“Do you have any books?” Aubrey said, looking around.
“Um… no,” Kushi said.
“Then how can we read you a story?” I asked.
“Make one up!” Kushi said.
“I’m not very good at that,” Aubrey said, looking at me for help.
“Oh,” Kushi said, her little face looking crestfallen. Then she perked up. “That’s OK. I am. I’ll tell you a story.”
“That’s a great idea,” Aubrey said, sitting on the floor in front of Kushi’s bed. I followed her example.
“There once was a princess who lived in a faraway land,” Kushi began. “Only she didn’t know she was a princess. Her parents both died when she was really little, and she was left wandering the dark forests on her own. At night, she would sleep in tunnels under the ground to stay away from the monsters that came out at night. But sometimes, the monsters would find their way into her tunnels and she would have to fight them off. And that made her very scared. She was very tired and very hungry. Then one day, a queen from another land found her curled up under a tree and she picked her up and carried her home. And told her that she could be her princess as she didn’t have any of her own. And the little girl lived happily ever after. The end.”
“That’s a lovely story. Thank you, Kushi,” Aubrey said.
Kushi smiled, happy with herself. She rubbed at her eyes and lay down on the bed.
“Where are you from, Kushi?” I asked.
“Frankie says she found me in a place called
Ulaan-baa-tar
.
” She stretched each syllable out, making each a last for ages. “Sounds funny doesn’t it? Like a name from a story. I can’t remember it,” Kushi said, her voice now slurring with sleep. “I remember the tunnels where I used to sleep. They were warm but they smelt funny.” She yawned and pulled her dolly up under her chin and closed her eyes.
Aubrey stood up and pulled the duvet to cover her. We tiptoed out, quietly, turning the light off as we left.
“She slept in tunnels?” I said.
“And had to fight off monsters.”
I looked back at the sleeping girl and wondered if she had nightmares too.
“So, do you want to do any more exploring?” I said, as Aubrey closed Kushi’s door.
“No,” she said, leaning back against the doorframe, knee bent, boot resting against the wood. “I’m done. You were right. Frankie doesn’t have anything to hide. I don’t know why I thought I’d find answers here.” She pushed off and walked away. “No, the sooner we’re out of here the better.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Then I turned to look at the door to our bedroom.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The room was tiny, maybe six foot by ten, with only a small, single bed pushed up against the far wall. It had a bright patchwork quilt thrown over it. So small and snug. Hardly enough space for one person, let alone two.
I coughed. “I can sleep on the floor.”
Aubrey tilted her head and fixed me with a smile that made my knees go instantly weak.
I watched her slide off her jacket and her boots, kicking them both off without bothering to undo the laces. I copied her, throwing my hoodie over a chair in the corner and struggling to undo my trainers. I had to bend over and undo a knot that was refusing to release, and by the time I’d stood up again, Aubrey was standing bare legged, only her ARES T-shirt on.
I stared at her legs, my eyes running from her ankles, up her knees and to her thighs.
“It’s freezing!” she said, jumping onto the bed and diving under the covers.
“Is it?” I just about managed to croak. I didn’t know about freezing. My face was burning so red I thought it would be enough to heat the room.
Aubrey popped her head out from under the covers and blew her tousled hair out of her eyes. “Are you going to stand there all night?” She patted the bed next to her.
It took an extra effort to struggle out of my trousers and I hesitated for a moment over whether I should keep my T-shirt on or off. I decided to keep it on. Then I sat down on the bed. Aubrey shuffled over towards the wall, giving me space and I climbed in next to her.
We lay there, staring up at the ceiling, and I was intensely aware of the presence of her leg next to mine. Its softness and smoothness. It seemed to radiate heat.
The cracks in the ceiling looked like faces grinning down on us. One of them looked disturbingly like Hugo.
Aubrey rolled over onto her side and pulled my arm up and over her shoulder, so she could tuck herself under it.
It’s going to happen, I thought. It’s actually going to happen.
Don’t be stupid, Scott, I thought straight after. It’s never going to happen.
I felt Aubrey’s leg glide over my calf and she shuffled up the bed slightly so that our faces were just inches apart. She rested her hand on my chest.
I twisted my head around, careful not to make any movements that might dislodge her leg from where it was currently resting so perfectly, and looked into her eyes. She smiled.
It was going to happen
.
I brushed her hair out of her eyes and stroked my thumb down the side of her cheek. She nestled her face into the palm of my hand before copying my action: stroking my face with a single finger. It stopped on my lips. I opened my mouth the tiniest fraction to kiss her fingertip.
I lowered my head and we kissed, gently at first and then steadily more deeply. I could feel her heart pounding against my chest. Or was it my heart pounding against hers? It didn’t matter.
She stopped kissing me and tugged at the neck of my T-shirt. I wrenched it off and threw it on the floor, before diving in to kiss her again. With one hand entangled in her cropped hair, I slid my other hand down her back, feeling the slight bump of her bra strap underneath her T-shirt, until I felt the damp heat of her skin at the base of her spine. I drew her closer and she made a small moaning noise deep into my mouth. She bent her leg, so it was now wrapped around my thigh and rolled over on top of me.
It couldn’t happen
.
“Wait. Stop.” I pulled away from her kiss.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. God, absolutely nothing.”
“So shut up.” She bent down, kissing me deeply. My whole body was shaking. I wrapped my hands around her waist, and felt the pulse in her stomach. I gently lifted her up and back onto the mattress beside me.
“What?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I said. Hating myself. Wanting to punch the stupid bit of my brain that was making me say what I knew I was about to say.
“Did I do something wrong?” Aubrey sat up, pressing her back into the wall behind her and pulling the quilt up to her chin.
“No. Of course not.”
“You don’t want to?” She blinked and looked a little bit scared and yet angry at the same time.
I took her face in my hands. “No, of course I want to. Argh! You have absolutely no idea just how much I want to.”
“Then what?” she said, quiet as a whisper.
“I need to know you want to.”
She pulled away from my hands and shook her head. “What bit of me half naked in your bed are you not getting? I want to, OK?”
“But what if you regret it? Not tonight but tomorrow. Or next week. You’ll Shift.” She let out an exasperated sigh, but I pressed on. “You will. You know it and I know it. You might change your decision to be with me tonight.”
“So what if I do?” I could tell I’d made her angry.
“I’ll remember, Aubrey. Only I will remember. Can you imagine what that will do to my head? Knowing that you regretted being with me. Knowing you changed your decision. It would be like… I forced you or something.” I covered my face with my hands.
“Scott,” she leaned forward on her knees and pulled my hands down. “Scott, listen to me. It’s going to be OK. I’m not going to change my mind.”
“Can you promise me that? Can you promise me that you don’t make every single decision in your life knowing that if it doesn’t work out you’ll just Shift?”
“Scott, why are you being like this?”
“Because I want to know you’re one hundred percent certain?”
“Who can be one hundred percent certain of anything?” She threw up her arms in frustration.
“I can,” I said, looking deep into her green-flecked eyes. I wanted to fall into them. “Every day, I get up and I have to reassemble my life. Sometimes, it’s just tiny things, like some guy I knew was a Regulator the day before is gone, having Shifted along the way. And I miss them. Actually miss them. Even though I know I’ve never actually met them. Other times, I close my eyes and when I open them again I don’t recognise where I am. In the blink of an eye the whole world can have changed. And only for me. It’s like building your house on sand. I never feel safe. But there’s one thing I am absolutely certain about. One thing solid that I can build the rest of my life around. You.” I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “If we’re going to do this, I need to be sure you’re sure. Absolutely sure. And that I won’t wake up tomorrow and it will all be gone. Because, I just… I just couldn’t cope with that.”
She bit her lip and sat back on her heels. I could hear a tree branch tapping on the window outside. It sounded like fingers drumming impatiently. Although I was happy to wait all night. She looked down and tugged at the hem of her black T-shirt. I had my answer.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a hug, before leaning my chin on the top of her head, feeling her warm breath on my bare skin.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” It was almost a relief. Almost.
I could wait. I would wait. Because I knew I was lucky just being with her. Luck. That reminded me.
“I have a present for you,” I said, letting her go. I leaned over onto the floor and dragged my tangled trousers towards me. I dug around in the pocket and pulled out the thing I’d been carrying around for weeks, just waiting for the right moment.
“It’s a bit lame,” I said, sitting back on the bed, looking down at my closed fist.
“I don’t care,” she said, trying to pry my fingers open. I let her.
A single copper penny lay in my palm. I’d drilled a hole into the coin and strung it on a black ribbon. “It saved my life,” I said, placing it into her hand. “I thought that maybe it might be good luck. Stupid, I know…”
She silenced me with a kiss. “I love it, Scott. I love… it.”
She turned around so I could tie the ribbon around her neck. The coin hung just below the hollow at the base of her throat.
“I’m glad we came here,” she said looking back at me.
“Even though you didn’t find your dad?”
She nodded, her hair tickling my nose. “Do you think I’ll ever find him?”
We lay back down and I slipped my hand under her neck, letting my fingers brush against her collarbone. “I don’t know,” I said. “But I know he’s looking out for you.”
It was a simple lie. It skirted over the reality that he was completely and utterly insane. But it made her happy. And for that moment, that’s all I cared about.
She rested her head on my chest, twirling her fingers in the little I had going for chest hair.
“One day, I will be sure,” she said, arching her neck to look up at me.
“Yeah? But maybe by then I’ll have changed my mind.”
She gasped in outrage and I laughed. “You git,” she said, pulling the pillow out from under my head and hitting me with it. I pulled the pillow away and wrestled her back onto the bed, pinning her beneath me. I kissed her, slowly, savouring every second of it.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Morning,” Aubrey said. She was propped up on one elbow, the light breaking through the yellow curtains throwing her into shadow. “Sleep well?”
“Yeah, not bad,” I said, yawning and realising that I had slept well. Really well. Probably for the first night in months. Contentment radiated from somewhere deep inside me. I felt as if I was lying in a warm bath, only I was actually on a small and rather lumpy bed.
“You?” I asked.
“OK. Only, you snore.”
“I do not.”
“You do. Like a little piglet. It’s kinda cute.”
I pulled the quilt over my head in shame. “Shut up!” I mumbled from under the covers.
“Come on, Pylon. Get a move on.” I felt the bed bounce as she stood up. “The sooner we get this evaluation with the oh-so-angelic Anderson over, the sooner we can get back and…”
I pulled the quilt down a little and peeked over the top of it. “And?”
“Quit ARES and get on with the rest of our lives.” Aubrey clambered back onto the bed and kissed me on the tip of my nose. “Isn’t that the plan?”
I scooped the quilt over her head and pulled her back into bed. We lay under the covers, breathing in each other’s stale morning breath and I didn’t care. It was a perfect moment.
I didn’t know what my life was going to be like without ARES. I guessed I’d have to go back to school and Mum and Dad could shout at me that they’d been right all along. Or maybe I’d just get a different job. Not that I was qualified to do anything accept catch unregistered Shifters. I’d been so obsessed about my past, I’d not given much thought to my future. But one thing I was sure of, it would be with Aubrey.
“Once you’ve helped me work out who attacked the President,” I said. Aubrey rolled her eyes. “But you promised.”
“OK. After that.” She smiled and kissed me. And it felt like the first time we’d kissed all over again. “Come on,” she said, pulling herself away. “We can’t stay in bed all day.”
“Oh!” I groaned. “Why not?”
“Because we have a job to do.” She tugged the covers off me, leaving me with no protection from the chilly room. “Get your trousers on.”
She pulled her own clothes on, tied up her big boots, and clomped out of the room. I scrambled into my own clothes and followed her.