Compromised Hearts (23 page)

“Congratulate me,” he smiled widely at James and Wolfe, “I’m going to be a father.”

“I thought I’d congratulate myself. I’m going to be an uncle.”

“All this congratulating doesn’t help me,” Emily said a little crossly, fed up with the male posturing she was being subjected to, yet comforted by the way Cloud laughed and hugged her. “I have to get away. I don’t want to marry Chilton.”

“You’re not going to. You’re going to marry me,” Cloud said firmly, expecting no argument.

“I didn’t come here to make you marry me,” she protested. “I know you’re not the
marrying sort and—”

“Shut up, Emily. We’re getting married as soon as I can get you to the preacher.”

She recognized that tone. It was the one that told her arguing with him at this point would be like banging her head against a brick wall. Added to that was the fact that she did not really feel clearheaded enough to give him any reasonable or even coherent arguments.

“Does that mean we’ll be a real family?” asked Thornton, his excitement clear to see.

“Yes, Thornton, we’ll be a real family, but we won’t have our own home until spring. I’ve only just started my place and Emily should have some comforts while she’s carrying my baby. Now, I think you ought to get into bed. You have a choice—James’s or Wolfe’s.”

When the little boy revealed a difficulty in deciding, Wolfe did it for him. His bed was larger than James’s, so he said he would put Thornton in there for a while. After Thornton kissed an increasingly sleepy Emily goodnight, Wolfe took the boy up to bed.

Looking down at Emily, whose head rested on his shoulder and whose eyes were now closed, Cloud drawled, “Best get this one to bed as well. If you’d stayed put, Em, I was coming around again. I wasn’t going to give up on you.”

“Didn’t know that,” she mumbled. “Couldn’t stay, anyway. Might have ended up married to Chilton. He’s got cold hands.”

“And just where did he put them so that you’d find that out?” he growled.

“On my knee. We were riding in his carriage. I hit him with my parasol.” She sighed. “It broke.”

“I’ll get you a new one right after I break Chilton’s scrawny neck.” Cloud stood up with her still held firmly in his arms. “Emily, do you know if Chilton knows about us and the baby?”

“Mmmm. Dorothy told me he forgave me my foolish mistake. No, my sin. She said sin.” After a moment of listening drowsily to Cloud’s ungentlemanly opinions of one Dorothy Brockinger, Emily murmured, “I do not believe I have ever heard a man curse as much as you do.”

“Or so colorfully,” offered James as he followed them up the stairs. “He does possess a certain flair.”

“Most definitely.” Emily nodded firmly if a little groggily.

“I didn’t say half the things I was thinking about that she-wolf. You’ll also notice I haven’t said anything about that weak, spineless brother of yours who lets his wife rule the roost”

“How kind of you, Cloud.” She patted his cheek even as she yawned. “A real gentleman.”

By the time they reached Cloud’s room she was fast asleep. He gently laid her down on the bed and went to make sure that Thornton was settled well. After studying the sleeping
boy he was about to take under his wing, he said good-night to Wolfe and James and returned to his own room.

He undressed her with a mixture of delight and agony. It was a delight to have her back in his bed and to know that, within a short time, she would have a permanent, legal place there. Nevertheless, it was extremely trying to have her so close to hand but be unable to satisfy his need for her. Knowing that she needed her rest, if only for the child’s sake, was all that controlled him.

Shedding his clothes, he slipped into bed beside her. A little smile crossed his face when he pulled her into his arms and she cuddled up to him with a soft murmur just as she had done all those nights on the trail. It was one of those little signs that had made him confident of her to a certain extent. Holding her lithe frame all night would insure that he got little sleep, but he was not overly concerned. It was a virile man’s vision of a hell on earth, but he knew that it could be far worse. Emily could be sharing Chilton’s bed.

E
mily tried but she could not help feeling hurt and somewhat insulted. She could easily excuse Cloud’s not touching her last night, for she had been deeply asleep. That did not, however, explain why he had slipped away before she was even awake this morning. She knew full well that the bright sun streaming in the window would not have stopped him if he wanted to make love to her. He had never suffered from modesty before.

She took one last glance at her appearance and started downstairs, her nose forcing her to follow the rich scent of freshly brewed coffee. Her morning sickness had been short-lived and not very severe, and now she
found herself ravenously hungry in the mornings.

Emily was pleased to see, as she entered the kitchen, that there was plenty of food to go along with the coffee.

A premonition of how it would be came as the three men bustled around. They very carefully seated her, served her coffee, heaped her plate with food and continuously asked her if she was all right. It was sweet, even slightly funny, but she could see how easily it would drive her mad after a while.

“I’m not an invalid,” she said gently as she started to eat.

Wolfe grinned as he sat down. “Sorry. We’ve never had a baby before.”

Thornton giggled. “Men don’t haf babies. Even I know that.”

“I can see I’m going to have to be careful about what I say and how I say it.” Wolfe smiled at Thornton. “I meant we’ve never had a lady carrying a Ryder child around before.”

“And we’re going into town as soon as you’ve eaten, Em, find that preacher, and make sure that baby is a Ryder.”

Cloud’s statement and Emily’s resultant expression of concern and obstinacy had the effect of clearing the kitchen of everyone except her and Cloud, who lounged in his chair looking fully prepared to override any protests she might come up with.

“I probably did not make myself clear last night, but I didn’t come here to make you marry me.”

“You made that clear enough. You also
couldn’t make me do something I didn’t want to do.”

“Oh.” She saw the truth in that but frowned. “You want to get married?”

“Must you sound so incredulous?” he said. “Once I decided to settle, I got to thinking about marriage and family. The two go hand in hand.”

“I suppose they do.” She swallowed a little nervously, preparing to voice her doubts. “There are a few other things that go hand in hand with marriage, you know.”

“Such as what?”

“Such as not having a light of love at every stop from San Francisco to New York.”

He smiled a little. “I know that. I know marriage implies constancy. I can manage that.” He saw the doubt that still lingered in her lovely eyes. “Don’t think I can?”

“I’m sure you can do anything you put your mind to.” She sighed, trying to think of how to phrase her worries without revealing herself too much.

“Is it that damn deal?” “I beg your pardon?” “I asked if it was that damn deal. Do you still think I would’ve left you and Thornton to go it on your own?”

“No, of course not.” She was not about to tell him how early in the game she had realized that, for he might ask her why she had continued to come to his bed.

“Then you’re riled about doing something you didn’t have to do.” He was determined
to find out how she felt about it and put the whole matter firmly behind them.

“Well, I was a little but not now. It’s done and over with. You wanted something and took the most direct route to getting it. It was, perhaps, not quite moral, but then I was bound to get Thornton and myself killed.”

“Your situation only made it easier to get what I wanted. If it’d been any other situation, I just would’ve found another way. I was going to have you come hell or high water.”

She blinked in surprise. “Do you mean that, even if we had been in the city, attending social events and going through all the ritual of beau and lady, you would have still tried to get me into your bed?”

“Quick as I could. From the moment I set eyes on you, lady, you didn’t have a chance. Even if I’d known you were a virgin, I still would’ve gone for you.”

“Well, perhaps you would have, but if I hadn’t been in such an awkward position …”

“I wouldn’t have succeeded?” He rose and moved to where she sat, leaning down so that his face was close to hers. “Emily, you didn’t have a chance. No matter what it took, I was determined to have you. It would’ve been the same anywhere, any time.”

“Oh,” she said weakly.

He saw her frown slightly. “Don’t you believe me?”

“I was just thinking that if it’s that strong,
it could fade quickly.”

“It hasn’t yet and I’m thinking that, by the time it does I’ll be of an age to appreciate a little less excitement.” He began to brush light kisses over her upturned face.

“And you’ll be faithful?” she asked a little breathlessly.

“I’ll do my damnedest.” He looked her straight in the eyes. “I’m no saint and I have all a man’s weaknesses. I swear I’ll try, try my best. That’s all I can do.”

“That’s enough.”

He straightened up. “I better find something to do or I’ll forget my intentions to leave you alone until the wedding night.”

“So that’s why you didn’t—” she began, then blushed beneath his smile.

“Disappointed?” he drawled softly.

“Of course not,” she said coolly as she stood to clear her breakfast things away.

He just laughed softly. “I’ll get the carriage ready.”

“We’re going now?” she squeaked.

“I thought I said that.”

“Well, I have to change first.” She spoke as firmly as she could as she started out of the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?” He looked over her gown with appreciation as he followed her.

She looked at her blue day dress, then at him. “Nothing, but it’s not what I want to get married in. I’m going to put on my best.” She started up the stairs.

“Fine, but when the carriage’s ready we’re leaving, so you better be ready.”

It was as she dressed that she began to think about what she was getting herself into. When all was said and done, she was entering a loveless union. Grimacing, she admitted that it was not loveless precisely, but extremely one-sided.

Not once in all the flattering talk about the strength of his desire had he mentioned love. It hurt but, worse, she felt helpless to change that. Love was not something one could force a person to feel.

Looking in the mirror, she had to smile. Cloud had never seen her so dressed up before. The white ball gown was one of Carolynn’s hand-me-downs but no one in this area knew that. It would suit well enough for a wedding dress. She frowned, as she wondered briefly about her right to wear white, the color that had come to indicate a virgin bride, then straightened. Her innocence was gone but the man who had taken it and the only man she had ever let touch her was the man marrying her. She did not doubt that many a bride who wore white was in the same position as she. Virgin she might never be again, but she had nothing to be ashamed of either.

“Are you ready?” Cloud asked as he walked in without knocking.

He stopped and stared at her. When she had dressed for dinner at the fort he had thought her lovely. Now, in the white lace
and silk gown she wore, she was exquisite. She looked every inch the elegant lady and the lovely bride. He found himself feeling almost obnoxiously proud and hoping that the whole town would see the woman he was going to marry.

Stepping close to her he put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a gentle kiss. “I’m glad you didn’t let anything stop you from wearing white. You deserve it.”

Blushing a little she looked him over. “You’ve turned yourself out very fine.”

She felt somewhat awed and very proud of him. A finely tailored black suit, the color relieved only by the crisp white of his dress shirt, made him look imposing indeed. Despite the very civilized suit he wore, there remained that air of the untamed about him. She was a little afraid that he might be too much man for her to keep happy.

Since he was hustling her out the door, he did not see the worry in her eyes. “If you think I look fine, you should see the rest of our little group.”

She was impressed when she saw the others, so much so that she took little notice of James’s and Wolfe’s reactions to her. Briefly, Cloud was jealous, but then he felt pride swell him again. Even if he could not trust both men, and he knew that he could, he knew he could trust Emily. The want and envy that showed clearly in the men’s looks before they recollected themselves was a compliment to Emily’s worth and to him for
snaring her.

When he made a last check of the traces, Cloud found Wolfe at his side. “Everything’s set.”

“You know, Cloud, when you brought her in, dusty and worn from her long trek, I thought she was a cute little thing but I was a little surprised that you had had anything to do with her. When she left all tidied up to meet her brother, I decided that she was pretty but still felt you’d done better—better looking anyway. Now—well, you’re going to lave every man in town hating your guts.” He returned Cloud’s grin but then grew serious. “She’s what’s known as a good woman.”

“And you don’t think I’m capable of being a good man.”

“Well, you ain’t exactly being considered for sainthood, brother.”

Cloud chuckled softly but then grew solemn. “Nope, I’m no saint and she knows that. I have promised to be faithful with the reminder that I’m only human. None of we Ryder men are saints—you, me or Thunder—but we all believe in marriage and family. Our folks made real sure of that. I’m sure Emily could do better, but I won’t be the worst she could get.”

Wolfe clapped him on the shoulder. “Oh, I don’t know, I think you’re the best she could do.”

Emily watched the brothers and felt a twinge of envy. They were close, something
she had never been with any of her family, although through no choice of her own. She then steadied herself. She may not have been born into a closely knit family but she was marrying into one and her child would be born into one. That was more than enough to be thankful for.