"Yes," I said.
"You want a hint where to look for the real Darwin Bishop?" Rossetti asked.
"Shoot."
"Russia. It’s the Wild Wild West over there. If his guy successfully adopted a kid out of that country, then he’s connected to some very tough people."
"He built and sold two companies in Russia," I said.
"Then he’s got loads of dirty laundry hanging out over there. I could put in a call to my buddy Viktor Golov. He runs an oil refinery outside St. Petersburg. He’s got his finger on the pulse of business across Russia."
"I’d owe you one." I finished my coffee and put down a ten to cover Rossetti’s as well. "I’ll take care of us this time," I said. I turned to leave.
Rossetti caught my arm. "Thanks for the round," he said. "Just promise you’ll take care of
yourself
." His face lost every trace of humor. "I mean it. Be careful."
I nodded. "I’ll talk to you soon," I said. "Call me with anything from your friend Viktor."
* * *
I drove back over the Meridian Street bridge and took the left onto Spruce. I was planning to turn onto Winnisimmet and head home, but I knew home just meant more tossing and turning — at least I convinced myself that it did. I kept going straight, through the Chelsea Produce Market, headed for the Sir Galahad Motel and Lounge.
The Sir Galahad is a done-and-out strip club with cinder-block walls, surrounded by wholesale fruit and vegetable warehouses. The girls don’t wear fancy costumes. They don’t even bother to lie about being college students. And no one pretends it’s a gentlemen’s club.
I had gone to the Sir Galahad religiously when forensics had been my full-time occupation. I had needed to stay close to the naked truth about human beings, to keep resonating with lust and envy and hatred and all the other emotions that can drive violence.
I had also gone there to drink. And that fact kept me behind the wheel of my F-150 after I parked alongside the building. I sat and watched the pink neon dancer on the Sir Galahad sign as she flickered in the night. And I remembered how living so close to the raw edge of humanity made me feel the need to take the edge off with scotch or cocaine, or, more often, a combination of the two. I remembered how it was a sucker’s strategy — letting the interest on my pain compound daily.
I can’t be certain what made me get out of the truck. Maybe it was having seen Billy Bishop’s scarred back, or having tried to imagine what it might be like for an infant to struggle for air and find none, or having revisited feelings I had once felt for Kathy. Or maybe it wasn’t any of those things. Maybe I was just having my old trouble walking a straight line through a world with emotional minefields buried haphazardly all the way to the horizon.
Whatever the reason, I walked inside the Sir Galahad. Music blared from speakers that would have sufficed for a rock concert. Red and blue and purple lights doused the walls and ceiling with color. I took a seat up front, at the runway. A dancer with blond hair who might have been nineteen had stripped down to white panties. She hitched her thumbs inside the waistband, pulling them down a few inches, teasing the twenty or so truckers and bikers scattered around the room. They nodded and winked and smiled at her. Then she pulled them back up, all the way into her crotch. The men burst into applause.
"What are you drinking?" a waitress about thirty-five, wearing skin-tight jeans and a tube top over a stick figure, asked me.
I thought about ordering a Diet Coke — for about one second. "Scotch," I said. "Rocks."
"You got it," she said. She turned around and headed back to the bar.
The dancer peeled her panties to her ankles. She stepped out of them and stepped over to the man two seats from me, who had folded five one-dollar bills over the brass rail. She bent over backwards, spreading her legs and holding herself on all fours, like a crab, opening herself up to him.
My scotch arrived. I paid for it, held the amber liquid up to the colored lights. It glowed rust blue, rust red, rust purple. A magic rainbow of calm. I brought the glass to my lips, smelling the aroma of my father, tasting his warm, alcoholic breath. Then, tilting my head back, I glanced at the dancer and noticed that the lowest part of her abdomen was scarred from a Cesarean delivery.
Part of me wanted to be numb, wanted to scramble the chemical messengers in my brain, to blur the images of cruelty floating through it. Because they were too sharp. Sharp enough to do serious damage. But another part of me had started to wonder where the dancer’s child might be at that moment. With a grandfather? A boyfriend? Home alone? Dead? I stared at her as she grabbed her knees to spread herself wider, head turned to the side, eyes closed.
I put the drink down without swallowing a drop.
"Ain’t she a fucking gem?" the man with the five-dollar bills called over to me. He was about forty, built like a weight lifter, wearing a New England Patriots football jersey and a black nylon skullcap.
"She’s all of that," I said.
"What an ass on her," he said.
"What an ass."
"You’re a spot welder, aren’t you?" he asked.
In a certain way, I guessed I was, but I didn’t think he was floating an elegant metaphor for piecing people back together. "No," I said. "Why do you ask?"
"You didn't do no work on the new Chelsea High School? Welding?"
"No," I said. "I’m a psychiatrist."
He burst out laughing. "Right on," he said. "Me, too." He reached into his pocket and pulled out more five-dollar bills for the rail.
I held my glass in both hands and looked into its depths, still smelling my father, hearing the
clink
of his belt buckle coming loose. I thought about the countless times I had wanted to kill him. And I wondered what had stopped me. Why couldn’t I bring myself to do him in? What makes a person finally cross the line? Was that the question that had drawn me to forensics, in the first place? Was it the question — and not North Anderson’s plea — that had brought me back into the company of murder?
I pushed the scotch away from me, caught the eye of the waitress, and ordered a coffee and a Diet Coke. It seemed like it was going to be a long night.
* * *
I finally climbed into bed just after 3:00
A.M.
I could sense the expanse of the king-sized mattress all around me. I felt dangerously alone.
Of course, I always had been alone. Isolated. At risk. But now the danger felt especially real. I couldn’t dismiss what Carl Rossetti had told me; Darwin Bishop could be big trouble — bigger than anything I had faced before. A person with enough appetite and aptitude to accumulate billions of dollars can devour many things. I moved to one side of the mattress and dropped my hand to the Browning Baby semiautomatic tucked next to the bed frame. And with a fistful of cold steel as my pacifier, I fell into a restless slumber.
It didn’t last. Not two hours later, the phone woke me. I fumbled for the receiver, dropped it once, then said, "Clevenger."
"Frank. It’s North."
I squinted at my bedside clock. "It’s four-fifty."
"I know that," he said. "I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t an emergency."
I sat up in bed. "What’s happening?"
"Billy escaped from Payne Whitney two and a half hours ago."
I sat up. "Escaped? How?"
"Believe it or not, he just walked out of the emergency room. He’d been complaining of a cough for hours. They sent him down with an attendant for a chest x-ray. As far as I can tell, the guy kind of lost track of him."
That was easy to believe. Psychiatry units that aren’t built for violent offenders don’t have true security protocols in place. I had seen inpatients wander away from ‘smoke breaks’ when they were taken outside for a quick cigarette, from AA meetings that took place in another building on campus, and from ‘supervised’ grounds passes to the hospital gift shop.
"I’m sure they’ve alerted the police in Manhattan and given them Billy’s description," I said. "They can pick him up on a Section Twelve and rehospitalize him against his will."
"Actually, they can pick him up without a Section Twelve, if they find him. Billy’s timing was flawless. As of seven
P.M.
last night, there was a warrant for his arrest. Tom Harrigan had everything set to go, including a court order for Billy’s extradition back to Massachusetts. They planned to have New York Police arrest him on the locked unit at six
A.M.
today. Two officers would have accompanied him on a flight to Logan at seven-thirty."
"I’m having lunch with Julia Bishop today. She’s coming to Boston," I said. "I’ll find out if she has any sense of where Billy might have gone."
"You called her, or she called you?" Anderson asked.
"She did," I said.
"Did she say why?"
"No. But she sounded a little panicked."
"She’ll be missing Garret’s tennis tournament," Anderson said wryly.
"He’s in a tournament?" I asked. "Today?"
"The Bishops sponsor a charity competition at the Brant Point Racket Club. Garret Bishop is the top seeded player in his age group. According to the newspaper, he’s set to defend his singles title from last year."
"Business as usual," I said. "All the way around Darwin’s world."
"No stopping him," Anderson said. He paused. "Listen, you know I’ve never been convinced that Billy is guilty of murder. But I have to tell you, having him out of that hospital, on his own, really worries me. Because if he is the one who killed Brooke, he knows he has nothing left to lose now."
Those words gave me a chill because I remembered Billy telling me the same thing at the end of our meeting. "If I were you, I’d add a few cruisers to those Range Rovers outside Bishop’s ‘watch house.’ Billy wasn’t happy with his father hospitalizing him."
"I tried," Anderson said. "Bishop thanked me for my concern and refused my offer."
"True to form," I said.
"I’ll call you right away with anything new," he said.
"Same here." I hung up.
I lay back and stared into the darkness, my heart racing, thinking how I could really use that scotch I had set aside at Sir Galahad’s. I wondered where Billy Bishop might be at that very moment. Would he have sought refuge at a homeless shelter? Would he bunk with a friend in Manhattan whose parents were out of town? Was he brazen enough to hide out at the Bishop’s own penthouse? Or would he be huddled in a corner of the Port Authority, over on Eighth Avenue, waiting for a Bonanza bus to take him back to Hyannis, where he could catch a ferry to Nantucket?
More important, what was he thinking of — escape or revenge?
Tuesday, June 25, 2002
I talked with Anderson before leaving my loft in the morning and learned that Billy was still at large. I had a couple hours before my 1:00
P.M.
meeting with Julia, so I headed to Mass General for my third visit with Lilly Cunningham.
I expected to see her doing better, but she looked worse. Her skin was even paler than before. Her breathing was erratic. As her eyes followed me in from the doorway, she squinted to bring me into focus.
I pulled an armchair to the side of the bed and sat down. Above me, to the right of the window, the IV tree had grown new branches. A total of five hanging bottles and plastic bags dripped into the central line running into Lilly’s subclavian vein. I looked at her leg, still suspended midair, and saw that another serpentine incision had been cut into the flesh to help her abscess drain.
"It’s in my heart," she said weakly.
I knew she was talking about the infection having traveled to her heart, probably to the pericardial sac that surrounds it or to the valves deep inside its chambers. But I heard her words in another way, too. Because it was also true that the psychological trauma which had caused her to inject herself with dirt had reached the center of her being, the emotional toxin pumped now with the blood to every tissue, sparing only her central nervous system, walled off as it was by that baffle of membranes known as the blood-brain barrier. The lines of conflict were at last clearly drawn: Whatever happened to Lilly as a girl had finally laid siege to the kingdom of her body, leaving the soul, and its own miraculous ability to heal, as her last defense— and my greatest ally.
I noted that, during my three meetings with Lilly, she had never had any visitors. Patients with Munchausen’s often end up isolated; family and friends become enraged when they learn they have been caring for a person who has made herself sick. A wave of sadness — and, strangely, embarrassment — swept over me. The thought of Lilly suffering so terribly, without a hand to hold, made me want to reach out to her even more.
"
The sadness and shame you feel is hers, not yours
," the voice at the back of my mind whispered. "
Help her own it
."
"The last time I came to see you," I said, "you told me how frightened you were of being alone. Where does that fear come from, do you think?"
She cleared her throat. "Probably from losing my father," she said. She closed her eyes and slowly reopened them. "I haven’t stopped missing him. I’ve thought of him every day since I was six."
"There are people you love today?" I said.
"Yes, of course. My husband. My mom and grandparents. A few good friends."
I leaned closer. I decided to gamble that Lilly’s fear of being alone would translate into an even more imposing fear of death. "This is a very important moment, Lilly," I said quietly. "The infection is overwhelming your defenses. You could die. And that means saying goodbye to your husband and your mother and each of your friends. It means being completely and utterly alone." She seemed to be listening to me. "The only way to stay with the people you love is to open up to them, to let the truth flow. If you do that, I think all the stress you’re under will start to fade away and your body will start to heal itself."