Colorado Fire - Colorado Heart 2 (9 page)

"I know you don't want to hurt him, but you're not trying to make his life better. He needs someone stable in his life, and I'm that guy, not you."

"Do you really think you can make him happy?"

Zander bristled. "What do you mean by that?"

"He's never had a relationship with a guy before. He may have fucked one or two at some point in the past, but he's never had to deal with guy crap."

"I'm not going to mess this up. He's too good. And yeah, I'm the right person for him. Man or woman, I'm it. I'll do my damnedest to make sure he knows how much I care for him."

Grant let go of the breath he'd been holding and shook his head. "I can't believe I've fucked up so much."

"Just make sure you take a hands-off approach with Marshal from here on out. He's a great guy and doesn't need you to make him confused."

"I've f'd this up."

"Yeah, but you're going to fix it and you won't keep messing around with his emotions. He's too good for that crap. Marshal is one of the best men I've ever known."

Grant nodded and focused on the floor, wishing things were different. He wasn't sure what he really wanted, but this wasn't it. "Yeah, I know that."

"So don't play with his emotions. He needs to know how much he's loved and he doesn't need any shit. Give him some space. Let him figure out when he's good with talking to you."

"Is he really that upset?"

"He's not happy with the way things went down."

"You two going to be okay?" Grant didn't want to mess up their relationship, not really. He'd made a huge mistake with Marshal. If he had it all to do over again he might have chosen Marshal over Craig, but he wouldn't have been good for Marshal. He didn't have the patience to put up with a guy who wasn't totally out. Hell, he probably didn't have the patience to put up with much after dealing with Craig.

"I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. So any clue where Craig really went?"

Grant swiped his had down his face, grasping onto his chin and squeezing tight, feeling the whiskers prick his hand. "No. I'm at a loss. I need to spend some time searching, seeing if there is any real trail. You know, it's like he disappeared. I have no clue where he's gone."

"Later, after I know Marshal is good, I'll come help you look."

Grant heard Roger's door open and his heart started beating faster as he thought about what he and Zander had just been talking about. Had Roger heard them?

"Hey, what do you need help with?"

Zander turned to Roger and stuck out his hand. "Hey Roger, how are you doing today?"

"Good. I can help with anything."

"Cool. We need to spend some time looking for Craig. We don't know where he is. He's a loose cannon and I want to know where to find him." Grant had a bad feeling about Craig and what he was capable of. If they could just get a bead on him, they could track him. Taking him down would take more effort than he first thought. Craig hadn't recently gotten involved with a bad element like he'd assumed. No, Craig had been deep in the shit for years, planning on double-crossing them for years.

"We all want to find him. I'll be down in a bit and we can develop a plan of action. First, I need to take care of something." Zander patted Roger on the back before leaving.

They said nothing for a moment, then Roger stepped close. "I heard what you and Zander were talking about."

Grant's face heated. "I need time to get things straight."

"So you're just going to dump me."

"No." Grant grabbed Roger's arm, holding him close. "I'm not dumping you. I just need time to figure out how to be a better man."

"From my perspective, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you."

Grant snorted then shook his head. "I'm a freaking mess. Don't think that I have it all together."

"You do a good job faking it."

Grant smiled then laughed. "I'm tired of being fake. I want to be real."

"Hey." Roger ran his finger down the side of Grant's cheek, letting his hand rest on Grant's shoulder. "We all need work. Being military messes with you. There are things we've all seen and done that play havoc with emotions, thoughts, and our ability to cope."

"We all act so well, presenting a perfect image."

"Yeah, we do." Roger leaned in and brushed his lips over Grant's cheek before stepping back. "Now, I think we have some work to do."

"Shit, we sure do. I'll be in the control room in about fifteen minutes."

"I'll see you then."

Roger stepped away but before Grant shut the door he leaned out and tapped the wood. "Don't say anything about Marshal and Zander. They want to keep it quiet."

"I'm fine with that."

Grant nodded then retreated into his room. He liked Roger. The man seemed real. If he didn't get his shit together soon he could end up ruining the best thing that had ever happened in his life.

*~*~*

Zander opened the door to Marshal's room, stepping in without knocking. Marshal stepped out of the bathroom and his smile widened.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry I overreacted. I told you I'd never leave you and I just didn't handle it well when I saw Grant kissing your hand."

A worried look passed over Marshal's face as he frowned and shook his head. "I don't even know why I asked him what I did."

"What were you talking about?"

"He said we wouldn't have worked and I asked him why he thought that."

Zander clenched his fists, worry weaving through him. "What did he say?"

"He said that we were too much alike and he didn't like that I wasn't out."

"Did he know you were bi?"

Marshal shrugged. "He said he did but back then I was different. I really didn't think I could be with a guy...until you."

Zander stepped closer, taking Marshal's hand and squeezing it. "But now you do?"

"Yeah. But not just any guy." Marshal dipped his chin then lifted his head just enough so that he stared at Zander through his lashes.

The look was enough to weaken Zander's knees. He more than wanted this man; he needed him. He stroked Marshal's cheek, loving how his whiskers felt against his fingers. "The next time I make love to you, I'm going to go slow so you understand just how much I want you. You're everything to me."

He closed the distance between them, wrapping one arm around Marshal tight enough for Marshal to feel his need. After a minute, Zander dropped his arms and stepped back.

"We need to get to work. Craig has to be located."

Marshal nodded. "Give me five minutes and I'll be down."

"Sure babe, I'll be waiting for you."

"Zander."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Zander pulled Marshal close, kissing him deeply. When he finally ended the kiss, they were both breathless. They stared at each other for a long moment before Zander turned to leave.

The control room was quite when he arrived, and he wondered if anyone had shown up to look for Craig. Then he heard voices coming from the kitchen. He was almost in the room when he could make out what they were saying.

"Seriously, he's not going to be that easy to find. You should have stayed here." Duff's voice boomed.

"I needed to go," Grant stated.

Zander entered the kitchen and saw Duff and Grant squared off, their faces were red, and both had fists clenched at their sides.

"You shouldn't have gone to England. We could have been prepared to take care of the extenuating circumstances."

"I thought I could talk some sense into him, but he'd fallen long ago."

Zander stopped, horrified at what he heard. "How long ago?"

Grant bit his lip and stared down at the ground. Zander didn't think Grant was going to answer when the man finally looked up and shook his head. "Years. He'd been planning on double-crossing us for years."

"Fuck," Zander said.

"Yeah."

Zander understood a little better the desperation he'd seen in Grant's eyes earlier. Maybe he could trust him around Marshal, but he didn't want to push it. His boyfriend was too fragile. Marshal might not like admitting it, but Zander had seen it for months. Eventually, he'd even out, but he needed rest and he needed to restore his emotional health. It would be wrong to tell Duff that Marshal needed a break, but he wanted to make sure Marshal took the time he needed.

"Let's move this to the control room." Duff grabbed a carafe of coffee and asked Grant to bring the cups.

The stress of the last few months was showing in the guys. He didn't like how difficult of a time it seemed they were having. He wanted everything to be better, but they'd need a huge breakthrough to make that happen.

"Let's get set up. We have work to do," Duff growled.

After making sure they had everything they needed for an extended work session, they got down to business, searching camera footage across England, specifically in Leeds. There wasn't any sign of him. Craig had disappeared.

Zander looked up, blinking his eyes as he checked the clock. He glanced across the room, not seeing his love. "It's been two hours. Did Marshal stop by?"

Billy had come in at some point, sitting next to Zander. "Haven't seen him."

Grant shook his head and Duff shrugged.

"Neither have I," James said.

Zander stretched and twisted before bending at the waist. They had a lot of information to go through and they'd be sitting for a long time. "I'm going to see what's taking him so long. I'll be back in a few. Anyone need any food or drinks?"

"I'll get those," Billy said.

Tucker stood and stretched. "I'll help. So what does everyone want?"

Duff got up and shook his head. "This is impossible. I'll brew some coffee and heat up some soup. We'll do soup and sandwiches for food today. Eat when you're ready."

"I'll make some sandwiches right now. How many of you want one?" Roger asked.

Five of the guys wanted food but Zander passed, deciding to stop by for some soup after he figured out what was holding up Marshal.

Because he and Marshal had been friends for so long, no one questioned him looking for Marshal. Eventually they'd come out to everyone, but he respected Marshal's need to be private. In a way, he kind of liked having this secret.

Zander knocked on Marshal's door then pushed it open, finding Marshal asleep in the center of his bed. He closed the door and locked it, watching his man as he slept. At first, he wasn't going to wake Marshal, then his desire spiked. He moved to the end of the bed and popped the button on his jeans, palming his cock as he pulled his shirt up. He toyed with his nipple, flicking the nub over and over again as he stroked his length.

Marshal moved and stretched. Zander pushed his pants over his hips, allowing his dick to spring free. At first, he stroked slowly, then Marshal opened his eyes and stared up at him. They said nothing as Marshal watched him. Then Marshal sat up and licked the tip of Zander's dick. He sought out Zander's gaze as he sat back. Marshal looked amazingly innocent and much younger than he really was. Pre-come leaked out of the tip of Zander's dick and he used his thumb to capture the bead and brought his hand to his mouth. He licked the drop away, letting the salty liquid stay on his tongue instead of swallowing.

"So fucking sexy," Marshal said before leaning in close and opening his mouth, taking in Zander's length, sliding his lips up and down the rod.

"Yeah," Zander groaned and let his head drop between his shoulder blades, closing his eyes as his orgasm built.

Marshal was an expert at using his lips and tongue to bring Zander to orgasm. He tried to hold on, but Marshal was too good. Zander stilled as he shot his load. Marshal wrapped his arms around Zander's waist and held him close, his head resting on Zander's belly. Soft puffs of air from Marshal's nose tickled him and he smiled. How he'd gotten so lucky.

Zander ran his fingers through Marshal's hair. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you so much."

A huge smile covered Marshal's face when he glanced up. "I love you too. This is great, being with you."

Zander pushed Marshal back and straddled him. "I want to slide into you soon and feel your heat wrapped around me."

The smile on Marshal's face fell a little. "It's going to hurt, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but I'll go slow and make sure you're loose before we get to it."

"How do I—God, this is difficult." Marshal's face turned red.

Zander sat up and gave him some space. "What?"

"You know, with a girl I never had to worry about it, but—"

"Are you talking about how to stay fresh?"

"Yeah."

"I'll show you. And babe, any questions you have, anything you want to know, I'll tell you. Don't be embarrassed. Hell, when I first started having sex with guys, no one told me what to do. I didn't know how to clean or that I even needed to."

Marshal pulled Zander down beside him and buried his face in Zander's shoulder. "I feel so stupid not knowing."

"Fuck, I was an idiot. No one told me I had to prep the guy and lube up. I tried to fuck my boyfriend, well, he was just a friend and we were young, like fifteen or so, but we were both horny as hell and I wanted him. Anyway, I tried to get in and blew my load over his ass before we even did anything. Well, the heat of my come must have stimulated something because he shitted all over us both."

"Oh God, what did you do?"

"We were at school, gym class actually. It was so fucking embarrassing."

"Damn. I guess everyone knew you were gay after that?"

Zander shook his head and laughed. "No, but I did get a three-day detention for skipping classes. I had to sneak home to change. I threw everything in the washer. Luckily I didn't have my shoes on yet."

"God, how would you have explained that to your parents?"

"No clue. But the locker room smelled like shit for the rest of the month. The dude's name was Bruce. We never talked again, actually we avoided each other after that. Months went by before I wanted to be with another guy. He was older and taught me about sex, how to do everything, cleaning everything, and making sure I didn't do something like shit on my partner. When I told him what had happened, he laughed his head off, but he didn't hold it against me and never brought it up again. Hell, you're the only other guy I've ever told."