Coming Home (41 page)

She didn’t want this to be about her. She didn’t want him to be concerned with making her feel good. She wanted him to get lost in her and forget that he was hurting for as long as he could.

Leah rolled her hips against him, showing him it was okay to take her the way he wanted, but he shook his head, the movement of his hips now torturously slow.

“Like this,” he said against her mouth. “I need you like this.”

Her eyes rolled back slightly as she tried to stifle a moan, but the hum of her approval escaped anyway, and he leaned forward, taking her bottom lip between his own as he pulled almost completely out of her. He held himself there for several seconds before he pushed back in, and her head fell back to the wall with a thud as she tightened her legs around his hips.

Danny pressed his lips to the base of her throat. “Sweet girl,” he whispered against her skin, and then he released one of her thighs as he wrapped his arm around her lower back and turned them from the wall.

He walked them the few steps over to the couch before he let go of her other leg, using his hand to support them as he lowered her back onto the cushions. She made a tiny sound of protest when their bodies disconnected, and Danny reached up quickly, pulling his shirt over his head before he lowered himself onto her.

He slid his arms between her back and the cushions, holding her against his body as he starting moving again, his strokes long and unhurried.

“I love you,” he said against her neck. “I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much.”

“Danny,” she breathed, tightening her hold on him.

The scruff of his jaw scratched her collarbone as he kissed along her throat and the top of her shoulder. “I don’t want you to ever leave me.”

“Never,” she said, tilting her head back.

“I need you,” he said hoarsely. “I need you, Leah.”

“I’m yours,” she promised. “Always.”

He lifted his head and brought his mouth to hers, and her hands came to his hair, twining her fingers in it as she kissed him, pouring her promise into it, wanting him to feel the weight of her words, the sincerity of her vow.

He loved her slowly for as long as he could, but as the sounds began falling from her lips at regular intervals, he lost himself to his desire, gripping the arm of the couch behind her head as he sent her over the edge before he quickly followed.

And as he lay on top of her with his forehead on her shoulder and his breath hot and fast against her skin, Leah closed her eyes and trailed her fingertips along the vale of his spine.

“Always,” she said again, because in that moment, she knew she would spend the rest of her life loving him.

No matter where he was.

“Stop staring at me. You’re making me nervous.”

Jake and Tommy laughed as Danny tried to stifle a smile. “There’s nothing to be nervous about. It’s just an oil change, and it’s one of our beater cars. You can’t screw it up.”

“Yes she can,” Jake said. “If she strips the drain plug, that shit’s gonna be leaking everywhere.”

“See?” Leah said, gesturing at Jake.

“Ignore him,” Danny said, coming up next to her and making sure the hood prop was secure. “If you strip the plug, I’ll just make him replace the oil pan.”

“What the fuck?” Jake said. “If she strips the plug, I’ll just get a new plug. Why the hell would I have to replace the entire pan?”

“Because you’re a dick, and I said so,” Danny responded as he tucked a strand of Leah’s hair behind her ear.

She pressed her lips together, fighting a smile as Danny said, “You won’t screw it up. I’m right here.”

Leah exhaled heavily before she turned to face the open hood. “Let’s do it.”

Danny smirked as he came up behind her, resting his hands on her hips and his chin on her shoulder. “Okay, so you have your supplies. What do you do first?”

Leah chewed the corner of her lip, and Danny found himself wanting to spin her around and soothe it with his tongue before he slammed the hood of the car down and laid her across it.

And if it hadn’t been for Tommy and Jake, he would have.

She scrunched her nose before she asked, “Remove the oil filter cap?”

Danny smiled and nodded his approval. “Good,” he said, gesturing to it, and Leah reached in and removed it easily, handing it off to him.

“Okay,” Jake said, leaning on the other side of the hood with his hands. “The easy part’s over. Time to get on your back.”

Before Danny could even intervene, Leah turned to him. “Yeah, well, I would assume any woman you told to ‘get on her back’ should be prepared to suffer.”

Tommy did a spit-take before he started choking on his soda as Danny burst out laughing behind her. Jake’s initial look of shock quickly transitioned into one of pride.

“The force is strong with this one,” he said to Danny before he nudged the creeper over to them with his foot.

Danny stopped it with his own before he grinned down at her. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” she said, turning to sit on the creeper.

He leaned down and handed her a pair of latex gloves, and she took them from him and put them on before snapping them at her wrist. “I feel very official,” she said, holding out her hand. “Socket wrench.”

“Socket wrench,” Tommy said with a salute before handing it off to her, and she lay back on the creeper and used her feet to propel herself underneath the car.

“You got the pan set up where I showed you?” Danny asked, crouching beside the car.

“Yep. So I just remove this plug, right?”

“Right. Once you get it off, it’s gonna come out fast, so move quick or you’ll get it all over you.”

“That’s what she said,” Jake said from the other side of the car, and Danny heard Leah laugh beneath it.

“Come on, Danny, you made that
way
too easy for him,” she said through a grunt, and he could hear the sounds of her trying to remove the drain plug.

After a minute he heard a muffled shriek, followed by the sound of oil hitting the pan.

“Oh my God, so gross,” she whimpered, and Danny laughed.

“Nice job! You did it.”

Her oil-covered hand came out from underneath the side of the car. “I need the rag to clean the plug.”

Tommy reached down and handed it to her before he lifted his eyes to Danny’s. “With all due respect, man? This is kind of hot.”

“Agreed,” Jake said.

He would have told them both to shut the fuck up—if he hadn’t been thinking the exact same thing.

Danny stood and leaned back against the car next to the one Leah was working on, watching her legs shift with her movements as Tommy walked her through how to remove the oil filter.

She was the only reason he was okay. The only thing in the past three weeks that could make him smile.

That could make him forget.

The week after Bryan’s death had been unbearable. Danny had promised himself he would spend the last few weeks leading up to his sentencing making the most out of the time he had left, trying to soak up and appreciate every second of his freedom.

But enjoying himself in any capacity right after losing Bryan felt wrong. It felt callous and cold and disrespectful of his memory.

So he spent the week existing in a self-imposed vacuum; he got up, went to work, ate meals, and carried on conversations as if he were programmed to do it.

It was rote, and robotic, and forced, and empty.

The entire time, Leah was there—giving him space when he wanted it and support when he required it. He didn’t even have to vocalize what he wanted; it was like she could read his needs before he could, like she was always two steps ahead of him.

Danny knew she must have been remembering her own suffering, that she was using what she knew of the feeling to make everything easier for him.

He hated that she had to experience everything alongside him, but he didn’t know how to move on. He was stuck in some horrible catch twenty-two, torn between his veneration for his best friend and his promise to the woman he loved.

The weekend after they took Bryan off life support, he and Leah had been lying in bed, and out of nowhere she asked him to tell her something he’d always wanted to do. They spent the next hour talking about it, running through their lists, and at some point Leah had gotten up and grabbed a pen and pad; she divided the paper in half and labeled the left side “One Day”—Leah had always wanted to go to Santorini, and Danny wanted to learn how to fly a plane—and the right side was labeled “Right Now”—Danny wanted to have dinner at Per Se in Manhattan, and Leah wanted to spend an entire day at a spa.

They talked until Leah had filled both columns to the bottom of the page, and after she had placed the pad on the nightstand and lay back down beside him, she told him she wanted to accomplish as many of her “Right Now” items as she could in the next few weeks.

And then she asked if he would help her do it.

He knew what she was doing; if he was helping her, it was an excuse to exist in the world again, to enjoy his time with her without feeling guilty.

She was absolving him of any culpability for moving on.

She had one of the most beautiful souls of anyone he’d ever known, and Danny wondered if he’d ever stop being amazed by her compassion.

The following weekend Danny went with Leah to Zen Day Spa, and just as he had committed himself to sitting in the waiting area with his phone and a magazine for a few hours, the receptionist called both of their names. They spent the next hour getting a couple’s massage, and after that, Danny was sent to the sauna while Leah got a pedicure. By the time he came out, he felt heavy and sedated, and beautifully unwound for the first time in weeks.

And then they went to the reflexology room.

Danny had no idea that pressure points in a person’s feet could affect the function of their internal organs, and even their mood. In fact, he wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t experienced it himself, but as the woman began the massage, he could feel his headache disappear for the first time in days, the slight but constant nausea he’d been feeling slowly melt away.

Before they left the spa, Danny purchased a book on massage and reflexology from the front desk, and he and Leah spent the rest of the weekend reading it and practicing different techniques on each other.

He could think of worse ways to spend his weekend than with his hands all over Leah.

After that, Danny started spending every night at her apartment. His own place was gradually becoming unlivable as he began breaking it down and putting his things in storage, but in reality, he could have made staying there work. It was just that she had managed to wake him from his fog, and in resurfacing he found himself needing her like air.

He didn’t want to be away from her any more than he had to.

The following weekend, Leah surprised him by taking him to Per Se. They ordered a ridiculously expensive dinner and drank quality wine and spent the night making love on her living-room floor with Leah’s Ray LaMontagne CD playing on repeat in the background.

And now, Danny had arranged for Leah to cross another “Right Now” off her list—she told him she wanted to learn how to do something on a car that most girls didn’t know how to do. Something useful, like changing a tire.

So he explained to her how to do an oil change, and when she passed his “verbal quiz,” he decided she was ready to come down to the shop and put her new knowledge to use. She was hesitant at first, but now, as he watched her stick her head out from under the car and reach for the new filter Jake held, he could see that her confidence had won over her anxiety.

He couldn’t believe how quickly the days were disappearing. Time was a relative concept—Danny had always been aware of that. What he couldn’t understand was why the relativity never seemed to work in a person’s favor. For a specialist working to disarm a bomb, a minute is a mere blink of an eye—a fleeting breath. But for a mother waiting to hear her baby’s cry for the first time, a minute can be a lifetime, an endless stretch of anxious silence.

In a little over two weeks, he’d be standing in a courtroom, waiting for the decision that would dictate the next several years of his life. Just two more weeks. It might as well have been tomorrow, considering how quickly the past three and a half weeks had gone by.

And yet somehow he was sure time wouldn’t grant him the kindness of speed once he was locked away.

He watched Leah slide out from under the car, an oil-soaked rag in her hand as she ran the back of her forearm over her forehead, leaving a smudge of oil as she swiped the hair out of her eyes.

“Alright,” she said as she stood. “Now what? Oil, and then I’m done, right?”

Danny smiled as he noticed the second smudge on the side of her chin.

“Did you retighten the drain plug?”

“Yep.”

“Lube the O-ring on the new filter?”

“Lubed and ready,” she said before holding her hand out to where Jake stood a few feet away, giving him the floor.

“That’s what she said,” he said casually as he searched through one of the toolboxes, and Leah nodded, turning her attention back to Danny.

He laughed as he pushed off the car and walked toward her. “Good job. Oil and then you’re done,” he said, leaning close to her ear when he reached her. “And then I’m taking you somewhere we can be alone,” he whispered.