Courageous: Afterlife Book Four (3 page)

"Nice night, huh?"

I froze when I recognized his voice. I turned and looked into Jason’s soft brown eyes. I smiled and hoped he couldn't tell I was blushing. He smiled back.

"It is very beautiful," I said.

"I guess congratulations are in order," he said and stood next to me looking out over the ocean. The waves were hitting the cliffs and caused the water to spurt into the air. It was a gorgeous sight.

"I guess so," I replied.

"So is everything still well with the baby?"

I looked at him and smiled. For a brief second I was back to when we last met, the night when the baby kicked for the first time. He had just arrived at the Academy and I realized that he didn't remember me at all. Obviously he still didn't. I was kind of happy he didn't. It would have complicated things too much. Now I was married and there was no turning back on that. If there was something I had always valued and cherished it was the sacredness of a marriage. My parents had a wonderful marriage and always loved each other deeply. That was what I wanted for me as well and especially what I wanted for my child.

"It is," I said and touched the bump on my stomach gently with the tip of my fingers. "Growing like it is supposed to. Kicking and keeping me awake at night."

"Like it is supposed to," Jason said.

I laughed. "I guess."

There was a pause. I felt ashamed because I enjoyed just hanging out with him like this. It felt good.

"So how is school treating you?" I asked.

"Well now it’s summer break so not too shabby, I guess," he said with a smile.

"Of course. I forgot. Are you enjoying the break? Getting used to the new surroundings, your new life?"

"I am actually. Quite enjoying it too. It's fun most of it. I’m getting the hang of going through walls and stuff. It's a little weird, I have to admit, but I'm getting there. Still can't do solid things like brick walls, but windows are fine. Flying I'm better at. I like to go fast. I'm the fastest in my class."

I laughed again. "That’s my favorite part as well," I said.

"Oh yeah. I forgot. You're like a legend here. Flying back in time and all. Have you done any time-travel lately?"

I shook my head. "No one knows if it will be bad for the baby. Plus Mick doesn't like it. I was planning on going back in time to figure out some things that I need to solve, some things that were - how shall I put it? Left out of my file. I wanted to fill in some holes in my memory of my human life, but Mick asked me not to. He is afraid of something happening to me or to the baby. I can't blame him really. It is quite dangerous. I did end up in the hospital wing after last time. So no, it'll have to wait, I guess."

Jason nodded while staring at the blinking stars in the black sky. I felt an urge to take off, to go there and visit one of them. Just get away for a few hours, away from this hubbub. I hadn't wanted this big a wedding. It was all Mick's idea. But I hadn't asked him not to do it so I guessed it was my own fault. I just didn't want to hurt him. Not again, not after all we had been through.

"I guess that’s the sensible thing to do," he said.

I looked at him.

"To wait on more time-travel till the baby is born," he elaborated.

"I guess so."

I heard a sound. Someone was clearing his throat behind us. I turned and saw Mick standing in the doorway to the Hall. He was staring us. Jason turned as well and looked at him.

"The happy groom," he said and reached out his hand. "Congratulations."

Mick stared at Jason, then at the hand. He didn't take it. Jason withdrew it with a confused look.

"Well I guess I'd better ..." Jason pointed in direction of the Hall where people had begun dancing. "I'd better leave you two ..."

"I think you’d better do that," Mick said with a low growl.

Jason smiled insecurely before he started walking. "I guess ... I'll be seeing you around?"

"Don't count on it," Mick answered.

Jason was gone and Mick turned to look at me. I drew back from the angry look in his eyes. "Why do you insist on doing this to me?" he asked. "Why do you keep humiliating me? Even on my own wedding day?"

"Don't raise your voice, Mick. Calm down. It was nothing but a coincidence. Jason came out here to get some air and saw me. We talked a little about school and stuff. There is nothing to be mad about. We just talked. He doesn't remember anything. He doesn't know who I am."

But my words didn't calm Mick down; they only made him yell louder at me. "Don't you tell me to calm down! You're the one who keeps making me this furious. Don't you know that? Don't you see it? You do this to me, this is all you, not me, you. I love you so much and I keep doing all these things for you, keep doing all I can to make you happy. And this is what I get? A wife who won't even make love to me on my wedding day? A wife who talks to ex-boyfriends in the middle ..." Mick had to pause in order to not explode. He was so agitated he could barely get the words across his lips. "In the middle of my own damn wedding!" he spurted out so loud everyone on the dance floor inside stopped and stared at us.

I put a hand on his arm and spoke gently. "Mick. You need to calm down now. Everybody is looking at us. Let's talk about this tomorrow. I promise you that you have nothing to fear. I'm yours now, okay? Look at my finger? Look at the white dress, think of the beautiful mirror that you gave to me. It all symbols us, that we are tied to one another, that we are married, Mick. Are you listening to me? We are married. I am not going to ruin that. I have chosen you, Mick. The fight is over."

I drew in a deep breath to calm myself down.

Mick nodded slowly. "Okay," he said. "Let's celebrate for now, and then discuss this in the morning. Alright." He grabbed my arm and pulled me close. Then he grabbed my head between his hands and kissed me. It felt forced and violent. I didn't enjoy it. Then he let go and stared into my eyes. "Now you smile, do you hear me? When we turn and walk back there, you smile and I want you to smile the rest of the night, acting like a proper wife to me. Do you understand?"

I nodded with a knot growing in my stomach. I had so desperately hoped that getting properly married to Mick would remove all the anger and jealousy from him, once he knew he was certain of me and my intentions.

As we walked while smiling back towards the staring audience and they were assured that we had only been agitated because we were so happy and thrilled to finally be married, I felt a nagging inside of me. I was suddenly worried that it was only going to get worse.

C
HAPTER 5

I
SLEPT UNEASILY
and woke up feeling horrible. Mick was already awake. He was sitting on a chair next to our bed with his head leaning on his hand staring at me with his sparkling blue eyes. The sun was about to rise over the dark forest next to the castle when I opened my eyes. My stomach turned to a knot when I saw him. His eyes were aflame with anger. I had come to know that look a little too well and I didn't like it one bit. I forced an insecure smile, thinking that being nice to him might thaw his coldness.

It didn't.

Mick stared at me with those shining eyes without a word.

"Is everything okay, honey?" I asked. "Are you alright?"

He didn't answer. He was breathing heavily, his nostrils moving.

"Is it about yesterday?" I asked. "If it is, then let’s talk about it."

I got out of the bed. I floated towards him; put my hand on his cheek and I caressed it gently. Mick hardly moved. I looked into his eyes.

"Mick. I love you. Can't you understand that? I truly do and now we are married. Nothing can come between us; no one can split us apart anymore."

Mick sighed deeply. He grabbed my hand and held it tight. "I just don't understand," he said fighting hard to keep his calm. He spoke through clenched teeth. "I don't understand why you keep doing this to me. You keep making me feel this way ... you force me to ..." He stopped. Then he caressed my hand gently.

I smiled; it felt nice that he was touching my hand. Then his face froze for a second and the anger was back. He let go of my hand and turned his head away from me.

"You humiliated me," he said. "Don't you understand that? You humiliated me in front of the entire school and everybody we know."

I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry Mick. I didn't mean to, you have to believe me. I really didn't mean to."

Mick nodded slowly, and then grabbed my hand again. He closed his eyes while kissing the palm. "But it's not the first time, is it? You keep doing it again and again. Sometimes I think you enjoy it. It's like you enjoy seeing me suffer. Do you, Meghan? Do you like to see me in pain?"

I pulled my hand away. "Of course not."

Mick clenched his fists. "Then why do you keep doing it? Why do you keep causing me to feel this ... this ... agony inside of me?" He was yelling now and I drew backwards. He had never yelled at me like this before. It scared me.

"Mick, please. Calm down, will you?"

"No! No! I won't calm down. You behave like it is expected of you, like a proper wife. Then maybe I'll calm down!" he yelled again, got up from the chair and disappeared through the door.

My hands were still shaking as I sat on the bed and hid my face in my hands.

I was too upset to go to the Hornam Hall for breakfast so I stayed in the chambers. I grabbed the mirror from the table and lifted it. I looked at my face all swollen and red eyed from crying. I always hated the way I looked when I cried. Some things apparently didn't change even after you died, I thought. I stared at my own reflection. I couldn't quite get used to actually being able to see myself again. I had always thought I was okay looking, but now I wasn't so sure anymore. What was with the freckles on my nose? I knew I had them, but not that many of them. They never bothered me before, but suddenly they did. I made some faces at myself and put the mirror down. I was starving and wanted to make myself a big breakfast. I rubbed my hands together till they became warm and thought of eggs and bagels, but when I opened my eyes all I had made appear was sand that quickly disappeared through my hands and landed on the floor. I was surprised. I had gotten very good at making almost anything appear with my hands lately and this was the first time in months I hadn't managed to do it properly. I inhaled deeply and then laughed at myself. It was all about keeping calm on the inside. I knew that much. If I wasn't feeling peaceful on the inside, I couldn't do any magic. I would be horrible at flying, going through walls and making things appear. That was just the way it was. I floated to the window and looked at the mighty forest. I opened the window and let in some of the fresh summer air. It was going to be a beautiful day. The butterflies were already flickering about in the Butterfly Garden and a flock of deer was grazing not far from the Pegasus's paddock. I spotted Yofi in the crowd. He was grazing happily with the others and moving his wings gently like he was enjoying himself. How I missed riding him, but Mick was afraid that I was going to hurt the baby somehow. He was being overly protective, but I let him. It was after all also his child. So riding had to wait, maybe even till we got to our new place in Heaven where I expected even more magical creatures to be waiting for us, including Pegasus’s that we could ride on. There was a time for everything and I was going to be riding for many years to come. I touched my stomach gently. So was my child. We would ride together and surf on clouds together and balance on rainbows and slide them. I couldn't help laughing gently. Mick could be as stupid and act as silly as he wanted; I was going to enjoy my time and especially the baby once it was finally here.

"Can't wait," I said with a smile.

The baby answered by kicking me hard on the right side. I burst into laughter and soon tears were rolling down my cheeks. The feeling of having a life growing inside of me was so wondrous that no moody husband would ever be able to take that away from me.  This baby was mine and no one could ever change that. Not even Mick.

I took in a couple of deep breaths of the fresh air that smelled like a mixture of flowers and salty ocean. I loved this place and part of me felt sad that I had to leave it soon, but another part knew that what was waiting for me was so much more wonderful, even more than I could imagine.

After a few more deep breaths I felt calm on the inside and closed the window again. I sat in a chair and tried to relax. I tried again. I rubbed my hands together and thought about what I wanted for breakfast. I was getting hungrier now so I added a couple of sausages to the eggs and a big glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

When I opened my eyes a bowl of porridge had appeared between my hands. I stared at it very disappointed. How come I suddenly had a difficult time making anything as simple as breakfast? I had done this a million times and I always got it right. I stared at my hands. What was going on with them? I shrugged then ate the porridge since I was now so hungry I couldn't wait any longer. The porridge wasn't terrible, but it wasn't really good either. It was just enough to make me and the baby full and happy.

Mick returned after I was done eating. I felt a pinch in my stomach looking at him. His eyes were still angry. He was snorting angrily. I took my book and sat in a corner to read trying to not let his anger destroy my day. It was a book Rahmiel had given me called
Pregnancy for the spirit woman. What to know.
I loved reading in it and looking at all the pictures of spirit babies. They were so adorable and looked just like human babies, except their bodies - just as ours - were made from this light fluid wobbly material. They can fly from birth and go through walls and doors and stuff right away.

"It says here in the book that it is up to us if we want to make him - or her - used to food like humans," I said looking at Mick.

He didn't respond. He had his back turned at me while looking out a window.

"I think it would be kind of nice for the baby to have the pleasure of eating, don't you? It's a decision we have to make as parents. If we chose to give the baby milk and later on real food, then we have to be aware that he or she will also need a diaper. If we chose not to feed the baby then we won't have to focus on changing diapers at all. Hmmm, kind of a difficult decision, don't you think? I mean I really want him to be able to eat with us and enjoy the taste of food like we do, but it does sound promising to not have to change diapers."