Complete Works of Robert Louis Stevenson (Illustrated) (235 page)

“So ye have a spark of sleeness in ye?” observed the old lady, with some approval.  “I thought ye had just been a cuif - you and your saxpence, and your lucky day and your sake of Balwhidder” - from which I was gratified to learn that Catriona had not forgotten some of our talk.  “But all this is by the purpose,” she resumed.  “Am I to understand that ye come here keeping company?”

“This is surely rather an early question,” said I.  “The maid is young, so am I, worse fortune.  I have but seen her the once.  I’ll not deny,” I added, making up my mind to try her with some frankness, “I’ll not deny but she has run in my head a good deal since I met in with her.  That is one thing; but it would be quite another, and I think I would look very like a fool, to commit myself.”

“You can speak out of your mouth, I see,” said the old lady.  “Praise God, and so can I!  I was fool enough to take charge of this rogue’s daughter: a fine charge I have gotten; but it’s mine, and I’ll carry it the way I want to.  Do ye mean to tell me, Mr. Balfour of Shaws, that you would marry James More’s daughter, and him hanged!  Well, then, where there’s no possible marriage there shall be no manner of carryings on, and take that for said.  Lasses are bruckle things,” she added, with a nod; “and though ye would never think it by my wrunkled chafts, I was a lassie mysel’, and a bonny one.”

“Lady Allardyce,” said I, “for that I suppose to be your name, you seem to do the two sides of the talking, which is a very poor manner to come to an agreement.  You give me rather a home thrust when you ask if I would marry, at the gallow’s foot, a young lady whom I have seen but once.  I have told you already I would never be so untenty as to commit myself.  And yet I’ll go some way with you.  If I continue to like the lass as well as I have reason to expect, it will be something more than her father, or the gallows either, that keeps the two of us apart.  As for my family, I found it by the wayside like a lost bawbee!  I owe less than nothing to my uncle and if ever I marry, it will be to please one person: that’s myself.”

“I have heard this kind of talk before ye were born,” said Mrs. Ogilvy, “which is perhaps the reason that I think of it so little.  There’s much to be considered.  This James More is a kinsman of mine, to my shame be it spoken.  But the better the family, the mair men hanged or headed, that’s always been poor Scotland’s story.  And if it was just the hanging!  For my part I think I would be best pleased with James upon the gallows, which would be at least an end to him.  Catrine’s a good lass enough, and a good-hearted, and lets herself be deaved all day with a runt of an auld wife like me.  But, ye see, there’s the weak bit.  She’s daft about that long, false, fleeching beggar of a father of hers, and red-mad about the Gregara, and proscribed names, and King James, and a wheen blethers.  And you might think ye could guide her, ye would find yourself sore mista’en.  Ye say ye’ve seen her but the once. . .”

“Spoke with her but the once, I should have said,” I interrupted.  “I saw her again this morning from a window at Prestongrange’s.”

This I daresay I put in because it sounded well; but I was properly paid for my ostentation on the return.

“What’s this of it?” cries the old lady, with a sudden pucker of her face.  “I think it was at the Advocate’s door-cheek that ye met her first.”

I told her that was so.

“H’m,” she said; and then suddenly, upon rather a scolding tone, “I have your bare word for it,” she cries, “as to who and what you are.  By your way of it, you’re Balfour of the Shaws; but for what I ken you may be Balfour of the Deevil’s oxter.  It’s possible ye may come here for what ye say, and it’s equally possible ye may come here for deil care what!  I’m good enough Whig to sit quiet, and to have keepit all my men-folk’s heads upon their shoulders.  But I’m not just a good enough Whig to be made a fool of neither.  And I tell you fairly, there’s too much Advocate’s door and Advocate’s window here for a man that comes taigling after a Macgregor’s daughter.  Ye can tell that to the Advocate that sent ye, with my fond love.  And I kiss my loof to ye, Mr. Balfour,” says she, suiting the action to the word; “and a braw journey to ye back to where ye cam frae.”

“If you think me a spy,” I broke out, and speech stuck in my throat.  I stood and looked murder at the old lady for a space, then bowed and turned away.

“Here!  Hoots!  The callant’s in a creel!” she cried.  “Think ye a spy? what else would I think ye - me that kens naething by ye?  But I see that I was wrong; and as I cannot fight, I’ll have to apologise.  A bonny figure I would be with a broadsword.  Ay! ay!” she went on, “you’re none such a bad lad in your way; I think ye’ll have some redeeming vices.  But, O! Davit Balfour, ye’re damned countryfeed.  Ye’ll have to win over that, lad; ye’ll have to soople your back-bone, and think a wee pickle less of your dainty self; and ye’ll have to try to find out that women-folk are nae grenadiers.  But that can never be.  To your last day you’ll ken no more of women-folk than what I do of sow-gelding.”

I had never been used with such expressions from a lady’s tongue, the only two ladies I had known, Mrs. Campbell and my mother, being most devout and most particular women; and I suppose my amazement must have been depicted in my countenance, for Mrs. Ogilvy burst forth suddenly in a fit of laughter.

“Keep me!” she cried, struggling with her mirth, “you have the finest timber face - and you to marry the daughter of a Hieland cateran!  Davie, my dear, I think we’ll have to make a match of it - if it was just to see the weans.  And now,” she went on, “there’s no manner of service in your daidling here, for the young woman is from home, and it’s my fear that the old woman is no suitable companion for your father’s son.  Forbye that I have nobody but myself to look after my reputation, and have been long enough alone with a sedooctive youth.  And come back another day for your saxpence!” she cried after me as I left.

My skirmish with this disconcerting lady gave my thoughts a boldness they had otherwise wanted.  For two days the image of Catriona had mixed in all my meditations; she made their background, so that I scarce enjoyed my own company without a glint of her in a corner of my mind.  But now she came immediately near; I seemed to touch her, whom I had never touched but the once; I let myself flow out to her in a happy weakness, and looking all about, and before and behind, saw the world like an undesirable desert, where men go as soldiers on a march, following their duty with what constancy they have, and Catriona alone there to offer me some pleasure of my days.  I wondered at myself that I could dwell on such considerations in that time of my peril and disgrace; and when I remembered my youth I was ashamed.  I had my studies to complete: I had to be called into some useful business; I had yet to take my part of service in a place where all must serve; I had yet to learn, and know, and prove myself a man; and I had so much sense as blush that I should be already tempted with these further-on and holier delights and duties.  My education spoke home to me sharply; I was never brought up on sugar biscuits but on the hard food of the truth.  I knew that he was quite unfit to be a husband who was not prepared to be a father also; and for a boy like me to play the father was a mere derision.

When I was in the midst of these thoughts and about half-way back to town I saw a figure coming to meet me, and the trouble of my heart was heightened.  It seemed I had everything in the world to say to her, but nothing to say first; and remembering how tongue-tied I had been that morning at the Advocate’s I made sure that I would find myself struck dumb.  But when she came up my fears fled away; not even the consciousness of what I had been privately thinking disconcerted me the least; and I found I could talk with her as easily and rationally as I might with Alan.

“O!” she cried, “you have been seeking your sixpence; did you get it?”

I told her no; but now I had met with her my walk was not in vain.  “Though I have seen you to-day already,” said I, and told her where and when.

“I did not see you,” she said.  “My eyes are big, but there are better than mine at seeing far.  Only I heard singing in the house.”

“That was Miss Grant,” said I, “the eldest and the bonniest.”

“They say they are all beautiful,” said she.

“They think the same of you, Miss Drummond,” I replied, “and were all crowding to the window to observe you.”

“It is a pity about my being so blind,” said she, “or I might have seen them too.  And you were in the house?  You must have been having the fine time with the fine music and the pretty ladies.”

“There is just where you are wrong,” said I; “for I was as uncouth as a sea-fish upon the brae of a mountain.  The truth is that I am better fitted to go about with rudas men than pretty ladies.”

“Well, I would think so too, at all events!” said she, at which we both of us laughed.

“It is a strange thing, now,” said I.  “I am not the least afraid with you, yet I could have run from the Miss Grants.  And I was afraid of your cousin too.”

“O, I think any man will be afraid of her,” she cried.  “My father is afraid of her himself.”

The name of her father brought me to a stop.  I looked at her as she walked by my side; I recalled the man, and the little I knew and the much I guessed of him; and comparing the one with the other, felt like a traitor to be silent.

“Speaking of which,” said I, “I met your father no later than this morning.”

“Did you?” she cried, with a voice of joy that seemed to mock at me.  “You saw James More?  You will have spoken with him then?”

“I did even that,” said I.

Then I think things went the worst way for me that was humanly possible.  She gave me a look of mere gratitude.  “Ah, thank you for that!” says she.

“You thank me for very little,” said I, and then stopped.  But it seemed when I was holding back so much, something at least had to come out.  “I spoke rather ill to him,” said I; “I did no like him very much; I spoke him rather ill, and he was angry.”

“I think you had little to do then, and less to tell it to his daughter!” she cried out.  “But those that do not love and cherish him I will not know.”

“I will take the freedom of a word yet,” said I, beginning to tremble.  “Perhaps neither your father nor I are in the best of spirits at Prestongrange’s.  I daresay we both have anxious business there, for it’s a dangerous house.  I was sorry for him too, and spoke to him the first, if I could but have spoken the wiser.  And for one thing, in my opinion, you will soon find that his affairs are mending.”

“It will not be through your friendship, I am thinking,” said she; “and he is much made up to you for your sorrow.”

“Miss Drummond,” cried I, “I am alone in this world.”

“And I am not wondering at that,” said she.

“O, let me speak!” said I.  “I will speak but the once, and then leave you, if you will, for ever.  I came this day in the hopes of a kind word that I am sore in want of.  I know that what I said must hurt you, and I knew it then.  It would have been easy to have spoken smooth, easy to lie to you; can you not think how I was tempted to the same?  Cannot you see the truth of my heart shine out?”

“I think here is a great deal of work, Mr. Balfour,” said she.  “I think we will have met but the once, and will can part like gentle folk.”

“O, let me have one to believe in me!” I pleaded, “I cannae bear it else.  The whole world is clanned against me.  How am I to go through with my dreadful fate?  If there’s to be none to believe in me I cannot do it.  The man must just die, for I cannot do it.”

She had still looked straight in front of her, head in air; but at my words or the tone of my voice she came to a stop.  “What is this you say?” she asked.  “What are you talking of?”

“It is my testimony which may save an innocent life,” said I, “and they will not suffer me to bear it.  What would you do yourself?  You know what this is, whose father lies in danger.  Would you desert the poor soul?  They have tried all ways with me.  They have sought to bribe me; they offered me hills and valleys.  And to-day that sleuth-hound told me how I stood, and to what a length he would go to butcher and disgrace me.  I am to be brought in a party to the murder; I am to have held Glenure in talk for money and old clothes; I am to be killed and shamed.  If this is the way I am to fall, and me scarce a man - if this is the story to be told of me in all Scotland - if you are to believe it too, and my name is to be nothing but a by-word - Catriona, how can I go through with it?  The thing’s not possible; it’s more than a man has in his heart.”

I poured my words out in a whirl, one upon the other; and when I stopped I found her gazing on me with a startled face.

“Glenure!  It is the Appin murder,” she said softly, but with a very deep surprise.

I had turned back to bear her company, and we were now come near the head of the brae above Dean village.  At this word I stepped in front of her like one suddenly distracted.

“For God’s sake!” I cried, “for God’s sake, what is this that I have done?” and carried my fists to my temples.  “What made me do it?  Sure, I am bewitched to say these things!”

“In the name of heaven, what ails you now!” she cried.

“I gave my honour,” I groaned, “I gave my honour and now I have broke it.  O, Catriona!”

“I am asking you what it is,” she said; “was it these things you should not have spoken?  And do you think I have no honour, then? or that I am one that would betray a friend?  I hold up my right hand to you and swear.”

“O, I knew you would be true!” said I.  “It’s me - it’s here.  I that stood but this morning and out-faced them, that risked rather to die disgraced upon the gallows than do wrong - and a few hours after I throw my honour away by the roadside in common talk!  ‘There is one thing clear upon our interview,’ says he, ‘that I can rely on your pledged word.’  Where is my word now?  Who could believe me now?  You could not believe me.  I am clean fallen down; I had best die!”  All this I said with a weeping voice, but I had no tears in my body.

“My heart is sore for you,” said she, “but be sure you are too nice.  I would not believe you, do you say?  I would trust you with anything.  And these men?  I would not be thinking of them!  Men who go about to entrap and to destroy you!  Fy! this is no time to crouch.  Look up!  Do you not think I will be admiring you like a great hero of the good - and you a boy not much older than myself?  And because you said a word too much in a friend’s ear, that would die ere she betrayed you - to make such a matter!  It is one thing that we must both forget.”