Authors: Sara Craven
Nicola would have liked to have borrowed some of them, but a tentative suggestion had resulted in such a chilly negative that she had never dared ask again.
She had asked Pilar more than once if they couldn't ride together, but had met with a curt refusal. And she knew perfectly well that Pilar had scorned Luis' direct orders, and invariably rode out alone, being missing sometimes for several hours. And yet the only time Nicola had tried to escape on her own from the atmosphere at the hacienda, she had encountered Ramon, who had spoken to her quite severely about taking unnecessary risks before he escorted her back to the stables, and the unspoken but no less potent criticism of Juan Hernandez. Perhaps that was why Pilar got away with her solitary rides so easily, she thought wearily. Juan Hernandez was far too busy keeping an eye on her to perform the same service for his master's young cousin.
'Pilar hates me,' she protested. 'I have tried. Really I have…'
'Of course you have, amiga,' Luis interrupted derisively. 'No half measures in your efforts to achieve harmony with us all. Who should know that better than myself?'
Her lip trembled. 'That isn't fair! I--I didn't ask you to leave my room last night.'
'No, that was a decision I managed to make for myself,' he said grimly. 'And you should be grateful for it, querida, because if and when I return to your bed it will be to end this—half-marriage of ours, whether you are willing or not.’
She said faintly, 'I don't understand.'
'No? Then allow me to explain, my charming, chaste little fraud. I have no wish to lie beside you night after night, suffering the agonies of the damned, only to hear you call out another man's name in your dreams.' She gasped, and he said, 'Exactly, amiga. Next time you speak a man's name in my bed, it will be my name, and in circumstances I leave to your imagination.’
She began, 'But, Luis . . .'
'Oh, I am sure you have some perfectly reasonable explanation, my lovely cheat. Who is this—Ewan? The great passionate love you once mentioned to me—the one that still holds your heart?'
'It isn't as you think——' Nicola began desperately, trying to push out of her mind that it was exactly what she had intended him to think.
'But then what is? Meanwhile, querida, here is a thought for you to take upstairs with you. One of these nights I shall come to you, and I swear that this time no—simulated terror, no cowering in corners, no dreams of other men are going to hold me away.' He pushed his chair back and left the room.
Nicola leaned limply back in her chair. Unwillingly her eyes lifted to meet the painted gaze of Dona Manuela, which seemed in her imagination to twinkle with amused sympathy.
'It was all right for you,' Nicola addressed the long-deceased beauty in her thoughts. 'Your husband loved you so much that he carved out his own empire for you to rule over.' Her glance went to the red rose Dona Manuela held in her hand, and she sighed. 'And when he gave you that, he probably meant every petal of it.'
She prepared for bed that night feeling miserably apprehensive, aware that Maria was sending her puzzled glances. She lay awake half the night, waiting for the door to open, but Luis did not appear, and she didn't know whether to be glad or sorry.
But when she went down to breakfast the following day and heard that he had left for Sonora and would probably be away for several days, she knew that she was sorry.
Dona Isabella was at breakfast, heaving martyred sighs, but Pilar was not, and when she had finished her meal, Nicola decided to take her courage in both hands and seek the girl out.
It was with something of an effort that she knocked on her bedroom door. After a short pause, the door was flung open and Pilar confronted her.
Nicola smiled, feeling awkward. 'I wondered if you would care to go riding with me today.'
'No, I should not.' Pilar's eyes flashed. 'Has Luis set you to spy on me?'
'No, of course not. Why should he?’ Nicola suppressed a sigh. 'It's just that—I think he would like us to be—better friends.'
Pilar gave her a contemptuous look. 'I do not wish to be your friend. Have I not made it plain? I do not need your company or your patronage, Señora de Montalba,' she added with heavy irony. 'Who are you to marry into our family? A nobody without background or breeding. An Inglesa, with hair like straw thin, without breasts or hips. A girl whom my cousin saw and fell in love with. Dios, he must have been mad! But his madness has not lasted. The whole world knows he has tired of you, and no longer sleeps in your bed.'
Nicola could not restrain her indrawn breath. But what else could she have expected? she thought miserably. In a small enclosed society like this, everyone's actions were under a microscope.
She tried again. 'Pilar, when people are unhappy they often say and do things they don't mean, so I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. I want to help—really I do.'
'Then help yourself, señora,' Pilar said maliciously. 'What a fool you an;! Why did Luis have to marry you? Why did he not just keep you in an apartment in Monterrey as he has his other women?' She giggled suddenly. 'And today he has not gone to Sonora alone. Carlota Garcia has gone with him. I heard him arrange it yesterday, so...'
Nicola lifted her hand and quite deliberately slapped Pilar's cheek hard.
'Puta!' The Mexican girl's eyes blazed at her. 'I will make you sorry that you were ever born!' She slammed the heavy door in Nicola's face.
Nicola stepped back involuntarily, and collided with Ramon, who was just emerging from his own room on the other side of the corridor.
'What has happened?' He sounded alarmed as he steadied her.
'A little feminine squabble,' Nicola said slowly and evenly.
Ramon groaned. 'Is she still jealous of you? The good God only knows why she should be. She never wanted Luis until Madrecita put it into her head that she should—but I suppose her disappointment over Miguel...' He shrugged.
'Luis mentioned that to me once,' Nicola said slowly. 'At least, he didn't tell me the man's name, but I guessed.'
Ramon grimaced. 'It is not hard to guess. In many ways they were well matched. Miguel is a firebrand and Pilar was swept off her feet by him. There was no reason why she should not be. He and Luis had attended university together, and been friends since childhood. He was a constant visitor here, so it was a tragedy when his political activities led him into trouble with the authorities.' He sighed again. 'He had a good law practice too, until he decided it was more moral to become a peon. He was given a small grant of our land, and built a cabin there, but he did not work the land—it was harder labour than he had imagined, I think—and even the cabin is now derelict.'
'Not quite derelict,' said Nicola, flushing slightly as he gave her a questioning look. 'Luis and I once—spent the night there.'
'So that was where.' Ramon digested this for a moment or two. 'Obviously we knew that you had been somewhere together, but Luis said nothing—and one does not ask him what he does not volunteer.’
She said in a low voice, 'Ramon, what did he tell your mother about how—we met? Can you remember?'
He groaned. 'Can I ever forget? Madrecita was in a fury, swearing that Luis insulted her by installing one of his—ladies under her roof, and Luis gave her one of his cold looks and said that you were his future wife. Madrecita screamed and said, "A stranger—a creature you have only just met!" And Luis said, "I fell in love with her the moment I saw her." '
Nicola was silent, remembering how she had asked Luis what story he had told them, and he had said, 'Not the truth, but a story to fit...'
Ramon glanced at her. "You are very pale, Nicola. What is it? Not this silly quarrel with Pilar?'
It was hardly that, Nicola thought. There had been an almost frightening venom in the other girl.
'Perhaps,' she said. She forced a smile. 'I need some air, I'll go for a ride, I think.'
'But not alone,' he said anxiously. 'Do not even attempt it. There are all kinds of rumours, and Luis has ordered constant patrols.' He paused. 'It is why he was so angry with Pilar. Miguel Jurado is said to be somewhere in the locality again. One of the peons was bribed to bring Pilar a note asking her to meet him in Santo Tomas, only the man brought it to Luis instead. As she has been forbidden to have any communication with Miguel, you can understand why Luis reacted as he did.'
And she could also understand Pilar's reactions, Nicola thought a little sadly as she made her way to her room to change into her jeans and boots. She had insisted on wearing the close-fitting denims she would have worn in England for riding, and several pairs had been brought from Santo Tomas for her, even though Dona Isabella heartily disapproved of the way in which they outlined her slim hips and legs. The older woman considered a divided skirt more suitable attire for the wife of Don Luis.
When she had changed, and picked up her hat and gloves, Nicola paused for a moment, looking at herself in the mirror. Pilar had a point, she conceded reluctantly. She had no reason to intervene in anyone else's personal affairs when her own were in such a mess.
As it was, her unthinking attempt to salvage some dregs of self-respect had simply exposed her to a bitter reckoning that could happen at any time.
And the bitterest part of all was that even if she were to tell Luis the whole truth—that she loved him to the point of despair—he would not believe her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
NICOLA sat with her back against a sun-drenched rock, wondering what to do for the best. Three days had passed since her quarrel with Pilar and relations between them hadn't improved one iota since then, she thought ruefully. Luis was expected back the following day, and he was sure to sense the atmosphere, and would probably blame her, which would make their reunion even less joyous than it already promised to be.
She made a little sound halfway between a sigh and a groan. Was she the only one at the hacienda who saw what was going on, and drew conclusions from it? Ramon, of course, was too busy, leaving the hacienda after an early breakfast, and often not returning until late in the day. But didn't Dona Isabella ever wonder where her daughter got to?
Each day since Luis' departure, Pilar had taken her horse and vanished for several hours at a time. Nicola had tried to follow more than once, but each time she had lost the trail, even though she suspected she now knew where Pilar headed each time.
Nor had it been easy, getting rid of her own assiduous escort, but she had managed it by saying mendaciously that she was going to meet Don Ramon. There had been some raised eyebrows and subdued mutterings in the stables, but she had been allowed to take Estrella and ride off unhindered. What would happen if Juan Hernandez ever checked out her story with Ramon, she chose not to think about.
She supposed she was a fool even to consider trying to help Pilar after everything that had passed between them, but she was doing it for Luis' sake, she thought, and that changed everything. He would be angry if he ever thought she had stood idly by and watched his young cousin ruin her life, as she seemed likely to do.
Nicola had little doubt that Pilar went every day to meet Miguel Jurado, and that although the letter Luis had intercepted had mentioned Santo Tomas as a rendezvous, they actually met at the ejido. That was the direction Pilar had taken each day, even though she had always slightly varied her route. Nicola knew this because she had taken the trouble to check a map of the estate which was kept in Ramon's office, but she had never dared ride that far herself.
She had wanted to several times, but on each occasion in the past something had held her back, reminding her how many memories that she might now find painful were attached to the place.
Nevertheless today she was quite determined. She was going to ride to the ejido and confront Pilar, and Miguel Jurado, if necessary. She was going to try and convince the girl that there was no future with a man who was having to live virtually in hiding, but if she failed—if Pilar refused to listen, as was more than likely, then she would just have to tell Luis the whole messy story when he returned from Sonora. That was something she could use to make Pilar see sense, she thought. The girl might rail against his autocracy, but she seemed to have a real respect for his anger.
She had not attempted to follow Pilar this time. She had ridden out ahead of her, and was waiting in the shelter of some rocks until Pilar could reasonably be expected to have arrived at the ejido.
She got up, dusting off her jeans, and whistled to Estrella, who came to her side stepping daintily. Nicola caressed the soft nose. The relationship between horse and rider could be such a simple one, she thought, with trust and affection on both sides.
Her solitary rides had given her plenty of time to think about Luis and herself, and she knew now she had been all kinds of a fool to allow pride lo get in her way. All she had achieved was tc turn him back to Carlota Garcia. He was not a man to accept kindly a period of enforced celibacy when solace in his mistress's arms was only a comparatively short distance away.
And I, Nicola thought savagely, gave him up to her without even a struggle. I could have fought. I've novelty value for him, at least, and I'm younger than she is. And I can give him the child he wants. All I have to do is accept this marriage on his terms—go to him, tell him that I want him.