Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) (5 page)

I feel a cocktail of emotions, anger, jealousy, hurt, frustration. A wrenching pain is flowing through my whole body. I don’t need any more cold reminders of Calvin pushed in my face.

I snatch the shot out of the bar tenders hand before he has chance to hand it to me and neck it back. "That's my girl drink away bad memories." Tyler pats me on the back before Elise intervenes.

"Stop encouraging her Tyler. Liv's, I think we should get you home."

Maybe she's right. My heads starting to spin. I feel nauseous right now. I can’t stay here when Georgia’s here. I want to break down and cry, that's all I want to do.
Why can't I just get a grip?

"Nonsense," Tyler takes my hand, "this is exactly what she needs right now."

Elise sighs harshly exhaling her frustration. Sophia comes between us trying to get the party started dancing like an idiot as she sense’s atmosphere. Being her usual self she makes me laugh. Which I need. Sophia drags on my arm to come and dance but I’m really not in the mood for dancing any more. I don’t feel good about myself with Georgia around so I don’t want to go throwing shapes on the dance floor.
When I can’t, clearly.
I want to go home so I pull in the opposite direction. I won’t budge on this one.

“Sophia, Olivia doesn’t want to dance leave her go. She’s coming home.”

Sophia drops my arm and glares affronted by Elise’s admonishment.

“Just because you think you’re the sensible one Elise
, doesn’t mean you have to dampen Olivia’s mood.” She throws out the snide remark which only encourages Elise to walk away with me further. Linking arms with me, she leads me towards an empty table. I’m wobbling all over the place, the music seems so loud, my vision is blurred and my head hurts
.

“Are you feeling alright?" Elise is so concerned but she needn’t be.

"I’m fine." I lie slurring my words, falling all over the place. How drunk am I?

Not enough I can still see.

I go to take the half-drunk cocktail from a table we pass but Elise takes it straight back off me fuming.

"Olivia! You have no idea what's in that
drink or whose it is, are you crazy?"

"I need more alcohol
Elise."

"No you don't. You think drinking is going to solve your problem?" She looks at me with pity but she'
s stern as she pushes the drink aside.

"No, but I can try, plus it eases the pain."

"No it doesn’t and you will feel worse for it. Come on, come sit down."

"I wish I was more like you Elise." I sigh, resting my head on her shoulder. She shrugs me off playfully.

"Oh, here we go." She smiles rolling her eyes. “Let me get you some water and we’ll head home.”

"I mean it, you have an amazing job you’re sensible, clever, beautiful."

"So are you Olivia, your all those things and more."

I ignore her comment groaning feeling sorry for myself.

"Let me get you a glass of water." Elise stands making sure I’m sat up right before she leaves and warns me not to move. Tyler is by my side in an instant noticing Elise leaving me for a moment.

"You Okay Missy?" He brings me into a hug kissing me on my head. I grin back at him. Oh no I feel another 'I love you story' coming on.

"Yeah I’m Okay Ty. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me."

He chuckles.
"What you going on about now ya soppy bitch."

"You, I mean, I was mean to you but your still here for me all the time."

"And I’m going to continue to be here for you Liv’s. Listen to me, we stay together remember our rules. You keep to them and you won't get hurt."

"Too late for that."

He gives me a tight hug and I embrace it. "If only you weren’t gay."

"Oh no, honey, that wouldn’t be fair because I’d take all the women off the men."

I hate this. I hate wanting to drink myself into oblivion to try and give my mind a rest for a while. I hate that I’ve got to this place. Why can’t I just shrug this off and get back to normal. Why is it so hard to do? Falling in love is so easy, but mending a broken heart is so hard.

***

It's getting late, it's around 4am and the DJ has informed us he’ll be playing his last few songs. He begins to play Rihanna's diamonds.

Most of the clubbers make their way elsewhere.

I drink the two glasses of water that Elise has gave me and I’m ready to leave. The lyrics of this song are too much for me and I know the last thing I need is to start crying. Why when you’re heartbroken, only then the lyrics of a song can be heard so clearly? I wish they didn’t.

"You know that women?" Elise leans over trying to be discreet.

I look up at her with lazy drunk eyes. "What women?"

"Calvin’s ex," she says sounding distracted.

"What about her?" Sophia and Tyler are now all ears, over-hearing. They have ears like a rabbit.

"She’s been on her cell most of the night acting furious." She continues to sound distracted. I know she's on to something.

I look at her not really bothered. I don't think at this point whatever anyone says is sinking in. My head is spinning and I just want my god damn bed
.

"What does that establish?" Tyler’s confused now but intrigued to hell.

"I don't know yet but I don’t like it." Elise’s narrows her eyes conspicuously, continuing to watch Georgia.

Tyler’s baffled. He hates not knowing things first.

"I think we should go now, for Olivia’s sake." I hear Elise's stern demand while Tyler grabs hold of my elbow being supportive, helping me to stand. He is actually listening to Elise. What’s this about? Jamie also follows us out, laughing at how drunk I am. I have no coordination or balance right now.
How did I get so legless?

As we make our way outside fresh air hits me like a stinging slap. I try to steady myself and let go of Tyler’s arm, but the six inch heels
I was forced to wear don’t allow me to balance. Elise quickly takes hold of me instead steering me away in a hurry before I fall flat on my face.

"Come on Olivia this way, let's get you home." I look up at her distracted expression then turn to Sophia and Tyler. With blurry vision I can still make out that all three of their faces are etched with trepidation. “Fuck, see. What did I say?” I hear Elise mumble trying to keep her voice low.

“I don’t fucking believe it.” Sophia hisses, not so quiet. I frown with confusion as they try to get me to walk away but I want to know what the hell is bothering them. I take my arm out of Elise’s grip and turn around.

“What
the hell are you guys looking at?” I demand, my words coming out slurred as I turn stumbling. My eyes line the street to see what they’re trying to get me to hurry away from.

I see a man walking in our direction but on the opposite side of the road. My eyes squint as I try to get a better view.

"Olivia, please keep on walking. My cars not far from here." Elise continues to pull on my arm, pleading with me, but I snatch it out of her grip.

I know who that man is. As soon as I realize, my face drops. I go limb.

Calvin? That’s Calvin?
He's here? In Chicago? How? When?

"Is that Calvin?" I whisper stunned, rooted to the spot. Elise sighs behind me giving up. Tyler is right by my side.

"Come on babe, you don’t want to see him."

I look a
t him as tears form in my eyes. "You knew he was here?"

He shakes his head softly.
"We just saw him getting out of his car. We didn’t want you seeing him. I swear I didn’t no he was back. I’m as shocked as you are."

Sophia takes my hand and pleads with me. "Olivia, let’s go before he sees us. You don’t want anything to do with him right?”

I can't speak. I feel lifeless. Seeing him, even a blurred vision of him, after what seems so long is making my emotions run all over the place. I can’t grasp it. It doesn’t seem real. I love him, but I hate him. Why is he here? He left didn’t he? And now he's back?

“But I don’t understand.” My voice is trembling.

Elise try’s her best to pull me away but I’m glued to the spot. I cannot physically move.

It does briefly run through my mind of
, maybe he’s here to see me?
I almost fill up with a little joy at the stupid thought.

A voice I know too well comes from behind us, on the same side of the road as Calvin, talking in the most devious way possible and making sure she can be heard.

"I’ve been waiting ages for you Calvin, where have you been?"

What? Oh no, please don't do this to m
e.
He’s meeting her? Calvin is meeting Georgia?

I watch Calvin march his
way towards her. He looks angry.

I hear my friends bitch behind me while Georgia looks over at us smirking deliberately when he reaches her, which makes Calvin instinctively turn his head towards us. Elise is desperately trying to get me to move, while Tyler, Jamie and Sophia stand there ready to start world war three.

I watch on frozen, staring over at Calvin. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion as my heart throbs against my chest.

Calvin’s face falls into perplexity when he
notices it’s me. My blurry gaze locks on to his stunned one. I close my eyes slowly, absorbing tears. I hear him say my name. He’s stunned.

"What did I te
ll you?" Elise hisses furiously. “My intuition is never wrong. Let’s go Olivia, right now. Georgia did this intentionally. I told you she was up to no good."

This time Elise forces me to follow
her. I can't help the tears drop down my face, they fall hard at the scene I’m being pulled away from. My heart has just been ripped out of my chest so much more brutal than the first time
. How can it take so much?
I just want him to come over to me and tell me everything will be alright but instead he's with her.
How could he do this to me?

He stands with Georgia as I look back while being pulled away. My head is pounding. My stomach is churning. I feel suffocated by the sight of them. Everything is spinning. I can't concentrate.

"That bitch brought him here on purpose to rub it in your face."

Elise is pissed marching so fast, pulling me with her. I can't keep up in these shoes. Tyler, Jamie and Sophia stay behind us probably already planning their revenge.

The image of seeing him with her is killing me and Calvin’s face when he saw me, It was like he was broken, like he felt the utmost remorse, but how can he feel that way?

I stop in my tracks needing to catch my breath, not from walking so fast from having an emotional panic attack at the situation.

"Olivia!" Elise rushes to my side trying to calm me down. I begin to sob and sob so hard leaning against Elise’s car. I can’t catch my breath.

I vaguely here Tyler and Sophia screaming in the background. "I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself. Your evil."

Elise turns to them shouting for them to cut it out. "Just get in the car. They’re not worth it."

I loosely hear Calvin's voice in between all this commotion. There's plead in his tone.

"Olivia, wait. It’s not what it looks like. Let me explain...”

I turn around to his voice and watch him running towards me. God seeing him feels like heaven and hell at the same time.

He's even more gorgeous, more stunning then the image I keep in my head. He has stubble which he carries sexy. He's in a black shirt with familiar rolled up sleeves and grey suit pants. I deflate when I see him, wanting nothing more than to run into his arms but how can I?

"Olivia, listen to me, please let me explain, it’s not what you think."

Tyler stands in my way pushing his hands into Calvin’s chest not letting him anywhere near me.

"Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage to the poor girl, then you go and pull a stunt like this?"

"Tyler, I didn’t know you were here, none of you. Please let me speak to Olivia. I have to explain. I don’t want to hurt her."

"It's too late for that don’t you think?"

Then all I remember is getting bundled into Elise’s car with Tyler and Sophia screeching about how much of an asshole Calvin is and about that bitch Georgia. I black out until we get home, with Elise pulling me from her car into my house
.

Chapter Five*

I cradle the toilet seat when I finally get in. I can't stop repulsively puking.

I feel terrible. Who the hells idea was it to drink?

Elise is kneeling next to me holding my hair out of the way and rubbing my back with a glass of water on standby.

"Come on, let's get you into bed." She undresses me as I sit like a rag doll. She helps me into bed making sure I’m sleeping on my side while I remind myself never to drink ever again.

"I’m going to sleep in with you Okay, make sure you don't choke on your own vomit." Elise is so worried and climbs in beside me, but I can’t settle.

"How can I sleep Elise? We haven’t even been split up that long, and now he’s back with his ex? And here? He was gone. He left me. He left Chicago. Is that why he finished with me to get back with her?" I can't stop crying. The thought is haunting me.

Elise hushes me to sleep but I can’t. I feel awful. So drunk and utterly heartbroken all over again.

Elise sits up to look at me with sympathy. "You know, it doesn’t make sense to me. You spent all your time together, practically all summer. You meet his family he meets us, even though it didn’t go well, it’s just...” she sighs taking my hair out of my face where it’s been stuck. "He seemed totally smitten. The way he looked at you. I don’t think even Dante has ever looked at me that way. I know sometimes people can put on feelings until it suits them to switch emotions, but you and Calvin, to me that was real. He didn't give you any real reason why he left you either did he?"

"Obviously for her!” I whimper like a sap. “Just like she said he would. He always runs back to Georgia, that’s what she said and he has. Maybe I just wasn’t enough for him anymore, either that or I scared him off when I told him I loved him."

I still love him. I love him so much.

"Why didn’t I just keep my big mouth shut and let it carry on as we were. If I never told him I loved him we'd still be together."

"Don’t you dare blame yourself," Elise has tears in her eyes now too as she watches deeply how much pain I’m in.

"The thought of loving someone that much, to the point where it hurts it’s almost shameful isn’t it? To the point where you think you can’t live without them? Only to get told they don't love you, the pain is
unbearable. I didn't think I’d ever feel pain like that again, but then I see him with her, it has proved me wrong."

Elise takes my hand and lays her head on the pillow next to
me, she wants to listen to meand I need a listener right now.

"Why does it hurt so fucking much? I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can’t get him out of my head. My mind and body is constantly numb and aching from missing him so much."

"These feelings will go away in time Livs, I know everyone says that but they will."

I shake my head clenching my eyes shut,
my tears are soaking my pillow. "But what if I don't want them to? Because as soon as the pain disappears, as soon as the feelings go then I have nothing left of him. I don't want to feel like this Elise, I hate every second of it but I don't want to forget him either, I can't."

"Come on Liv’s,
try and sleep. We’ll talk through this tomorrow. You look absolutely exhausted."

I turn on my side closing my eyes, trying to absorb the tears.

"I just feel so empty."

***

I wake up next morning feeling like death. I can't get a grasp on what happened last night. I wake up and instantly remember.

Jeez, please mind, give me a break.

Questions after questions run through my mind: Why would Calvin do that to me? Did he really think that little of me? How come he is back in Chicago? I thought he hated that bitch? Her smug face. The look on his.
Arh.

I thought at the back of my mind that maybe I would get a text off Calvin apologizing to me. He would have known for a fact seeing that last night would have cut me in two. He would have known, if he knew me at all, that it would have destroyed me.

He has destroyed me.

I’m slowly beginning to think maybe he is as cold heart-ed as people said. But then I completely dismiss it. I don’t want to think of him in a bad way and taint my thoughts of him. I can’t think of him as being reprehensible. The person he was when I was with him was real to me. Calvin is loving and so kind. Full of life. So beautiful inside and out. Being ruthless is not in Calvin’s nature is it?

Elise isn’t next to me when I turn. Maybe she's gone down for breakfast.

I sit up shakily and take the two painkillers sitting on my bedside table, washing it down with water. Elise is so thoughtful. Do I dare try to get out of bed? I could stay here and hide all day but I need some air.

I feel dead. Jesus, looking in the mirror I look it too.

I climb into the shower trying to make myself feel a little more human.

Oh no, I have work. Shit. I’ll have to call in sick.

I pull on gray sweat pants and my Hollister hooded jumper and look around for my cell ready t
o call into work bracing myself. While I’m looking for it, I start to realize I haven’t seen it or heard it all morning. I can’t find it.
What the?

I look under my bed sheets, under the bed. On the floor. In the bathroom. Nowhere! Where the hell has it got to?

I calm myself down after panicking from losing it and go use the house telephone. I’m sure Elise must have it.

"Hey Macy,
its Olivia. I won’t be in today I feel terrible." How could I go to work today with this on my mind?

"Olivia, we have the model auditions today, you can't miss it."

That's today? She's right I can't miss it.

"Shit, I forgot. How long have do I have?"

"Two hours Olivia, hurry up I can't drool over them all by myself."

"I’ll be as quick as I can."

Shit, now I have to doll myself up when I have zero energy. Zero interest.

I change as quick as I can into a black long sleeved very business-like dress, and slip on my black flat pumps. I’m having to sit down again and again in between because I feel like I’m goi
ng to vomit at any moment if I stand for too long. I put my black heels in a separate bag and grab my red duffel coat.

I head out into the kitchen needing another glass of water before I leave and I’m surprisingly greeted by my mother.

"Mom?” I question un-expectant. “Why are you here?"

My mom looks up from her newspaper dresse
d like she's a super star.

"Oh, Morning Olivia. Yes,
if you’re wondering, my short vacation was wonderful. But your dad had to come home early, unforeseen circumstances. That’s why I’m home.” She shrugs.

I narrow my eyes confused. That’s not like her. She would have usually almost cried from a holiday being canceled. That tells me she really wasn't bothered about going in the first place.
Hmm.

"You look lovely darling. You going to work? I wish you would change into heels, flat shoes never did anyone any good."

My mom glances down at her watch and frowns. "And you’re late. That won’t look good for your father."

I brush past her heading to the sink to fill my glass with water. "I no mom, I’m leaving now. I have heels in my bag, panic over. I have male models coming in today for auditions for suits.
I need them to update Mercy’s gallery. Have you seen my cell anywhere?"

Her face lights up hearing my news.
More like the thought of male models
. She claps her perfectly manicured hands together.

"Your cell? No I haven’t, and do you need any help? I have no plans for today."

"I have Macy to help. Where is Elise?" My tone is unintentionally dry.

"Yes but three heads are better than two yes? Elise had to head home early for work, she told me she’d call you. She hated that she had to leave, poor thing. Can I come?"

I groan at her persistence. I know she won’t take no for an answer, she's already getting her Prada handbag ready to leave with me. I roll my eyes where she can't see.

"You want to take my car?" She beams pulling on her
large overcoat with a faux fur collar.

I’m not in any mood to argue today over whose damned car we will take. My mom’s car is obviously a BMW, Gran coupe in a sort of bronze color. Maybe it will be nice for us to spend the day together. Some mother daughter time might cheer me up. God knows, we need it.

"We could go for lunch on your break? Just the two of us?"

"Sure, I’d like that." I admit smiling as we head to my works. I love it when my mom acts like my mom. I hate the person she has become recently.

We don’t talk much on the way to work. I stare out of the window desperately trying to block out the more than dismal uninvited thoughts from my mind. It's taking all of my energy to accomplish it. "You’re not very talkative Olivia, Everything alright?"

"I’m fine."

“You don’t seem fine.”

“Well, I am.”

"Olivia, stop being short with me."

"Mom, if I promise to perk up will you quit with the questions."

"Fair enough."

"Thank you."

MF tailors is a huge glass building on its own. The building is only two story but big width wise. We have a factory downstairs which produce the garments and then our offices are upstairs.

I introduce my mom to Macy my assistant and vice versa.

"Mrs. Fahoney, it’s so nice to finally meet you." Macy shakes my mom’s hand firmly.

"Likewise Macy and please, call me Ronnie. I feel like an old lady when someone addresses me as Mrs." Macy receives a small hug from my mom shortly before she begins to wonder around. "Your mom is hot Olivia. I can see where you get it from." She tells me from the side of her mouth. "Oh please." I smile, flopping a weak hand. Macy is a
stunning, tall slim women. A year older than me. She has short black hair with perfect sweeping bangs. Her pale skin is always full of professionally done makeup and she has the most beautiful round hazel color eyes. She always dresses immaculate and is very intelligent. She runs this place better than I do. I’m not sure I'd cope without her.

"The boys will be here in around fifteen minutes Olivia, would you like anything to drink?"

"Could you get me a coffee please? Not milky like I always have it, make it strong. I need the energy today."

"Late night?" She questions me rais
ing her perfectly waxed eyebrow knowing that is why I was going to call in sick.

"You have no idea. I need to keep busy today."
She salutes me and she struts off in her black, god knows how many inch heels making them clip down the corridor. I do need to keep myself busy. As soon as the image creeps back into my mind about Calvin and Georgia last night it starts to bring on an emotional breakdown. I need to get myself together today and block it out.

I get comfortable seated behind a table between my mom and Macy in an intimate room. We have a white canvas in front of us and a very flirtatious photographer named Leo to take a quick snap of the models for our recruitment. "Bring them in." My mom shouts all vivacious. I cringe covering my eyes at her high spirit.

We see around twenty models, one after another, all so tall and chiseled. It does take my mind off other things for a while but at the same time I find myself comparing every single one of them to Calvin. None of them having a patch on him, obviously. My mom and Macy are completely over indulging themselves, it's getting embarrassing.
I however, act ever the professional.

"Olivia, are you that immune to gorgeous men? You are completely unaffected by them all." Macy teases me bumping shoulders while I sit making notes of each one. I only need to pick five and I think I have them, but we have one last man to interview and he's late.

"I think we should disregard this last one, it’s not very professional to be late. Don’t you agree Olivia?" I don't look up at Macy, but I agree on a mumble not really caring. I’m about to tick him off the list when he comes barging in, in a panic.

"
I am so sorry I’m late. I got caught in traffic. Am I too late for the trial?"

"Yes I’m afraid. You should have been here on time like the rest of them, sorry."  I mindlessly glance up from my notes as Macy gives her orders and catch the eye of the last model.

He is beautiful. Tall, toned, has a lot of messy golden hair, sexy dark stubble and sparkling light blue eyes.

"Olivia?" Macy is asking for my confirmation as I’ve gone silent. The man's eyes soften towards me. I think he's silently pleading with me.

"Urm, it’s not a problem. What’s your name?" I ask the late model as Macy and my mom sigh, hating that I’m giving him a chance. The model walks over to me handing me his portfolio.

"My name is Jonathan Lowe. Thank you so much for giving me a chance." He smiles down at me, a beautiful warm smile that reminds me of someone.
I know
who.
It gives me unexplainable chills. I continue to stare at him, only because of his similarity as Macy fires him questions, the ones I’m meant to ask but I’ve come over mute all of a sudden. Calvin comes straight back into my mind. Golden hair, worldly smile. I feel my body going ridged. That numbness builds up inside of me again. The pain and anguish. My eyes begin to burn and I know I can’t sit here any longer and watch him.