Complete Works of Wilkie Collins (1975 page)

           
Sally
. Your proper place is in the cellars; and my proper place is in the house.

           
Joey
. If you prefer the cellars, Miss, I’ll follow you,
there
, with the greatest pleasure.

           
Sally
. Why do you want to follow me at all?

           
Joey
. For the reason, Miss, that the first man followed the first woman — because he took a liking to her!

           
Sally
. And the first woman, Mr. Joey, led him all wrong afterwards. I don’t desire you lead
you
wrong. I wish you good morning.

           
Joey
. Please to stop where you are, Miss. There’s another reason for my follering you. I’m uneasy in my mind.

           
Sally
. How can I help that?

           
Joey
. How can you help that? I’ll tell you. What do you do, when you cut your finger, and it hurts you? You take a bit of rag, and you smear a bit of balsam on it, and you clap the whole on the place, and you’re all right again. I’m the cut finger; and you’re the balsam and the rag.

           
Sally
. I’m much obliged to you, Mr. Joey, for likening me to balsam and rag!

           
Joey
. You’re heartily welcome, Miss! At the same time, if you please, we won’t lose sight of the state of my mind. P’r’aps it’s the Wapours I’ve took in at the pores. P’r’aps it’s the gift of prophesying which has come strong on me lately? Whether it’s one, or whether it’s t’other, I’m uneasy in my mind about the way things is going on in this house. Now just look into the matter, to please me! (
Attempts to put his arm round her waist
.)

           
Sally
.
I
don’t look at things with my waist, Mr. Joey — and
you
don’t look at things with your arm! (
Aside
,
after a glance at
J
OEY’S
leather apron
.) How can a man possibly fall in love, when he wears such an apron as that?

           
Joey
(
aside
). She likes my apron. What follers her liking my apron? She likes
me!
(
To
S
ALLY
.) Look at it, Miss, with any part of you you please, so long as you do look at it. It all begun with poor Master Wilding changing the name of the Firm. He changed the luck of the Firm, when he did that. What happens afterwards? He dies to begin with. Then, a bit of that cursed stuff in the cellars falls on Master George. Then, a letter comes from foreign parts, and brings bad news. And now, here’s Master George going away from us in a hurry, in company with that Mr. Openrazor, who turns my stomach whenever I look at him. If something ain’t done to bring the luck round, you mark my words — it will end badly!

           
Sally
. Bring the luck round! Why are you looking at me? Who’s to do it?

           
Joey
. You!

           
Sally
. I! What can you be thinking of? Why, I am the cause — the innocent cause, Mr. Joey — of everything that you complain of! If I had not come here to apply for the situation, poor Mr. Wilding need never have known the truth — and all the rest of it need never have happened. If you know your own mind, you ought to hate me! I am the miserable creature who has brought the ill luck into the house —
 
—

           
Joey
. All the more reason, Miss, for you to bring the good luck back again. (
Aside
.) That was well said, I think!

           
Sally
(
aside
). He has evidently fallen in love with me, in spite of his apron!

           
Joey
. You can do it, Miss, as easy as one and one make two.

           
Sally
. How, Mr. Joey?

           
Joey
. By changing your name, Miss, from Goldstraw (which is good) to Ladle (which is better). (
Aside
.)
That
was well said, I think!

           
Sally
. What, Mr. Joey! You, of all the people in the world, recommend me to change the name of the Firm? What next, I wonder?

           
Joey
. A woman’s not a Firm, Miss. And Lord forbid she ever should be!

           
Sally
. The women are much obliged to you, Mr. Joey, for another compliment!

           
Joey
. The women are heartily welcome, Miss Goldstraw.

           
Sally
. You have a very sudden way of making love. Have you ever done it before?

           
Joey
. I’ve tried, Miss — but I never got as far as this. I would be slower about it, I do assure you, if I only had the time. The Wapours are waiting for me. And, after the Wapours, there’s Master George’s luggage to be taken to Mr. Openrazor’s house. And, after that, there’s no knowing, in the state of my mind, what may happen next. I think I might persuade you, Miss, if I might make so bold as to speak with my arm — and if you’d be so obliging as to listen with your waist. (
Puts his arm round her
.)

           
Sally
. The “Wapours” are not waiting for
me
, Mr. Joey; and
I
want time to decide. (
Disengaging herself
.) The institution of marriage is a very serious thing. And the sooner a man and a woman learn to view it in that light, the better it may be afterwards for all parties. — I wish you good morning!

(
Exit
,
right
.)

           
Joey
(
looking after her
). Beautiful language! I’ll fix it in my mind, before I forget it. (
Trying to repeat the words
.) “The institution of a man and a woman is a very serious thing. And the sooner they’re married afterwards, the better for all parties.” Lord! how true!

(
Exit
,
left
.)

T
HIRD
S
CENE
. —
The drawing-room at
O
BENREIZER’S
lodgings — as shown in the First Scene of the Second Act: with this difference
,
that it is now supposed to be night
,
and the lamps are lit. Dinner
,
untouched
,
is on the table
. M
ARGUERITE
, O
BENREIZER
,
and
V
ENDALE
are discovered. The two last wear their travelling costume
. O
BENREIZER
is on his knees
,
at the back of the stage
,
packing a portmanteau
. V
ENDALE
,
near the front
,
sits thoughtfully at the table
,
with a cigar in his mouth
,
which he has allowed to go out. His luggage
,
ready for the journey
,
is seen in a corner of the room
. M
ARGUERITE
,
restless and agitated
,
passes backwards and forwards
,
giving
O
BENREIZER
the various things he wants to pack for the journey. These different objects are so arranged on a side table
,
as to oblige
M
ARGUERITE
to pass and repass
V
ENDALE
on her way backwards and forwards. The words she says to
V
ENDALE
,
at the beginning of the scene
,
are all spoken in an under tone of warning at the time when she passes him
. M
ADAME
D
OR
sits in an unoccupied part of the stage
,
with her back turned as usual
,
cleaning the gloves with which
O
BENREIZER
is going to travel
.

           
Obenreizer
. (
receiving a folded coat from
M
ARGUERITE
). I really can’t allow you, dearest, to wait upon me in this way! You must
not
fatigue yourself by going backwards and forwards with my things for the journey!

           
Marguerite
. I am not in the least fatigued — and I beg to be allowed to help you. (
She returns to the side table
,
takes up the next thing wanted
,
and
,
stopping a moment
,
speaks to
V
ENDALE
,
on her way back to
O
BENREIZER
.) Change your mind, George! Don’t travel with him!

(
She goes on to
O
BENREIZER
.)

           
Vendale
. (
speaking to himself
). How strangely she persists in warning me not to go! The suddenness of this journey has shaken her nerves. (
To
M
ARGUERITE
,
as she passes
.) There is really nothing, love, to alarm you!

           
Marguerite
. (
passing back by
V
ENDALE
,
from the side table
). You know the little photograph I have got of you. This afternoon he took it up, and looked at it. (
Goes on to
O
BENREIZER
—
returns
—
and continues to
V
ENDALE
.) I saw his face in the glass when he looked at your portrait. George! you have offended him!

           
Vendale
. I!

           
Marguerite
. (
after first fetching the next thing
). He is as merciless as a tiger! He is as secret as the grave! Don’t go with him, George!

            (
Goes on with the next travelling article to
O
BENREIZER
.)

           
Vendale
. (
as
M
ARGUERITE
passes him again
). My darling! you are completely mistaken. (M
ARGUERITE
takes the next thing from the table
,
without answering
. V
ENDALE
continues as she passes back
.) He and I were never better friends than we are at this moment!

            (M
ARGUERITE
shakes her head
,
and goes on to
O
BENREIZER
.)

           
Marguerite
. (
returning
). Don’t go, George!

           
Vendale
. (
stopping her
). I know, love, how hard it is to part —
 
— ! (M
ARGUERITE
disengages herself
,
and fetches the last thing from the table
.)