Authors: Leah Holt
We took our seats in the waiting room and my heart pounded in my chest. It beat so profoundly I almost expected it to fly out from behind my ribs. Sweat beaded up on my palms and I could feel the nerves actually shooting between each other.
The room was filled with images of babies, diagrams of the female anatomy, and several other pictures that I had no idea what they depicted. “This is weird for me,” I whispered into Charlie's ear.
“Relax, a lot of guys do this.” Her smile was warm as she rested her hand on mine. The smoothness of her skin comforted me.
This woman is special. Everything about her draws me in, I've never felt this way before.
What the hell is happening to me?
If I had been asked a few years ago where I'd be right now, my answer would not have been sitting at the doctor's for an ultrasound.
The moment she'd told me she was pregnant, I'd promised that baby I would do everything in my power to give them what I never had.
I never break my promises.
A nurse opened the door beside us. She had a clipboard in her hand. “Charlotte?”
“That's me.” Charlie stood and waved for me to follow. “Come on.”
The room we entered was small, a paper robe was laid out on the table. Instantly, Charlie stripped down and put the uncomfortable looking gown on.
“That's what they have you wear?” I shot her a confused look.
“Yeah, fashionable, right?” Her giggle echoed in the cement room. It reminded me of the infirmary at the prison; solid concrete walls, a cold feeling permeating everything.
I sat down on the round roller chair. “What the hell are these for?” My hand reached up and touched a metal cup positioned on the end of a bar.
She smiled with delight. “Those are for my feet.” Quickly, I pulled my hand from it. “You really have no idea what you're in for, do you?” She began to chuckle so hard she ripped the paper garment. Her breast fell out and we both laughed hysterically.
For the moment, all my worries washed away. I hadn't expected to ever find someone who gave me the feelings she did.
God, she's beautiful. I can't... no, I won't let anything happen to her. My brother can use me, he can threaten me, but he can NOT use her. No matter what happens, I'll make sure she's alright.
A knock on the door silenced us. “Well, it sounds like there is a party in here.” A short woman entered with a grin. “Hello, I'm Dr. Hanson.” She held her hand out to greet us.
“Hi, I'm Charlie and this is Owen.” I nodded with the introduction and moved to stand beside Charlie.
“Well, it's nice to meet you folks. So, Charlie, you're going to get an ultrasound today. Are you ready to see your baby?” Dr. Hanson spoke softly. I had to lean in to hear her talk. “I'm going to have you lie back so we can check how the pregnancy is going and make sure it all looks good.”
Charlie nodded to the doctor and brought her eyes to mine. Her eyebrows lifted with excitement, she smiled so broad all her teeth were visible.
I didn't know what to expect. Health class in junior high was one I'd always skipped out on. I knew my way around the female body, but what awaited me here was a guessing game.
Dr. Hanson rolled over a machine that was attached to a monitor. She brought the lights down low and pulled the paper away from Charlie's stomach. I sat silent, anticipating and trying to imagine what I would see.
What is she doing? Am I even going to be able to tell what is on that screen?
My palms were clammy, my breathing intensifying as she squeezed a jelly onto the end of the mechanism in her hand.
“Alright, let's take a look. You guys ready?” She pushed herself closer to Charlie as her eyes met ours. Without words, Charlie nodded her head yes. She reached her hand out and grabbed mine. I felt her tremble in my grasp; I tightened my hand around hers and kissed her forehead.
A loud whirring filled the room as the doctor placed the device on Charlie's skin. The black picture turned a mix with gray. I stared at the image, trying to make out what I was looking at.
Is that... an arm? Holy shit. Oh my god, I can see the face.
That's my child. My blood growing inside her.
With large, open eyes I turned between Charlie and the screen. “Is that our baby?” My tone rode a wave of uncertainty from what I was looking at.
“It sure is.” The doctor said. “See that area pulsing quickly? That's the heart beating.” She moved around on Charlie's stomach. The sound of white noise was integrated with a thumping sound. “And there are the arms and legs. The head is facing up.”
Charlie had tears streaming down her face. “That's our baby, Owen. Our baby.”
I brought my face to hers and kissed the salt stained skin.
Yes, our baby. My baby.
“Well, everything looks great. With these measurements you're about thirteen weeks.” Dr. Hanson pushed a button on the keyboard and a stream of pictures spilled from the machine. “Here you go, the first images of your baby.”
Everything seemed so surreal, holding the photos in my hand I stared blankly at them. My mind raced with thoughts.
This is mine, my child.
I'll be damned if someone is going to threaten them.
***
A
fter the appointment, we decided to go out and celebrate.
Charlie had a craving for Mexican food. The restaurant was a small hole in the wall, close to her apartment. The food was alright, I'm not a big fan of tacos, but she had to have it.
I pushed the food around my plate, debating what I was going to do about the situation with my brother. After I'd seen my child, my decision seemed even more complicated.
If I help him, then maybe he will just go away. I could do this one favor for him, the last favor I would ever do for him. I could tell him that, make sure he understands that after this he would be dead to me.
No more help, no more saving him or digging him out. This would be it.
But I can't! I don't want to risk what could happen to me. Charlie needs me, the baby needs me. What good would it do if I ended up locked up again? Or worse, dead?
Is he worth it? He's not.
But to save her, I need to keep her away from him. Away from the plague that follows Brice.
“Owen!” The loud yell she threw in my direction knocked me out of my daze. “Are you alright? You've been staring at your plate forever.”
I met her glare with an empty look. “Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, just a lot to take in.” My eyes darted around the room, looking for any sign of Brice. I had been paranoid since his drop in. Knowing he had been following me, watching me, it made me uneasy. I had no clue when he would show up next.
Concern filled her face. “Look, I know this is scary. And to be honest, I'm terrified. But after seeing the baby today my heart feels a love I've never experienced.”
Her statement brought new meaning to what we had just seen. She was right, a certain unexplained love automatically swelled inside of me now.
I looked up at her, about to speak, the words teetering on the tip of my tongue. Then my eyes fell to the window behind her. Instantly, my insides began to shake.
In the reflection of the glass beyond her was Brice's face.
He smiled his crooked grin and waved. A rage instantly set in.
How dare he follow me?
My fists clenched so tightly the nails left impressions in my palms. Suddenly, with a single blink, Brice's face was gone.
Did I just imagine that?
He's making me crazy! I'm seeing him and he's not even there!
Sweat broke out on my flesh, distress immediately streaming over me. “I'll be right back.” Swiftly I stood and walked towards the bathroom. Her mouth hung open behind me, unsure of what just happened.
My hands fell heavily on the sink, I peered at my image in the mirror.
Fuck, fuck, what am I going to do? I can't tell her what's going on. She has enough to focus on right now.
I grunted loudly and gripped the sink.
He's like a parasite I can't get rid of! His face haunts me and all I want is for him to go away. How did my life suddenly fall into his hands?
My chest felt tight, my muscles tensed with internal fury.
Focus, get a grip. He doesn't control you anymore! Don't let him get to you.
I inhaled a deep breath through my nose and exhaled out my mouth. I opened the door to head back, and there stood Charlie in the hallway.
“What the hell, Owen? What's going on?” Her forehead scrunched up.
“It's nothing, really. Let's go sit back down.” I placed my arm around her shoulder and guided her back.
She slid into her chair to face me. “Owen, you can talk to me you know. Please, what's wrong? Are you really nervous about the baby? It's alright if you are.” Her hands reached across the table, her fingers intertwined into mine.
I didn't want to lie to her, but I couldn't tell her the position I was in. The stress wouldn't be good for her or the baby.
I'm here to shield her from any danger. That's what I need to do. She doesn't have to know this, not now.
“Don't worry, Charlie. Everything's fine.” My lip lifted awkwardly to the side. I looked behind her to see if the Brice-mirage was still present . She followed my eyes and turned to look over her shoulder.
The window was empty.
“You're being weird, Owen. You know I'm here for you, talk to me. You can tell me anything, I won't judge you or what you're feeling. Just tell me what's going on.” Worry filled her voice.
“Charlie, everything's going to be fine. I'm taking care of it.” I forced a soothing tone. “Really, I promise.”
I hoped it wasn't a lie.
But it still felt like one.
Charlie
T
wo days had passed since I had last seen Owen.
I found that strange since we had been inseparable for the past few weeks. When I called, he didn't pick up. Wanting to act like everything was normal, I decided I wanted to surprise him with dinner.
The store was a mad house when I went to pick up the food, it took a lot longer to check out than usual. I'd been trying to call him again since I left to head home, but the phone rang endlessly, each attempt met by his voice mail.
Where is he? This isn't like him, we've been connected at the hip since I told him about the baby.
Calm down, he's probably just busy at work. He'll call you back when he gets a chance.
A part of me felt ridiculous for being so upset over him not picking up. I knew my hormones were going haywire from the pregnancy. I had thrown a tantrum and cried the other day when Sara offered me a sandwich and she'd added mustard to it.
S
top, relax.
A deep, warm breath lifted my lungs as I inhaled to try and slow my racing heart.
Just get home, you don't need to freak out while driving.
I forced myself to focus on my surroundings. I watched the trees sway side to side, small buds could be seen starting to sprout from the bare branches, patches of snow had given way to the ground beneath. Winter was coming to an end and the feel of spring started to encompass the air.
I rolled to a stop at the red light, my window was cracked when the breeze crept through and caused me to shudder. It sent an unsettled feeling through my bones. I picked up my phone and dialed him again.
Never, even at work, has he ignored a call from me.
The repetitious ringing filled my ear. C
ome on, pick up already.
My finger anxiously tapped the steering wheel as I nervously peered out the window.
A click came across the other end and I sat straight up in my seat, hoping his voice would follow.
“Please leave a message for...”
]My thumb slammed the red end button.
Somethings not right.
My heart felt heavy from worry while a nauseous feeling trolled my stomach.
What if he got hurt under a car or truck? What if something fell on him and he can't get help?
Maybe I'm just being a paranoid pregnant woman.
This isn't like him, I have to make sure nothing happened.
The rubber of the tires squealed as I made a sharp u-turn to head towards his shop. My foot pressed down on the pedal. I watched the speedometer rise as the engine roared to life with each shift of the transmission.
Come on, let's go!
I hit my hand against the steering wheel with frustration.
I repeatedly kept trying his phone with no result. My body felt hot, like it was on fire from the fear that radiated through.
Alright, I'm close. His work is just a little bit further.
The dull glow of the sign started to come into focus. As I pulled up the dirt road the building was completely set in blackness.
What? Where is he? Owen always works in the evening.
My eyes scanned the parking lot for his vehicle.
It's not here. Why is it not here?
I threw the car into park and raced up to the front. I yanked on the door, but it was locked. My face pressed firmly against the small window, the inside was a blur of shadows with no movement.
I banged on the window with my open palm. “Hello?” I yelled. My open hand turned to a fist as I hit the window harder. “Hello, Owen?”
No one is here. His car isn't here, Bill's either. Where is he?
My legs shook as I walked back to my car. Heavily, my body fell into the driver's seat, disbelief setting in as I stared at the empty building.
Did he lie to me?
My hands reached up and grabbed the base of my neck as my eyes fell onto the cell phone resting on the passenger seat. I picked it up and decided to dial him one last time.
Every muscle tensed with anxiety, my stomach climbed the ridges of my throat. I almost dropped the phone from my grip with how intensely my fingers trembled.
The ringing was magnified in my ears, as if it was being played through a megaphone.
Answer, just pick up the god damn phone already!
Panic rushed in like a tidal wave when he didn't answer
.
I threw the phone down onto the seat and it bounced off onto the floor.
My head started to unhinge from any rational thought.