Color the Sidewalk for Me (42 page)
“What are you, Mama's little spy?”
Kevy looked hurt. “No. I never told her nothin' before, did I, when y'all were kissin' at the river.”
I reared back in my seat. “How would you know?”
“Because I peeked one time.”
My mouth fell open. “Kevy!”
“Well, it was just once. I sorta got tired a fishin'. All's I did was sneak up and get a good look at y'all, then sneak back.”
“I can't believe you did that!”
“Well, I didn't tell anybody. Especially Mama.”
She would have killed me. “Kevy, you're sweet for not tellin'. But you never should have sneaked in the first place.”
“I was just curious, that's all.” He wiggled his shoulders. We were silent for a moment. “I kinda like somebody, too.”
“You like a girl, Kevy! Who?”
“Promise you won't tell?” I nodded. “Cindy Halloway.”
“Ah,” I said, picturing a petite blond with brown eyes. I thought it was cute, Kevy liking a girl. Then it struck me that Kevy was the same age Danny was when he started liking me. Eleven. I stared at my brother. Such a kid. “Well, little brother, you just be nice to her. Maybe she'll like you back.”
An exaggerated shrug. “Maybe. Well. I'm gonna ride down to Reid's house.”
Watching him race off, I realized with a pang how much I would miss him when I left Bradleyville.
Dear Celia,
Anew ship came in yesterday, the fanciest yet. It's with Triton Cruise Lines. Mama teased me, saying wouldn't a honeymoon on that be fine. It must cost a fortune.
Money is real tight and I worry about you coming. It's very hard here, lots of crime, people robbed and killed. Mama and I wanted to be away from Daddy; now we're afraid for her safety all over again. A woman can't even be on the streets alone. Miami may have an ocean but it's far from paradise. I dream about finding our ocean, Celia; my heart is heavy here. Especially without you. I just keep trying to keep my eyes on God, like your granddad said. I love you.
I read the letter over and over, despairing that Danny's dreams of freedom in Miami were slipping through his fingers like sand. Could Mama be right about Danny's wanderlust? About him breaking my heart? No, I told myself, he loves me. Even so, he had left.
Where next for you, Danny,
I wondered, crying in my room,
while I sit here missing you, the ocean waves mere paintings on my walls?
Many nights I agonized over whether to tell him about my inheritance. But Granddad was right; Danny had his pride. So I wrote only of my love.
Wait for me, Danny, I cried to myself. Wait for me.
February 16
March 16
The Triton's back again. That same girl was on itâRachel. I don't know if I told you about her before. Her daddy owns the cruise lines. Anyhow, she says she thinks I could get a job on the ship! Sailing to the Caribbean Islands! And it pays a lot more! I told her I wouldn't leave Mama, but she says maybe Mama can work on board, too. Wouldn't that be something, Celia, me in the islands! When you come, maybe you could work, too, if you didn't mind, and we could all sail on it. The beaches aren't crowded, I hear, and there's alot less crime. Maybe there I'll find our ocean. Can't wait till you come. I love you.
I hated that letter. My caged bird freed was flying. He'd promised it wouldn't happen, he'd
promised.
Even with our love, how could I compete with endless sand and a glittering horizon? If it weren't the beaches, it might be the girls who'd steal him away. I prayed and prayed at night, begging God not to let that happen.
Don't forget me, Danny,
I wrote him.
We'll be together soon.
On April 4 he wrote that Rachel was back at port, declaring that the Caribbean was gloriousâwhite beaches and blue water. I want so much to see it! he added.
I dream about having you there with me. It's less than three months now. I can't wait!
A week after my eighteenth birthday Danny wrote that their apartment had been robbed. He'd carelessly left a week's pay in his dresser, and his mama lost a small radio. Danny was glad he'd had my locket with him.
I want to leave here so badly. I hate the place. Crime and noise everywhere. I want lots of quiet beaches. With you.
In mid April he ecstatically informed me that Rachel had returned and had arranged a job for him and his mama.
God's really watching over us. We leave in two days, probably by the time you read this. Rachel says we'll stop at lots of beautiful ports. I'll find the beach for us, Celia. Keep writing; I'll read all your letters when I get back in a couple weeks. I love you and miss you.
Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. I pictured a rich girl with Mary Lee's face, long legs, red lips. Balling up the letter, I flung it against my wall.
I told myself it didn't matter, that Rachel was merely to Danny as Bobby was to meâan admirer who would never possess the object of her affection. I told myself Danny loved me more than oceans and that if money weren't a problem, he wouldn't have gone. If he only knew about my inheritance. When he returned to Miami, he could go back to his old job, wait it out until I got there. The extra pay wouldn't be so important. And Rachel could sail on her way.
For two days I agonized over my promise to Granddad. He would understand, I told myself; he'd agree with me under these circumstances. I had to tell Danny about my inheritance. I had to give him a way to leave the higher paying job. Finally I made my choice. I prayed that if Granddad was watching from heaven, he'd forgive me. Then I wrote Danny and told him.
April 27
Dear Celia,
My head's about to bust with so many thoughts! The Caribbean trip was incredible. Mama was in heaven. And now to hear you have so much money! Be sure you want me, Celia, before you bring such a fortune. I wouldn't want you to regret it. I'm supposed to provide for you, and now you'll be providing for me. I need your respect, Celia; promise me I'll still have it.
One thing, though. I'm not going to go back to my old job like you suggested. If I continue to sail until you come, we'll have even more money. Besides, I like this new job so much better. We go again tomorrow. Back in two weeks. I love you.
We.
Had Danny been thinking of his mama when he used that word? Or Rachel?
Granddad had been right. And my vow to him had been broken for nothing. The words of Danny's letter blurred.
M
ama had watched the letters arrive all year in silence. Sometimes I wondered why she let me have them. Perhaps she finally realized she could not control my heart. But when the flow slackened while Danny was at sea, she couldn't keep the smugness from her face. I would flip disconsolately through the mail on the dining room table, her eyes on my back.
“Celia,” she demanded one afternoon, “what are you plannin' to do after graduating?”
I shrugged. “Baby-sit again in the summer.”
Her mouth pinched. “I don't believe you.”
“I don't care what you believe.”
She recoiled. “You're a fool, Celia, if you're thinkin' of taking that money to that boy. He'd just squander it traveling around.”
I couldn't stand hearing her call my Danny “that boy.” “You're the fool, Mama. You don't know anything.”
Her face flushed crimson. “How dare you talk to me like that!”
“I dare because you talk to me of Danny, when you don't know him at all!”
“I know what he is, Celia! He's just like your granddad. Independent. Searchin' for adventure. I tried to warn you and you wouldn't listen. Don't give your money to him! That money came from your great-granddad, who built the mill; that's how far back in our family it goes. Don't throw it away.”
“I don't plan on throwin' it away.”
“Then what are you goin' to do with it?”
“None of your business!”
“Celia!” she exploded. “Go to your room!”
“Mama, I'm eighteen years old now,” I hissed. “You can't order me to my room.”
Her palm hit the table with a smack. “You're still my daughter and you still live under my roof! I told you to go. Now get out of my sight!”
And I did, raging to myself that soon I'd get out of her sight, all rightâget out and never come back.
May 5
Well, I'm back in the Caribbean! This port is just as beautiful the second time around. But I need you so bad, Celia. I sat on the beach last night wishing so much you were here.
But anyway, I want to tell you something really exciting. Triton also has ships that go to the Greek Isles. Rachel says she can get me and Mama on one of those ships soon, plus she can get a job for you. I know you have money but we should save it for a house later. Would you mind working on a ship for awhile? Just imagine it, you and me in Greece! We'll find our ocean together after all.
I love you. One more month. Only one more month! I can hardly wait.
Miami. The Caribbean. Now Greece. Danny seemed to have completely forgotten about our plans to work part-time and go to college. Sailing to Greece with him did sound wonderful, but I couldn't even daydream about it. Not when I knew that girl Rachel would be on board. I didn't trust her for a minute. The more I thought about it, the more that fear consumed me. I tried to pray but couldn't, convinced that God was punishing me for my unwillingness to reach out to Mama. What if she had been right all along? Danny wanted me; Danny wanted the world. Which did he want most?
Two days later I received a letter from another port. The letter that would change my life. Clutching it to my chest, I headed for my room, completely unprepared for the words that would pierce my heart.
May 7
Dear Celia,
Writing this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Especially after my promises to your granddad and God and you. But I know it's the right thing to do. I've worn out my knees crying for God's forgiveness. I don't think he'll give it to me until I've asked yours as well. You should know the truth about me, especially since you're bringing so much money. It's only right to give you time to change your mind.