrupt. I have tasted blood and will do so again, with relish. I dare
not seek my own end now, for my tarnished soul will fulfill the covenant, and
purchase V.s continued immortality.
V. will learn of this, and seek to destroy me.
And my son! He will pursue my son
I may be
strigoi,
one of the Devil's own - but I swear that Mary's loving
crime shall not be in vain. I will see even this great Evil turned to Good,
for love's sake. I possess the vampire's powers, and shall use them all to see
V. destroyed. He has created a foe as mighty as he.
And I shall not rest until I find my darling Mary, and my son, and protect
them both from V.s wiles. My son, who I pray never learns what became of his
father.
Go swiftly, little Stefan. May your heart remain pure, and may you find solace
in the love of strangers, and a name not your own